My Beautiful

by J. M. La Rocca

  “So, tell me, Brent. How did you two really meet?” Sam asked as the waiter left our table.

  Jules and Brent looked at each other with a smile and I couldn’t help my lips curving up too. I knew how they met on set and started up a ‘friends’ relationship, so I took this opportunity to look around the restaurant and take in its beauty. The lights were dimmed to give off a romantic vibe and I looked over at the other patrons. They all seemed to be upper class, but I was only judging by the way everyone was dressed. I certainly wasn’t upper class, but I was here.

  I started watching an older couple who were sitting a few tables away. They were holding hands and smiling at each other. I wondered if maybe they were out celebrating something. Maybe an anniversary. They looked so cute. I could only hope that I would have that one day.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a group of people walk in from behind the white partition. I turned to look and the smile I had from seeing the older couple vanished when I saw him.

  Kade had walked in with Paul and Frank, but that wasn’t what had my stomach in knots. He was holding hands with some black haired woman. She was wearing a skin-tight black mini-dress with her boobs bulging out of the top. She had a body of a supermodel and I watched as she smiled to the other women who were with them, who also looked like models.

  My body went completely still as I stared at them. I wanted to look away, but my body just wouldn’t move. I felt like I might throw up. He sent that text earlier saying he had business to take care of. What the hell kind of business involves holding the hand of another woman?

  I turned my head, looking back at my friends who were still chatting. They didn’t see Kade or the tears that were begging to fall from my eyes.

  I will not over react. I will not over react.

  Maybe if I keep repeating that in my head, my heart would stop hurting.

  The waiter arrived with our food and placed my shrimp pasta in front of me. I smiled at him in thanks and picked up my fork to start eating. Except, I didn’t know if my stomach would be able to handle such a flavorful dish. Just then my stomach decided to grumble loudly. I looked up to see Sam smiling at me.

  “It sounds like you better eat or your stomach might eat itself,” he said with a laugh.

  I smiled at him as I twirled some pasta on to my fork and reluctantly brought it to my mouth. I might have been hungry, but I had a feeling that if I didn’t stop thinking about what I just saw, I would get a stomach ache. I couldn’t stop my mind wandering though. I slowly ate as the others chatted. I couldn’t pretend to pay attention, so I stayed quiet as I thought about Kade sitting in the same restaurant with another woman. I told myself not to over react, but how do you do that when you have no idea what was going on?

  After eating half of my pasta and drinking two more glasses of wine, that Brent graciously ordered, I was ready to go. I had been ready to leave as soon as I saw Kade walk in, but I didn’t want to be rude and make an excuse to leave.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Sam asked, leaning over to whisper in my ear.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just tired and that wine is making it worse.”

  He looked me over. “Are you sure? You look like you’ve got something on your mind. I know I’m a guy, but I’m quite observant,” he smiled.

  “No, really, I’m fine,” I smiled back at him. “I’m going to go use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

  I pushed my chair back and looked over at Jules to invite her to come along, but Brent was whispering something in her ear that was making her blush. I didn’t want to ruin their little moment, so I went ahead by myself.

  I walked away from our table to the middle of the restaurant and looked around for a sign that would signal where the bathroom would be. I must have stood there too long because a waitress came over to me and asked if I needed something.

  “Yes,” I smiled at her, “I’m trying to find the bathroom and I have no idea where to go.”

  She giggled, “Yes of course. You need to walk up that step to the next level and make a right. You should see the sign indicating where the restroom is. I keep telling the owner nobody can see it from out here.”

  “Great, thanks.” The waitress walked away and I headed in the direction she told me to go.

  I was almost to the restroom, when I passed a section off to the left. I briefly glanced over, just looking around, and I stopped dead in my tracks. That’s where Kade, Paul and Frank were seated and they each had a woman sitting extremely close to them in a circular booth. Kade was in the middle facing out so he was the first one I saw. The woman’s body was turned toward Kade and she had her hand on his stomach, rubbing up and down, while she rubbed her boobs against his arm.

  My body flushed with anger and embarrassment as to what I was seeing. I was in shock and couldn’t move. I just stood there and stared. He was talking to Frank and they were laughing. He looked so casual and comfortable with someone else rubbing themselves against him. Like this was something he was used to.

  He turned to pick his glass up from the table. Right when he was bringing it to his lips, his eyes met mine. I could see his eyes widen in shock, but he made no move to acknowledge what I was seeing. My stomach turned and I knew I was going to be sick. I quickly walked the rest of the way to the bathroom right into a stall and emptied my stomach.

  Tears escaped my eyes, but I wasn’t going to let myself cry. I kept telling myself that I didn’t know what was going on. But from what I could see, it was clear as day. I didn’t want to believe what I saw could actually be real.

  Maybe he is just acting a part, right? I asked myself.

  Nobody knows we are back together. Well, except for Jules, Brent, and Sam. I closed my eyes and shook my head at myself. What did I get myself into … again? I knew I couldn’t go through a heartbreak like before. His life was just too much for me. I would never be able to keep up. I didn’t even know how long things would have to be this way. What if he was never able to get done with what he said he needed to? I wasn’t sure I could handle being a secret couple.

  After I did my business and washed my hands, I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. I would walk back out there with my head forward and I would not look over there again. I just needed to get back to the table and tell Jules that I wasn’t feeling well so that we could leave.

  I opened the door and started to make my way out there when I was blocked by a hard body. I gasped and stepped back to see that it was Paul. My heart rate instantly sped up as he looked down at me.

  “Oh, excuse me, sweetheart,” he smirked at me. “It’s so nice to see you again, Scarlett.”

  With everything that was going through my mind with Kade, I wasn’t as scared as I probably should have been with Paul standing right in front of me. But there was really only so much he could do in the middle of a restaurant. All I had to do was scream, at least, that’s what I told myself.

  “I can’t exactly say the same,” I said with a shaky voice.

  “Tsk, tsk, tsk, and here I was trying to be nice and see if you were okay after seeing Nick sitting with that fine piece of ass.” I furrowed my eyebrows at him and he smiled knowing he struck a nerve. “And believe me, I know she’s a fine piece of ass because I’ve had it before. Nick will soon find out later tonight, I’m sure. So if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’d be more than happy to keep you company,” he said, lifting his hand to move hair away from my shoulder.

  I felt sick again and I wasn’t going to stand and listen to that shit.

  Stepping forward into him, I pushed him out of the way. He moved just enough for me to walk past him. Instead of keeping my head forward and not looking, I slowly walked by and stared Kade down. I don’t know why I did it. I knew better. He had told me Frank couldn’t know I was here, and here I was standing right in front of all of them.

  I could see Frank looking at me as well as Paul as he walked back to their table. Kade made no move of any kind. He had no facial expression either.
The only thing I could see was his jaw clenched and his hand in a fist on the table. He was probably pissed that I was just standing there, then my eyes shifted to the woman, then back to him. He could be pissed all he wanted because I felt the same way, except I was pissed, hurt, and confused.

  I turned my head and made my way back to my table with all kinds of emotions flowing through me. I just didn’t know what to think. Along with just being sick, I was now getting a headache. When I arrived at the table, Jules stood up when she saw me. “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been gone for a while,” she said walking over to me. “I was just telling Brent I was going to go to the restroom and see if you were okay.”

  I wiped my hand over my forehead. “I actually don’t feel very well. I think I might be getting a migraine.”

  I sat down and picked up my glass of water. My throat was dry after my encounter with Paul and the situation with Kade. I opened my clutch to take a glance at my phone, hoping maybe he would have sent me a text, but there was nothing there.

  I kept telling myself I didn’t know what was going on. I tried to use the situation with Jess as an example. I had thought all this time that they had sex, but they didn’t; it just looked that way. I was hoping this would be the same kind of situation.

  “Brent paid for dinner so we can go ahead and leave,” Jules offered. I nodded my head and we all got up to leave.

  Sam walked beside me to the car with his arm wrapped around my shoulder. I felt bad for him coming to keep me from being the third wheel, when that was what I basically made him.

  When we got to the house, Jules stated that she was just going to stay with me instead of heading over to Brent’s, but I didn’t see the point in ruining her fun when all I was going to do was go to bed. I gave Sam a hug and told Jules goodbye as I made my way up to the apartment.

  As I walked up the last flight of stairs, I saw Bryce standing by my door. “Hey, there you are!”

  “Why in the world are you sitting outside my door?”

  “I actually just got here,” he laughed. “I knew you were on your way up, so I just came up here to wait for you.”

  “Oh, you should have just come over and said hi to Jules. I could have introduced you to our new coworker Sam.” I walked to the door and unlocked it, letting us both in. “So what brings you by?” I asked as I plopped down on the couch.

  He sat down on the couch across from me and stretched out his legs. “Just stopping by as usual to see what’s been going on.”

  “You look tired. Have you not been sleeping? You haven’t been like watching me twenty-four-seven, have you?” I seriously hoped he hadn’t. I didn’t like the idea of him watching me at all, but Kade had said he was just a precaution and he wasn’t taking any chances.

  “You look kind of tired, too,” he said, observing me. “Is everything alright?”

  I looked over at Bryce and wondered if I should tell him I saw Kade with Frank and Paul. Maybe if I asked him about the woman, he would know. But if he did know, would he actually tell me the truth?

  I sighed and rested my head on the back of the couch. I didn’t want to look at him when I asked. Facial expressions were unspoken words and I didn’t want to see any of them. “Has Kade been seeing someone else?”

  “Not that I’m aware of, no. Why would you think that?”

  He sounded genuine, like he really didn’t know, which was good enough for me at the moment. “Just being a girl, Bryce. We tend to imagine things,” I smirked, looking over at him.

  He huffed and shook his head at me as he stood up from the couch. “You didn’t drink all that scotch I brought over the other day, did you?”

  The previous week, he brought over a bottle, so he wouldn’t have to drink my beer. He wasn’t a beer drinker, and apparently, made no exceptions.

  “No. I wouldn’t sit here by myself and drink scotch.”

  He laughed at me as he made his way to the kitchen. “Have a drink with me?”

  “Sure, but not too much. I had three glasses of wine already and I have to get up for work in the morning.”

  I really shouldn’t even have had a little bit. I was ready to crawl into bed and forget about the night.

  A moment later, Bryce came back in with two glasses and handed me one. He sat down next to me and I pulled my phone out of my clutch. Nothing. I turned it off so I wouldn’t be receiving anything until the morning. I would drive myself nuts looking at it all night if I kept it on.

  “So, how are things going with you and Kade? He doesn’t really tell me too much about what is going on. I think he thinks the more he keeps me in the dark, the better, and right about now, I’m wishing I knew more,” I told him as I took a sip of the scotch. I winced as it burned down my throat.

  He took a big drink from his scotch and sighed. “It’s not working like I thought it would, but I have some other things in mind that will help move things along.”

  “I hope you guys know what you’re doing,” I choked out as I took a long swig. “Paul gives me the creeps.”

  “Yeah,” Bryce laughed. “Paul gives everyone the creeps. That’s why he is so good at his job.”

  I set my glass down on the table and laid my head back on the couch. “Man, I think I drank too much tonight. I’m starting to feel dizzy.” I lifted my hand to my head, but it felt so heavy. I felt like I was floating. Like everything was in slow motion. All my cares were gone. My eyes started to get heavy and I tried blinking them open and widening my eyes, but it didn’t work. “I think I need to go to bed.”

  I felt movement on the cushion next to me. “I’ll take care of you, Scarlett. Just go to sleep.”

  That was all I needed to hear. My body was so heavy and I was so tired. I couldn’t stay awake any longer.

  The last thing I heard before darkness took over was the door opening and closing.

  I had been sitting in that fucking office for twenty minutes, while Frank was on the phone. He called me earlier that day and asked me to come to his house early so that we could talk.

  I knew we were all going to dinner at a place called Moscoto’s that night, which was against my stipulations, but Frank wouldn’t hear anything of it. He was confident that nobody would notice me one way or another where we were going. So instead of making a big deal about it, I agreed. I had been agreeing with every fucking thing for the past two weeks and it was starting to wear on me.

  I dressed nicely before heading to Frank’s and arrived around five.

  I sent a text to Scarlett before heading over, letting her know I wouldn’t be able to talk to her. There was no telling what Frank had planned, and I didn’t want her to get her hopes up that I would call.

  It had been so hard not seeing her, too. There had been many times I just wanted to drop everything and see her, but I had to stick to my plan. It was working. I did exactly what Kevin told me to do. I told Frank I wanted more responsibility. I told him I wanted to get more involved, and I wanted him to teach me. I think that was the first time I saw the man genuinely smile. It was too bad I didn’t mean a fucking word I said.

  Ever since that day, it has been like I was another part of him. I was always at his side doing something. He’d bring me with him everywhere; the violence that the man saw on a daily basis was enough to make a horror movie.

  I was checking emails on my phone when I heard Frank moving around at his desk. I looked up to see that he was finally off his phone and he was looking through some papers.

  “I’m sure you are wondering what I called you here for,” he said, leaning back in his chair.

  I locked the screen on my phone and slid it into my slacks.

  “I’m really impressed with you, Nick. You’ve shown a lot of initiative lately and I don’t take that lightly. You said you wanted more responsibility, so I’m going to give it to you.” He leaned forward and slid a white envelope across his desk toward me.

  I looked at it, then to him and furrowed my brow. He gestured for me to take it, so I reached up and grabb
ed it off his desk. Opening it, I could see a key. I looked at him confused.

  “That Nick,” he pointed, “is the key to my house. If you are going to start running operations, then you will need to be able to get into my office and into the safe.”

  He pushed up from his chair and motioned for me to follow him as he walked toward the far wall. As we approached it together, I noticed that this wall was different than the other three. Instead of having a flat wooden surface, this wall had panels. I was not sure why I didn’t notice that before, but I was sure it had something to do with not wanting to be there in the first place.

  Frank walked up to the third panel and placed his hand on the wall. He lightly pushed into the wall and that’s when I heard a click. The panel then separated from the rest of the wall and opened like a door. I looked at it in shock and then awe. I never saw anything like it before, and it was hidden in plain sight. I would never have known that his wall opened up into a secret room.

  Frank turned and looked at me with a smirk. I would assume he saw the look on my face and found it amusing. “Come on. I’ll show you everything,” he said as he stepped in.

  I followed him in and immediately noticed the guns and knives he had lined up on a shelf to the left. I knew he had a gun, obviously, but I had no idea he had a collection.

  Frank walked down to the end of the room and pulled open a filing cabinet. “When you receive paperwork, this is where it goes. If you need to look up something, this is where you do it. I’ll also have to show you the way I fill stuff out. So that way, if for some reason I’m not able to do it, you will be able to and it will stay in order.” He walked over to a big safe built into the wall. It had a touch pad instead of a dial. He tapped some numbers in and it opened. Inside were papers and stacks of money. “This is where I store the money. When you do pick-ups, this is where you’ll put it. And here,” he pointed to a spread sheet on the shelf to the right, “is where you document it.” He put the spreadsheet back and closed the safe, turning to look at me. “I keep track of everything and I know what I have in here. I’m trusting that you will respect what is mine,” he stated, raising his eyebrow at me. “Don’t make me regret bringing you in or you will not live to talk about it.”