His own tears slide down his cheeks. I cannot mask the way I feel. It’s everything at once. The shock. The anger. The betrayal. The pain. This has destroyed everything. The intruder knew information. He gave us a countdown. He would have been a piece in the puzzle to bring Addilyn back.
The pain of Giulio’s past flashes across his face. I know he’s suffering too but his actions here tonight scare me to the point I don’t know who he is anymore.
“Valencia, please just hear me out.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“That night things went south quickly. My father began insulting me and put a gun to my head when Marcus joined his abuse. My father told me I had another sibling. He didn’t get through the first name or any other details. I didn’t want to hear it. All I kept thinking was he didn’t just cheat on my mother once. He began screaming and told me I was the one who was the problem. He was happy with his new wife and Marcus. My mother was the first issue. I was the other half of the issue. He openly admitted to me that he had been cheating on my mother since the day of her diagnosis.”
“Giulio, I—”
“Lencia, it tore at my whole heart. She thought he loved her and went to the grave with this thought. Meanwhile, Marcus was in some other woman’s stomach! Valencia, please…please, give me some time to finish the story and explain everything.”
I slow down in front of Oscar’s door. All the information Giulio feeds me is too much and the reality gets worse when every single word takes my already shattered heart and continues smashing it into tiny fragile pieces that cannot be put back together.
“I am scared, Giulio.”
“I know you’re scared. I am too.”
“No. This is different.” I turn to him with tears blurring my vision. “You scare me.”
Giulio drops to his knees in defeat.
Clasping my hands, he pushes them to his chest and I witness the sobs that escape him. It hurts my chest, but I cannot accept it. The back of my throat stings. If we were different people I could hold him and tell him I forgive him for this, but I can’t.
“Valencia, I love you. Please, I love you.” His fragile words break upon continuing. “I will allow you to do anything. To hate me. To call the police on me. To want to divorce me after this. I will not stop you. The only thing I’m begging you to do is listen to my story. Then, you do whatever you want to do and I will take it. I promise you this.”
I make a split decision choice.
Okay.
We step away from Oscar’s room and into the bedroom. I sit on the edge of the bed while he paces back and forth with his head buried in his hands. There’s a string of curse words through his controlled sobs and after a few moments, Giulio finally comes to a halt in front of me.
“I don’t think we locked the French doors before we went into the shower…I think he came through these doors, heard us, and went beyond.”
That only makes it worse. While we were driving ourselves to ecstasy, he was lurking around the house. Oh…my god!
Eyes red from crying, Giulio unloads the gun and drops it on the floor between us. Moonlight creeps across his skin, illuminating everything I want to forget. When Giulio lifts his eyes to me, they’re no longer warm and bright like they were when I first met him.
They’re in agony.
Like mine.
“Marcus was twelve when we saw our father for the last time. My stepmother hated me because I was half of the woman she despised. They brainwashed Marcus to hate me from a young age and he did. My stepmother wasn’t there on the Thanksgiving night; she was working the late shift at the hospital. It was just Marcus, my father, and me.” Giulio purses his lips, screwing up his face at the thought. “The conversation escalated and as I said before, Marcus began taunting me and I was going to give him a piece of my mind when I felt…my father pulled a gun on me. He blamed me. He claimed I would never get anywhere in life. That I would never be good enough, that I was weak.”
There’s so much strangled emotion in Giulio’s face. I realize this must be the first time he’s recounting this story—that’s part of why it’s so hard.
“My father continued to say things about my mother that to this day still haunt me. He didn’t care about the time Marcus keyed my car, or when he threw my mother’s jewelry away, or set my mattress on fire. He never cared once my stepmother came along. Sitting at that Thanksgiving table, I knew I needed to leave and return to Seattle. I turned around and was staring down the barrel. I was certain he was going to kill me. That’s the type of man my father was. He never backed down. I allowed it for a split moment. I thought that at least I would be with my mother, that it would set me free, but by the end of it what I needed more was to fight for what my mom would never be capable of doing. So I curled his grip and…we fought with the gun. The barrel continued moving between us. Marcus didn’t say anything. He didn’t move. He simply stood by the end of the hall and watched…I can still picture it. I had enough of it all…I wanted to eliminate the threat my mother was incapable of seeing and so when I had the barrel to his head, his own finger was curled on the trigger and I pushed his down. The gun went off and…he…was gone.
“The entry wound made it seem like a suicide. That’s what was in the autopsy. I never physically placed my hands on the gun and my prints on his hands made it seem as though I was stopping him from killing himself. That’s what I told the police…and Marcus said the same. We made a pact that if he forever concealed the truth, I would support him financially and he could work at my company when he graduated. That’s why he’s always held this leverage over me, because we both need each other. I killed my father. I killed him because if not he would have killed me. Just like the intruder. I lost myself seeing you like that. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s the pain that I’m living. I should have handled it differently, but you can’t change your past. I’m not proud of it but it’s who I was those eleven years ago…and who I was in the kitchen.”
Giulio finishes his explanation at the other side of the room. He gives me the distance I pleaded for before, yet his words leave me even more bruised. I need to be strong for my kids and for myself.
My eyes drift to Giulio’s silver gun. I wonder what ran through his head when he decided tonight he was going to claim a second life. It’s too much for me to comprehend. Partly because I can’t see past the emotion in his eyes.
Giulio Giannotti is no longer the powerful businessman every single one of his clients and employees see. With me, the façade has altered. That is what made me fall in love with him seven years ago. It’s the reason I adore his honesty and his openness to be himself.
Honesty.
He has hidden this from me during our entire marriage and separation. He’s hidden this from everybody, but I’m not just an anybody; I’m supposed to be his wife.
Would he have ever told me?
It places so much uncertainty in the water, making me question everything.
“I’m sorry for everything you have suffered. I cannot begin to imagine what you went through. You did not deserve your father’s torment, but we promised not to hide anything. Especially not something as big as murder. That man would have spoken. I wanted justice for Addilyn, not death. It’s too easy how he died. It leaves us with no prospect of getting closer to Addilyn.”
Giulio’s head remains low and it is everything confirmed.
I’ve lost him.
A fool. That is exactly what I am for believing we could make this work. Within this moment I feel nothing. Staring at Giulio reminds me of everything we once were and everything we have just lost. I have tried my best and I know he has too, but maybe our best isn’t good enough. Maybe this is all we can give, all we have inside of us.
Our white flag is burning in violet embers and neither one of us is reaching to save it because we both know what it represents…
This is where it ends.
“What are we going to do about that man?”
“I w
ill handle it,” Giulio promises. “We don’t need to go to the police.”
“Are you insane? That man was our only hope of getting further in the investigation. He may have spoken with the detectives, he may have helped in a way that—”
“No!” Giulio cuts me off in the midst of tears. “Did you want him to kill you?”
“MAYBE IT WOULD’VE MADE THIS SIMPLER!”
“OUR KIDS NEED A MOTHER, JUST LIKE I NEEDED ONE!”
My heart breaks.
Again and again and again.
I’m scared the kids will wake to hear the shouts between us. Giulio and I continue standing here, face to face as I suck in a brave breath. “Do we need to change our custody agreement?”
It lights the fire between us. From here on out, it’s a lethal time bomb, ticking away.
Giulio shakes his head, his lips trembling from the hurt. “No.”
“I need to know you won’t pull an act like this in front of them.”
“You cannot take our kids from me!”
“Frankly, I do not trust you with them anymore!”
There it is.
Everything spills in front of us. Every single flaw, secret, and lie.
I need to look away from Giulio. I don’t know who he is anymore. It’s as if I’ve shot him and the bullet has brushed over every single inch of his body. He’s torn. I’m torn. He’s broken. I’m broken.
We’re not good for each other.
Not now.
“Is this the end? After everything we’ve been through?”
My chest has never clenched this hard for him. Please, no. “It has to be.”
“If you leave with them, it is the end of us.” Giulio’s muscles tense, withholding from breaking down again. “If you take our children away from me, there’s no more faith in us. It’s over.”
“I know it’s over. We were fools to ever think this could ever work again. We’re two broken souls attempting to fix one another. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because fixing it doesn’t make it go away forever. Do you really believe in finding Addilyn or is it all just another lie?”
“That is nothing but truth.”
“Give me the keys, Giulio.”
“I’m fine with the kids tonight. You can leave if you don’t want to stay, but…please don’t take them away from me…Please.”
That damn gun between us scares me.
I wish he’d hid it.
I sniffle and glance down at my bloodied silk pajamas. I should change out of them but that would only mean prolonging my stay. And so I sling my bag over my shoulder and cast him a look. “Giulio…once you told me to never be afraid because as long as you’re around everything would be okay. That was another lie because right now I am looking at you and all I see is what I’m afraid of—losing control.” Tears roll down his cheeks. I quickly wipe my own away and lay my truth right upon the sinful air. “You killed what may have well been the only hope in finding Addilyn. That ocean of mine…the one you take me to when I have an attack…you made it my cure. You promised you’d be there for me through the storm. But now I realize the person I needed the most through it all was myself. That isn’t your fault. It’s mine. You helped me as much as you could, but I neglected every aspect of myself. I let myself go. Not anymore. I need to find myself again. And if I sink, at least I know I am going down for my family with nothing but honesty. At least I have a chance of survival. At least I can claim full responsibility for battling both the tide and the storm…my way.”
Rushing down the hallway, I make a stop by Oscar’s room. My blurred vision stays on the door handle long and hard. A few minutes must pass before I feel Giulio’s presence by my side.
He extends two keys to me, giving me unspoken permission to end it all.
“Take them home with you,” he whispers, yet his broken voice contradicts every word.
My fingertips brush against the cool metal keys. All I need to do is take them, it’s what my head says to do, but my heart…it tells me not to. It screams for me be the bigger person and have a little faith in him, even though I’m distraught. I have to do it for Oscar, Slonne and Addilyn. I have to deal with my anger towards Giulio and what’s the best thing for our kids as two separate issues. They can’t suffer or be involved in any more turmoil as a consequence to our ruined love. It would not be fair.
“Giulio, I…”
“If you don’t trust me with the twins, take them home with you.”
I back away from both Giulio and the keys all together. “You know I do trust you with them.”
“Then why did you say the opposite moments ago?”
“Because when I saw the gun it was…”
“Too much?” Those glassy eyes of his study me slowly. “Is it all too much?”
“Yes,” I sniffle.
“I love our children more than the world itself. As their father, I would do anything to make them happy. You know that. I hope you know that. But if I’m wrong…if I’m nothing but a poor excuse of a father, by the grace of god I’ll open their bedroom doors for you myself.”
The moment our eyes meet, our seven years turn to dust.
After everything that’s happened tonight, there deserves to be one truth between us. At least one. And so, in the midst of my own heavy heartache, I choke out the only words I have.
“Our children need a father, just like you said they need a mother. Even as heartbroken as I am right now, you deserve honestly. You’re not a poor excuse of a father, you never have been …because…” my throat aches. “You are the best father in the world, Giulio. I mean that.”
I witness the first tear fall from his eyes and leave this cursed house as fast as I can.
Giulio’s tense face and fragile soul remains present in my mind during the entire drive to Helena’s. It matches mine and hurts me deeper.
Oh my god.
Giulio killed his father.
He killed our chance at finding Addilyn.
I struggle to release a steady breath. Everything is too much. The gun. The secrets. Giulio’s face. That man…he said that soon it will happen. What is it?
Helena is filling up a glass of water in the kitchen and leaps towards me the moment she sees me. I fall to my knees, clutching onto her on the way down. I sob for every single thing I’m afraid of because they’re all happening. All one after the other.
Just when I fell back in love with him…
Helena doesn’t say a word. Her sister senses already know. She simply holds me tightly, despite the blood, and tells me everything will be okay. Everything could not be any worse and the final string holding my heart together snaps.
I vowed to love Giulio Giannotti unconditionally.
I plea for God to have mercy on me…because tonight, I break that vow.
Everything I thought to be true is based upon lies. These are the lies we tell ourselves, to comfort one another, to protect each other and it will be these exact lies that will eventually cost us our sanity.
Giulio
“As I said, the earliest I can be there is by 8 A.M.”
“Sandro, I’ll pay triple. You have my word. He needs to go before my children see him.”
“Triple?” A sly chuckle cuts through the line. “You sure you want to hand over that amount of money to me? We’re heading into six figures of a no refund deal.”
“I trust you.”
“Alright. We’ll settle for triple then. I’ll be there within the hour.”
My hands tremble on the phone. “Thank you.”
“Wipe the cameras.”
“Already have.”
“Good.”
Sandro hangs up and I sink into the couch, pouring myself my second glass of bourbon. I down it in one go and pour my third. My muscles don’t ease. They haven’t since I pulled the trigger tonight.
My hands tug through the ends of my hair and I recoil in a pit of pain.
What have I done?
I’ve lost everything tonight.
; The love of my life.
My children.
Myself.
I cannot breathe. The tightness in my throat does not allow it. I cannot fucking breathe.
Face it. Look at what you’ve done. Look at it.
The blood is dried against the floorboards, but in certain sections, it pools. The man…I can’t reach forward without tensing. I can’t see his face yet. I should have a shower and get out of these blood-stained clothes but I can’t. I can’t get in that fucking shower because I know I will think of her.
I know I have done something tonight beyond repair. Not only did Valencia bear witness to me ending a life, but I admitted my greatest secret…I killed my father.
I battle the sobs and tell myself that I need to be strong, but how? How does one be strong when they’ve just lost the other half of their heart? How can I be strong when all I feel is weak?
You’re weak, son.
It is what you are.
It is what you will always be.
Sandro arrives just after midnight with his crew of three other men. He steps inside with his usual leather jacket, five o’clock shadow, and pointed eyes. He pulls the cigar from his lips and nods towards the intruder while his men begin the process of sorting and cleaning. His New Jersey-Italian accent shakes me. “I didn’t think you had it in you. Sometimes you only see the true man hiding underneath when your family is under fire.”
I know Sandro’s line of duty, but I never expected I would actually be using the gun I bought from him or that I’d be contacting him regarding disposing of the body and cleaning this potent smell in my kitchen.
“I’m not proud of it. I lost Valencia tonight.”
Sandro takes a puff. “Nah, you didn’t lose her. You were protecting her.”
“No. She’s right, I killed the only hope we had left. I ruined it all and I cannot—”
“Take it back? No, no that’s not how this game is played.” Sandro cuts me off and his eyes zone in on mine. The gaze of a man who’s seen more crimes in twenty-four hours than others see in their entire lifetime. He points a finger at me, his face stern and tense. “The only thing you can’t take back is death. You can’t take that back. You cannot take what you did tonight back. Alright? Everything else you can change. You love her, I see it in your eyes. You killed him because you feared he would have killed her and she got scared. Let me tell you something, that’s a normal reaction. If she truly loves you, faith will conquer all. It always does. Vedrai. Trust me. The world has a funny way of showing it.”
Merciful Vows: A Bittersweet Second Chance Romantic Suspense (The Giannotti World Book 1) Page 31