Insecure

by Michael Shevlin

  ‘That seems to be the consensus of opinion on him,’ I agreed.

  ‘Why are you meeting him then?’

  ‘Just business, that’s all,’ I said.

  ‘Is it to do with the money Rich owes?’ I turned to her.

  ‘How’d you know about that?’

  ‘When you work behind the bar in a club,’ she said tapping her nose, ‘there ain’t nothing that you don’t know, besides I know the finances of this place better than anyone.’

  ‘We’re going to try and make Barney an offer to make him go away, at least for a bit anyway. We’re in a bit of a tight spot.’

  Carrie looked at me with a frown. “What are you going to offer him?’

  ‘Everything.’

  CHAPTER 9

  Rich put the phone down. ‘it’s time.’ Rich left the room and clicked the door shut behind him. I slapped my face a couple of times and tried to psyche myself up for the meeting. I was nervous and could feel my stomach dropping a bit with the worry, could almost see the individual lines of grain in Rich’s desk. I felt as if I had just done a line of very good coke.

  Suddenly there were voices and the door swung open and Rich came in. He winked at me and sat down behind his desk. I thought about staying seated and just nodding like someone in a gangster film, but my manners got the better of me and I stood when Barney came in.

  I almost smiled when he walked in, he was like someone’s dad. He was older than I pictured but had strangely smooth skin, like a woman’s. He wore silver rimmed spectacles, matching his silver hair (he must dye it, I thought), and glints of gold shot from his wrist and around his neck, maybe revealing the man he really was.

  ‘Dan, finally,’ he said and shook with a strong grip. His voice was quiet with only a slight London accent, but he smiled slightly when he said it. I found myself, instantaneously, trusting him and dismissed the thought quickly.

  ‘Mr Gibbons, ‘ I said shaking his hand. I had practiced a few opening sentences in my head beforehand, hoping to sound menacing, clever and pithy in the same breath but decided against it because I thought that he might punch me. I just wanted this over and over quickly.

  He chuckled almost to himself and pulled up his trousers as he sat down, ‘I must apologize for the attire,’ he gestured at his Pringle jumper and beige slacks, ‘I’ve been playing golf today.’

  ‘Did you win?’ Rich asked.

  ‘As ever, my short game let me down,’ he smiled. Rich smiled back.

  ‘You play golf?’ I asked Rich, who snorted.

  ‘He can’t drive, his iron shots are wayward but he can putt like someone with a four or five handicap,’ said Barney. Rich shrugged.

  ‘I need lessons to get better,’ said Rich.

  ‘Do you play, Dan?’ asked Barney, again with that slight smile.

  ‘I haven’t even held a club in my hand,’ I felt as if I had disappointed Barney and I had to remind myself that this man was putting the squeeze on us.

  ‘That’s probably wise, it can be a very expensive game.’ Barney looked at Rich. ‘So, we have a few things to discuss, a bit of business?’

  ‘We do,’ Rich glanced at me and carried on, ‘Dan and I have been thinking that it would be a good idea to run this place together.’

  ‘A family business.’ Said Barney.

  ‘Exactly, a family business. We think that if we pool our resources we can really make this place successful – ‘

  ‘It already is,’ said Barney, cutting Rich off.

  ‘I know, but more successful –‘

  ‘So why isn’t it more successful now? If it’s a question of money, I can give you more,’ said Barney.

  ‘It’s not that,’ I said, ‘we want to be independent, we want to own it together.’

  ‘I see,’ the smile had come off of his face and the waxy look that remained gave me goose bumps. It wasn’t that he looked mean or evil, it was that there was no expression at all. ‘But that is not the business that we were going to discuss today, was it?’

  ‘Yes and no, ‘ said Rich, ‘we think that they’re connected.’

  Barney looked off and sighed, ‘I know what you are going to say, you don’t want to do the bank?’

  ‘No,’ I looked at Rich, who shook his head.

  ‘I understand,’ he smiled, ‘it’s a scary thing to do.’ I smiled back.

  ‘We thought that we could pay off the remainder of the loan and, well, all the information about the bank – it’s yours, you can do with it what you like.’ I said.

  ‘And when I do the job, you’d keep quiet?’

  ‘Well, like, yeah – obviously.’ I said.

  Barney nodded, ‘it’s a very good offer, very good indeed, but I am afraid my answer is no.’ Rich hung his head and shook it slightly, I looked to Barney.

  ‘Why? You get paid off and you get some insider information,’ I said. I could feel my voice starting to whine and stopped it, ‘you get everything.’

  ‘It’s my prerogative,’ said Barney. He smiled an oily smile and then, only then, did I see the man he was. It wasn’t about the money it was about the power, it was about fucking Rich and showing him who the daddy was. Rich looked at me grimly.

  ‘We’ll double the money we owe,’ I spluttered. Rich raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I stand to make tenfold what you owe, ‘ he grinned, ‘besides, you’ll be committed, you’d be amazed at what you can do when you’re committed – look at 9/11.’

  I folded my arms, ‘we’re not going to do it.’ Barney looked at me half amused, then looked at Rich. He sighed, leaned his elbows on his knees and raised himself up, as if it were a monumental effort. I involuntarily took a step back. He sauntered over to Rich’s desk and picked a bottle of wine off the shelf and examined the label. ‘Good stuff,’ he said to Rich.

  He turned back towards me and in one fluid movement smashed the bottle against the edge of the table, pushed me against the wall and held the remainder of the bottle against my throat. The jagged glass pressed against my neck and I could feel it momentarily push against my skin before breaking it. Blood and wine trickled down my neck, making my shirt damp. I couldn’t feel pain, just utter fear. My heart was beating so fast it was like the pitter-patter of rain on an umbrella.

  ‘Listen you ponsey cunt,’ hissed Barney, his London accent coming to the fore, ‘you’ll do what I want, when I want or I’ll carve the fuckin’ IOU onto your fore ‘ead with this nice bootle of plonk, do you fuckin’ hear what I’m sayin’?’ I heard a metallic click to my right and turned my eyes to Rich who was pointing the gun at Barney.

  ‘Well, well,’ said Barney, not taking his eyes from mine, ‘Rich Collins has got himself a tool.’

  ‘Put the bottle down, Barney, or so help me god I’ll put a bullet in the back of your fuckin’ head,’ said Rich unsteadily. Rich’s eyes went from mine to the bottle so quickly it was like he was watching a game of pong on level 10.

  ‘Bollocks,’ said Barney, ‘you know why?’ Rich didn’t say anything.

  ‘I mean it,’ breathed Rich.

  ‘I don’t think you have the stones. I don’t think you’d pull the trigger if I bottled your brother and he lay here like a fish wriggling out of water, you haven’t got it in ya.

  ‘also, if you pop me who knows where my arm’ll go? It might go back, or up, or sideways – I don’t fuckin’ know. The bottle might hit an artery or it might not – you wanna take the chance?’

  Rich swallowed, there was dead silence in the room and only a little ambient noise from the club filtered in. Rich’s computer pinged at the sound of an email arriving. Barney jumped just a tiny bit and the bottle jogged a bit deeper. I could now start to feel the pain, but I was now – weirdly – starting to feel angry.

  ‘Fuck it Rich, shoot him,’ Barney blinked, ‘I’ve decided I don’t fucking like him.’

  Barney chuckled, ‘I bet if you were holding the gun you wouldn’t hesitate?’

  ‘Damn right,’ I said. It hurt to talk, it made the bot
tle move about – but I was just so angry at him. In my position I shouldn’t be but I just was.

  ‘You know,’ said Barney pulling the bottle away from my throat, ‘my man outside would have come in and shot you both if he heard the shot.’

  ‘Would he have still got paid for it?’ I asked.

  Barney looked at me seriously, and then laughed. Stopped and then laughed some more. He shook his head and looked at Rich, Rich had lowered the gun.

  ‘We need to get that looked at,’ Rich said, pointing at my neck, ‘it looks quite deep.’ He picked up the phone and let it ring a few times, swore under his breath and was about to put it down when someone picked up. ‘That you Carrie? Yeah, where’s the first aid kit? No, no, I’ll…’

  Rich got up, remembered the gun and went round the desk to put it back in the drawer. The door burst open and Carrie appeared holding the first aid kit, she took one look at me and started fumbling with the latches of the case, dropped it and bandages, plasters and ointments sprayed the floor. She gathered the things amid the broken glass, wine and blood

  ‘Jesus, Rich, what the hell happened?’ she looked at Barney frowning, he looked away nonchalantly. She looked at me. ‘Are you alright?’

  ‘I just need a couple of those pad things,’ I said, not making eye contact.

  ‘Dan, you really need to get that seen to,’ she tried to reach a hand up to move my collar, but I backed away, ‘at least let me look at it?’

  ‘Just give me five minutes, okay? It looks worse than it is,’ truth be told, it hurt really badly now. She looked at Rich who nodded. She scowled at Barney one last time, then backed out the room. Barney’s man obviously said something to her because we all heard her clearly say: piss off.

  ‘Where were we?’ said Barney.

  ‘If I remember correctly,’ I said wincing, ‘you were sticking a broken bottle to my throat.’

  ‘Oh yeah, that’s right,’ said Barney, grinning, ‘can we move on?’ Rich and I nodded.

  ‘Okay, all I came here to say was that my agreed percentage is 60% and for that I am supplying some muscle and the start up money, guns as well.’

  ‘We don’t need muscle,’ said Rich.

  ‘I think you do, you’ve never done anything like this before and you’ll just fuck it up,’

  ‘This is not like a regular bank robbery,’ I said. My neck was throbbing now.

  ‘Robbing is robbing,’ Barney said.

  ‘You just don’t trust us, you want someone there to make sure we do what we’re supposed to?’ asked Rich. Barney shrugged.

  ‘Well, we need Andy there –‘ I said.

  ‘Out of the question,’ cut in Barney.

  ‘We need someone technical, someone who really knows their way around a system like that. If not Andy, then who?’ asked Rich.

  Barney arched his hands and rested his chin on his fingers, thinking.

  ‘Look, Andy will essentially control the technical aspect of stealing the money, you just supply one other guy as muscle – we don’t even know if Andy even needs to be there, he might be able to do it, you know, remotely over wifi or something.’ Barney looked at us, obviously a little out of his comfort zone. ‘he’ll control where the money goes, and your other guy comes with us.’

  He paused before saying, ‘I’ll speak to Andy about it.’

  ‘We need some cash to get this going,’ added Rich, ‘we have sorted the guns, but we need to pay for them and for some cars.’

  ‘Okay, how much?’

  ‘Hundred grand?’ said Rich matter of factly.

  ‘That’s a lot of wedge,’ said Barney whistling, ‘I get this place if you go down, that’s my insurance.’

  ‘Deal,’ said Rich, it seemed to me, relieved.

  ‘So what’s your play then?’ asked Barney.

  ‘We haven’t fully worked it out yet,’ said Rich.

  Barney nodded towards the door, ‘Sam, outside, will be the extra muscle. If you need advice he’s an ex Para, been to Afghanistan, Iraq – the real deal.’

  We sat in silence for a bit, no one saying anything. My neck was a dull throb, the blood was starting to dry and I was starting to worry about infections and whether or not I needed stitches. Should I go to a hospital? Would they ask questions? Would I need to speak to the Police?

  ‘When’s this going to happen?’ asked Barney.

  ‘We have a small window of opportunity,’ I said.

  ‘Stop talking like a cunt,’ said Barney, ‘a month, two months? What?’

  ‘Next couple of weeks, before the passwords are updated.’

  Barney raised his eyebrows and then stood up. ‘Well then, gentlemen, I better not keep you.’

  As the door clicked shut I pulled the pad away from my neck, ‘fuck!’ the pad was sodden with blood, if I squeezed it would have dripped blood – my blood – on the floor.

  Rich rubbed his face and then walked around the desk to look at my neck, ‘there’s too much blood, I can’t really see.’ I looked into Rich’s eyes and just saw resignation.

  ‘That went well,’ I said. Rich gave me a half smile. The door opened and Carrie came in.

  ‘Don’t,’ I said before she had a chance to say anything. She wore a thin lipped, cold smile and snapped open the first aid box. She pulled out some cotton wool and some antiseptic.

  ‘This is going to sting a bit…maybe a lot,’ she dabbed at the cut and it did sting a lot, but I had to try and show some spine because I worried that Carrie thought I’d just been bullied. Carrie kept using more and more cotton wool but it was now starting to come away less bloody, she kept dropping them into the wastepaper basket like pistachio shells.

  ‘It’s not too deep, but I think you may need a stitch or two,’ she said quietly.

  ‘What do you think?’ I asked Rich. He tilted his head a bit to get a good look.

  ‘Nah, there are some of those butterfly plasters in there, use them, it’ll be alright,’ he sighed, ‘I need a drink, I’ll be back in a minute.’ Rich slid off the desk, that he had been sitting on side saddle, and left the office. Carrie turned back to me when the door had clicked shut.

  ‘Dan, what the fuck happened?’ Carrie hissed, ‘what the hell did that Gibbons psycho do to you?’

  ‘You said he wasn’t scary?’

  ‘I lied,’ she smiled, ‘sorry…’ She looked into my eyes and I just wanted to fall into her, but I just can’t, not now, not here. I don’t know why, why now, but we connected – maybe we always were connected - and she could sense the timing was bad and gave me a half smile. Her lips parted a little – but then the door opened and the moment was broken. Rich came in, pre-occupied, and barely noticed. He put three glasses on the desk and a bottle of malt.

  ‘…I’m working, Rich.’ Said Carrie.

  ‘Not tonight you’re not. How’s the neck looking?’ said Rich, pouring the drinks.

  ‘Better, but I think it will leave a terrible scar,’ said Carrie.

  ‘Cool,’ said Rich and I in unison. We laughed.

  ‘Stop, stop,’ I said, ‘it really hurts when I laugh.

  ‘Drink this,’ he pushed over a half glass of scotch. Carrie continued working on the cuts, and I took a long drink and the warmth started to take the edge off the pain.

  ‘Carrie,’ said Rich, she looked to him, ‘Dan and I are in some deep fucking shit with Barney, like slurry, and we need what happened here tonight to stay in this office, is that cool?’

  ‘Can I ask what?’ she murmured.

  ‘It’s best you just don’t know,’ she arched her eyebrows, ‘it’s for your own safety’’ She sighed and reached into the box for a final gauze.

  ‘There,’ she said, here head tilted, ‘it’s not exactly Grey’s, but it’s not bad. But this stuff with Barney, it effects the club, yeah? So that effects me, right?’ Rich nodded, ‘so in a way, I have a right to know?’

  Rich rolled the tumbler across his mouth, sniffing the whiskey. I drank deeply and waited for Rich to respond.

 
There was a big part of me that needed to surround myself in friends, just so I could insulate myself from the building horror. I could feel the anxiety of ‘the job’ hulking towards me, and my self preservation instinct was kicking in.

  But it’s not right. Steve is not a bank robber, he’s a good guy, he’s finding his way – he’s found his way – I can’t fuck that up, it’s not fair, not fair to him. Carrie is someone who I have reserved a seat for in my heart, and involving her in this would be a betrayal of that – besides, she has way more to lose than I do, way more.

  We had just seen what Barney Gibbons is capable of, and my mind boggles at how far he would be willing to go to make this happen, for whatever reasons he has. There has always been a place of solace in my mind believing that we could somehow make this go away – gangsters don’t really exist, they’re a construct of Hollywood and literature – that we could just chuck money at this and we would be okay, but now I know that I was deluding myself.

  We’d tried that, we’d chucked money at it – or at least tried to. Now where were we? We had to steal some money to get out of this and I wasn’t sure that we could pull this off. Not that whatever plan we made would go wrong, but more that we would not physically be able to point a gun at someone, to demand money, to escape and evade and flee and hide. We don’t have any experience of this, barney was right, we’ll just mess this up.

  ‘We just have to come up with more money, Carrie’ I said, I hated the lie, but it was for the best, ‘we’re just going to have to find a way of raising some more.’

  ‘We tried to stall him…’ shrugged Rich.

  ‘Can I help,’ asked Carrie earnestly. We both shook our heads. She looked to us both, maybe sensing what was unsaid, maybe not, ‘I think you two have a lot to discuss, I’ll check on the bar.’ She got up and kissed Rich on the forehead and planted one on my forehead as well, ‘stay strong,’ and with that she left.

  Rich and I looked at each other for a long time, the way only brothers can. We were now both in the game and there wasn’t anything that we could do about it unless we got rid of Barney.