Eventide (Meratis Trilogy Book 2)

by Krista Walsh

  She leaned on the windowsill, her face tilted up towards the sky, the moon’s milky fingers stroking her cheeks. Jeff was overcome with the urge to experience it himself. With unsure steps he moved closer and reached out one hand to brush the loose hair from her face. Before he could touch her, she stepped away.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked.

  She turned to face him, resting her hand on the sill to take her weight. “You tell me.”

  Jeff knew he was headed down a trap. He could sense one of those “if you don’t know …” conversations and had no way to sidetrack it.

  “You’ve been angry with me since we met the Sisters in the woods. I already told you I have no interest in them, and you’ve made it very clear that jealousy isn’t the issue. Consider me stupid, like I have no idea what’s going on inside your head. Explain to me what’s bothering you.”

  “They know your secret.”

  She said the words as if they explained everything. They didn’t. Jeff leaned in his head and waited for the rest of it. When nothing else came he asked, “What secret?”

  With a frustrated exhale, Cassie crossed the room. “The one you’ve kept from me for months. The reason you hardly ever call me, or worse when I do get you out, you spend most of your time talking about sports games I know you don’t watch. Or asking how my thesis is going when you know I finished my first draft a month ago.”

  Jeff had no idea what to say, but it turned out that didn’t matter. Cassie was still gearing up. “And then we come back here of all places, and we meet those women, and they know! That redhead started to say something, but you cut her off. Don’t think I didn’t notice. You have the subtlety of an elephant, Jeff Powell.”

  She took a deep breath, and her shoulders shook with the effort. “I have been patient. For over a year I worked in that coffee shop, and every day you came in, and every day I got my hopes up that today would be the day. That finally you would work up the courage to say something. At first it went against everything I had not to just ask for your number myself, but I saw how hard you were trying to work up the nerve. And then, damn you, so much time passed that I started to wonder if I was imagining it! If you were just an incurable flirt, and not even a very good one.”

  The more worked up she got, the brighter her eyes became, and if not for the embarrassment and guilt he felt, he would have been distracted by how beautiful she looked.

  “And then everything that happened in January, coming here, going through what I did—and still I gave you that chance. I didn’t have to.”

  “I know,” Jeff finally managed to sneak in.

  But Cassie didn’t seem to want his agreement. “Now you’re still keeping things from me! Why? Don’t you trust me? Haven’t we gone through enough together that you know you can count on me? What is it that’s so horrible?”

  He felt like a deer caught in the headlights. There was no way for him to answer that question that wouldn’t make her storm out the door and never want to speak with him again. Anger or guilt, either way he was going to make her miserable. The pressure was too much, and he buried his face in his hands, then dropped them together in front of him, pleading. “Cassie, I—”

  “No,” she interrupted again. “You’re always going to find an excuse not to tell me, and I don’t want to play games. I’m not leaving this room until you come clean. Because, honestly, I’m bracing for the worst. Are you dying? Did you sleep with someone else? Did you go on that first date with me and think, ‘Well that was a waste of time’?”

  Jeff’s mouth fell open. It had never occurred to him that she would be trying to figure it out. He kind of thought she would accept that he had some issues to work through. But now guilt weighed heavier on him. He sank on the sofa.

  She continued, “Imagine for one minute that you were me. Imagine that the person you cared about kept pulling away even as you tried to get closer. What would you do, Jeff? Would you keep trying? Imagine what it’s been like for me!”

  “I can’t!” he yelled. “I wish people would stop telling me to imagine things. I can’t do it anymore, Cassie. I am not capable of imagining anything.”

  “What?” Cassie asked, the single word heavy with impatience and irritation. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “It’s gone! My imagination, my creativity, my ability to ‘see the possible in the impossible’.” He sneered, making finger quotes around one of the Sisters’ many riddles. “It’s all gone.”

  “What do you mean ‘gone’?” she asked.

  Jeff’s shoulders slumped. She still didn’t understand. How could she? “I mean that I gave them up. Traded them. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. I can’t imagine what Jayden’s doing in the garden right now. I spent four years inside his head, and should know him better than anyone else, and yet I cannot imagine what the next ten years of his life will be like.”

  “How is that even—”

  “The Sisters. They came to me and offered a deal. Wanted to know how far would I go to save the woman I—care about.” He stumbled over the words. “So I told them the truth and made a trade. My creativity for the key that got you out of that cell in Treevale.”

  Cassie’s mouth fell open, and she sagged down onto the edge of the bed. She looked like she wanted to say something, but it was Jeff’s turn to feel a rise of anger. Against his situation, himself, even against her for pushing him to admit what he’d tried so long to deny.

  “For the last six months I’ve stared at a computer screen feeling like an idiot. I can’t string a decent sentence together. It was the only thing I was good at, Cassie. It’s all I’ve got. I watch you finish your thesis and all I can think is that everyone else is moving forward, everyone else is doing something, while I’m stuck.”

  Jeff gave a bitter laugh and stood up, pacing his room. “And then I find myself back here! Never mind all the shit I went through last time. Never mind how much I want to get back home before more shit happens. I’m back in a world where everyone is strong, skilled, doing incredible things like casting spells and wielding swords, and what good am I? I may as well go play tag with Maggie’s kids when we get back to the Keep for all I’m able to contribute anything to Raul’s new attempt to fuck up our lives.”

  He ran out of breath and stopped walking, staring at the carpet. It felt like a small weight had been lifted. Confessing the kick to the balls of his ego ashamed him, but came as a relief.

  When Cassie remained silent, he raised his head and found her dark blue eyes fixed on him. He read shock on her face, and maybe a bit of hurt.

  After what felt like forever, she inhaled as if she’d been holding her breath and said, “I never realised how much you resent me now.”

  Jeff opened his mouth to contradict her, to tell her that his anger was directed at himself and not at her. But he found himself unable to speak as the new epiphany swirled in his thoughts. Did he resent her?

  She blinked a few times, and he noticed the extra shine to her eyes, guilt bringing blow after blow to his conscience. “I’m sorry you had to save me, Jeff. I’m sorry I got pulled into this world and you feel like your life was ruined because of it. But that was your choice. I’ll be grateful to you forever that you made it, but if you’re going to hold it against me, then maybe it’s better for both of us if we say goodbye once we get home. You don’t need the reminder, and God knows I don’t deserve your hate. As soon as we get back to the Keep, I’m going to ask Maggie to send me home. And then I don’t want to hear from you.”

  Again Jeff wished he could argue with her, but would that be fair? He loved her, he knew he did, but did he resent her even more than that? At that moment, he didn’t know.

  Cassie walked past him, reaching out to give his hand a quick squeeze, and then she was at the door.

  Jeff wished he could bring himself to rush over to her and hold the door shut, beg her not to leave. But he was frozen under the weight of their shared emotions and he could only stand there and watch
, his heart aching, as she walked out on him.

  Chapter Eight

  As soon as his feet came unglued, Jeff ran to the door and threw himself into the hallway, disappointed to find it already empty. No movement or sound gave away which direction Cassie might have gone, and he was too aware of his directional challenges to attempt going after her.

  Besides, what would he say? You’re right, I do hold it against you that I’m now a waste of air. Or No, I’m glad that I’ve lost my reason for living so I can stand by you while you go on to be successful.

  It was all so bitter. He was bitter. Having never been a bitter person, the development wasn’t a comfortable one. He felt twisted in his own skin, a loathsome version of himself.

  Tearing at his hair, he kicked the door closed and slumped down on the sofa to stare up at the ceiling. Eventually things would make sense again. There would come a time when life would be no more stressful than choosing what laundry detergent to use. Hopefully sooner rather than later. He had no intention of helping with the Raul search. He would only get in the way and be a walking target if he stayed. Like Cassie, he would get Maggie to send him home, and then he would work on getting his life back in order. Somehow.

  Voices punctured his self-focused thoughts, and Jeff’s attention turned towards the window. Man and woman, they sounded close, but Jeff guessed they must be down in the garden. The man’s voice was familiar—Jayden—and it didn’t take much to guess that the woman was Princess Ariana.

  Curiosity drew Jeff closer to the window, even as his conscience told him to get back in bed and stuff his pillow over his ears.

  “—this time. Gods, Ana, it’s been a decade! No word, no sight or sound of you.”

  Jeff was no stranger to Jayden’s anger, but this emotion had a quality to it he didn’t recognise in the warrior. Definitely an anger only a strong passion could evoke.

  “And you missed me?” Ariana replied. “How very sweet.”

  “Missed!” Jayden sputtered. “You think well of yourself, Princess. The only thing I missed about you was your ability to throw your feet over your head.”

  Jeff winced. Had the man learned nothing in the queen’s chambers today? There were lines one did not cross with royalty. He leaned closer to the window, eager to hear how the princess reacted.

  “That wasn’t even your favourite part.”

  Jeff’s eyebrows rose. No wonder these two got along so well. Or didn’t get along at all. They were too much alike.

  When Jayden spoke again, his anger was all but gone. “Give me and my friends this one night, Ana. That’s all I ask. Let us stay here for the next couple of hours, and then I’ll disappear and we can go back to pretending our time together never happened.”

  As if he wanted her to contradict him, to ask him to stay.

  Jeff suddenly felt that he’d crossed a line. Eavesdropping on a loud public conversation was one thing, but the tone had dropped to a level of intimacy that begged privacy.

  Trying not to make too much movement, Jeff closed the drapes and climbed back into bed.

  There must have been something in the air, all of these relationship issues coming to a head. Hopefully he would dream a resolution and know how to act in the morning.

  ***

  Jeff woke drenched in sweat, his heart racing, but he had no time to sort through his latest nightmare or last night’s latest stresses. The sun streaming through his window told him he was running late. He scrambled to get out of bed, cursing the servants for not coming to get him, and hurried to throw on yesterday’s clothes. As he rushed down the stairs towards the main hall, he accepted that with his recent luck, he would probably miss his ride back to Feldall’s Keep.

  Rounding the corner, he almost bumped into Basten and a tall balding man with dark hair, dark eyes, and a morose expression, having a hushed conversation in the corner. Basten didn’t look happy.

  “See that it gets done. We can’t—”

  When they saw him, they broke apart. Basten adopted a forced smile as the other man strode away.

  “Ah, you made it,” the advisor said. “They started to speak of leaving without you.”

  “Sorry,” Jeff mumbled, half embarrassed that he was last to arrive, and half curious about the intense conversation he’d interrupted.

  Together they walked into the hall, and the first thing Jeff saw was the younger Dorning, all tall, dark, and handsome cliché, helping Cassie fit some food into a small leather pack. Like his father, his Queensguard uniform of blue and silver was gone, replaced with his personal crest: a red and black grizzly on its hind legs stitched onto the breast of his tunic. As he slid the pack up onto Cassie’s shoulders, Jeff’s vision went hazily red. He clenched his teeth and went to see to his own pack and breakfast. Conflicted emotions or not, he still cared enough to be jealous.

  Neither the queen nor Ariana were there to see them off, and when he mentioned it to Michael Dorning, the older soldier threw back his head and laughed. “Think you’re important enough for a royal farewell, eh?” He gave Jeff’s arm a nudge. “If you really want someone to wave goodbye at the gate, I’m sure the advisor’ll be more than happy to oblige.”

  He jerked his head towards the door, and Jeff looked over to watch Basten stride back and forth across the room, overseeing the smallest details of their trip.

  “Be glad he’s not coming with us,” whispered Dorning. “He’d call you on the way your ass hit the saddle if it didn’t match his opinion of how it should be done.”

  Jeff shuddered at the thought of anyone judging his riding. Getting into the saddle would be his greatest achievement. He slung his bag over his head and went to join the group huddled in the middle of the room.

  “The queen has offered you some of her best horses to reach the Keep, which you will send back once you reach home,” Basten was saying. “One of my men will accompany you as far as the Keep to facilitate their return.”

  He gestured to the same looming man he’d been speaking with earlier. Jeff’s curiosity rose about who he was and if their heated chat had anything to do with this trip.

  “We appreciate Her Majesty’s generosity,” said Brady. He left it at that, and Jeff suppressed a smile. The scholar was a natural diplomat, skilled at holding onto a veneer of civility in the face of pretentiousness. Much better than Jayden, who kept his back to the advisor under the guise of digging for something in his pack.

  “I suspect the journey back to Feldall’s Keep will take you about four days. You should reach the Amesbury Retreat by this afternoon if you keep a good pace. By orders, we’ve provided enough supplies for the entire trip. If you find you’re running low, Her Majesty has granted you permission to use her name at the Queen’s Head Inn outside Glenbury.” Basten stroked his moustache and almost reluctantly added, “They serve a very nice pork pie.”

  “Please pass along our thanks,” said Brady.

  Loaded up, they headed outside where seven horses stood tacked and waiting. Among a mish-mash of colours and breeds, Jeff sought out the smallest one, content to ride a pony if it meant reaching the Keep in one piece.

  “This one is for you. Allegria,” one of the stablehands said as he brought forward a chestnut-hued mare. “We were told you aren’t an advanced rider, and she’s the calmest horse we have.”

  Jeff exhaled sharply. “Oh good. Thank you.”

  “Just pray it doesn’t storm. She gets a little skittish with the thunder.”

  The stablehand passed over the reigns and Jeff swallowed. He stared up at the azure sky and waited for the heavy grey clouds to form.

  He strapped his bag to the back of the saddle, as everyone else appeared to be doing, and lifted one foot into the stirrup. As he hauled himself up, his right foot nudged the pack, knocking it to the ground just as his ass hit the seat. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, wishing no one else had seen that.

  It’s all right. I don’t need food. He weighed the choices of dismounting or leaving it there.

/>   Darcy Dorning stooped down and picked it up, strapping it more tightly to the saddle. “You’ll be a practiced traveller by the time we reach the Keep. Don’t worry about learning along the way.”

  After what he’d witnessed between the handsome soldier and Cassie, Jeff struggled to be polite and say thank you. What right did this man have to be good-looking, and suave, and considerate? Really wasn’t leaving much of a chance for the rest of them. The only consolation Jeff found was that she wasn’t likely to fall for someone from another world.

  He walked Allegria around in circles to get used to the feel of her. She heeded the pull on the reins without difficulty, speeding up to a brief trot and back to a walk with ease. Jeff relaxed into the movement. He felt guilty, like he was cheating on his horse buddy, the bay gelding, Swish, but it was sort of like trading the car with the wonky gear shift for one that drove smooth as butter. You loved the old beater for the memories and quirks, but it felt good to drive something you didn’t worry would stop on a dime because it didn’t feel like moving anymore, and kill you.

  Once everyone was mounted and ready to go, with Basten’s man—Jeff thought he caught the name Harold—trailing behind as if to announce that he was there but not with them, they started down the road.

  Jayden urged his mount to a canter, but when he looked to see that no one else was keeping pace with him, he slowed back to a walk. Jeff caught the furrowed brow before Jayden turned back to the road and understood his impatience. He knew the faster they got to the Retreat, the faster they could get to the Keep, and the faster he and Cassie could get home. On the other hand, he didn’t know if he’d be able to keep his seat at anything faster than a trot.

  The path was wide enough for two abreast, and Jeff didn’t like how they sorted themselves out. Michael rode with Jayden in the front. Cassie was with Darcy in the middle, and Jeff and Brady took up the rear. Jeff glared at the pair ahead, at the way the soldier pointed things out on the grounds, while Cassie listened with fascinated interest.