Maybe we should slow things down a little.
Except that he was falling for her. And it was damn hard to slow down a free fall.
Chapter Thirteen
A double date with two of her closest friends had sounded fun, but Hadley’s mood was melancholy as Grayson pulled his truck into the driveway. She wasn’t sure Jarrett had noticed anything amiss while the two men discussed livestock and trucks and the possibility of a fishing trip sometime in May. But Sierra had sent questioning glances across the table, silently asking Hadley what was wrong with her date.
If not for those glances, Hadley might have convinced herself Grayson’s distant behavior was a figment of her overactive imagination. He’d been pleasant enough, but she felt like he hadn’t looked her directly in the eye all night. On the ride to the restaurant, he’d declared “great song!” and turned the radio volume up to a conversation-discouraging level. It remained that way through the next four songs.
She wasn’t stupid. Clearly, he wasn’t ready to talk about his visit to San Antonio. So she’d refrained from asking. But after a stilted evening in which he’d barely touched her, she was starting to feel like it was more than just that.
At least he walked her to the front door instead of just dropping her off and peeling out of the driveway. That was something.
As she unlocked the door, he said from behind her, “Sorry it has to be such an early night. Until we finish construction on the church, I’m essentially juggling two jobs—three if you count the riding lessons—and I promised Ned I’d stop by first thing so he can start showing me the ropes. Literally, in the case of a tack store.”
She managed a halfhearted smile for the pun. She was actually thrilled for him about the store. Taking the job seemed like a healthy merger of past and future. But she’d been caught off guard to hear the news at the same time as Sierra and Jarrett. Grayson had accepted Mr. Garcia’s offer days ago, and this was the first Hadley was learning of it. She’d thought she and Grayson were closer than that, that she mattered more than that.
Or was she simply overreacting because the first man she’d had sex with in a year had bolted out of town almost immediately afterward and hadn’t been nearly as affectionate since his return? Give him time. Seeing his mother couldn’t have been easy. And it wasn’t as if he was avoiding Hadley. Their date tonight had been his idea.
“Hey,” she said, turning to face him, “I’m here for you.”
“I know.” He looked her in the eye, but only for a moment.
“I realize, however, that my willingness to listen doesn’t necessarily equate your readiness to talk. If you need time to process stuff, that’s okay. I don’t want to crowd you.”
He let out a relieved sigh, taking both of her hands in his. “Really?”
“Loving someone means accepting the ways they’re different from you.” She hadn’t meant to phrase it that way, but it was the truth. She was comfortable owning that. “And I do lov—”
He swept her up in an almost desperate kiss. Because he’d been so moved by her words? Or because he’d wanted to cut off declarations he didn’t want to hear?
Out of habit, she kissed him back. But for the first time, she wasn’t filled with longing or a rush of desire. When he pulled away from her, she felt as if she might cry.
He squeezed her shoulder. “You’re the best, Hadley.”
Then why don’t you want me?
* * *
DON’T CALL HIM, don’t call him, don’t call him.
Assuring someone you could give him time and space was a meaningless promise if you could barely go twenty-four hours without pestering him. Trying to ignore the cell phone on the kitchen counter behind her, Hadley stuck her head in the fridge and investigated dinner options. She didn’t really feel like cooking, but she might as well because she didn’t feel like doing anything else, either.
Except for this compulsion to talk to Grayson. Do not be one of those insecure women who drives a man away. She had her own life, her own interests. Maybe she could spend the evening curled up with a good book.
After eating roughly three bites of salad and an entire pint of cookie-dough frozen yogurt, she crawled into bed with a novel by a new author she’d been wanting to try. But after reading the same paragraph four times, she tossed the book onto her nightstand in aggravation. She scooped up her laptop instead. If she was too emotionally distressed to write, there was always Netflix.
When her email pinged, alerting her to an incoming message, she welcomed the distraction. She wouldn’t even be mad if it was a money request from a foreign prince. At first, the subject line did seem like junk mail. Congratulations! You’ve Been Selected...
Her finger hovered over the trash icon, but then she noted the sender’s email address, and words started to jump out at her. Like writer and Colorado and promising talent.
I don’t believe it. A giddy laugh escaped her as she read, then immediately reread, the entire email. She’d actually been picked to be the writer-in-residence. Writer being the key word. Total strangers who dealt in literature for a living thought that she, Hadley Lanier, was a real writer.
She scrambled for her cell phone to call Grayson. Giving a man space to work through a personal issue was one thing, but this was too important not to share. It occurred to her, though, that there was one other call she should make first. After all, it had been her sister who encouraged her to apply in the first place.
“What’s up?” Leanne asked. “You caught me on break, but I only have a few more minutes.”
“We have to celebrate!” Hadley said. “You are talking to the official writer-in-residence of the Gilded Pages bookstore.”
Leanne squealed loudly enough that Hadley moved the phone away from her ear. “Oh, my gosh, I knew you could do it! We have to celebrate this weekend! And go shopping! You need at least one official writerly outfit for the literary events...assuming you’re going through with this?”
Hadley frowned. “Why wouldn’t I go through with it?”
“I don’t know. Because you have a life here? The Watermelon Festival committee, Sierra’s wedding stuff.” She paused, then added softly, “Grayson.”
Hearing his name caused a twinge in her chest. If the man wanted space, he was about to get very good news. “I’m not giving up my dreams for a guy.” Not even one as special as Grayson. She would have thought, given Leanne’s unhappy past relationships, her sister would understand better than anyone why that was a bad idea.
“Of course not. I just...wasn’t sure if you were far enough along in your relationship to handle the stress of long-distance.”
Another twinge. Last night, she’d had trouble just handling the stress of a tense dinner date. “If he cares about me as much as I care about him, we’ll be able to work this out.”
And if he didn’t return her feelings? Well, then, maybe it would be best if she wasn’t in Cupid’s Bow for a while.
* * *
“SURPRISE!”
Grayson stared at the sight of Hadley on the front porch, holding a bottle of champagne. “Surprise is putting it mildly.”
“I have news. I was going to call you, but I really wanted to tell you face-to-face. So I drove over on impulse. I was here before I realized the boys were probably in bed already.” Her gaze was apologetic. “I knocked as quietly as I could.”
“I’ll say. If Shep hadn’t whined at the door, I wouldn’t have even known you were here.”
She peered past him, making him realize he still hadn’t let her in. “Is Vi here?”
“No, she’s at a movie with Jim.”
“Well, I guess that just leaves you and me to drink the sparkling grape juice and celebrate.”
He ushered her inside. “What are we celebrating?”
“My being accepted as the writer-in-residence.”
“Hadley!”
He swept her into a hug that lifted her feet off the ground, spinning her in a quick circle. He was thrilled for her. The last time she’d planned to leave town, Grayson had unwittingly derailed her plans. He sent up a prayer of gratitude that she’d been given this well-deserved second chance.
And selfishly? The timing was perfect. It provided a natural break to their relationship, and he wouldn’t hurt her feelings. That was best for all of them, including the boys, who’d asked tonight when she’d be back for more family games and bedtime stories.
She smiled up at him with shining eyes. “I told Leanne you’d be happy for me.”
“Of course I am. I’m overjoyed.” He led her to the kitchen to see if Aunt Vi had any fancy glasses for the sparkling juice. “Have you told your parents? Your father is going to be so proud.”
“Only Leanne. Then I had to come here and share the news with you.”
He was touched. After pouring them each a glass, he raised his in salute. “To you.”
She clinked her glass against his, radiant in her happiness. This was how she should always look, pleased with her success and excited about her future. He’d hated her tense, pinched expression last night, hated knowing he was the one responsible for it. She was entitled to better than an emotionally stunted man who didn’t share her belief in happy endings.
“When do you leave?” he asked.
“Next week.” She pressed her hands to her cheeks. “I know I’ve been dying to hear back from the committee, but now that I have, it feels like it’s happening so fast. I’ll come back for Sierra’s wedding, of course, but I might have to attend her bridal shower virtually. Maybe I could visit for your birthday, too. It’s in August, right?”
“Yeah. But Hadley...” The fact that she considered him worth the effort and expense was bittersweet. “Don’t you think it might be better, easier for both of us, if you and I make a clean break?”
“What?” She stared at him, incredulous. “We don’t have to break up because of this. I’m going to Colorado, not the moon. And it’s only for six months.”
“Only? Do you know how long that is to a five-year-old?” He took a deep breath, wanting to find the words that would make her see from his perspective. “The boys are already asking if you’re their new mother. They’re way too attached.”
“They are,” she said quietly “or you are?”
“Is there an answer here that will make you happy? Yes, I have strong feelings for you—stronger than I’m comfortable with. I told you I don’t want a serious relationship. I thought we could keep things between us light. After all, it’s only been a few weeks.” He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. “Wonderful weeks.”
Her eyes shimmered, and she swallowed hard. “Don’t you want to give us a chance, to see how wonderful we could be together long-term?”
“No.” The idea of that chilled him to the bone. There were so many ways for it to backfire on all of them.
“But Grayson...”
“Dammit. I’m ruining this for you when you should be celebrating. Go to Colorado and be happy.”
“You make me happy.”
He didn’t want that responsibility. “For now. I’m raising cute kids—they make me look good—and I’ve been on my best behavior for their sake. But I come from selfish, self-destructive people. God only knows the hundred ways I could screw up a relationship. And that doesn’t even count all the outside forces that could intervene. I’m not cut out for this, Hadley.”
“Maybe you are. I’ve seen you with the twins. You have a big heart.”
A heart he needed to do a better job of protecting. Because right now, there was a miserable ache in his chest. “I know six months might not make up for a four-year college experience, but I accidentally sabotaged your dream last time. Please don’t let me ruin it a second time. I don’t want you to leave sad about us. Forget about me.”
She stared at him disbelievingly before finally shaking her head. “You’re an idiot if you think that’s how it works. But I’ll try my best. Because I’m not going to pine over a man who can’t appreciate a great thing when he has it.”
* * *
SO, APPARENTLY, I’M a liar. It had been four days since Hadley’s vow not to pine over Grayson...and she’d thought about him on every single one of those days. Even now, in the middle of a going-away party in her honor, her gaze continued to stray across the library, hoping to see him come through the doors. Wasn’t it possible? That he might miss her as much as she’d been missing him and see the error of his ways?
Maybe not impossible, but certainly improbable.
That’s what he’d told her once about happy endings—that they weren’t silly, just improbable. So why had she let herself fall for him? Had she really believed that a few weeks together would be enough to change his entire outlook?
“Oh, honey.” Kate Trent looked at her with such sympathy that Hadley’s eyes burned with tears.
“I’m okay. I’ll just miss everyone so much.” It was what she’d been telling everyone who caught her on the verge of crying.
Kate knew her too well for that. “And one person in particular?”
She sniffed. “My fault. I stupidly fell for a guy who doesn’t want to be in love. He’s afraid of it.”
“I don’t blame him.”
Hadley scowled. “Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”
“You know my first husband died. Killed in the line of duty. Do you know how petrified I was when I met Cole? To have been that happy once and have it all taken away... I figured, what kind of fool would risk it a second time?”
“But you did.” Hadley pointed to the sleeping baby in Kate’s arms. “And you’re reaping the rewards. How did Cole convince you to stop being afraid?” Because Hadley only had forty-eight hours until she got on the plane, and she was getting desperate.
“He didn’t. When I told him I wasn’t ready, he respected that. He walked away. It was up to me to conquer my fears.”
She sighed. “I have no way of knowing if Grayson will ever conquer his. But I’m definitely walking away...all the way to Colorado.”
“I’m so sorry, Hadley. I wish I could fix this for you.”
“I wish I could fix it for me, too. But—”
“Miss Hadley!”
Her head jerked up at the sound of Sam’s voice. She braced herself just in time for his incoming tackle-hug; his brother was close on his heels. Heart bursting, she scanned the area behind him but only saw Violet.
The other woman shook her head slightly. “We came to say goodbye and good luck. Grayson wanted to come,” she said and Hadley wondered if the lie was for her benefit or the boys’. “But he had to work.”
Kate greeted the twins. “Hey, you two. Nice to see you again. There’s cake. Want a slice?” With Violet’s permission, she led them to the refreshment table, giving the two women a moment to talk.
“For what it’s worth,” Violet said, “he’s making a mistake. He was a better person around you, and happier.”
“Too happy, I guess. It spooked him.” Probably hadn’t helped that she’d all but told him she loved him. Still, she didn’t regret it. As a kid, he’d had reason to question the love of both his parents. Maybe with enough positive reinforcement, he’d be able to someday accept love. Even if she wasn’t the one who benefited from that, she wished it for him.
“Are you okay?” Violet asked kindly.
No. “I will be.” Eventually. Meanwhile, she’d seek catharsis in killing off a bunch of fictional characters and hope that her next love story had a happier ending.
Chapter Fourteen
“So, give me all the news from home,” Hadley instructed. She wiggled into a comfortable position on the bed, eager to chat with her sister.
Leanne made a dismissive noise. “It’s Cupid’s Bow. Nothing earth-shattering has happe
ned in the two weeks since you’ve been gone. Molly and Bunny have the library under control until you get back, one of the Breelan brothers was arrested again. Oh, and Sawyer McCall adopted two kittens without asking Becca first. She’s furious, claims she still hasn’t forgiven him for bringing home the dog last year.”
Hadley laughed at that. “Oh, please. Becca loves that dog. She loves Sawyer, and before you know it, she’ll love the kittens, too.” At least someone I know isn’t too cowardly to love. Damn, she’d only made it three minutes into the conversation before thinking of Grayson. She’d been hoping for a record-breaking five minutes this time.
She loved the bookstore where she worked and lived, enjoyed the charm of the surrounding community and was struck by the novelty of getting to know her coworkers. It was fun to spend her days with people who hadn’t known her since she was a toddler. Still, when she returned to her loft apartment above the store at night, memories of Grayson haunted her. It was especially bad whenever she talked to anyone from home.
“Enough about the people in Cupid’s Bow,” Leanne said, clearly bored with the subject. “I want to hear about how it’s going there! Did you pick a scene for that reading you’re doing next week? Because I have suggestions. And please tell me the cute guy has asked you out.”
“I assume you mean Poe?” She’d sent her sister a group shot of Hadley with her new friends. Arthur, the owner, was as full of stories as his shop; he was also sixty. Poe was a doctoral candidate who ran the small coffee shop in the store, and bubbly Jules helped in whichever section needed her the most at any given time. “He’s sweet.”
“He’s cute,” Leanne repeated. “Is he single?”
“Apparently.” She knew this because Jules and her boyfriend had tried to set up Poe on a blind date last week.
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