by S. H. Kolee
I wasn't surprised when I saw Simon waiting for me when I stepped outside of Colette's. He had made it a habit to walk me home after work, and I had stopped protesting.
He grinned when he saw me, lifting me into a bear hug. "How was work?"
"Long." I gave Simon a quick kiss and he wrapped his arm around me as we walked back to his place. "What have you been up to?"
"I was at Grant's and Marcus' apartment. We're trying to organize a new song lineup for tomorrow night, but Grant keeps changing his mind."
"Typical Grant. He's never happy unless he's obsessing about the Henchmen. Or Sarah."
One of the best things to have come out of this mess was the relationship between Sarah and Grant. Grant couldn't seem to bear having Sarah out of his sight, and it was funny to see such a role reversal. Not that Sarah wasn't just as enamored of Grant.
"That reminds me—are you going to Sarah's for Thanksgiving?"
"That's the plan." I had been going home with Sarah for all the major holidays since freshman year, ever since she had witnessed my father's cruelty firsthand. Her family welcomed me with open arms and made me realize how loving a real family could be.
"Will you consider coming home with me for Thanksgiving?" I didn't answer as I watched Simon unlock his front door. The warmth of his apartment after the frigid night air made my cheeks hot, although I think his question had something to do with the flush as well.
"Well?" Simon asked when I didn't answer. He threw both of our coats on the back of a chair and pulled me down onto the couch, cuddling me next to his side as he stretched out his legs.
"I appreciate the offer," I started slowly, "but do you think that's a good idea? The last time I was at your house, it was after I nearly got you killed. I think your family needs a break from me."
"That wasn't your fault. Besides, my family likes you. But more importantly, I want you there. Grant's not the only one who obsesses about his girlfriend." Simon's tone was light but I could hear the intensity behind it. I wanted to believe him when he said it wasn't my fault, but it didn't help that we never talked about what had happened in Connecticut. Simon never mentioned killing Claudia or the fabricated story we fed the police, so I never brought it up either. It still didn't feel right that we had lied about something so monumental, but there was nothing to be done about it now. I just had to accept it and move on.
I wrapped my arm around Simon's waist, leaning my head against his shoulder. "Okay, then. I would love to go home with you for Thanksgiving. Thanks for the invitation."
Simon tightened his arms around me and I lifted my head to look at him. He had an unreadable expression on his face but he simply smiled at me. "Great. We can leave on Wednesday, although you'll have to put up with Kendra talking your ear off the whole way down, since she'll be driving home with us instead of flying back."
"I like Kendra. Besides, I can use the time to weasel some stories out of her about your misguided youth."
Simon gave me a pained look. "I don't think you'll have to weasel anything out of her. She'll be more than happy to give you all the details of every stupid thing I did as a kid."
"Perfect." I gave Simon a quick kiss and straightened. "Are you hungry?"
"Nah, we ordered a pizza earlier. Are you hungry? I can go pick something up."
"I ate at Colette's, but I hear a bag of M&M's calling my name." Unfortunately, instead of my healthier eating habits rubbing off on Simon, his junk food addiction had slowly crept into my diet. I had spent a lot of nights at Simon's apartment these past few weeks, and I found myself eating a lot of things with ingredients that were hard to pronounce.
"Luckily for you, I didn't finish off the bag earlier." Simon went to grab the bag from the kitchen and handed it to me, along with a can of soda.
"Great," I sighed despondently. "My teeth are going to rot and I'm going to gain twenty pounds hanging around you." That didn't stop me from taking the soda and chocolate eagerly.
"It's okay," Simon said, nuzzling my neck with his lips. "I'll still love you when you're toothless and forced to wear mumus."
I gasped at the ticklish sensation of Simon's teeth scraping against my neck, laughing while trying to push him away.
"Never! I'll never wear mumus!"
Simon laughingly pushed me back so that I was lying on the couch, his body partly covering mine. I caught my breath when he suddenly turned serious, an enigmatic expression on his face.
"Are you happy?"
Simon's question took me by surprise and I didn't know how to answer. Even though I was deliriously happy in some respects, it didn't completely push away the darkness. It was more than the fact that my aunt and her inner circle were nowhere to be found. It was because I had finally accepted my calling only to have the visions stop. I couldn't stop obsessing about all those innocent people being overtaken by their vardogers, yet I couldn't do anything to help them.
"I'm happy when I'm with you," I said honestly. Simon watched me for a few beats and then leaned down, kissing me quickly.
"I'll accept that answer." Simon pulled me back up so I was sitting and we dug into the chocolate, flicking on the TV although we weren't really watching it. We were too focused on each other and soon everything was forgotten except the way we made each other feel.
Chapter Fourteen
Because we had spent the morning in bed, we barely had enough time to eat a bagel the next day before we had to leave to pick up Kendra. Even though I was waiting to take our physical relationship to the next level, it was still too tempting to spend hours cuddling and talking, interspersed with bouts of restrained passion. That is, until Simon got a pained look on his face and said he had to take a cold shower.
Luckily, we didn't have to stop by my apartment before going to the airport because I had toiletries and a few changes of clothes at Simon's place, which he had insisted on once I started staying over frequently.
We walked outside to his car and Simon opened the door for me, but before I could climb inside he pulled me back and gave me a long kiss.
"What was that for?" I asked, my breath visible in the cold air, but I wasn't feeling the chill.
"You're wearing my favorite shirt." Simon gripped my hips and looked down at my shirt that was visible since I hadn't bothered to zip up my coat.
I raised an eyebrow. "Your favorite shirt is my Oscar the Grouch t-shirt? I didn't know you were such a Sesame Street fanatic."
Simon grinned, his hands slipping underneath my t-shirt, his thumbs brushing the sensitized skin at my waist. "It was the shirt you were wearing the first time I saw you. I never knew a muppet in a trashcan could be so sexy."
"Stop being so charming," I said, trying to hide a smile. I leaned up and kissed him despite my words. "It's not fair to other mere mortal men that you're so effortlessly irresistible."
Simon grabbed my wrist as I turned away to get into the car, his jaw tightening. "What do you mean by that?"
I blinked at Simon, taken aback by his sudden mood change. He went from happy and carefree to painfully grim, as if I had done something to anger him. His grip on my wrist tightened when I just stared at him in shock. "Simon, you're hurting me!"
Simon's grip on my wrist loosened fractionally, but he pulled me closer to him, his expression foreboding. "What did you mean by that comment?"
"What is wrong with you? I was just joking!"
I saw a muscle twitching in his jaw, as if he was trying to control his emotions. I pulled my wrist out of his grasp and got into the car, slamming the door closed. I contemplated stalking off and going home but I was too confused by what had happened to do anything but sit there. Simon stood frozen outside my window but I refused to look at him.
A few moments passed, then he walked around the car and slid into the driver's seat. I didn't turn to look at him, feeling both angry and awkward with the whole situation. Was Simon some sort of jealous boyfriend that I would eventually have to get a restraining order against? I had just made an offhand jo
ke about other men in general, and Simon had taken it as me being interested in someone else. As much as I loved him, rationally I knew that I hadn't known him for very long. I couldn't help thinking about how calm and unaffected he had been after he had pierced Claudia's heart with a knife.
Simon sighed heavily and I felt his hand tentatively touch mine. Despite my reservations, I didn't pull back when he threaded his fingers with mine.
"I'm sorry. I was a jerk."
I turned to him, softening when I saw how remorseful he looked. "What the heck was that all about? I tell one stupid joke and you jump down my throat. I don't even understand why you got angry."
Simon looked straight ahead, although his grip on my hand tightened. His voice was low when he spoke. "I think it's just a combination of everything that's happened. Finding out there's a whole other world out there full of shadows that we knew nothing about. Watching Claudia almost kill you. Knowing that I killed Claudia, regardless of whether her soul was already gone. I know it's only a matter of time until you have another vision. It's only a matter of time until you put yourself in danger again. Sometimes it's all too much. It's so overwhelming that I can barely breathe."
Simon finally turned to me and I could see him struggling with conflicting emotions. I moved closer to him, understanding how he felt because I was feeling the same way. "You can talk to me about it. We can help each other get through this."
Simon frowned. "You already have enough on your plate. I don't want to be another burden."
"Simon, don't be silly. You'll never be a burden. You don't know how much strength you give me, just being by my side."
Simon cradled the back of my head with his hand, pulling me towards him. His kiss was gentle although I could feel the wealth of emotions behind it. "Promise me you'll never leave me," he whispered against my mouth. "No matter what."
"Of course, Simon."
Simon's grip on my scalp tightened. "Say it. I need to hear you say it."
I was flustered by Simon's intensity but I obliged. "I promise to never leave you."
"No matter what."
"No matter what," I repeated, my heart beating fast, disconcerted by Simon's behavior. But when he pulled back and smiled ruefully at me, he seemed like the Simon I knew. I told myself I had to be understanding about his behavior. We had both been through a lot.
We didn't mention the incident again as we drove to the airport, although I couldn't completely push it out of my mind. Kendra's boundless energy and enthusiasm helped to diffuse the situation and soon I was able to not focus on it so much.
Simon was reluctant to drop me off at my apartment after we picked Kendra up, but I needed some space. Everyone was coming over to Sarah's and my apartment for dinner before heading down to the East End, and I used the excuse of having to prepare dinner for not going back to Simon's place.
I was surprised to find Sarah lounging on the couch watching TV and working her way through a bag of potato chips when I got home. I looked around the living room comically, looking shocked.
"I didn't think it was possible. I thought you and Grant were surgically joined at the hip, but he's nowhere to be seen! It's a medical miracle!"
Sarah wrinkled her nose and threw a chip at me, which I easily caught. "You're one to talk. You and Simon are joined at the mouth. I've never seen so much PDA in my life."
I threw my coat over the recliner and sat down heavily on the couch next to Sarah. "I know, right? I'm sure it's nauseating for everyone around us. I would be annoyed too, if some couple was constantly making out in front of me. We just can't seem to keep our hands off each other."
Sarah offered me the bag of chips and I reached in for a handful. She gave me a wry smile. "It's okay, I know the feeling. It feels so weird that Grant and I are a couple now. Weird, but great. It seems like all I want to do is jump his bones all the time. Fortunately, he feels the same way." She put her arm around me. "Besides, it's nice seeing you happy with a guy for once."
I bit my lip as I contemplated Sarah's words. "So...you guys have gone all the way?"
Sarah raised her eyebrows and got up without saying a word, walking into the kitchen. I blinked in confusion but then she came back with a pint of ice cream and two spoons, handing me one. "This isn't a conversation we can have without Ben & Jerry."
I laughed at her but proceeded to scoop up some ice cream onto my spoon.
"Now, back to your question," Sarah said as she dug into the ice cream as well. "The answer is yes, we've had sex." She gave me an assessing look. "Have you?"
I flushed at the topic of conversation, not used to sharing such personal details. I had never before had such personal details to share. But if there was one person I could be honest with, it was Sarah. "Not yet. I...I don't know, it's such a big step. I love Simon, but something's stopping me."
"Does he know you're a virgin?"
I gulped, the ice cream forgotten as I lay my spoon on the coffee table. "No, I haven't gotten around to mentioning it to him. I don't want him to think I'm weird." I paused, thinking over my words. "Well, any weirder than he already thinks I am. Why does it feel like I'm the only virgin I know?"
"First of all, I doubt he thinks you're weird. You're practically a friggin' superhero, casting evil from the world. Secondly, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Better to be a virgin than to be like good ole' Samantha who's probably spent so much time on her back that she has trouble seeing straight."
I choked at Sarah's description of Samantha, but Sarah didn't seem to notice as she continued to talk.
"Grant and I have had sex because we're both ready. And it's not the first time for either of us." Sarah frowned. "Although I try to pretend that he's never been with anyone else, especially you-know-who. It's better for my peace of mind." Sarah shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "Anyway, it's different when it's your first time. You should wait until you feel ready. But I think you should tell Simon that you've never been with anyone."
"Why? Does it matter?"
Sarah looked at me like I was dense. "Of course it matters! He has to know that it's a big deal for you. It'll also help him understand why you want to wait. Trust me, it's important that he knows, especially the first time you do it. It can be uncomfortable for you if he doesn't take it slow."
I buried my face in my hands. "I feel like such a dork. I have the sexual maturity of a high schooler."
Sarah laughed, poking me with her spoon. I looked down at the dribble of ice cream she left on my shirt sleeve. "Ew, you got ice cream on me." I grabbed a napkin from the coffee table and wiped it off. "Enough talk about my lack of experience. In all seriousness, I thought you were hanging out with Grant today until dinner."
"He and Marcus were going over the set list for tonight for the millionth time, and it was mind-numbingly boring, so I decided to work on my TV and junk food quota. I thought you were spending the day with Simon."
"We just picked up Kendra from the airport and I told Simon I needed to go home to start cooking dinner."
Sarah checked the clock on the wall. "It's two o'clock and we told everyone to come at seven. What exactly are you planning on making that takes five hours?"
"I just needed some breathing room. As much as I enjoy spending time with Simon, it's hard to deal with the memories of what happened in Connecticut. And sometimes when I'm with him, it all comes rushing back."
Sarah looked concerned as she set the ice cream on the table. She was the only one that I had told the truth to, swearing her to secrecy. If the authorities ever found out that Simon had been the one to kill Claudia, he would have a lot of explaining to do. Sarah had been shocked when she found out that Simon had killed Claudia, though I hadn't told her about his unnerving calmness immediately afterwards, as if stabbing a girl to death and tampering with a crime scene was an everyday occurrence. I didn't want to run the risk of Sarah thinking badly of Simon. Besides, he had saved my life.
"How are you dealing with everything? Have the vision
s started again?"
"No, and that's the problem. I feel like I'm just waiting to have one, so I can do something. I hate just sitting around, helpless."
Sarah bit her lip as she contemplated her next words. "But wouldn't that be a good thing? If you never had visions again?"
"That doesn't make it not real. There are still vardogers out there hurting people. Killing them. My aunt is still missing. And I'm just spending my life going to class and hanging out at a bar, listening to my boyfriend's band."
Sarah sighed sympathetically. "I guess I understand, although if it were up to me, you'd never have to deal with those things again." She shuddered, her expression darkening. "I'll never forget what it felt like to see that...thing on top of you, attacking you. And to not be able to do anything to help you."
"Let's forget it for today." I forced myself to put on a cheerful expression. Sarah shouldn't be burdened with all this. She was finally with Grant, and she should be reveling in it, not worrying about me. "Today, I'm just a girl with a hot boyfriend and the best friend ever, and I'm going to spend the night watching my boyfriend play with his band as other girls drool over him. Then I'm going to grope him until everyone gets sickened by our PDA."
Sarah burst out laughing, picking up the ice cream again. "I like that plan."
"Before I forget, I told Simon I would go home with him for Thanksgiving. I hope you don't mind."
Sarah grinned at me widely. "Why would I mind? Just make sure I catch the bouquet."
I laughed, grateful that Sarah could always make me feel better. We spent the rest of the afternoon like we used to pre-Simon and Grant, watching mindless TV and debating the merits of each Housewives reality show franchise. We then cooked dinner together and I felt truly at ease, no longer having to pretend to feel carefree.