Unconditional

by Linda Rettstatt

  I located my spare car keys and stopped to use the bathroom and study my reflection. My skin looked blotchy—either the sun or embarrassment. I fussed with my hair.

  In the living room, David sat in the recliner with Ryan in his lap. My son was happily drooling and grinning at his new friend. And my heart melted. Audrey came in from the kitchen carrying a tray bearing three glasses of iced tea. She offered to take the baby, but David shook his head. “We guys need to stick together.” He turned the baby around and held him with one arm while he sipped the cold drink with the other hand. Ryan usually fussed when he couldn’t see your face. But at that moment he was content to sit in this stranger’s lap and chew on his plastic teething ring.

  I held up my spare keys. “Got ‘em.”

  Audrey motioned to me. “Sit down and have a cold drink. You looked flushed. Must have been all that walking.” Her eyes sparkled with mirth.

  “I told David you can take me back for my car after the theater.” I picked up a glass of tea.

  “You don’t want to leave your car at the park until after dusk. They lock up that lot. Besides, it’ll be pitch black out there at night,” David said.

  “He’s right, Meg. I’ve been thinking I’d just as soon stay in tonight, spend time with my nephew. So, you two go back for your car. Take your time,” Audrey added.

  With a broad smile, David said, “Great. How about dinner?”

  “Oh, I don’t think—” I began.

  “You and I can go for your car then pick up some take-out. Do you both like Chang’s, or would you rather have Italian?”

  “You mean, dinner with all of us? Here?” I asked.

  “If that’s okay. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m being presumptuous.”

  “No. That’s fine. We like Chang’s, don’t we Audrey?” I widened my eyes ever so slightly as a signal for her to say ‘yes’, hoping David didn’t pick up on the non-verbal.

  Audrey said, “My favorite. I’ll call Shay and let her know she doesn’t have to babysit tonight.”

  David drained his glass of tea and passed Ryan to Audrey. “Okay, then. We should be back by six.”

  I lifted my wrist and looked at my watch. “But it’s only three o’clock now.”

  “I want to show you something first. You know that conversation we had about dreams? Well, I have more than one. I’ve given up on ever becoming a rock star.” He picked up the keys he had set on the coffee table. “But I do have a dream.”

  “Uh…okay. Show me what? And where?” I asked.

  “A place just beyond the park that I’m thinking of buying. I’d like your professional opinion about my planned project.” He strode to the front door and turned. “Audrey, nice meeting you. What would you like from Chang’s?”

  Audrey grinned at his enthusiasm. “Beef with broccoli and an egg roll, please.”

  “You got it.” He held the door and ushered me past him. “I can’t wait to show you this place and tell you about my plans.”

  I was wary. I didn’t really know this man. I hadn’t even confirmed that he actually did teach at the university. All I knew about him was what he’d told me. That, and the fact that he looked great in wet shorts. Well, hell, how much do I need to know?

  We headed toward the parkway. “Where is this place you want to show me?” I asked.

  “It’s a farm about twenty minutes north on Route 19. I’m thinking of buying it.”

  “And you want my opinion?”

  He nodded. “I want to open a family counseling retreat center.”

  We left the city behind and drove into farm country. David soon turned onto a narrow road beside which stood a hand-painted sign with the words ‘For Sale’ in red print. The Jeep crested a slight grade and, through the tall grass, a farm house came into view.

  David stopped several yards from the house. “Well, what do you think?”

  I surveyed the setting—a two-story house with a porch that ran the width of the front. The house appeared to have been recently painted a glowing white, and forest green shutters flanked the windows. To the right beyond the house sat an aged red barn. “It looks like a nice farm.”

  He opened his car door. “Come on. Let’s look around.”

  “Oh…uh…”

  But he rounded the Jeep and tugged my door open. “Just for minute.”

  I followed him to the house and waited while he ascended the steps onto the porch. “Are you sure it’s safe? What if the floorboards are rotten ?”

  “They aren’t. I’ve been here half a dozen times.” He extended his hand. “Come on, just take a peek inside.”

  We peered through one of the front windows. The house was vacant, save for the sunlight that streamed in a side window, sending a spray of golden light across polished hardwood floors. “It’s beautiful.”

  He stepped back from the window and caught my gaze. “As I said, I want to set up a family counseling retreat center. What do you think?”

  “Well, the space would work. You could live in the upstairs and set up office space on the first level. And you have the barn.”

  “It’s going to be a residential retreat of sorts. I want to create a safe place where couples can come and deal with whatever has fractured their relationships.”

  “You want to do couples counseling?”

  “Sure. Why not? I’m even thinking of buying some horses and maybe a wagon for hay rides. I could have day programs and individual counseling, too. It would get people out of the city and away from their frustrations, give them room to breathe and to think. Maybe time to talk with each other.”

  I gazed around the expanse of property. “Not a bad idea. But, what about teaching?”

  “That’s the beauty of it. I can hire a few people to staff the program, and I can still teach a few days a week. I’ll have the best of both worlds, don’t you think?” He grabbed my hand. “Let me show you the barn.”

  His hand wrapped around mine sent a jolt up my arm and into other areas of my body. It had been so long since a man found me attractive. Touched me. His hold on me was gentle but solid. His hand warm. And that warmth filled my belly.

  The barn was, well, a barn. It smelled of moldy hay and faintly of cow manure.

  “Watch your step. The barn needs a bit more improvement than the house.” David guided me around a warped board in the flooring. He was animated as he paced around the barn. “I’m thinking of splitting this space in half, having a few dorm rooms built in here for kids, so families can come for special family weekend programs. Maybe boys up in the loft, girls down here.”

  I laughed. “You don’t know much about little girls, do you?”

  “They’re…kids.”

  “I don’t know many little girls who will agree to sleep in a barn, especially if you have livestock on the other side. Boys—now, they’ll love it.”

  He cocked his head toward me. “You ever think of working in a program like this?”

  “No. I like my well-lighted office that smells of lavender or spice, depending upon the season.”

  He stood beside me and drew in a breath. “It’s so peaceful out here, though.”

  “Yes, it is.” I closed my eyes and listened to the quiet. When I opened them, David was bending toward me.

  Our lips brushed, and a jolt shot through me. I couldn’t move. So I waited. And he dipped his face toward mine once again, the kiss more insistent. I relaxed, parting my lips, and his tongue grazed my lower lip. I teased back with the tip of my tongue. His arms around me felt strong and sure.

  His voice husky, he said, “I’ve been wanting to do that all day.”

  I stared into his emerald green eyes. “Me, too.”

  “I was afraid I was moving too fast. Being presumptuous. But being with you just feels right.”

  It did feel right and anything but too fast. I met him halfway for our next kiss. I considered just asking him if there was any chance he was gay. I really needed to stop obsessing about this with every man I met.

  As we
strolled back to the car hand in hand, David said, “Your sister seems like a nice person.”

  “Audrey is one of the nicest people I know. I just wish…”

  “What?”

  “I wish she’d meet an equally nice man. She’s so good with Ryan. I want to see her happy with her own family.”

  “We could introduce her to Preston, my brother. He’s single. Maybe we can invite them to join us on our next date.”

  I stopped walking and lifted my face to meet his gaze. “We’re going to have a next date?”

  “I hope so.” He tilted my chin up with one finger. “I definitely hope so.” Then he kissed me again—a firm, slow, teasing kiss that left me trembling and wanting more.

  My entire body went on high alert. I could have sunk down into that moldy hay in the barn and had my way with this man. Instead, I dragged my lips from his and said, “We’d better get to the park to pick up my car.”

  “Yeah. Right. I almost forgot.”

  We rode in silence until we reached the entry to the park. David pulled the Jeep in beside my car and turned toward me. “Meg, I hope I didn’t push too fast.”

  I shook my head. “No.” I exhaled a quick breath. “This is awkward. I haven’t dated in five years. Well, longer if you consider the time Thomas and were together before we got married.”

  “Are you okay with me coming back to your house for dinner?”

  I grinned. “Oh, you’re not getting off that easy. Chang’s takeout and your treat?” I opened my car door. “Meet you at the restaurant.”

  He followed me from the park. I thought about the day, how easy it was being with David. I liked him. And, damn, the man could kiss. So, why shouldn’t I get to know him better? Why shouldn’t I have more days like this? Why shouldn’t I have a love life again?

  At the restaurant, David ordered five different dishes, complete with soups and egg rolls. “This way we can sample a little of everything.” He paid the bill then asked the cashier, “May we have three pairs of chopsticks?”

  “You’re not going to make us use chopsticks,” I said.

  “No, but I’m going to suggest it might be fun to try.” He dropped the utensils into one of the bags.

  Half an hour later, my kitchen looked and smelled like a Chinese buffet. Ryan happily gnawed on his teething ring in his playpen. Audrey, David, and I each filled our plates and carried them into the living room. I sat back and listened while Audrey asked David a thousand questions about himself and his work. She was giving him the ‘mom’ interrogation.

  When Ryan whimpered, then burst into an all out cry, I set my plate aside and scooped him up. “Uh-oh. Someone needs a diaper change. I’ll be right back.” I carried him to the nursery and changed him. By the time I’d returned to the kitchen, Audrey and David were cleaning up.

  “I hope you were finished,” Audrey said. “If not, I’ve put some of the leftovers in the fridge.”

  “I had plenty. I need to feed Ryan, though.”

  The doorbell rang and Audrey went to answer.

  I juggled the baby on one hip while I reached for a jar of strained carrots.

  David held out his hands. “May I take him while you do that?”

  “Yes. Thanks.”

  Ryan reached up and grabbed a fistful of hair that crested David’s collar. But David gently loosened the baby’s grip, then pressed the tiny palm to his lips and made a boat engine sound that elicited a delightful shriek from Ryan.

  I looked past David to see Thomas standing in the doorway. His mouth was set in a grim line as he stared at David and Ryan, then to me. “I’m sorry. I should have called before I came by.”

  “No. It’s fine.” But why did I feel as if I’d just been caught cheating? “Thomas, this is David O’Neill. David, this is my…er…Ryan’s father.”

  David turned around and extended a hand to Thomas. “Nice to meet you.”

  Thomas shook his hand, continuing to stare at Ryan who was quite content in David’s arms. Thomas didn’t reach for the baby until Ryan lifted his arms, calling, “Da, da, da.” Thomas took him, then returned his gaze to me. “Meg, can we talk for a moment? In private?”

  “Uh…sure. Audrey, will you finish this?” I asked, handing her the jar and spoon. “David, excuse us.”

  “I should be going. I’ll call you.” David headed toward the door. “Thomas, it was nice to meet you.”

  Thomas nodded. “You, too.”

  “I’ll walk you out.” I followed David out the door to his Jeep. “I’m sorry. That was awkward for you.”

  “Not at all. Looks like he has something important to discuss. May I call you this week? See about a second date?”

  “I’d like that.”

  He leaned back against the Jeep and I wanted so much to lean against him, press my body into his warmth and let him hold me there.

  But when he dipped his face toward mine, I turned away. His lips grazed my cheek. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I feel uncomfortable now, but—”

  “I do. Thomas caught you moving on, and you’re not sure how he feels. And you don’t know why that matters to you.”

  “Add the fact that my divorce isn’t final yet. Your counseling center is going to be a big success.”

  “We’ll see.” He moved away from the Jeep and reached back to open the door. “Talk to you soon.”

  I turned and headed back into the house to face Thomas.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Thomas sat at the kitchen table sipping a cup of the tea. I refilled my mug and joined him. “Where’re Audrey and Ryan?”

  “She took him to his room to feed him so we can talk.”

  I studied his pale face. “About?”

  “I’m going away for a while. A few weeks.”

  “Vacation?”

  “No. I’m going up to Rochester to the clinic for some treatments.”

  “Treatments?”

  He nodded. “The doctor ran tests and I finally got the results. I have pancreatic cancer.”

  I tried to draw a breath, but couldn’t find air. “But that’s not curable.”

  “They have some new treatments that have been successful.”

  “With a cure?”

  His drawn features answered that question.

  Panic numbed my insides. “Maybe they’re wrong.”

  “They’re not. Meg, listen to me. I need you to keep it together. Ryan needs you.”

  Tears stung my eyes. “He needs you, too.”

  Thomas took my hands in his. “Yes, and that’s why I want to try these treatments. I want more time with him.”

  I stared at his hands enveloping mine. “Does Francisco know?”

  “I wanted to tell you first.”

  Audrey’s voice drifted through the baby monitor as she laughed and teased Ryan. Sounds of joy and life clashed with my feelings of terror and doom. “Will he go with you?”

  Thomas shook his head. “I’ll be there for a couple of weeks. We can’t both leave the office for that long.”

  If it were me, I’d close up the practice and be at his side the entire time. But it wasn’t me, and that was no longer my place. Still, I offered, “If you need me to come up there, I will.”

  “No. I’ll be okay. Mayo is the best facility. I’m getting good care.”

  “But you’ll be alone,” I protested.

  “It’s the only way I can do this. I’ll call you. I promise. Now, I have to find a way to tell my mother.”

  He stood and I followed him to the door. “Thomas, about David—”

  “Don’t explain. It’s none of my business.”

  “We just met. He’s a nice guy.”

  Thomas stared down at me. “Good. You deserve a nice guy.”

  I circled my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady. How could he have a fatal disease? “I had a nice guy.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “Maybe the next one won’t break your heart.” He pulled free and lef
t without looking back.

  Audrey tiptoed down the hall. When I turned around, she gasped. “What’s the matter?”

  Unable to find words, I clung to her and cried. When I was able to speak, I murmured, “Thomas is dying.”

  “What?” She held me away from her and stared at my face.

  “Let’s sit down.” I told her what Thomas had shared with me. “I’m scared, Audrey. I know he and I are divorcing, but that doesn’t erase everything I’ve ever felt for him.”

  “Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. Maybe the treatments will work, though.”

  “Maybe.” But in my mind I thought about everything I’d heard about pancreatic cancer. I thought about Patrick Swayze.

  ~ * ~

  David called me on Sunday evening. “I did it. I bought the farm.”

  I bit my lip, torn between laughter and tears over his word choice. Laughter won and I struggled for control. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Are you laughing?”

  “No.” I snickered. “Yes. You do know what that phrase means.”

  He hesitated, then said, “Poor choice of words. I purchased the property.”

  “I’m sure it will be a success.” My mind drifted to Thomas, though, and the words were no longer funny.

  “I hope you’re right. I invested a big chunk of change in it. Will you join me for dinner to celebrate?”

  “I don’t know. Some things have happened.” I wasn’t sure if I should tell him about Thomas.

  “Okay. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “No. I don’t think I’d be very good company.”

  He hesitated. “Maybe another time? I hope whatever it is works out for you.”

  “David…wait. It would probably do me good to have dinner.”

  “Great. Saturday evening? You pick the place. And I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Heck, some people even pay me to listen to them.”

  I laughed. “You may be sorry you said that. I’ll see you on Saturday.”

  “Shall I invite Preston and you invite your sister?” David asked.

  “Maybe next time. Besides, I may need Audrey to babysit if Shay isn’t free.”