Perfectly Loved

by Lacey Silks

  “Is that a compliment from Millie?”

  Of course, he’d think of his perseverance as a compliment. “Sure,” I said.

  “Well, then, I’ll take it. I guess determination is part of my charm.”

  He finally reached me and sat down beside me, braced his hands on the bark, and looked down into the water. He stared into the darkening abyss, silent.

  “Did you lose something here?” I finally asked.

  “No, just enjoying the moment with you.”

  “Oh. Wouldn’t your girlfriend be jealous?”

  “Gwen and I split up. That’s why I came to the farm in the first place. I really thought you’d go to April’s, and I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable, thinking I was trying to hit on you there.”

  “Well, I guess that turned out well for Mrs. Bowers, didn’t it?” I smiled to myself because it had turned out well for me too.

  “It did. She’s getting more frail. It saddens me to think that soon she won’t be here. That one day we’ll come here and find her corpse. I’m not sure what to do, though. But I don’t want her to die alone.”

  “So, let’s find her granddaughter and reunite them.” My balance was thrown off as I shifted my weight.

  “Whoa.”

  “Be careful. We can try, but don’t get your hopes up, Millie.”

  Too late. I already pictured myself driving up to Mrs. Bowers’ house in a Mercedes — because in my imagination I had a Mercedes that never ran out of gas — with Molly anxiously sitting in the passenger seat, waiting to be introduced to her grandmother. Molly and Millie. It was meant to be. But if I told that to Dave, he’d tell me to be realistic, which was the last thing that made sense.

  “Why did you break up?” I asked.

  “Well, when I saw you in my kitchen last week, I knew that you were the only woman I’d want to see there for the rest of my life.”

  “Dave—” I turned to the side.

  “Just listen to me, please.”

  His eyes were so sad. I didn’t want them any sadder. I wanted Dave happy and living the fulfilling life that he deserved.

  “Millie, what would you think if I disappeared today?”

  “You’re being stupid.”

  “I’m serious. Would you have any regrets?”

  Of course, I would. As I wondered about his question, I heard the branch underneath us crack. “Holy crap!”

  “It’s just adjusting to the pressure.”

  It sounded more like giving way to the weight.

  “Where is this question about regrets coming from, Dave?”

  “Well, if you disappeared today, I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t live with myself. I’d search for that answer to ‘why’ for the rest of my life.”

  “I wish I could tell you.”

  “Why don’t you?”

  “It’s for your own good.” If he knew the real reason why I couldn’t be with him, he’d hate himself that much more. There was a time when I had hated him as well, but I no longer could.

  “Please?” he begged.

  “I’ll make you a deal. If we find Molly, I’ll tell you.”

  “You’re serious?”

  Was he sitting closer to me than before? His warm arm pressed against the side of mine, and I welcomed his comfortable heat in the cooler night.

  “Yes. I will tell you exactly why we can’t be together.” I heard the determination in my voice wane with every moment. Why couldn’t we be together? What if I put those sad moments in my life away in my past, and looked forward? Fate would have it in for me. But wasn’t it Fate that had brought us together here for Thanksgiving?

  I sighed. The next time I turned toward him, his mouth was inches away, and his breath invited me to lean forward to touch my lips to his. My heart hammered in my chest. Oh, how much I missed those lips and that perfect kiss only Dave was capable of!

  His tongue slowly enticed my mouth to open wider, and then I was gone, totally lost to this immense joy in my chest. Nothing had ever felt more right than this moment between us. One of his arms slid up my back, supporting me from leaning back too far. As his tongue revived all those deeply stashed feelings I’d always have for him, I wanted to feel more of Dave. I drew my hand along his hard thigh, feeling the strength of his bulge underneath his jeans. His mouth hardened and I moaned, leaning further into him, and by the time I realized that we weren’t exactly in the safest place to be making out, it was too late.

  Dave’s support on my back gave way as he tilted awkwardly.

  “Shit!” I screamed, falling off the branch into the ice-cold river below.

  Chapter 16

  Dave

  Eight years earlier

  There was something sexy about watching a woman, your woman, bustle in the kitchen — no matter how bad she was at cooking. Millie and I had moved in together last week. She was trying to be the domesticated queen of the house, but the harder she tried, the worse it got. And all I could do was stare at her and admire her persistence.

  Justin sat on the couch, sipping on his beer, somewhat somber. I’d moved out of our apartment just over a month ago, and I had a feeling that my brother was having a more difficult time adjusting to the new living arrangements than he was willing to admit. But hey, if he’d gotten a girl like Millie, I bet he’d have done the same. Besides, it was enough that we’d be spending days together on the force — at our new jobs as cops that we were starting after this weekend, and hence celebrating today. We’d been sworn in that morning, and I’d never felt more proud in my life than I did today.

  “Why would anyone buy a whole chicken stuffed with a bag of its own guts?” Millie dangled a plastic pouch over the sink. “They sell them disassembled at the stores. I saw.”

  I laughed, saying, “Because you can use the breast and legs for one dinner, and then the carcass for soup.”

  “That’s it. I officially give up.” She put her hands up and pointed her cute little finger at me. “Unless you become a vegetarian, you’re officially going to starve to death if you live with me.”

  Millie pouted, which to me was an invitation to take that lip between mine and make it lift again.

  “Here, give it to me. I can do it.” My sister grabbed a knife and sharpened it on a whetstone. She grasped it firm in her hand and began to debone the bird. She handled the blade like a professional butcher; better, actually. I wished her boyfriend were here to see this. I bet he didn’t even know this feisty, strong side of her. Because my sister was studying to become a forensic pathologist, and our father allowed her to view him examining corpses, she’d been practicing on dead poultry ever since.

  “She’s a pro.” Millie stood with her mouth open.

  “April, you should invite Simon over when you’re cutting through meat like that. But maybe slice sausages. Once he sees you use a knife, he’ll run away forever.” Justin laughed. He leaned over in his chair to get a better view of the kitchen just in time to see her flip the knife in the air and catch it by the handle. Fortunately, we had the same opinion about her boyfriend, whom despite their two-year relationship, I still didn’t like. They couldn’t have been that serious, I figured, since April has never brought him home for dinner or asked him to join us for Christmas or Thanksgiving.

  “That’s not funny, Justin. I’ll have you know, there’s not much Simon’s afraid of. He deals with some big sharks at that office.” Her gaze never wavered away from the chicken as she defended her boyfriend. And if she meant female sharks, then that wouldn’t have surprised me. I didn’t like that Simon seemed to have an eye for every other woman on earth besides April.

  “So, how serious are you two?” I asked.

  “Serious enough not to use condoms,” Millie blurted.

  “I’m on the pill.”

  “Now I regret asking. That’s not enough protection, April. I thought you were more responsible than that,” Justin said.

  “Sorry, dad.” She rolled her eyes, poking fun at my brother. Ever since our mom pa
ssed away, he had a way of being over-protective. I was too, but he took it to a new level of embarrassment that April despised.

  Millie rummaged through the fridge and whined, “We’re out of parsley and cilantro.” She said it like the herbs were an everyday necessity and had no right to have vanished from the fridge. When she turned my way and gave me another one of her pouty looks, I knew I’d be making a trip to the grocery store, whether I liked it or not. “I just want everything to be perfect,” she said.

  “Talk to my sister about Simon, please?” I kissed her and grabbed my jacket. I gave one look to Justin and before he could get too comfortable, he shot off the couch to come along with me.

  The grocery store was walking distance from our apartments. I zipped my jacket all the way up and wished I’d brought a hat. A fresh layer of snow covered the sidewalk, and a few flakes drifted in the breeze. The night was crisp, and the smell of a strong winter loomed in the air. My nostrils froze each time I inhaled, and the tips of my fingers numbed, despite my hands snuggled deep in my pockets.

  “Should have taken a car,” Justin said.

  “It’s healthy for you. So, what’s up with you?” I asked.

  “Not much. This and that.”

  My brother had always been secretive about his life. We were close – very close, in fact – but Justin preferred to keep his private life sealed off.

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  “No. Still haven’t found that spark.”

  “You don’t need a spark when you first meet.”

  “Sure you do. Look at you and Millie – you knew it the moment you saw her. And don’t say no, because I can tell when you lie.”

  “I guess you’re right. I did know.”

  “So, do I hear wedding bells in the near future?” he asked.

  I laughed. “I’ve thought about it, but not yet. Soon, though.”

  “Well, let me be the first one to offer myself as the best man.”

  I stopped and looked at my brother. “You know I wouldn’t want anyone but you beside me on that day.”

  “I know. It sucks not having you in our apartment, but at least I don’t have to listen to your snoring.”

  “I don’t snore.”

  “Right.”

  Before we reached the store, the hairs on my neck stood tall, as a fricking Ewok jumped out from a building’s nook. He snarled at us before pointing a gun our way.

  “Put your hands up!”

  “Whoa, easy there.” I held my arms out as if they’d somehow protect me. My brother had done the same.

  “Give me all the money you have.”

  His trembling voice sounded young, and underneath the layers of leather, sheepskin, and a winter flap hat ten sizes too big for his head was a skinny body. The small fingers poking through the cut of the gloves, tightly gripping the gun, were just skin and bone.

  “What’s your name?” I asked.

  “None of your business. Money!”

  “Look.” Justin slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of bills. “That’s all we’ve got, but that’s not going to get you far.”

  “Give it to me.”

  “Well, what if the next time you run into someone, they have a gun?”

  “Do you?”

  “No, but I would if it were Monday. We just became cops.”

  “So you can’t arrest me yet?”

  His innocence and naiveté lifted the hope I had for him.

  “No, we can’t. But we wouldn’t even if we could,” I said.

  “Why not?”

  “Because you wouldn’t shoot us either.”

  His hands shook, and his gaze darted from the gun to each of us. “Well, you gave me your money, so I won’t shoot you.”

  I crouched down to eye level with both the boy and the loaded barrel of his gun. His fingers kinked awkwardly from the freezing temperature.

  “If you come here on Monday evening,” I said in a soothing but encouraging voice, “I’ll bring you enough money to last you a week. And food. But on one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You don’t bring a gun.”

  “But you’ll take me in. You’ll be cops by then.” He took a few cautious steps back.

  “I’ll come when I’m off duty, and I promise I won’t. If you’re not here, you’ll miss out.”

  “Okay.” He whipped his body around and ran off. We could probably catch him, but I didn’t want him to freak out and pull that trigger. For now, I had to hope that he’d show up.

  “Hey, where do you sleep?” I called after him.

  But the boy flipped me the bird, and I had a feeling that he could handle a night out on the streets better than most adults. Hopefully, he was as resourceful as Millie had been when she was his age, and either went back home for the night or had an abandoned house he could sneak into.

  “You’re not going to take him to the station, are you?” Justin asked.

  “No. He needs much more help than the system can give him. I’m thinking that a little bit of goodwill would be better.”

  Justin shook his head. “Sometimes I feel like the homeless are drawn to you.”

  “You better not say anything else if you want to keep that face pretty for the holidays.”

  My brother only laughed. He knew very well that I wouldn’t hit him, but at least it stopped him from making a comment about Millie. He loved her just as much as I did – differently of course – but I wasn’t sure anyone understood her the way I did. Although technically Millie had never been homeless, there was a time in her life when living away from the family that was supposed to be caring for her was safer.

  “Well, I’m out of money for cilantro and parsley.”

  “I’ve got my debit card.”

  As we walked to the store, I couldn’t stop thinking about the boy we’d run into. Those perfectly rare crystal eyes, and that spark of hope I saw when I offered him more, were so familiar. He couldn’t have been more than ten, eleven at most. I wondered where his family was, and why no one cared enough to question where their boy was on the brink of winter’s arrival. And where had he gotten a gun?

  We didn’t mention the run-in to Millie or April, as those two would have insisted on leaving the apartment and organizing a search party for the boy. If he was as savvy and brave as he appeared, he’d be fine.

  “So, why is Simon not joining us again?” I asked. “Not that I mind. This is much better.”

  My sister’s gaze almost burned. “Unlike you two, he’s working.”

  “And who is he working?” Justin asked, at which April threw a napkin at him. He was lucky she wasn’t holding the knife any longer. I chuckled inside, but the idea that my sister’s boyfriend was suspected of cheating before they were too serious didn’t sit well with me. Hopefully, she’d catch him with his pants down and see it for herself before it was too late.

  “So, what about you two?” My father had arrived while we were at the store. He wrapped his arm around Millie’s shoulder while wiping his face and taking a sip of the wine.

  “What about us?” she asked.

  “Well, you have a permanent position at the lab now, and Dave’s job will be steady. When am I going to see grandchildren?”

  “When hell freezes over.” Millie’s eyes bulged.

  “Why?” I asked. “I thought you wanted kids.”

  “I do, but not in the traditional sense. There are so many without a proper home, I was thinking about adoption. You know, when the time comes.” Her cheeks shaded over with a beautiful pink.

  “A child is a child, and he or she will be happy to have you two as parents.”

  While I wanted to ask Millie about our own children, right now wasn’t the time. We weren’t ready, and it was possible that she’d still change her mind. Maybe I was being selfish, but I wanted children of our own. A lot, in fact. And I had a feeling that was what Millie wanted as well; she just didn’t know it yet.

  The remainder of our dinner
passed in a flash. Within hours, it was Millie and me, cleaning up the dining table and then showering together before we slid between the sheets of our bed. She melted in my arms, giving herself to me each time I asked, allowing me to perfectly love her.

  As promised, forty-eight hours later I was standing near the store, close to where we’d been ambushed Saturday night, partly thinking about the uneventful first day on the job and how ironic it felt to be doing more good after hours. Today the boy came dressed in raggedy jeans and a winter jacket suitable for a five-year-old. Way too small for his age.

  “Hi,” he said cautiously, through his clattering teeth.

  “Hi. My name’s Dave. What’s yours?”

  “Zack.” His eyes darted to the ground at the lie. Which was okay. He’d felt comfortable enough to come without a gun. At least, I hoped he had.

  “You’re not armed, are you?” I asked.

  “Are you?”

  “No, I’m not. It’s nice to meet you. What did you do with the gun?”

  “I put it back in my dad’s drawer.”

  “So, you do have a home to live in.”

  “Yeah. If you can call it a home.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Do you have the money? You promised me money and food.”

  “Here.” I reached out but pulled my hand back just before he grasped the bills. He looked at me with an angered face.

  “What the hell?”

  “I’ll give it to you, but I don’t want you to run. This is only half. Stay with me a few minutes, and I’ll give you the rest.”

  “Are you lonely or something?” he asked.

  “No. Tell me about your parents.” I sat on a metal pillar beside him. The freezing temperature penetrated my jeans in an instant.

  “They split up.”

  “So, is holding people at gunpoint something you do often?”

  He shook his head.

  “Good, because guns aren’t toys. They’re real, and they kill.”

  “I know.”

  “Did your parents fight?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So maybe it’s for the best?”

  “Maybe.”

  I pulled a Snickers from my pocket and his eyes grew wide.