by S. H. Kolee
"Are you okay?"
I nodded, feeling embarrassed that Simon had heard my father's cruel words. I didn't want him to be a witness to my father's disdain for me. Even though it wasn't my fault, I still felt mortified by it. It was hard to look Simon in the eye so I lowered my gaze to my lap.
"Hey," Simon said softly, raising my head up again with a crooked finger. "It's not your fault. I've never met your father, but something is seriously wrong with him to speak to you like that. You're the most amazing girl I've ever met, especially now that I know everything you've been through. You're strong, beautiful, smart and courageous. Don't let your father take that away from you."
Simon knew exactly what I was feeling, and his words were a soothing balm. I tried to smile, although it was tremulous at best.
"Thank you."
Simon leaned in and rained light kisses on my tear-stained face, like he was trying to heal my wounds. When his lips finally found mine, I found all the love I had been craving my entire life.
Simon's eyes were ablaze with desire when we pulled apart but he gave me a wry smile. "With everything going on, I still can't keep my hands off you. What does that say about me?"
"It's says that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Simon's expression turned even more intense and he leaned in closer, but I stopped him with gentle hands on his shoulders. "Wait, I should call Sarah. I'm sure she's worried sick, and I want to let her know I'm okay. I'm worried too. If...if your vardoger has possessed your body, maybe the same thing happened to her."
I quickly pressed the button on my cell phone for Sarah, frowning when it went straight to voicemail. I left a brief message telling her I was okay and to call me back as soon as she got my voicemail.
"She didn't pick up," I said, worriedly, as I checked the time. "She doesn't have class right now, she should be home. I hope she's okay."
Simon grabbed his phone. "I'll call Grant and ask him to check on her."
My concern was growing with each second as Simon waited for Grant to answer.
"Hey, Grant." Simon paused for a moment. "Yeah, I found her. She's okay. Listen, have you seen Sarah today?" I watched Simon talking to Grant, straining to hear Grant on the other end but he was speaking too quietly.
"Do you mind checking to see if she's in her apartment? I'll wait on the phone." Simon squeezed my hand reassuringly, although it wasn't quite effective since I could see the concern in his eyes.
"Tell him to use his spare key to go inside our apartment," I whispered and Simon obliged. I didn't feel any better when Simon's lips tightened as he listened to Grant.
"No? Can you check with Jenny and Marcus to see if they've seen her or heard from her? She left last night on the train and we're a little worried that she has her phone turned off. I watched her get on the train so she has to be back at school." Simon paused, nodding as he listened to Grant. "Okay, thanks. Call me as soon as you hear anything."
"She's not there," I said flatly, a statement instead of a question because it was clear, from Simon's end of the conversation, that no one had seen her.
"She could just be on campus or something. Or maybe she's somewhere that doesn't get cell phone reception. Grant is going to check with Jenny and Marcus and look for her."
"She never turns off her phone! Never!" It was physically painful to consider the possibility that something had happened to Sarah. "We need to get back to Maxwell."
Simon was in full agreement and we left immediately. Now that I had found Aunt Brenda's journal, there was nothing left for me here. Certainly not my aunt or her inner circle. They had vanished into thin air. I glanced at Simon's grim profile as he drove, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. I wondered if he would disappear too. I didn't know if that was a worse fate than his vardoger destroying his soul.
Chapter Seven
The drive to Rochester was excruciating. We kept in constant contact with Grant throughout the drive, and I was getting frantic with each hour that Sarah wasn't found. Her phone was still turned off and she was nowhere to be seen, her car still sitting in the driveway. We didn't explain to Grant why we were so worried because it would be a ludicrous conversation to have over the phone, but we didn't need to provide any added incentive for Grant to grow concerned. He sensed our anxiety and it seemed to fuel his own. I was beginning to realize how much he cared for Sarah.
We only stopped once to fill up on gas and buy stale sandwiches. Neither of us were hungry, but we forced ourselves to eat. It was late afternoon by the time we reached Maxwell, and it was bizarre seeing students loitering about, leading normal lives and having no idea that they might be on the brink of being overtaken by a vardoger. It was so ludicrous that I wanted to laugh, although humor was the last thing I was feeling.
Grant burst out of his apartment the second we pulled up into the driveway. He looked frazzled, anxiety making his features look drawn. "What the hell is going on? Why won't you tell me what's happening?"
Simon took a deep breath, motioning towards the stairs. "Let's go upstairs first. You're going to need to sit down for this."
I shot him a look as we went up to my apartment. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to tell Grant. I was pretty sure Grant would try to commit us to an insane asylum if we tried to explain the existence of vardogers.
My apartment looked exactly the same as it did when I left, but it was no comfort. I knew that the lack of a struggle didn't mean Sarah hadn't been abducted. Or worse.
Grant wheeled around the moment we stepped inside. "Okay, spill."
Simon glanced at me and I took a deep breath. I figured I had nothing to lose. "I think you should sit down, Grant. We should all sit down."
Grant looked like he was about to argue, but Simon pushed him towards the couch and made him sit.
"Fine, I'm sitting. Now is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on?"
I opened my mouth to speak, when the front door opened. I gasped when I saw Sarah walk in, looking completely fine. I revised my assessment. She didn't look hurt but she looked far from fine, her face pale and drawn. Her mouth dropped open when she saw me, but before I had a chance to say anything, she flung herself towards me, hugging me so tightly that it was hard to breathe.
"Caitlin!" she sobbed. "I thought you were dead! I thought I'd never see you again!" She pulled back, her relief rapidly replaced with anger. "Where the hell have you been?" she shrieked. "I've been worried sick!"
"Sarah," I said, taking my first full breath since she hadn't answered her phone. "I could ask you the same thing. Where have you been?"
"What do you mean?" Sarah looked confused and I was surprised when Grant shot up from the couch, grabbing her by the shoulders.
"I've been looking for you all damned day! Where were you?! Why is your phone turned off?"
Sarah blanched at Grant's fierce rebuke. "What's going on? I'm not the one who’s been missing! I was walking around, checking all the places that I thought Caitlin could have gone. The battery on my phone died."
Grant slumped in relief, letting go of Sarah. He turned to Simon and me accusingly. "You're the ones that made me all crazy, convincing me that something had happened to Sarah! What's going on?"
I took a deep breath and Simon nodded at me, letting me know that I should tell them everything. I suggested that we all sit, and Grant and Sarah settled on the couch. I noticed how closely Grant was sitting next to Sarah but I didn't comment, although I saw her glance at him questioningly, also seeming surprised by how close he was sitting. I sat on the recliner and Simon sat on the arm, taking my hand and entwining it with his before resting it on his lap. I thought about the first time we had sat like this, how uncomfortable I had been by his close proximity. Now his nearness gave me strength and I took a deep breath before telling Grant and Sarah everything.
Unlike Simon, Grant and Sarah were far from silent when I revealed what was happening. I first had to tell Grant about my visions, which he accepted far more easily than I expected, bu
t when I came to the part about the vardogers, Grant and Sarah were falling all over themselves asking questions. Shock and disbelief was their first reaction, but it quickly turned into stunned silence when Simon chimed in about what he had experienced. Grant and Sarah watched Simon warily when I explained that his vardoger was inside of him. I wasn't sure how much of this information they were accepting.
"So what happens now?" Sarah asked, sounding breathless.
"I'm not sure. I have to go through my aunt's journal again. Maybe I missed something."
"One thing's for sure," Grant said, getting up. "If there's a chance that all this stuff is true, there's no way you're staying here alone tonight. I'm going to grab some of my stuff and I'll be right back."
"Thanks," Sarah said quietly. I could hear the hope in her voice. I didn't protest Grant's offer because the last thing I wanted was to be alone now. Simon lifted our entwined hands and kissed the back of my hand softly.
"I hope it's a given that I'll be staying here as well." I nodded, knowing that I didn't want Simon to leave my sight, and not just because of his vardoger.
Simon waited until Grant came back, insisting that he didn't want to leave Sarah and I alone, and then he went to his apartment to grab some things for tonight. When he got back, we ordered a pizza and ate in the living room, almost seeming normal except for our conversation that revolved around vardogers. It started raining outside, and it almost felt cozy to be inside our small apartment with friends. Except we were talking about death and violence. I went through my aunt's journal multiple times, but the only thing that jumped out at me was the last entry about my mother.
"I'm exhausted," Sarah said when it got late, stretching her arms and yawning. "I'm going to bed."
Grant jumped up, grabbing the sleeping bag that he had brought over. "Me too."
Sarah raised an eyebrow when he started following her to her bedroom. "Where do you think you're going?"
"If you think I'm letting you sleep alone tonight, you're crazy. Caitlin said your vardoger is lurking around. Whether I believe it or not, there's no chance I'm leaving you alone."
"Grant," Sarah started to protest, but Simon cut her off.
"Sarah, he's right. No one should be alone tonight. I would suggest we all sleep in one room if Grant's snoring wasn't so loud."
I laughed, amazed that I could find levity in the statement considering the situation we were in. Sarah opened her mouth, presumably to protest, but Grant just grabbed her hand, leading her into her bedroom. She gaped at me but didn't say a word as he pulled her into the bedroom, closing the door behind them.
"What about you?" Simon asked, gazing at me tenderly. "You must be exhausted."
"The last thing I want to do is sleep." I hesitated, rethinking my statement. I was so used to fearing sleep because of the visions and the knowledge that this was when I was at my weakest. But now that the vardogers seemed to be able to enter me even when I was awake, maybe sleep was the answer. Maybe I would have visions that would help me figure out what to do. I didn't tell Simon this, because I didn't think he'd appreciate me wanting to sleep so that I could have visions that would terrify me.
"On second thought, I've barely slept the past few days."
Simon followed me to my bedroom and I was acutely aware of how his presence filled my small room. He sat on the bed casually, leaning against the wall and crossing his stretched legs, watching me. Even though we had gotten a lot closer, I wasn't very experienced when it came to men and his unwavering gaze unnerved me.
"Um, I'm going to take a shower first. I feel gross from the past few days."
"Sure. I'll wait for you here." Simon smiled widely, leaning forward so his t-shirt stretched against his broad chest. "Unless you want company?"
"No, no, it's okay." I could feel myself getting red, and I admonished myself. I needed to concentrate on not getting everyone killed, including myself, not on Simon's irresistible body.
Simon leaned back, looking amused, and I hurriedly grabbed a change of clothes and went into the bathroom. The shower felt amazing as I washed away the grit of the past few days. As great as it felt, I thought about Simon waiting for me in my bedroom, so I didn't linger.
I was brushing my wet hair when there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," I called out, tensing at the possibility that it was Simon, although I wasn't sure if I was tensing out of anticipation or fear. I didn't know whether I was disappointed or not when Sarah popped in, closing the door behind her.
"We haven't gotten a chance to talk alone," Sarah said, looking serious. "I just want you to know how happy I am that you're back. And I want you to know that I believe you. As crazy as everything sounds, I know you're not crazy. It scares me to death, but we're in this together. Always."
My heart surged, and my eyes welled up with tears. I hugged Sarah fiercely, thanking the heavens for the millionth time in my life for having a friend like Sarah.
"I'm so sorry I worried you," I said when I pulled back, my voice thick. "I thought I was doing the right thing by protecting you. By not telling you what was happening."
"I understand. God knows what I would have done if you had told me. I probably would have run around like a chicken with its head cut off, yelling that the sky was falling."
I smiled grimly. "That's not too far from the truth."
"So, I guess you and Simon are together now." Leave it to Sarah to bring up my relationship status with the end of the world imminent.
"I guess. We haven't really talked about it." I bit my lip. "Although he's told me that he loves me. And...I do too."
"I knew it!" Sarah squealed. "I knew you'd never be able to resist him."
"Uh, it's a little complicated. Remember vardogers overtaking bodies? It's a little hard to overlook the fact that Simon currently has an evil shadow inside him. My first priority is figuring out how to get rid of his vardoger. Yours too. I'll worry about whether he's my boyfriend later."
"If you say so," Sarah said in a singsong voice and I couldn't help but laugh. I stopped when Sarah sobered. "But seriously, as much as I like Simon and want you two to be together, do you think it's safe to be alone with him? I mean...what if his vardoger takes control of his body again?"
I shook my head. I had to believe Simon was strong enough to fight off his vardoger's control. After everything we'd been through, I wasn't going to start being scared of him now. "He can control it. And even if he can't, I'm the only one that can help him. I need to be around if that happens."
Sarah sighed heavily but seemed to accept my answer. She took a deep breath before continuing.
"Grant and I just had a talk. He told me about him and Cara, about what happened between them to make him so wary of starting a new relationship without telling her."
I waited silently for Sarah to continue, hoping that whatever Grant told her hadn't hurt her. Grant's on-again, off-again with his ex-girlfriend Cara had confused Sarah, especially when he had told her he couldn't pursue a relationship with Sarah until he told Cara about it.
"Cara got pregnant their senior year of high school. Grant proposed because it was the right thing to do, even though he had been planning on breaking up with her before he found out."
I gasped at the revelation, but kept quiet as Sarah continued.
"Except she had a miscarriage at six weeks. She was devastated, not only because of the baby, but because she knew she was going to lose Grant. She made him promise to stay with her, and he did because she was so distraught over the loss of the baby. She was so depressed that he was afraid that she would do something to hurt herself."
Despite my instant dislike of Cara at the birthday party for Kendra, Simon's sister, I felt a wave of sympathy wash over me. No one deserved to experience that kind of loss. Maybe that explained her behavior.
"Except Grant realized at a certain point that she was using that loss to manipulate him into staying with her. That's why they had such a rocky relationship. Every time he would break
up with her, she would cry and tell him she wasn't over losing their baby. Until finally he couldn't take it anymore and told her it was over for good. Cara made him promise to tell her if he started seeing someone, and he felt so guilty that he agreed."
"Wow," I finally said, shocked that I had no idea what Grant had been going through. "It just goes to show you that you don't always know the things people have to deal with."
Sarah nodded. "Grant told me he's always had feelings for me, but he was afraid to act on them. Even though he was tired of Cara's games, he was afraid that she would do something drastic if he started dating me. Apparently, she accidentally found out that he cared about me through Marcus. Marcus mentioned it offhandedly the summer after our junior year when he was visiting Grant, and she was livid. He finally decided at Kendra's party that he didn't care whether Cara got upset anymore, but he still wanted to honor the promise to tell her if he started seeing someone. He realized today that he won't let anyone stand in our way. When he thought something had happened to me, he was beside himself."
"So, are you two together now?"
Sarah nodded, happiness shining in her eyes. I hugged her, glad that something good was coming out of all this. And if anyone deserved something good to happen to them, it was Sarah.
"I'm so happy for you, Sarah."
Sarah hugged me back. "It's just like I told you. We're gonna be related!"
I laughed, feeling real joy coursing through me. It was a heady feeling with everything that was happening.
"I have a feeling Grant won't be needing that sleeping bag anymore," I teased.
"No kidding! I've been waiting a long time for this!"
I grinned, although she made me promise to come get her if I needed to talk. I left the bathroom and quietly opened my bedroom door in case Simon had fallen asleep in my absence. It was unnecessary because he was lying down on the bed with his head propped up on his arm. He was under the covers so I had no idea what he was wearing on the bottom but I could clearly see that he was shirtless. His gaze traveled down my body and up again, and I was keenly conscious of the shorts and thin t-shirt I was wearing to bed. I hadn't given it a second thought when I grabbed the clothes I usually wore to bed, but now I was wishing I had changed into something bulkier, especially since I wasn't wearing a bra.