by S. H. Kolee
Simon lifted the edge of the bedcover invitingly, and I silently slipped inside next to him, not knowing what to say. For the first time, I realized how small my twin bed was. Simon stayed on his side as I laid on my back, staring up at him. He lifted a lock of my damp hair, rubbing it between his fingertips.
"Do you know how many times I've imagined you lying next to me like this?"
I shook my head, having lost the ability to speak.
"I'll admit, these aren't the circumstances that I imagined." Simon's eyes darkened as he dropped my hair and gently traced the outline of my lips with his finger. I knew what he was thinking about. "I didn't think our lives would be in danger. And I didn't think I would ever hurt you."
"Shh," I whispered, reaching up to grasp his neck and pull him down to me. "We already agreed it wasn't your fault. I don't need your guilt tonight, Simon. I just need you."
Simon groaned and gently captured my mouth with his. I increased the pressure, letting him know that I wasn't going to break in his arms. Simon took the hint and slanted his mouth over mine, cradling my head with his hand to keep me trapped for his onslaught. But I had no thoughts of escaping as I deepened the kiss, wanting to feel nothing but pleasure.
I mewled in anticipation when his hand drifted beneath my t-shirt, his touch igniting my skin, making me feel like I was on fire as he made his way closer to my breasts. My aroused nipples were already painfully hard and I moaned when he palmed them, relieving the ache yet magnifying it at the same time.
I didn't protest when Simon pushed my t-shirt up, baring me to him. His heated gaze roamed my body, his eyes blazing with desire.
"You're so beautiful."
I tentatively raised my hand to his chest, reveling in the smooth hardness of his chest that felt like satin over steel. Simon inhaled sharply when my hand grazed his nipple. I hesitated, my lack of experience making me bashful, but then I flicked it with my fingernail. "You're beautiful too," I said shyly.
Simon made a guttural sound, his jaw tightening, as he lowered his head, capturing an erect nipple in his mouth.
"Simon!" I cried out, as sensations of pure pleasure shot through me. I instinctively arched my back and he took more of me in his mouth, suckling hard. I moaned as he paid the same attention to my other nipple. Simon was wearing shorts but I could clearly feel how this was affecting him, and my body was responding in kind.
I was surprised when Simon stopped, lifting his head. "What's wrong?" I was surprised by how breathless I sounded.
"As much as I want this, I'm scared." Simon looked pained, his hand trembling as he caressed my cheek. "I can feel myself losing control. And if I lose control...what if I'm not able to fight off my vardoger and I attack you again?"
I took a deep breath as sanity returned. Simon was right. I was too consumed by desire to consider what this could do to Simon's control. That didn't lessen my disappointment although a small part of me was relieved. I didn't know if I was prepared to tell Simon just how little experience I had.
"You're right," I said in a small voice, pulling my t-shirt down.
"Don't think this has anything to do with me not wanting you." Simon leaned down and kissed me softly. "You don't know how much I want to rip your clothes off right now and kiss every inch of your body, but I love you too much to take the chance."
My cheeks flamed at his words, but pleasure coursed through me at the same time. "I want you too, but you're right. We have plenty of time after we get rid of the vardogers." I just hoped that was true.
Simon drew me close so that my head was tucked under his chin, my head resting on his shoulder. His bare chest was warm and hard, the beating of his heart soothing me.
"Try to sleep," Simon said softly, kissing the top of my head.
I looked up at him. "You should try to sleep too."
Simon's expression darkened. "I don't trust myself to sleep. What if my vardoger takes control of me again?"
I hesitated, because I wasn't sure if that was true. It would make sense that Simon was more vulnerable when he was asleep. But he would make himself sick if he didn't get some rest.
"Don't worry. I don't think that will happen. Even if it does, I'll be here to protect you."
Simon's lips tightened, and he pulled me closer so my head was nestled in the crook of his neck again. "I should be the one protecting you," he muttered gruffly.
I sighed and closed my eyes, not sure if I would be able to sleep, but Simon was so warm and I felt so safe in his arms that, despite everything, I dozed off without even realizing it.
Chapter Eight
I felt so peaceful and warm. The sun was shining and I raised my face, soaking in the pleasant rays. The grass was soft beneath me and I stretched languidly, feeling totally rested. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so content.
My eyes fluttered closed and I considered going back to sleep. Even though I felt sated, I didn't want to lose this feeling of pure pleasure, and I had a feeling that if I woke up completely, it would dissipate into the wind.
"Caitlin!" a woman's voice yelled out. I opened my eyes, frowning at the disruption. The last thing I needed was for someone to ruin my serene environment. I wanted to block out the sound, but the voice yelled out again.
"Caitlin, wake up! You need to wake up!"
I sat up with a gasp when I saw my mother running towards me. She was beautiful with flowing black hair, just like her pictures. But her face was marred by fear.
"Caitlin, please! Wake up before it's too late!"
I sat up with a scream, my heart pumping so hard I felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. It was dark in my room, but in seconds it was flooded with light. Simon straightened from turning on the lamp by the bed and grabbed me.
"Caitlin! What's wrong?"
"My mother." I was trembling, my mother's face so vivid in my mind that I felt like she was about to materialize in front of me at any second. "My mother was warning me to wake up."
I felt Simon's hand on my back, soothing me with long strokes. "It's okay, baby. You're awake now."
I shuddered as Simon enveloped me in his embrace. "I've never dreamed about my mother before."
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
I pulled back so that I could see Simon's face. I was about to tell him about my dream when something made me turn my head. It was as if I could sense a presence, goose bumps rising on my arms.
"Oh my God," I whispered in horror as I stared at Sarah standing at the foot of the bed. But I knew it wasn't Sarah. I could faintly make out the shape of my dresser through her.
"What the fuck!" Simon yelled, jumping when he saw her. "Sarah, you scared me to death!"
I grabbed Simon's arm, frantically pulling him back towards the head of the bed with me. "That's not Sarah!" I screamed.
Sarah's vardoger smiled at me, seemingly amused by my fear. I barely had time to register the thought when it rushed towards me, moving so fast that all I saw was a blur, until I felt like I was slammed into a brick wall. I heard Simon's distant cry, but all I could feel was unending pain as the vardoger tried to seep into my body. It took all my strength to grab the iridium coin I had placed under my pillow, my fingers gripping the metal tightly.
I vaguely heard pounding and other voices in addition to Simon's, but I concentrated on the vardoger trying to enter me. I imagined my energy funneling together, a whirling mass of pain and vengeance, and willed it to push out the darkness with all my strength.
The pain was searing but I forced myself to ignore it. I thought about my mother's face, the fear that had made her features tight. I hated the darkness inside of me and I screamed my rage at it inwardly, the howl reverberating in my head until it was all I heard.
A light exploded in my mind and suddenly my body was flooded with peace. I felt arms on me, shaking me urgently, but I had to fight my way back to the surface.
"Caitlin!" Simon was yelling my name, and I could see his terrified face as he tried to get me to res
pond.
"Simon, I'm okay," I croaked, needing him to stop the shaking. He hugged me fiercely when I responded, and I could feel him trembling. I saw Sarah and Grant standing by the bed, their faces white with shock. Tears were streaming down Sarah's face and Grant looked like he was in a stupor.
"What the hell was that?" Simon whispered brokenly, pulling back so he could see my face but not letting go of me. "I mean, what the fuck was that!?"
Simon sounded like he was on the edge of hysteria and I didn't blame him. I felt like I was on the edge of hysteria.
"It was a vardoger. More specifically, it was Sarah's vardoger. It was trying to enter me." My voiced sounded weak and breathless.
Sarah collapsed onto the floor, which seemed to startle Grant out of his trance. He immediately sank to the floor, holding her.
"It looked like me!" she cried out. "I saw it! It was on top of you, attacking you! But when we tried to pull it off, our hands went through it like it was a ghost! We couldn't do anything to help you!"
I took a deep breath, trying to get a hold of my emotions. "You can't touch a vardoger when it's outside of a human body. It kind of is like a ghost."
Sarah started sobbing loudly and Grant held her, rocking her back and forth. My heart broke at her despair and fear.
"But it's gone now, Sarah. I was able to destroy it."
"But how many more are there?" she wailed. "And why are they coming after you?!"
"Everyone has a vardoger. But, like I explained earlier, not every vardoger has the desire to overtake their human. But it seems like some of the ones that have turned evil aren't satisfied with just taking over their humans. My aunt told me they sense my power. I guess...I guess I'm a really powerful seer."
Simon's grip on my hands tightened. His expression was full of pain. "This has to stop. We have to stop this." He hesitated before continuing. "Your bedroom door was locked. Sarah and Grant tried to run in when they heard you screaming, but I realized it was locked when they started pounding on the door. When I couldn't get the vardoger off of you, I ran to unlock it. But...I never locked it in the first place. And I know you didn't."
My breath hitched as I processed what he was telling me. "Claudia must be near. She somehow has the ability to sustain the energies of vardogers that are detached from their persons."
Sarah's eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Do you mean she was in here? Claudia was in the apartment while we were asleep?"
I could see her visibly shaking, but I didn't know how to deny the truth. As much as it horrified me, I was sure that Claudia had locked the door to make me more vulnerable.
"I don't think talking about the details is going to do us any good," Grant said, looking meaningfully at Sarah. My stomach was in knots as I watched the fearful faces around me. I was supposed to be the protector, the all-powerful seer. Yet I had no clue what to do.
I thought about the dream of my mother. About my aunt's dream of my mother that she had written about in her journal. Everything seemed to point to my mother so I decided it was about time I visited my father.
"I think I need to go see my father. He can't refuse to give me answers once we're face to face." I checked the clock by the table, surprised that it was already five in the morning.
"I'm going with you," Simon said in a tone that brooked no argument. I didn't protest. I didn't think I could get through any of this without him. And I still had his vardoger to contend with.
Sarah had quieted down and was now only sniffling. She looked up at me, her voice tremulous. "Me too. I'm going with you."
I was grateful for her offer, but there was no way I was putting more people at risk. "It's not a good idea, Sarah," I said gently. "I appreciate it, but I'm not putting more people in danger." I turned to Grant when Sarah got a mulish expression on her face.
"I don't know, Caitlin," Grant said slowly. "As freaked out as I am right now, and trust me I'm as freaked out as a person can be, I don't like the idea of you and Simon going off on your own. Shouldn't we call the police or something?"
"And tell them what? That shadows are attacking me? That vardogers are trying to take over the world?" I tried to keep the exasperation out of my voice since Grant was only trying to help.
"She's right," Simon said, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close to his side. "No one would believe us. Hell, you didn't even believe it until you saw it firsthand."
Grant glanced at me guiltily but he didn't deny Simon's claim.
"But that's even more reason why we should all go with you." Sarah had a stubborn look on her face and I tried to reason with her.
"Sarah, as much as I appreciate you wanting to help, you'll be a distraction because I'll be worrying about keeping you safe."
"But Simon is going with you," Sarah pointed out.
"She needs me," Simon said simply. I didn't argue because I knew it was true.
Sarah sighed, knowing she was fighting a losing battle. "Fine, but if you don't call me every hour I'm going to go crazy with worry."
I promised I would check in with her regularly and Simon and I got ready to leave. I was grateful when the sun rose, even though daylight was no longer a safe haven. Before we left, I took out the tools I had bought last week, although it seemed more like a million years ago. Even though iridium supposedly wouldn't protect me anymore, I wasn't taking any chances and quickly soldered a loop to it so that I could run a chain through it to wear around my neck.
"I don't think it's a good idea to mention this to Jenny and Marcus," I said before Simon and I left. "I don't want people to start panicking."
Grant gave me an odd look. "Trust me, I'm not telling anyone. Not that they would believe me."
I hugged Sarah fiercely. "I love you," I whispered to her, just in case this was the last time I would be able to tell her how much she meant to me.
"Don't say that like we're never going to see each other again," Sarah choked out. "I'm going to be super pissed if you make me spend my senior year hanging out with Samantha by myself."
I laughed at Sarah's joke about Samantha, Maxwell's resident man-eater that we were forced to hang out with on occasion due to her friendship with Marcus. But my laugh sounded more sad than anything else. I watched Simon and Grant hug, realizing how hard this must be for them too. We put our bags in the trunk of Simon's car and then we were on the road.
The drive to Philadelphia was solemn and I didn't feel much like talking. We spent most of the time listening to the radio. My anxiety rose the closer we got to my house. I had toyed with the idea of calling my father to let him know we were on our way, but I decided a surprise visit was the best approach. That way he couldn't try to avoid me.
"You should have seen Sarah's face when I demanded she give me Bob's phone number when you were missing." Simon's words broke into my reverie. "I was planning on going down to Philly to get some answers from him."
I quickly glanced at Simon who was watching at me with a raised eyebrow. It was an odd topic to bring up now, with everything happening. I wasn't sure if he was trying to lighten the mood or just get a confirmation about Bob's lack of existence. "Uh, did she tell you that there was no Bob?"
"Yeah, but I figured that out on my own pretty early on. And it was pretty obvious when his number wasn't programmed into your cell phone. I just wanted to make sure I was right and she confirmed it."
I bit my lip, embarrassed that I had lied about being in love with an imaginary man in order to discourage Simon from pursuing me. "I'm sorry about that. Things were just so complicated and I thought it would make everything easier if I lied about being interested in someone else."
Simon shrugged, looking back at the road. "I can't say it made me happy, but I understand. I can't imagine what you were going through." He reached down to grasp my hand and I squeezed back, grateful to have him next to me.
I directed him to my house when we pulled into my neighborhood and he parked the car on the street in front of it.
"Are you ready for t
his?" Simon asked, watching me carefully.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
My father's car was in the driveway, which wasn't surprising since he often worked from home. Most of his day was spent showing properties to prospective clients, only stopping into his workplace for meetings or paperwork.
I unlocked the front door and stepped inside, Simon following closely behind me.
"Hello?" I called out. "Dad?"
I heard rustling in the kitchen and I walked towards the sound. My father was at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper with a cup of coffee. He looked surprised to see me, but the surprise soon turned into irritation as he glanced behind me, obviously seeing Simon.
"What are you doing here?"
My father wasn't going to make this easy so I braced myself for whatever was going to happen. I ignored his question as Simon stepped next to me.
"Dad, this is Simon."
Simon stuck out his hand and my father shook it warily, studying him. "What's this all about? Did you skip school so that I could meet your latest boyfriend?"
"No, Dad."
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Kile," Simon said politely, although his expression said otherwise. His lips were pressed together and he looked none too pleased. I sat down at the table and Simon dragged a chair close to me and sat down so that he was practically on top of me.
"Dad, I don't want to upset you, but I need to ask you about Mom."
My father slammed his newspaper shut, his eyes blazing. "What did I tell you about that? Don't you dare ask me any rude or disrespectful questions."