by Jude Ouvrard
“I love you, Iris. I love you so much. Come back to me, please.” Calvin’s voice worried me, but the fact that he was close to me made me feel a tiny bit better. Why did I hear so much anxiety into his voice? I wanted to cry, but I didn’t know if I could.
Flashes of light broke through my darkness. Voices appeared clearer, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying, as too many of them spoke at the same time. A pressure pushed into my throat and after, transformed into a relief. I had to breathe by myself.
“Breathe, babe, breathe.” Calvin ordered me. I tried, I tried hard and harder. “Come on, babe, you can do this.”
I did, I breathed, took deep, long breaths, and it exhausted me. I fell back into the deep sleep I had become so familiar with.
“She’s a fighter, she’ll get through this, Calvin. I promise you. She’s always been the strongest one,” Rose tried to comfort Calvin.
“I know she’s a fighter, but since she’s with me, she always gets in the middle of crisis. She was attacked a couple of months ago, and now, this. Maybe I’m not good for her.”
My heart accelerated. He was everything I wanted in a man. Why would he say something like that? I loved him for who he was. I needed him in my life.
Rose laughed. “You see what you do to her? She can hear us and she doesn’t agree with your bullshit. You two belong together.”
“Babe, please. Open your eyes. I need to see your eyes, sweet baby.”
My eyelids fluttered as fast as a hummingbird. I moved my hands to cover my eyes from the light coming through the window, but I ended up slapping myself hard. My arms showed no control because of how weak I was.
“Rose, close the curtains,” Calvin said, and she hurried to the window. I could tell by the sound of her heels on the floor.
I wanted to see him again, his face. The real him and not only the images I had of him. I needed him to touch, kiss and love me. I opened one slowly. I could see Calvin and Rose, both of them with teary eyes. He had a beard growing. I had never seen him like this. Why the change? And his hair was hiding under her dark gray beanie. So unlike him.
“Hi,” I tried to say, but no sound came out. Water, I wanted water. “Water.” I tried to say again but failed. I motioned the movement of drinking with my shaking hand.
“I think she’s thirsty.” Rose understood what I tried to say.
“I’ll go get the nurse and they’ll decide what to do. If it was only me, I would give her a freaking lake to help her with her thirst.” He left the room in a hurry.
I looked at my sister. She looked tired and wasn’t wearing any make up. “Why are you here?” Only bits of the words came out.
“Iris, you have to take it easy, okay? We almost lost you. Take all the time you need.” Her words triggered something in me. Lost me? Why? What happened? No longer able to hold it, tears ran down her cheeks. “When Calvin called me, I freaked out. I’ll never thank the doctors enough. They saved you.” She squeezed my hand and I tried to squeeze back, but I couldn’t.
Calvin returned and stood on the other side of the bed, opposite Rose. “It won’t be long, babe. They’ll run some tests and then they’ll give you water.”
Seconds later, a nurse and a doctor came in. My eyes were already heavy.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Pratt. We have to run some tests and we’ll see where we’re at, okay?” I nodded.
He asked me to move my legs, my arms, specific fingers. The nurse took my blood pressure and pulse. I let them do what they had to do, but it had tired me, and before I could hear their diagnosis, I passed out.
Voices, many of them, surrounded me. Krys, Rose, and Danielle, but no Calvin. I could still hear a constant beep in the background, and it was driving me crazy. I opened my eyes slowly, without any of the girls noticing.
“Hi,” I croaked.
“Iris!” All three of them yelled in surprise. Krys grabbed hold of my hand and knelt on the side of the bed. “You better not scare me like this again.” She started crying, but not delicately. She ugly cried next to me, while Danielle and Rose tried to hold it together.
“What happened?” I asked before Rose handed me a small glass of water. A small sip hydrated my mouth like the nurse said, but I ended up drinking the whole glass.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
I thought for seconds or minutes. My mind seemed blank, and it terrified me. “I only remember working at the office and leaving with Justin. I don’t remember anything else.”
“I think you’re suffering from partial memory loss. You remember Candice?” I nodded at Danielle. “She tried to take you from us, Iris.” I could read the sadness in her eyes. “She drugged you. You had seizures and your heart stopped for twenty-eight seconds.” Danielle leaned down toward me and held me in her arms for a long moment. Krys and Rose joined us and all I could think was that it felt great to feel something real. I had been dreaming for what felt like an eternity.
“How long have I been here?”
“You were in a coma for four days.”
Four days? That long. I had no memory of why I was here. The last I remembered, I was at work, and then driving in the car with Justin.
Calvin must have been tired of waiting. He had a busy life and work had always been a priority. The girls were all here because he decided to leave me. My heart broke, it cracked opened at the thought of living a life without him. Tears didn’t take long before they slid down my temples and to my hair.
“Are you okay, Iris?” Rose questioned me, worried.
I shook my head no. I wasn’t okay, but I couldn’t get the words out. Without him, I didn’t know what my life here would be. Where would I go without a place to stay? Where did it leave me?
Between sobs, I explained to my sister. “I want to go home, Rose. I can’t stay here.”
“What do you mean? New York is your home now, isn’t it?”
“No, it never was.”
Alarmed, Rose looked at me and then, Danielle and Krys. She didn’t say anything. There wasn’t much to be said.
“I think you need to think about it, take a few days.”
My finger was left empty, the ring gone. Nothing would change how I felt now. Empty, lonely, hurt. The list could have kept going and going.
“He left me, didn’t he?”
“Who left you? I think you’re confused, Iris.” Apparently, I made no sense. Although, to me, everything was clear.
“Calvin left me. He isn’t here.”
Rose started laughing and so did the other girls. “Shut up, Iris. You have no idea what this poor man went through. It took us three to kick him out of here. He’s been here since the day you arrived. He didn’t sleep, eat, or take a shower. He looked like a freaking homeless man dressed in designer clothes.”
“I want to see him,” I cried and chuckled at the same time. “He still loves me?” I added.
“He loves you, don’t you worry about it,” Danielle confirmed as she squeezed my arm. “He will probably hate us now, because you’re awake and he’s not here. I’m going to call him.”
“Not necessary.” He walked inside my room and I started crying again. “Babe, what’s… why are you crying?”
“She thought you had left her. Those must be happy tears.” Krys laughed and handed me a tissue.
“Can you girls give me a minute with my fiancée?” He didn’t really ask. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. All the girls left and he watched me for maybe a minute before breaking down and falling to his knees.
“Calvin, please. I can’t move.”
His eyes met with mine with intensity. “I thought I had lost you, babe. You died in my arms. You had seizures. I’ll never be able to forget these images. When the security guard found you at the penthouse, you were covered in vomit and you could hardly breathe. I tried to drive home to get to you, but there was too much traffic; I left my car on the side of the street and I ran the rest of the way. I was there with you right as your second seizure took ho
ld of you. I took you in my arms and I brought you in the lobby. I knew it was wrong, but I had to get you to the hospital fast. I got in the ambulance with you. The paramedic took your vitals and realized you were in a terrible shape. Once we got to the hospital, I was touching you, holding you and your heart stopped. They took you away from me. You’re all I have, Iris. This was worse than a nightmare.”
“Danielle said I was drugged. I don’t remember anything that happened at the penthouse.”
He got up, shaking, and came to sit on the chair next to the bed. He took my hand into his and he kissed each of my fingertips. “I love you more than my own life. I don’t know what I’ll have to do now to keep you safe, but you’ll have to bear with me. Losing you scares me way too much.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I chuckled. “I can’t even move. My body is too weak.”
“We’ll stay home as long as you need it. I won’t leave you alone again. I… I think… I might even sell the penthouse. I don’t think I can live there anymore.”
“I love the penthouse, Calvin, and you do too.”
“I’ve seen things in there that I don’t ever want to think about.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head, his hair falling down each side of his face. “Don’t be. I thought I had done everything to prevent this. She lost it.” He paused. “And Tina, she was arrested too.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this now. I’m sorry. My mind doesn’t remember everything and I think right now, it’s for the best.”
“Of course, babe. I’m sorry. God, I love you so much.”
“I love you too. You kept me fighting to stay alive. I saw you when everything became grey. You were constantly on my mind.”
A single tear escaped from his eye. “If I could, I would marry you now. I’m never going to let you go.”
I laughed and it hurt me. I winced. “I actually want to be able to walk down the aisle and right now, I’m afraid to sit up.”
He got closer to me, just enough to kiss me on the lips. “Your lips are like sandpaper.” He chuckled and kissed me again.
Small knocks on the door told me the doctor or nurse might want to see me. I was awake but tired. It was the longest time I had stayed awake.
“How are you feeling, Ms. Hartwell?”
“Better, but I’m still very tired.”
He took some notes on his pad. “It’s normal. You’ll recuperate more when you start eating. We’ll monitor you for another forty-eight hours to make sure your vitals are stable.”
I nodded. “Will I be allowed to go home after that?”
“Most likely. Your condition has improved in the past twenty-four hours. It’s a good sign.” He continued taking notes.
Calvin watched him in silence. He looked tired and older. I hated to be the reason for his condition.
“Do you think I could try to sit? My back is stiff.”
“Of course, Ms. Hartwell.” Both men helped me sit up on the bed. They adjusted the mattress and already, I felt better. Maybe dizzy at first, but I wasn’t going to complain.
The exhaustion took over and I slowly fell asleep, while Calvin discussed getting me some food with the doctor. All I could think about was a Dunkin donut and a tall glass of milk, or maybe a Big Mac from McDonald’s. I wanted food. In my dream, I had all the food I had ever craved. I could almost smell it; it was mouth-watering.
“Iris, babe. Wake up if you’re hungry. It’s time to eat.”
My stomach twisted in anticipation. I opened my eyes and searched for the food. The hospital staff placed the food before me and I took a deep breath before removing the cover. Chicken broth, apple juice, orange Jell-O and tea. “Really? Is this all I’m going to have today?”
“You haven’t eaten properly for days. They want to start slow to make sure your body keeps it down.” Calvin removed the cover from the soup container. “They also removed your catheter, so if you need the bathroom, I’ll help you, okay?”
“It’s embarrassing, but thank you.” I smiled.
“Nothing is embarrassing. You’re alive and I’ll do anything to make sure you’re okay.”
I died, but I came back to life. Someone tried to kill me and almost succeeded. That was the cherry on top of all the fucked up things that ever happened to me. It made me emotional because I remembered feeling like my life was escaping me. I couldn’t breathe and that panic I felt remained the scariest thing I had ever been through.
“Thank you for saving my life. Or at least, for being there while the doctor saved me; what I really meant was, thank you for being a constant presence in my mind, while I was lingering in between the two worlds, life and death.”
The way he looked at me told me he knew what I meant. Again, we kissed and I was so thankful for that kiss.
“Kiss me again,” I whispered with a shaky voice.
I believed the coming days would be an emotional challenge, more than a physical one. It seemed like my emotions were all over the place.
“I love you.”
Fifty-three hours later, I was released from the hospital. I rested more than I had in all my life. My body still had to gain strength, but I almost felt like my old self.
Calvin didn’t want to bring me back to the penthouse, because he feared I would remember the things he would much rather have me forget. He had found a town house not too far from the penthouse, and he promised me the view was just as good as the one I had fallen in love with.
“I’m not going to hide the fact that I just bought the place. It’s probably not going to be how you want it, but I think we can work on it, and with time, renovate. I bought you some magazines. You’ll have plenty of time to look at them. All of your clothes were moved into the house and your personal stuff too. Rose will be staying in the guest room for as long as she wishes. She helped me a lot while you were in the hospital.”
“Stop, Calvin, you’re making me woozy.” I chuckled. “I’m sure I’ll like the house as it is. You don’t have the tendency to buy anything unless it’s perfect. I’m not worried.”
“It’s our home, Iris. Ours. I want you to like it.”
“I will, without a doubt in my mind.”
We drove by the penthouse and it felt weird not to turn into the interior parking lot. We went straight and turned right two blocks later. In my book, that wasn’t a townhouse. That was a freaking castle. Rose sat outside on the stairs, waiting for us. She opened the car door and helped me out. My legs were still shaky, but I could walk all by myself now.
“When did you find time to buy this place, anyway?” I stood before the house and examined every detail of the architecture. “It’s beautiful.”
“Ask Justin. He dealt with it all.” He gave me a sorry smile. Poor Justin. He probably went through hell again. “We found three houses, and that one was my favorite. It’s crazy how things can be done fast when you’re willing to pay the price.”
“He deserves a raise and I don’t even want to know how much you paid for that. We’re in freaking New York City and he buys a house in less time than I buy a pair of shoes.”
“I’ll see what I can do about the raise.” He chuckled taking my hand into his. “About the money, you’ll have to deal with it. You’ll be Mrs. Banks soon, and I expect you to enjoy spending my money.”
“I will never enjoy spending something that isn’t mine.”
“What’s mine is yours and that includes everything. My heart, my bank account, my cars, everything.” He helped me up the four stairs and Rose opened the front door of the house.
“Oh my God. Seriously? This is our place? Calvin…I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything, your eyes tell me everything I need to know.”
“Thank you. I mean, wow. It’s perfect.” I yawned.
“You need to rest. You’ll have a tour after your nap.”
So bossy and so right. I was already exhausted. He helped me up the stairs to our ro
om. He had brought our bed and furniture here. I loved our room at the penthouse, and it looked almost the same. The view on Central Park was breathtaking.
“It’s beautiful, Calvin. Thank you.”
“No, thank you for not arguing about this, but also, thank you for fighting for your life. You’re too important to me. I couldn’t live without you.”
Even dead, my heart never stopped beating for him.
“I’ll be back shortly, okay?” Calvin hated to leave me alone, and I disliked being alone. It brought discomfort, not fear, but it always made me feel anxious when I was left by myself. It didn’t happen often, since my sister had been living with us for the past three weeks. She made everything so easy. She helped me with the new house, she cooked and took care of the laundry.
The first week had been terrible. I battled with dizziness and nausea constantly. I slept for hours during the day and was groggy whenever I was actually awake. By the second week, it became a lot better. Stopping my medication helped me. I could stay awake all day, and I could live my life normally and get acquainted with the house. I loved this place. The kitchen would make any chef envious, and everything else had been designed by a renowned home staging specialist. For now, I didn’t want to change a thing. I loved the house as it was.
Yesterday evening, I went outside to take a walk for the first time since my release, and it felt great. These days, the weather in New York had been cooler than normal. I showed Rose where I liked to hang out around town. We went to the Lounge, but didn’t stay more than five minutes. At the first sign of tiredness, Calvin asked Justin to drop us home.
Calvin had been protective to say the least. I knew he meant well, but I would have liked to stay longer. Once we got home, I helped Rose pack her things, and then we watched a movie together in her bed until we both passed out.
In the middle of the night, I woke up with the TV still on. I got up to turn it off and went to see if Calvin had made it home. I checked in our bedroom first, but it was empty. I checked his office and I found him sitting reading some papers.