Darling Pol

by Mary Wesley

  I have given them a pair of bantams. Toby chose the hen leaving, generously I fondly imagined, the showy cock to Roger. But with a sweet smile he explained to me that the hen would lay eggs and hatch out little chicks which was beyond the powers of the rooster.

  Alec telephoned with badly concealed anxiety to say he has two candidates to oppose him. One Labour and the other true Liberal, which will split the vote.fn80 I cannot think what he will do if he is not re-elected. He’ll be a terrible bore …

  Yesterday I took Sonya, Roger and Toby to tea with old Mr Boscence.fn81 They astonished him by their good behaviour and party manners. Addressing each other with great politeness, spreading jam on their bread instead of their faces and piously saying grace. One should take them out oftener and it might become a habit.

  Mr Boscence presented me with two enormous Bristol glass rolling pins – because the jewess his nephew married had once admired them, exclaiming ‘She shan’t have them though’. An iron gate fell on Toby’s head, but it was a most pleasant afternoon. Roger shamed me. ‘I see you’ve lost a tooth, Roger’, ‘Oh no. My mother pulled it out’ – makes one look so brutal.

  Boskenna – 2.6.45

  If Harry were interested in Gluck’s house it might be a blessing to be installed in something which had plenty of room for expansion from the first. This is putting the cart ahead again. Otherwise I had thought of something very small out of which we would have to move on expansion or prosperity. Diana will be giving up a furnished flat in a Kensington mews soon which is six guineas a week and small but might be a haven until we find something else …

  Hugh has become PPS to the Secretary of State for Air which he seems to like …

  Dear love, take care of your dysentery. I want you back in violent health and I love you as I shall show you. All of it –

  M.

  Eric arrived back in London in early June. Mary invited him down to Boskenna to meet Colonel Paynter and to be introduced to her children. Eric, his war service nearly over, then returned to London and started to hunt for a job. He and Mary were unable to live together publicly before her divorce decree become absolute, which would be in October. They met discreetly, but Mary and the children continued to spend most of the time in Boskenna.

  Boskenna – 10.7.45

  My Love,

  I felt numb for an hour before you left and in violent pain the instant I left you at the station. No being busy in Penzance or lunching with Mrs Grant has done any good, the house seems very empty and the doors are banging. I am spoilt by five weeks of complete happiness and feel bereft …

  You have given me everything and crowned it by being so heavenly about Roger and Toby. I asked Mrs Grant what she thought about bursting into the open with my family and she says she thinks it’s the only possible and sensible thing to do …

  I’m going to lie in the sun and think about you. The next best thing to contact.

  My dear and only love, I miss you and love you.

  M.

  Boskenna – 11.7.45

  … Toby seems to have enjoyed himself and has gone off again today to Truro with the Colonel to a County Council meeting and to see Tom Paynter in Hospital. The main attraction is I believe a fish and chips lunch with Muriel …

  As soon as you find out from Diana that we are getting that flat let me know as I will bring up a few things of my own to make it look less unattractive. Tell her to be sure and remove the goldfish!

  … George Dawnay’sfn82 wedding is on the 23rd so all my family will be in London and Romie is having a cocktail party on the 24th so I suppose her Napoleon [Colonel Brinckman] is back at last. Mrs Grant breathed a sigh of relief when I told her as she said she felt sure virtue was getting strained …

  I see now that never having wholly loved or wholly trusted before I was ungenerous in my silences and solitudes …

  M.

  Boskenna – 12.7.45

  … No letter from you yet but the posts are slow unless you happen to catch the country post. It’s grey and quiet here. Mr Boscence did not turn up, put off by the rain. I had an agreeable afternoon with Roger. Toby turned up late from Truro and hungrily ate an enormous tea, later remarking that he had already had tea in Penzance on his way …

  Mrs Mitchell is doing your washing which I will post as soon as it’s ready. Ask Biddy to post back any socks you can spare so that I can mend them. I’ve lots of time so grab your chance.

  Claud’s telephone if you want a bath is FLAxman 8034. He might be useful to you apart from baths. If you stay with Harry and are near a telephone in the evening or morning, ring me up so that I can hear your voice. (Not if it’s a strain.) The children ask after you a lot and mind your having left …

  Boskenna – 13.7.45

  My Darling Love,

  I am just coming out of a terrible spin of gloom into which I plunged after talking to you yesterday. Except as an unnecessary proof that I love you I see no point in this odious separation! I hate living without you.

  I trotted sulkily down to the sea by myself, sat on a hard rock and read a bad book. The sea was grey, there was a hot unpleasing wind and sultry atmosphere. Away flew my sense of humour on the breeze and I came back, seized the gin, thinking to catch up with you at the Savile, swallowed a large dollop and instantly felt ill and épuisée …

  I think I put myself into my spin with the thought that you were perhaps getting into a drunken spin without me and would make yourself ill and unable to work. I know I am gloomy because of reaction – being alone and missing you unbelievably.

  I love you my darling and it’s simple torture not to be able to leap into your arms and tell you so … because I can’t leave the children.

  The sooner we can all get under one roof the better because although the pundits say one can get used to anything, I’ve never seen why one should. Colonel P. put on his pince-nez and remarked at dinner that he misses you too – and the chess. Your games gave him great pleasure …

  I have no news. I spend every breath praying for time to pass quickly – which it doesn’t. From the way I feel any sane person would conclude we had parted for ever with harsh words. All this on one gin since you left.

  I am so deeply happy when I’m with you that the contrast is altogether odious. Ugh. But write to me my love and telephone but particularly write, since that hobgoblin who chirps ‘Your time is up’ makes me nervous.fn83 I love you.

  M.

  Boskenna – 14.7.45

  My Darling,

  It’s deeply disappointing about Patrick’s house. But don’t worry, we’ll find one eventually …

  I am sorry Mrs Mitchell gave you such a fright this morning. It was a dawn start with Colonel P. who was pure delight … first losing his teeth, then his spectacles (tragic how everything become detachable with age) then selling a house for a thousand pounds while he bought me a peach, and insisting that the car stop every time he saw a girl on the road; offering her a lift and on deciding she was not pretty, exclaiming ‘Drive on, drive on, No room!’ …

  Penzance was crammed, I met most of the neighbours. Mrs Grant’s telephone was struck by lightning yesterday. All I can hear from her is baffled squeaks like some distant infuriated mouse.

  There was a tremendous storm lasting hours. I was very frightened at one moment in the woods as Toby had gone off on his own thinking he would be terrified. I found him sitting on top of an iron gate simply loving it.

  The sun’s shining at last so I’m off to the rocks where I shall loll and think about you exclusively …

  Monday there is a circus in Penzance which I shall take the children to …

  Chelsea – 15.7.45

  [Addressed correctly for the first time to ‘The Lady Swinfen …’]

  My darling,

  … The order of events is to hear from the Marines tomorrow if the Admiralty wants me; then, if it doesn’t, to decide quickly whether to propose something (a job) to them; I’m meeting Bob Boothbyfn84 on Tuesday, and he is a great friend of Bra
cken’sfn85 – so I’ll decide by then …

  I have thought much about ‘getting us all under one roof’, and about how to tell your family and x-husband. I think you should get some new arrangement first; the Boskenna business being, in essentials, unsatisfactory except for the one factor of the children’s health …

  Your sad letter made me very sad … This is the crucial period, so don’t let’s panic. I am frightened of cows but not of money problems. Unless they are likely to hurt you …

  On Earth, In Reality (chez Devos) – 15.7.45: 8pm

  My darling,

  The letter which I’ve just posted to you in Sloane Square … left out essentials; for instance the children, how I loved them, and how I love you for loving them. Also, many small things; such as that I found an exquisite lunch of sandwiches in my parcel on the train …

  Darling, we have got to be very strong and realistic. After many dreams … we are going to bump [to] earth during the next few weeks and find ourselves in reality – even harsh reality …

  As regards families, Harry’s reaction to seeing me again (‘You have confirmed your reputation of bringing calamity with you’ – the garage fuses had blown!) serves as a warning of what yours may be …

  I’d better confess that I get into recurrent rages at your brother for having Carol as best-man (and for his letter), with the present arrangement at Boskenna which serves to victimise only you, at the lack of proper provision for you, and even at your attitude (for which, paradoxically, I love you). I am sorry – but I am determined that your rights should be stood up for; so you had better cool me down, before we take any steps ‘envers les autres’! …

  I’ll [mail you] Aurélien tomorrow. It’s a rather depressing but brilliant … satire on my generation, and is meant – I think – to tell what Aragon’s life would have achieved in emptiness if Elsa hadn’t pushed him into communism. Nancy [Mitford] told me that he caused annoyance during his recent visit by saying to somebody (female): ‘Je déteste coucher seul’ and then adding that he slept only with his wife …

  Nancy was slightly less strident, slightly taller, slightly prettier and much, much more ignorant (she couldn’t understand about Benda) than I expected. Igor was there and another Etonian drunk and I resisted the attempt to drag me to dance at a Norwegian restaurant.

  Gossip … Boris’s wife is now really a tart, and is being had by Edward Stanley who found Charles Sweeneyfn86 in bed with his own wife.fn87

  Peter [Quennell] – in connection with Betty, whom he refuses to marry – says Paul Zieglerfn88 was Sonya’s father. This is surely untrue? It was said long before your name had ever been mentioned between us …

  Boskenna – 17.7.45

  … I have never got used to being a parent and often find myself surprised and startled afresh realising that these two little creatures were born out of my body.

  The circus yesterday was a bad one but they enjoyed it immensely … I went into a silent fury with the ringmaster who was brutal to two ponies and was not satisfied until I had telephoned the RSPCA who frothed with indignation and sent their inspector to the next performance …

  I am not surprised by Boris’s wife, she always was a tart. Very good-looking but dirty. Colonel P. refuses to have her here. As for Paul Ziegler being Sonya’s father all I can say is … I know it is not true. Her father was a stupid good-looking Russian called Serge Federov …

  Boskenna – 18.7.45

  My Darling,

  … Phyllis should be getting your letter any day now. I’m praying steadily …

  I slept in the garden yesterday and then watched a mole digging for worms on the path. It was quite unaware, being blind, and scuttled round me and over my feet, staying by me for ten minutes.

  It’s still grey and stuffy in spite of a vile wind.

  This time next week, God not interfering, I shall be on the train coming to join you. I have a great longing for your arms and close proximity. Alas (but possibly it’s for the best), neither Hyacinth nor Dominick will be born next March …fn89

  M.

  Boskenna – 19.7.45

  In less than a week I shall be with you my Dearest Love …

  Tell Mrs De Vosfn90 I am bringing eggs and vegetables and ration cards but no butter as there is a crisis on with the cows …

  Boskenna – 20.7.45

  … Nothing is happening here … The Colonel has a girl friend coming to stay today to go dancing with him. She is a recurring phenomena [sic] and of truly devastating gentility – wears long fake earrings and her hair in squiggles.

  Thank-God you are not going to France again. I shan’t feel safe until you are definitely out of the Marines …

  Claridge’s – 20.7.45

  … Paul tried to commit suicide last night, didn’t tell Sylvester and turned up ‘for a quiet lunch’ in such a state that I really thought she’d die. (She took 10 of his sleeping pills.) Better now. Quite nice. Loves you. Thinks we’re no good for each other. Luckily, we’re out of reach …

  I love you. I’m sober but hurried.

  E.

  Boskenna – 21.7.45

  … I couldn’t hear very clearly about Pauline’s suicide so keep me the details … I’m glad she failed …

  I’ve been battling in Penzance ever since I talked to you … I managed to get my hair washed and the children’s cut. They look revolting. Lunched with Mrs Grant on my way home … Nigel has sent her a picture which pleased her greatly. She was afraid it was going to be a nude of Margot but it’s a bowl of roses …

  M.

  Bagshot – 21.7.45

  Darling,

  I am missing you intensely, partly because I find myself in country surroundings again. The apples and pears are so thick on the trees that the branches have had to be propped up …

  We have amused ourselves by singing French songs … Now Edithfn91 I hear is playing ‘Au Clair de la Lune’ on, of all things, the accordion …

  I dined with Nora Oliver at the Gargoyle.fn92 I was so disagreeable that she burst into tears and I had the embarrassing privilege of leading out a weeping, middle-aged woman under the quizzical eyes of David Tennantfn93 and others.

  Peter Quennell, who was there, told me that he just missed us in Cornwall and that Desmond Ryan is really quite intelligent but alcoholic. ‘It’s a very important distinction, Eric. There are intermittent topers, like you and me; and alcoholics. Ryan is an alcoholic.’ I like Peter best of the London intellectuals; he was, as ever, with a new and ravishing girl …

  I told Edith about you and she is very pleased. She laments her husband being such a boor, because there is a wing of this house which we could have. I told her it would never work … but it was a nice suggestion …

  I notice all sorts of things à cause de toi; the trees round the garden, the budgerigars, and the fact that the hen leads the ducks, which she hatched, about under the impression that she is their mother … I even distinguish between fox-glove and delphinium …

  E.

  Boskenna – 23.7.45

  I’m getting very excited. Tomorrow I shall pack and Wednesday thank heaven leave …

  My mother, father, brother, sister, niece and pregnant sister-in-law will all be rampaging round Chelsea from tomorrow. Buy me a mask …

  Oxford & Cambridge University Club, Pall Mall, SW1 – 23.7.45

  Darling –

  I am waiting for Percival for lunch … From the look of this club, I daresay I shall get a rotten meal …

  After the week-end at Edith’s … a disaster greeted me: my Reportage photographs have disappeared and I deeply fear that I left them somewhere, as I had already rescued them from Peter’s club once. I regard this leaving things about as my only bad habit …

  31 Smith Terrace, SW3 – 22.8.45

  … The house is empty. How empty … It’s rather dreamlike, as though I’d just seen a dozen you’s crowding the hall and laughing on the stairs, and then you’d suddenly vanished …

  I’m lunching with Leonard I
ngramsfn94 at Boulestin tomorrow …

  Irons in the fire at Rank; and I’ll ginger up Harry (Courtauld’s, Unilever) … I shall see R. Hattfn95 in Bank … David’s departure might leave a gap at the D. Telegraph; so I’ll see Muggeridge … and I’ll see Curtis Brown as soon as the play is finished.

  British Museum – 23.8.45: 10am

  … Mr Robert d’Alsacefn96 called last night; alas I was out. That made two in one day, as Mr S. Smithfn97 was limping about the restaurant where I had lunch. Is he a cripple?fn98

  I had lunch with (and largely, on) Peter at a place called L’Hermitage, which I instantly joined (free of charge) as it is a 5/-menu and you can always get a table.

  Chelsea – 24.8.45

  … Lunch with Leonard Ingrams was interesting, without being directly helpful. He gave me some useful information, and confirms that ‘people’ are looking for ‘political advisers’ for overseas trade …

  I am seeing Hanbury Williams, head of Courtauld’s, next Wednesday …

  Letter from my German relations in Zurich. They’ve got pots of money but no means of getting started again … I shall write and suggest acting for them here!

  Also from Zurich … by the same post, a letter from my former Sancho Panza, a little Jewish journalist whom I befriended in Geneva and who is now Swiss correspondent for the News Chronicle. He … says that he heard of me from Chester Purvis, an MOI colleague, whom he always refers to as ‘Pervers’ – in blissful unawareness of the verbal implication and of the fact that Chester is a well-known pédéraste …

  Mrs Devos’ devotion takes the form of elephantine gambits on your behalf. ‘I wasn’t going to tell you,’ she remarked, after the ‘foreigner’s’ visit. (He [Robert d’Alsace], by the way, was fully aware that your departure was for Boskenna; so kindly report the latest.) Then: ‘I think that’s why they’re jealous of her, don’t you? Because she’s pretty? They’re all running after their men, but Lady Mary knows she can get whatever she wants.’

  Today she asked me if I didn’t think you would do well in the cinema. ‘They’ by the way in Mrs Devos’ vocabulary are rapidly becoming a pseudonym for Betty; although there is a vague background in which are also lumped in Mrs Emanuel, the Duchess of Sutherland and Biddy …