My Beautiful

by J. M. La Rocca

  I lifted an eyebrow at him. Hmm, that was interesting. Kade was the one that broke it off with me, so I had no idea what his deal was. Why would he be looking distraught?

  My buzz was officially gone so I chugged the beer I had in my hand. I’d definitely be needing another one. Setting the bottle on the table in front of me I let out a heavy sigh and looked over at Jules. “Okay, so my ex is here. There’s nothing I can do about it … right? Let’s not let it ruin our night.”

  My little speech was me basically trying to convince myself, but it put a smile on Jules’ face, which ultimately put a smile on mine.

  “Damn straight. Let’s go dance.” She pulled me up and Sam stood up with me.

  “Are you coming out there with us?” I asked Sam.

  “Of course I am,” he said grabbing my hand. “Tonight, I’m your man.”

  He smiled at me and then started walking, pulling me with him. I looked back at Jules, shock clear on my face; she simply laughed at me. I had no idea what Sam thought he was going to do with us out on the dance floor. I’d seen him dance and I wasn’t impressed.

  As he pulled me along, we walked past Kade and the band. I was proud of myself for not looking in their direction. I still donned the smile on my face from Sam pulling me with him, but my stomach was in knots. I knew what Sam’s intentions were. I knew he was going to try and get my mind off Kade, and make it look like he and I were a couple to possibly make him jealous. Although I thought it was a childish thing to do, I still loved the idea.

  After fighting our way through the crowd of people, we finally made it to the dance floor. A song I didn’t recognize was playing, but we danced anyway. Then the song “Come & Get it” by Selena Gomez blasted through the speakers.

  Sam was dancing in front of me with a big smile on his face as he danced closer to me. He grabbed onto my waist, pulling me closer to his body. My eyes widened in shock and I looked past him at Jules who was laughing and dancing behind him. He was actually moving his body to the beat of the music.

  “Who the hell are you and what have you done with Sam?” I shouted at him over the music as I lifted my arms around his neck.

  He just laughed at me as he rocked his hips against mine.

  Jules danced closer behind Sam so we were making a Sam sandwich. He removed his left hand from my waist and grabbed onto Jules from behind holding her close as we swayed to the beat. Closing my eyes, I let the music take over and tried to get Kade off my mind.

  The song ended and flowed into a techno song. I wasn’t really into techno music, but this one had a really good beat to it, so I pushed back from Sam turning around in his arms. He ended up resting his right hand on my lower stomach and I leaned up against him and danced. Then I felt Jules’ hand grab onto my waist and we stayed close together.

  Sam leaned his head down and nudged my ear. “He’s watching,” he whispered and then nestled his face in the crook of my neck. I almost stopped dancing. I knew Sam could feel that my movements slowed, but he kept his hand on me making my body move with his. I knew he wasn’t being sensual; he was just making it look that way.

  Waiting a few more moments, I lifted my head and looked up into the VIP section. Our eyes locked. I was immediately transported back in time to the night Kade and I first met. I was dancing with him almost the same way I was dancing with Sam.

  I couldn’t see his face clearly, but it looked like he wore a scowl. I looked away, not understanding why he would care or be looking at me in the first place.

  Shaking my head at myself, I pulled away from Sam, grabbed at Jules’ arm and started walking off the dance floor. I was ready to go. I was definitely done for the night.

  “Hey, you all right?” She looked concerned and Sam had a frown on his face.

  “Yeah, I’m just ready to go. I’ve had enough for one night. I’m getting tired.”

  “It’s not even midnight, Letti. Are you sure?”

  We walked toward the bar and stopped at an unoccupied table that was littered with empty bottles and glasses. I pulled a stool out and took a seat. My feet were killing me after all that dancing and I was starting to get a headache. Resting my elbows on the table, I lifted my hands up to my head and rubbed at my temples.

  “Do you want to wait here while I go get the guys or are you going to come back up there with me?” she asked me with a raised eyebrow, already knowing what I’d say.

  I put my hands down and looked at her with a raised eyebrow of my own. She knew better. There was no way I was going back up there.

  “How about I go up there and get the guys, and you two stay right here,” Sam suggested as we watched him head off toward the VIP stairs.

  I looked over at Jules. “He really is a sweet guy.”

  “Yeah, he is.”

  “So, since we are alone and you want to help me get my mind off asshat that’s up in VIP, tell me what’s going on.”

  She looked at me with a smile. “Which asshat are you talking about?”

  “Spill it, Jules. What the hell is up your ass?”

  She had her arms stretched out on the table and she was avoiding eye contact. I sat there and observed her, waiting for her to finally tell me.

  She finally took a deep breath and looked at me. “I told him I loved him the other night.”

  I looked at her in shock. Not an ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe you did that’, but an ‘oh my God, I wasn’t expecting that,’ kind of shock.

  “Yeah, that’s exactly how he looked at me after I said it. It wasn’t just a ‘hey, I love you’; this was during one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had. I just blurted it out.” She brought her hand up to her face. “Letti, I was so fucking embarrassed. I literally got off him, got dressed and left. I felt like such an idiot after I left too. So, I sent him a text and apologized and told him to just pretend like it never happened and that I didn’t mean it.”

  What the hell am I supposed to say to that? “Um … did he say anything to you about it? Did he agree to forget it?”

  “No, he hasn’t said anything to me about it because he said he’d forget it.” She looked down, playing with her hands. I could see that she was upset. “It hurt so badly when he said he’d forget I ever said it.”

  I could see her eyes tearing up. I wanted to give her a hug and knock some sense into her at the same time. “Jules, why did you tell him to pretend you never said it if you mean it? And don’t even say it was just something you said because of the sex, because I know you, Jules, and I know that you love him. You guys have been … doing this thing,” I gestured with my hand, “that you’ve been doing for a year now. He’s got to have some feelings for you too.”

  She stared at me as she thought about what I had just said.

  “You need to talk to him, Jules. You guys have got to get on the same page or all this time you’ve spent together will be for nothing. And if it ends up to where he doesn’t want to be serious like that with you, then you need to know that now. It’s gone on too long, Jules. You need to know where this thing stands.”

  She gave me a sad smile. “You’re right. I do need to talk to him.”

  It amazed me that she was always able to give such great advice, but when it came to herself, she never followed any of it. But I guess that’s how it is for most people. Sometimes, it takes an outsider’s point of view to make you realize what’s going on.

  Jules wiped her fingers under her eyes giving me a slight smile, and then she tilted her head to the side and looked behind me. I slowly turned around. The guys were on their way over to our table and I let out a sigh of relief. I was definitely ready to go home and hit the sack.

  As I got up from the table and made my way to exit the club, I turned and looked up into the VIP section to get one final look at him, but he wasn’t there. It was probably for the best anyway. I’m sure I’d be having dreams about this night for a couple of weeks.

  I woke up Sunday morning from my alcohol-induced coma, and stared at the ceiling. The first thing th
at popped into my head as soon as my eyes opened was that I couldn’t believe I saw Kade last night.

  He looked different from the last time I saw him. His hair was longer and the stubble he always sported on his chin was a full-fledged beard. He was just as sexy as I remembered him, but I wouldn’t expect anything less.

  His reaction to seeing me after eight months was what kept running through my head. Why did he look at me that way? I knew part of it was from shock, but he had a look of longing on his face. That surprised me because he’s the one that threw the relationship away. Never even giving me a chance to understand what was going on.

  I understood the drug issue. Although it’s not something I wanted to deal with, considering everything I went through with my mother, I wanted to help him. I wanted to understand why he thought drugs were the answer. Did I think I would be able to help him? Part of me didn’t think so, but the other part really hoped that our feelings for each other would conquer all. It was a naïve thing to think, but my feelings for him overshadowed what I went through with my mother.

  As for the secret life, I should have been happy that things ended like they did. That he let me go. But I wasn’t. After everything that happened with Kade, I think I’d learned a lot, and I was looking at things from a different perceptive. However, seeing him after so long threw me for a loop.

  I thought it was funny how, in life, you could go from lust to love, from hurt to pissed, and then acceptance.

  I accepted what happened.

  I was still pissed off about it.

  It hurt to look at him because it brought up the memories, which then reminded me why I loved him to begin with.

  And then to be near him … that brought back the craving of lust. The nights of passion we shared. The chemistry that just didn’t seem to go away when we were around each other.

  It was a confliction of emotions and it hurt my damn head.

  Letting out a sigh, I threw my covers off and made my way to the bathroom to take a shower. Jules had stayed at Brent’s at his request, so I was hoping they were able to work things out. I had no idea why she was so insecure.

  When I was done with my shower, I put on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. With the apartment all to myself, my plan was to veg on the couch and watch movies all day, so my goal was comfort. After I was dressed, I headed out into the kitchen for some coffee.

  Two cups and a blueberry bagel later, I was laying on the couch in the living room having a Jason Bourne marathon. Nothing beat a full day of asskickery with hotty Matt Damon.

  The second movie had just started when there was a knock at the door. I looked over at the wall clock to see that it was just past noon. I wasn’t expecting any visitors so I had no idea who it could be.

  Getting up from the couch, I walked to the door and looked through the peephole. My eyes widened in shock to see Bryce standing there. I knew he would contact me eventually, but I didn’t think he would just show up to my door unannounced.

  I unlocked the door and opened it slowly. It had been a long time since we had last seen each other and I tried not to think about the things he did to me the last time I saw him, as I looked him over. He was in his usual attire, jeans and a black t-shirt. His hair was shorter and he looked run down, like maybe he hadn’t been sleeping very well.

  “Hey.” I knew I still had a shocked expression on my face.

  “Hey,” he smiled at me. “Can I come in?”

  I gave him a small smile as I stepped back to open the door further. He strolled in with his hands in his front pockets, and I didn’t miss the once over he gave me as he walked past.

  I closed the door and walked past him into the living room. It was a little awkward seeing him, but not as bad as I thought it would be.

  “This is a nice place you’ve got here,” he said as he followed me over to the couch.

  I smiled at him as we both took a seat. “Thanks.” I looked around the living room then back at him. “It wasn’t what we were looking for, but prices here are ridiculous.”

  He laughed, “That they are for sure.”

  We were silent for a moment as we look each other over.

  “You look good,” he said softly.

  It was stupid, but I glanced away as I felt my face flush. “Thanks, so do you.” I looked back at him to see him smiling at me. Why was this so weird?

  With the pleasantries done, I figured I’d jump right into conversation.

  “So, I talked to Joan last weekend. She said she told you I moved. I figured I’d hear from you, but I thought it’d be more from a text message and not just showing up at my door.” It wasn’t that I minded him showing up at my door. I just would have liked a little heads up first.

  He let out a laugh. “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d take a chance to see if you were home. I am wondering though, why you weren’t the one to tell me you were moving,” he said raising an eyebrow at me.

  I pulled my legs up on the couch and sat Indian style, then looked over at him. “Honestly, I didn’t think about it at first.” That was the truth. “Things have been so busy with the move and then going over things with Matt before we left that it completely slipped my mind.” That was a lie.

  Then he brought up something that I definitely didn’t want to talk about. He cleared his throat and turned his body toward mine. “You know … I’ve wanted to talk to you for months about what happened that night. About how I feel−”

  I held my hand up and cut him off. I didn’t want to know how he felt because nothing would come out of it. There could never be a relationship between us. It would never work, especially since he was linked to Kade.

  “Bryce, before you say anything, I need to ask you a serious question first. Something that has bugged me for a while.”

  He furrowed his brows and waited for me to speak.

  I was playing with my fingers on my lap trying to think of the best way to ask the question. “How is it … that I was dating Kade and you just so happened to be an undercover agent? Who just so happens to be the son of the woman that married my dad.” I turned my head to gage his expression. “That’s one thing I’ve thought about since after Thanksgiving. I’m just trying to understand how I fit into the picture. Like, what the hell is going on? Doesn’t that seem weird to you?”

  He looked me over for a moment before he responded. “I don’t know,” he blurted. “I’ve thought about that too. I will admit it’s a little strange, but maybe it’s fate. I’m a firm believer in the saying ‘everything happens for a reason’.”

  I nodded my head. It was definitely a strange situation.

  “I want you to know that I think you’re a great guy.” He looked over at me with a smile. “But what happened at Thanksgiving can never happen again.” His smile faltered. I looked down into my lap and shook my head. “I couldn’t let things get far between us for multiple reasons, Bryce.”

  “And what reasons are those?”

  He sounded amused. Maybe I was wrong in assuming he wanted something more. I should have let him finish what he was saying before I opened my big mouth.

  “Well technically and legally, you are my step-brother; the whole situation would be weird and gross.” He threw his head back and laughed and I found myself laughing with him. “Then there is the whole Kade thing. I can’t even look at you without thinking about him. You will always be connected to him in my eyes now.”

  “You do have valid points and I do agree with you.” I widened my eyes in shock. “Don’t be so surprised, Scarlett,” he laughed. “I shouldn’t have let things get as far as they did. You are a very sexy woman and you are definitely hard to resist.” He gave me a sexy smile. “But I don’t want you to feel weird around me after everything that has happened. Do you think you can do that?”

  I smiled and nodded my head, “Yeah, I can do that.” I was glad to have that conversation out of the way so I figured I would change the subject. “So how have you been? I’m not going to pretend like I have any
idea what it is exactly that you do on a daily basis, so I’ll go with, how’s ‘work’?

  He shook his head at me. “Work is work. Things really haven’t changed since I last spoke to you about it.”

  “Is Kade working with you now? Is he involved with his uncle?” Should I be asking these questions? No, I shouldn’t be. It was morbid curiosity. I knew the saying, curiosity killed the cat, but I really wanted to know.

  He squinted at me, probably trying to figure out what to say. I had a feeling that they were working together. I saw them together that night. The night at the club when I saw Kade and Jessica together. There is no other explanation as to why they would have been together if it weren’t true.

  He sat up on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees, then looked over at me. “You know, I’m not supposed to be talking to anyone about any of this stuff.”

  “Yeah, but I already know that you’re undercover, so what does it really matter?”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah, we are working together, but not as often as we were in the beginning. He’s been with Frank lately.”

  “He has the band. Why would he be working with his uncle?” I didn’t understand any of this.

  He got a sad look on his face, and then looked down at the carpet. “Sometimes, you have to do things you don’t really want to do. Sometimes, you have to do things that will hurt the ones you love in order to save yourself.”

  I looked at him as he stared at the floor. He looked like he was lost in thought. I understood what he was saying about doing something that hurt the ones you loved, but I didn’t understand the saving yourself part. He spoke as if he was speaking from experience.

  “What is it that you guys actually do?” I knew it was a long shot for him to actually tell me, but I thought I’d ask anyway.

  He sighed and ran his hands down his face. “Scarlett, you don’t need to be asking questions like this. I’ve told you before that Frank is a dangerous person. Don’t ever … ask questions to anyone about anything that has to do with Frank, okay? All that does is put you on their radar.”