All Roads Lead Home

by Wasowski, Mary

  Five years ago he gave me an ultimatum, and I broke his heart by choosing me over the life he planned out for us. My heart was broken when I left him, his was too, but I never wavered and remained strong in my decision. I was good at putting up those protective walls, never allowing anyone to get past them. Losing Jamie, and then Jagger made it easy for me to keep everyone at a safe distance, little did I know I was never really that far away from them to begin with. Wendy, my parents, even Jagger had shown me that in the short time I’ve been home.

  One more breath, as he placed one more kiss onto my skin. I looked directly into his beautiful eyes and gave him my answer. My choice….

  “Yes, Jagger, there is someone.”

  His softness turned to strength, as his embrace tightened, and I was caged in with no escape in sight.

  “There is a man in my heart. A man who I have loved since I was a little girl. A man I gave my heart to when he asked for it. A man who I love very much, and never stopped loving even when there were thousands of miles between us. A man that I’m trusting to give my heart to now, and hope his love shows me the right road to take. That man is YOU. My answer is YES. I love you Jagger. My choice is…you.

  FINALLY! SHE GAVE me her answer after slowly torturing me with what felt like a slow and painful death. I was prepared for all of it, the good and the bad. I know Tenley, and I knew she needed a second to breathe and process all we had just talked about. The minute she said her choice was me, I pulled her into me and crashed my mouth down onto hers.

  Five years has been too long to be without her. I meant every word I said to her. I will never let her go again, and she will be a Parrish.

  “I love you, Tenley, so fucking much.”

  “I love you too. I still don’t even know how we got here. My mind has fast forwarded, and I’m having difficulty catching up.”

  “Don’t worry about anything. You saying yes made everything fall into place as easily as a round peg into a round hole.”

  “I thought we were a square?”

  “Not anymore, baby. We are the perfect circle. It feels like that, you know. We’ve been through so much, and so much of it spent apart.”

  My leg was working my last nerve. I wanted to rip the cast off myself. I shifted again and pulled her as close as I could where I could feel her heart against my own. “Tenley, I know you probably have a million thoughts running through your head right now, but please trust me? I promise your heart is safe with me, and I will never hurt you.”

  “Jagger, that is one thing I know you will never do. It’s me that does the hurting.”

  “Stop it. No more talking this way. I think we both played a hand in hurting each other. It’s about time you let that go. We are starting over, sweetheart.”

  “Jagger, I want to believe that, I really do, but we have a mountain of issues to work out. And there’s my job, and my apartment, and…”

  I cut her off and kissed her. I knew we needed to discuss everything she just said, but not right now. My sole purpose was just to hold her and do everything in my power to keep her from running.

  “I love you, Tenley. Please believe me. We will work everything out, I promise.”

  She said nothing, which was fine by me. We had plenty of time to talk, and just holding her right here was enough for me.

  She fell asleep in my arms. I had almost forgotten how she felt. Those five years were hell on me. My father was right to call me out on my reckless and irresponsible behavior. I drank too much, I got into bar fights, and drove drunk more times than I could count. I never took in account that I could have gotten myself killed or kill some innocent driver because I was drinking away my sadness.

  I hadn’t thought about this in a very long time until my father mentioned it to me. He said he was never so thankful than the day his son came back to him, and once again, I had light in my eyes. I never told my father why that was. It was the night I crashed my truck coming home from another night of drinking and making bad choices. I lied to my father when he asked what happened. I told him a deer ran out in front of me and I lost control of my truck, resulting in sideswiping the tree.

  I walked away from that crash unharmed, but it was during the night when I had my awakening. When I was in my right frame of mind, Tenley would always be in my dreams. I could be doing anything on the ranch, and she would be there. I would be lost in the moments we spent together, and then at night the nightmares would come. I would see Shane making love to her, and she in return enjoying every bit of him. It made my stomach turn, sometimes it would wake me with such a jolt, I would run to the bathroom and get sick. The sight of my best friend and my girl destroyed me every time I allowed my mind to go back to that day.

  The night I crashed my truck and was lucky enough to walk away unharmed was the night I saw Jamie. He was angry and disappointed with me. He told me that I was letting him down and hurting my family. He reminded me of the promise I made to him, but also showed me how unworthy I was for his sister if I continued on this path. He said, “What are you doing?!”

  I heard it over and over again until I woke up soaked through to my sheets. I was so hung over from hours I spent drinking that night, and then the accident that followed. It took me a while to remember my dream, and then it hit me like a kick to the gut.

  Jamie was right. His spirit broke through mine and made me open my eyes. My reckless behavior was hurting everyone around me, especially my father. I wasn’t the son that he raised. I was someone I didn’t recognize anymore, but that ended last night after I crashed. That was my rock bottom, and moving forward, I promised myself no more drinking. No more random hook-ups to fuck to ease my broken heart. I was done with all of it, and I was ready to fight for my girl. The news of Tenley being in danger nearly gave me a heart attack. I had to see for myself if she was okay. Clearly she was, and when I left New York a few hours later, my plan was set in motion. I would go back to Wyoming, redeem myself back into my father’s good graces and then prepare my future with Tenley in it.

  It was a gamble, this I knew, but I had to try. Wendy was completely on board with it. She already had her own tasks to complete where Tenley was concerned, but she didn’t share it with me and just asked me to trust her. It was no different than me asking Tenley to do the same by me.

  Now after surviving my accident, she was lying next to me in this bed with my arms tightly wrapped around her. This is right, I know it is. I’m going to do everything in my power to make her smile and keep her with me.

  I was about to fall asleep myself when Nurse Shirley barreled into my room.

  “Okay, Mr. Brown Eyes! It’s time to take that cast off,” she said happily, but way too loud, which roused Tenley awake. I tried to quiet my over-friendly nurse, but it was too late. Tenley had awakened and now was sitting up and too far away from me.

  “Sorry, handsome, but duty calls. It was supposed to be this morning, but they moved you down on the schedule. I’m taking you down to get that monstrosity off that leg, and then x-rays to follow. I thought you would be happier hearing this news?” the nurse asked me while winking at me.

  “It does, Shirley, but the timing is off.”

  I tried to gesture over to Tenley, but my nurse was ignoring me and writing notes down on her tablet. Tenley was already gathering her coat to leave.

  “Baby, you don’t have to go. Please stay and wait for me.”

  She smiled and then turned back to Shirley.

  “Shirley, would you mind giving me a few minutes alone with Jagger?”

  “Sure, darling. I’ll be right outside.”

  “Ten, please don’t go.”

  “Jagger, I have to, but I will be back in the morning. I’ve been here all day and haven’t even checked in with my folks.”

  “They know where you are. Come on Tenley, why are you leaving?”

  “Not for the reasons you’re thinking, so please get out of your head space right now. I will be back tomorrow, and who knows…maybe even taking you ho
me depending on what your doctor says. Okay?”

  “I guess I don’t have a fucking choice now, do I?”

  “Boy! You sure have developed quite the mouth haven’t you? You asked me to trust you, do you remember that?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Okay. Now prove it. Kiss me, watch me leave, and trust that I will return tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” I growled, but I swear to God, if she doesn’t come back tomorrow like she is promising, then when I find her, I will be putting her over my knee and turning her beautiful skin to pink. Okay, that’s stretching a bit, not like she would let me do that anyway, but I would certainly try. Just looking at her trying to figure out what I’m thinking made my heart melt, and my foul mood rolled off of me.

  “I love you, Tenley.”

  “I love you, Jagger. Do what Nurse Shirley says, and I will see you tomorrow. Good night.”

  “I don’t know what’s good about it.” I said again as she reached the door.

  She turned back and gave me a wink. Now that is one that I will take.

  “I’m sure you could find ways to pass the time and make it good. Night, Cowboy!”

  Yup! She was so getting spanked.

  “Ooh, you have it bad. Earth to Mr. Brown Eyes.” Shirley snapped her fingers in front of my face, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  “I’m sorry, Shirley, what did you say?”

  “Oh nothing, handsome. I just said you have it bad. Any fool can tell that you are head over heels in love with that sweet gal.”

  “That I am. She’s my world.”

  “Well then, you have everything. Come on, you can tell me all about it on the way down to Radiology.”

  “It’s a long story Shirley.”

  “No worries, I have time. And I sure do love hearing a good story.”

  We laughed and talked the whole way down. Yeah, my love story with Tenley was a great one to tell. It had years of happy memories, and then the sad parts, but now was a clean slate with new memories to make.

  ONCE I LEFT Jagger’s room, I hurried as fast as my feet would take me out of that hospital. I called my father, and told him not to wait up for me. He of course would, but I assured him that I was fine.

  All I really wanted was time to think. I just made a choice that would completely change my life—the life I was accused of living not to the fullest, an empty one, and one just existing in.

  Now I have pledged my commitment to Jagger and our new life together. New life together? We’ve been apart for five years, and I’ve only been home for a couple of weeks now, and I’ve done a complete 180 of my life. I need to talk to Zoey. Normally any life altering decisions were spent over drinks at our favorite after work bar. We would talk for hours, and I would watch Zoey usually dance her ass off once we were done analyzing our problems. I would do more of the listening than talking. Zoey always had a romance crisis, where I would just vent about cases.

  Now this news would send her screaming into a fit, and would leave her wanting to know every last detail. I haven’t really ever shared my past with her, or Tommy. What will they think of me now when I tell them that I’ve come home and I just picked up with my old boyfriend after five years of being broken up? Oh, and Tommy, you’re still not pissed that we slept together a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve been ignoring you, are you? Yeah, Tenley! What will they say?

  I parked my rental by the stables and went to see my horse. Jazzy cured all that was wrong in my life. I had taken her out every single day since I’d been home. I loved my horse so much.

  “Hey girl. How are you tonight? Feel like taking a night ride?”

  “Mind if I join you?” The hairs on the back of my neck prickled as I heard his voice.

  “Shane, what are you doing here?” I asked him. He was standing by the door as I huddled near my horse.

  “I live here, remember? I heard your truck pull in and wanted to check in on you. Are you okay, Tenley?” He looked like he cared and wanted to know, but I wasn’t sure how Jagger would feel knowing I was out here with him alone.

  “I’m fine, Shane. Thank you for asking. I’m going for a ride with Jazzy…alone.”

  “It’s freezing out here tonight, and it’s way too dangerous for you to be out and riding alone. Please let me go with you, if anything, just to keep a safe distance behind.”

  “I said I was fine. I think I know my own ranch. I also have a light with me. I’m not going far. Now please move aside.”

  “Is this about the accident? I’m sure by now Jagger has filled your head with all sorts of assumptions about me, but I swear to you, Tenley, I told you the truth.”

  “I believe you, Shane. I also know you’ve been talking this out with Wendy. And as for Jagger, what he believes is his right, and no one can influence him to change the way he feels. You have to be patient and give him time.”

  “I swear I will. I just needed to know that you believed me.”

  “Shane, are you okay? I mean really okay?”

  “I’m getting there. I told Shelby about what happened with Jagger, and the truth about the accident. She took it surprisingly well. She knew I was in therapy. That’s not something I could have kept hidden from her, but she supported me just the same. Tomorrow, I will tell my father, and then if you wouldn’t mind, please be there with me when I tell yours.”

  “Shane, I can’t go through that again. I already heard from the two of you, down to you, and then Jagger again. It breaks my heart that you ever came to blows over me, and he nearly lost his life. Shane, do you even realize that he could have been killed? Has that thought crossed your mind and really sunk in?”

  “Everyday. You can’t even imagine what I carry with me on a daily basis, but telling you, and now Shelby, has made it easier to now tell my father. He’s going to be so disappointed in me, and I can’t have my mistakes hurt him.”

  “I’m sorry for that. I care very much for your father, but it’s your story to tell, not mine. As for my father, I’m not sure how he will react. I guess you will have to wait and see. Now please, I’m tired and I want to take a ride on my horse.”

  He stepped aside and let me ride through. I knew he would follow to make sure I was safe. I’m sure my father would be angry to know I was riding alone, and Jagger too, but this is what I needed to clear my head and once again make choices. My life may have lacked in some areas, but never my career. I loved when I was arguing a case in front of a packed courtroom. The adrenaline that spiked through me when I won my verdict. I loved my friends, but I also loved what I had here.

  “Come on Jazzy! Make me fly.”

  A few hours later, my father found me in the stables with my horse.

  “You’re up early,” he said as he looked down at his watch and sipped his coffee. After my night ride, I ended up sleeping on the couch in the office, and then waking at 5 to tend to her, and once more take a much needed ride. I was right about Shane following me. I tried to lose him a few times, but to no avail he was on my trail. He knew the ranch just as well as I did, probably even better. This was a huge ranch to explore, but when I had a problem to work out, I somehow ended up on everyone’s radar and they’d find me. I’m surprised Wendy hadn’t popped up yet.

  “How’s your back doing this morning?” My daddy asked.

  “My back? I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked as I continued to brush down my horse.

  “Oh, I don’t know Tumbleweed, you tell me? I haven’t seen or heard from you since yesterday morning. Your night call didn’t count. Then you’re off taking night rides, sleeping in the office when you could be in a warm bed up at the main house, and then you’re off again before sunrise. So, daughter? Talk to me, please? I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  “Daddy, I know you mean well, but I need to figure some things out before I can talk to you and mama. Can you give me some time to work it all out?”

  “Are you staying for Christmas?”

  “I am.”

  “T
hen you have the time. Don’t be too long out here, I can only hold your mother off for so long. She knows you’re still out here.”

  “Okay, daddy. Give me a few more minutes, and then I’ll be in.”

  “Good. Breakfast will be ready.” He kissed me on my forehead and left the stables.

  I returned Jazzy to her stall and fed her some apples.

  “Thanks girl for putting up with me. I love you Jazzy.”

  She neighed in response. By the time I reached the house, I saw Wendy’s truck parked out front. No surprise there. I’m sure she was waiting to hear about what happened with Jagger. No such luck sneaking into the house unseen. My welcoming committee was waiting for me in the entryway.

  “Well, good morning, Tenley! Let me take a good look at you. Yup Connie, she’s doing the good ol’ walk of shame this morning.”

  “She’s doing what?” My mother wore a shocked expression all over her face.

  “Oh, come on, Connie. Don’t be so naïve. Let’s examine the evidence. Same clothes from yesterday. Bed hasn’t been slept in, and she smells like she spent all night in the stables. Now, honey, if I didn’t know any better, I would think young Mr. Parrish got released last night, and you spent the rest of it romping around in the hay.”

  “Oh, dear Lord! Wendy, I swear. You need to go to church on Sunday and shower yourself in holy water, because your dirty mouth is going to bring your house crumbling down around you,” my mother said, as she came over to me.

  “Oh Connie! Where’s your sense of humor? God has one.”

  “Never mind you. Let’s leave the good Lord out of this one. Come on honey, let’s go upstairs, and I’ll draw you hot bath.”

  “I’ll be down here waiting.”

  “Yes, Wendy,” Mama said.

  “Connie, enjoy the Rated ‘G’ version. I’ll get the naughty details later.”

  “Oh Dear Lord! Give me strength,” mama screamed.

  “I thought you wanted to leave the Lord out of this?” Wendy shouted up the stairs and laughing all the way back into the kitchen.