by T. K. Leigh
“Just let me help you!” he called out, steadily gaining on her. He saw her glance over her shoulder and he slowed down, feeling guilty for causing the look of panic on her face. He knew at that moment that it was now or never. She had to know. “I already fucking touched you, Jolene!” he yelled.
She abruptly stopped in the sand, her shoulders heaving. She reeled around, a severe look in her eyes. “What did you just say?” she asked through clenched teeth.
Cam took several deliberate steps toward her, becoming hopeful when she stayed firmly planted in place instead of running away again.
“That night when you and Elsie got drunk and I had to drive you home, you passed out in my car. I tried to wake you, Jolene. I knew you didn’t like being touched. But you just wouldn’t wake up,” he explained, closing the distance between their bodies. “I refused to let you sleep in my car, so I picked you up in my arms. I held your body against mine, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the most amazing fucking thing I’ve ever felt in all my thirty-eight years.” His voice was intense as he told her the secret that he had hesitated sharing with her over the past few weeks.
“You were so adorable as you nuzzled against my chest. I hated what I had to do, but you know what, Jolene?”
She looked up into his eyes, her expression softening.
“I don’t regret it for a second because if that was the only time I’ll ever be able to feel your body against mine, I’ll still die a very happy man.”
He took another step closer, their bodies almost touching. “I held you in my arms and carried you up to your bed, laying you down. And then I sat watching you sleep, making sure that you’d be okay. All night long, I stayed there, saying your name over and over. The way it rolls off my tongue excites me, Jolene. It’s as if I was meant to say your name and only yours for the rest of my life.”
He noticed a small tear fall down her cheek and instinctively raised his hand, wanting to wipe it away.
Closing her eyes, she didn’t step back.
“Can I?”
She took a deep breath, realizing that she couldn’t go the rest of her life cowering away from a touch. If she could learn to trust anyone, it was the man standing in front of her. Opening her eyes, she slowly nodded her head, her gaze remaining glued to Cam’s vivid eyes. “Yes.”
He gave her an encouraging smile and delicately swiped at the tear that had fallen down her cheek. “See. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
She nodded her head again, wondering if the shivers running through her were a result of Cam’s subtle touch or the night air chilling her body.
“Baby steps, Jolene.” Cam winked. “Now let’s get you some clothes,” he remarked upon noticing her trembling frame. He gestured to her beach house just a block away from where they stood.
She followed Cam’s gaze and her body began to shake in panic instead of the warmth she felt just seconds before when she saw a dark government car parked on the dirt road.
“I left my clothes on the beach. I need them,” she said gravely and began walking back toward the bar.
Cam noticed the sudden change in her demeanor and took a few long steps to catch up to her. “It’s okay. I’ll grab them on my way back. You shouldn’t have to walk all that way just to get your things. You’re practically home.”
“No!” she insisted, her tone manic. “I need them now!”
Cam shook his head, hoping to avoid pissing her off again. “Okay. Can I at least walk you, though? It’s not safe out here at night. Something could happen to you.”
She laughed under her breath. “No worse than going home,” she mumbled.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing.” She brushed him off and walked at a casual pace back toward Slider’s. She knew that the longer it took her to get home, the angrier David would get. Then again, there was part of her that didn’t even care anymore.
“At least put this on,” Cam said, shrugging out of his linen shirt and handing it to her.
Jolene froze in her tracks and gawked at him standing in front of her with no shirt on. She was trying so hard to keep her attraction to Cam under wraps, but how could she fight it when he was just inches away, the heat coming off his naked, well-defined chest sparking a strange desire? Her eyes roamed to his waist and she squinted to get a better look at his abs, noticing a nice little V that disappeared under his shorts.
“See something you like?” he asked.
Jolene brought her eyes back to his and all she could do was nod. After years of never being able to decide who would get her for the night, she finally had a choice. From that moment forward, she knew that every decision would lead to Cam. Everything about him was exactly what she craved and needed. Yes, he was delicious to look at, but it was his compassion and patience that made her want to start to move past her fears. Still, she needed to take her time. She wasn’t ready for anything intimate with him yet, but she finally had something to work toward.
“Jolene?” he said, getting her attention. “Do you?”
“Yup, Cam. Sure fucking do.” She turned and continued walking up the beach, loving the feel of Cam’s enormous shirt on her skin. “I have a new goal in life.”
“Oh, really?” he asked, catching up to her. “And what’s that?”
“You,” she said breathlessly, facing him. She grabbed his hands in hers. “You’re my goal. I choose you, Cam.”
A wide smile crossed his face. “Jolene…”
“I just have a lot to work through,” she interrupted. “But I finally want that. I want you so fucking bad that it’s killing me to not jump on you right now.” Her chest began to rise and fall in an uneven pattern. For once, the thought of a man’s body pressed against hers did not make her want to scream and cry. “But I can’t do that,” she continued. “I don’t know how I’ll react, and I don’t want to overreact when you touch me. Not like I just did…” She dropped his hands and looked down.
“Hey,” Cam said tenderly. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. And, for the record, I cannot wait for you to jump on me.” He gave her a mischievous smile. “Come on. Let’s go find your clothes. It’s getting late.”
Jolene walked with him in relative silence the rest of the way up the beach, simply enjoying his company and the warmth of his body just inches from her own.
When they finally reached Slider’s, she grabbed her shirt and jeans, thankful that no one had taken them. She handed Cam his shirt before throwing on her own clothes over her wet underwear.
“Want me to give you a ride?” The atmosphere was charged as they stood under the moonlight.
“That would be nice. Thank you.”
“Car’s this way.” He gestured toward the parking lot of the bar and she followed him to his Lexus, getting into the passenger seat.
He cranked the ignition and pulled out onto the empty streets, heading north.
Nervous anxiety coursed through Jolene’s veins the closer they got to her house.
“Hey, Cam?” she said just as he pulled alongside the sandy road that abutted the beach house.
“What is it?” He glanced across the car at her, wondering why a government car was parked on the street.
Taking a deep breath, she knew the question she was about to ask him went against everything she had learned over the past decade of her life, but the last thing she wanted was to go into her own home where she knew what awaited her.
“Can I stay at your place tonight?”
“Are you sure?” he asked in surprise. “We can take our time, Jolene. I don’t want to pressure you into something that will make you uncomfortable.”
She reached across the car and grabbed his hands in hers. “Please, Cam. I want to take another baby step with you.”
He beamed. “I’m starting to really like the idea of baby steps.”
Jolene giggled and released his hands, a calm feeling washing over her as Cam drove away from her prison on the shore.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
> BABY STEPS
“DO YOU WANT A water or anything?” Cam asked, entering his house with Jolene, still surprised that she had asked to come over to his place. He thought it would take her much longer before she was comfortable enough with him that she would feel safe at his house.
“That would be nice,” she answered, taking in the beach décor in his Victorian-style home. “Wow. This place is beautiful. Business must be good.”
“I suppose. I just really like what I do, and I guess it shows.” He led her down a short hallway into a state-of-the-art gourmet kitchen, boasting all stainless steel appliances.
“Do you like to cook?” she asked.
“Yeah, I guess. It’s a necessity of life. Eating, that is,” he answered as he opened the refrigerator and handed her a bottle of water.
Jolene gazed out the large windows and into his back yard. “Is that a hot tub?” She turned to him and raised her eyebrows.
“Yup. Want to go for a dip?”
“As wonderful as that sounds, I’m exhausted.”
Cam stared at her with a look of hesitation on his face. “I can set you up in my room and I’ll take one of the guest rooms.” He began to walk out of the kitchen.
Jolene reached out and grabbed his arm.
Stopping abruptly, his breath caught from the feel of her hand on his skin. His expression became heated and he turned to look into her sparkling crystal blue eyes. “Yes?” he croaked out.
She released her hold on him and a sly smile crossed her face. “I said baby steps. But steps nonetheless, Cam. I want to sleep in your bed…with you.”
“Jolene…” He ran his hands through his hair. “Are you sure? I really don’t mind sleeping in a different bedroom. I know this is difficult…”
“No, Cam,” she interrupted, her voice strong. “I can’t ask you do to that. I wanted to come home with you. And I want to sleep in the same bed with you. I know you won’t try anything. If you were going to, you would have the night I was drunk and you brought me home. And if you do try anything, I’m pretty sure Elsie could find an ingenious way to make you suffer for the rest of your life.”
Cam beamed his brilliant smile at her, thinking how much he loved having her in his house. It felt as if she belonged there, as if his house was finally a home.
“Well, are we going to stand here and stare at each other all night, or are you going to show me where the bedroom is?”
He snapped to. “Right. Bedroom. This way, m’lady,” he said, bowing in an exaggerated fashion before leading Jolene up a flight of stairs and into a spacious master bedroom. A comfortable-looking oversized king bed, with far too many pillows, sat in the center of the room.
Unable to resist, Jolene ran over to it and began bouncing up and down before flopping over, rolling around on the duvet.
“God, this is so soft,” she exclaimed. “If I lived here, I would never get out of this bed!”
Cam chuckled. “I’m not going to lie. I like the sound of that. I really like the sound of that.”
Jolene stopped rolling around, sitting up to meet Cam’s gaze. “Me, too,” she said breathlessly. They regarded each other for several long moments, the intensity in just the simple act of looking deep into each other’s eyes making her heart race.
“Do you need something to sleep in?” Cam asked, breaking his eyes away before he did something he would regret. It was taking all of his resolve to keep his distance from her. Baby steps, he had to keep reminding himself, even though he didn’t want to take baby steps. He wanted to take a huge, giant leap, but knew that it was the worst thing for her.
“Yes,” she replied. “If you don’t mind.”
“Not at all.” He turned toward the mahogany dresser. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure. What is it?” She rolled onto her stomach, propping her head in her hands.
Cam glanced back and smiled at her. She seemed so carefree at the moment. He wanted to keep that look on her face. “When you were wearing my shirt earlier… Damn, Jolene. That was a turn on. You in my clothes does it for me.”
“Really?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.
“Uh huh.” He nodded slowly.
She crawled off the bed and sauntered over to where he stood next to his dresser. “Well then, Cameron, give me some of your clothes to sleep in.” She raised herself onto her toes, her lips almost brushing his.
His blood spiked in response.
“Please,” she whispered, her sweet breath warming his skin.
Cam took a step back. “Fuck, Jolene. You make it hard for a guy to take baby steps with you, ya know that?”
She giggled. “You make it hard for a girl to want to take baby steps, but I have to, Cam,” she explained, her expression turning from playful to apologetic. “I…”
“Jolene,” he interrupted, “I don’t want to ruin what we have by moving too quickly. I’m happy with baby steps. I don’t care how small of a step it is. Any step forward with you is worth it.” He reached into his dresser and grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for her. “Here,” he said, handing her the clothes. “I’ll let you change.” He turned to head out of the bedroom.
“I can just change in the bathroom. I don’t mind,” she called out.
“It’s not that.” Cam spun around, smiling flirtatiously. “I need some privacy right now, or I’ll never be able to have children.”
Jolene burst out laughing. “Okay, Casanova. You go do what you gotta do. Just promise you’ll think of me.”
“I have since I met you.”
She shook her head as she changed into Cam’s warm clothes, hopping into his bed and relaxing against the mattress. She inhaled deeply, smelling the most wonderful aroma in the world…Cam. His scent covered the bed, and she couldn’t be happier.
She lost track of time as she lay in his bed with her eyes closed, simply enjoying the feeling of absolute security during that small moment in time. The opposite side of the bed dipped and she turned around to face Cam, grinning.
“So, how did it go?”
He rolled his eyes. “Beggars can’t be choosers, Jolene. It was as good as can be expected.” He turned off the light and the room was dark, except for the moonlight filtering through the windows.
“I’m sorry, Cam. I just…”
“Jolene, I’d rather have to do that every day for the next ten years than to rush you into something you’re not ready for and have you hate me. I’m not going anywhere. I have all the time in the world.”
“Not that much time. You are pushing forty.”
He laughed. “Well, I don’t care about that. Age is just a number anyway. You’re a spring chicken compared to me. I just hope that when I’m old and wrinkled I can keep up with you.”
“Why do you have a swing-set in your back yard?” Jolene asked, inching slightly toward his side of the bed.
“I have a few nieces and nephews. They come to visit on occasion, so I put up a play area for them.”
“How many brothers and sisters do you have?”
“I have three sisters.”
“Where do they live?”
“Aren’t you nosey tonight?”
Jolene shrugged, placing her hands underneath her head as she continued to lie on her side, staring at Cam as he lay in the exact same position. “I just want to get to know you.”
“I grew up in South Carolina. All my family is still there,” he replied evasively, wondering if he should tell her about Marley.
“Ah,” Jolene exhaled before he could say anything more. “That explains the adorable accent.”
He raised his eyebrows at her. “You like my accent?”
She nodded. “I think it’s yummy.”
Cam laughed fully in response, the sound filling the quiet room. “I don’t think anyone’s ever called my accent ‘yummy’ before.”
Grinning, she met his eyes and, for a moment, felt completely carefree. She had a feeling that, whenever she was with him, she would have that sense of euphor
ia and ease.
“Well, they should because it’s the truth.”
“I’m glad you think so, Jolene.” They passed a meaningful look. He wanted to be affectionate toward her, but couldn’t…and it was killing him. “So how about you?” he asked, trying to break the growing tension in the room. “Brothers or sisters?” His tone was slightly hesitant. He was anxious to learn more but, at the same time, he didn’t want the fun, buoyant Jolene that lay in his bed to leave.
“Nope. Only child. Mom died in childbirth, apparently. Dad wasn’t around much, either. He was a detective on the police force and when he wasn’t working, he was usually drunk. Mom’s death was hard on him. I was pretty much raised by Holly because my dad couldn’t take care of me by himself. I always called Holly ‘mom’. She was the only mother I knew.”
“Was she married to your father?”
“No. She was a good friend of his. After my real mom died, he knew he couldn’t raise a child on his own and she wanted to help him out.”
“Where did you grow up?”
“Houston.”
“So that explains it…”
“What?”
“That adorable accent of yours.”
“You like my accent?”
“Not to sound repetitive, but it is absolutely yummy.” Cam laughed and Jolene joined in.
“You know what, Cam?”
“Yes?”
“I like you. I like that I feel safe with you. I like that I’m slowly learning to…” She trailed off, taking a deep breath.
“That you’re what, Jolene?”
She met his eyes. “I’m learning to trust again. I’m learning to trust you, Cam. I don’t trust you yet, but I’m getting there.”
His heart raced at her words and a warmth spread through him. “Good. Now sleep, beautiful.”
“I don’t want to. I feel like I’ve been asleep for years and am now just finally waking up,” she responded, her voice lazy. “I don’t want to miss a minute of spending time with you in case…”