by S. H. Kolee
"There never was a Simon."
His words cut through my emotions that had been careening out of control. I stared at him, my mouth suddenly dry. "Wh-what?"
"Simon was gone before you met me."
I shook my head, rejecting his words. "No, that's not true! That's just your vardoger talking!" I was losing control as my world tilted on its axis until nothing made sense. I started sobbing again, but this time it was so violent that my body was shaking uncontrollably. All my hopes of escaping this nightmare collapsed along with his words.
No one spoke as I spiraled out of control. As the pain seared through my body, I heard a distant voice. A girlish voice.
Only you can help yourself. Allies are enemies and enemies are friends. The only one you can trust is yourself.
I didn't know if I was just remembering the words from when I was under, or if I was actually hearing them in my head. But they gave me the ability to grasp the last vestiges of my strength. This wasn't about me anymore. My chance for a happy ending was over. My only purpose now was to destroy as many vardogers as possible.
I looked up when my sobs had quieted. Simon was still crouched in front of me and I couldn't help but look for a glimmer of sympathy. But there was none.
He abruptly stood up and turned to Lenore. "How much longer do we have to wait until we can put her under hypnosis again?"
"It's hard to tell. I think it's advisable to wait until tomorrow so that she can get her full strength back. Then she'll be able to go fully under and we'll be able to maximize the amount she sees."
Simon sighed but nodded. My father stepped in between them and faced Simon.
"That's it? We're just going to wait until tomorrow? What the hell do we do until then? Twiddle our thumbs?" My father's mouth twisted. "While under hypnosis yesterday, she said she saw that there were some vardogers that weren't united in our efforts. That they were just pretending and were planning to work against us. Maybe you're one of them."
"Watch it." Simon's voice was low. "Don't forget I'm in charge. I've been lenient with how you've spoken to me during this charade to preserve the deception, but it's over now."
I was shocked when my father seemed to shrink at Simon's admonishment. Simon was in charge? How in the hell had this happened?
"Go track the other seers. I'll watch her."
My father and the three women slunk away and I heard them talking in the hallway. Simon looked at the two boys who lingered in the living room. "You too. I think I can handle one little seer on my own."
I studied Simon as I felt a surge of hope. Maybe this was all an act. Why else would he want to be alone with me?
Simon was silent until the others left the house. He sat on the couch opposite me and studied me, absentmindedly stroking his lower lip with his index finger. He looked so familiar, so much like the Simon I had fallen in love with. That couldn't have been just a figment of my imagination.
"Simon?" My voice wavered, sounding unsure. My hope was deflated when he shook his head.
"I guess that's a good enough name to call me as any, although technically I'm not Simon."
"I-I don't understand. When did you overtake him?"
"You only need to know that it was before I came to Maxwell."
All the physical pain I had endured was nothing compared to the emotional anguish as my heart was ripped apart. "That can't be true. You can't have pretended the entire time. It's not possible."
Simon raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it? Your father's vardoger has pretended to be him for most of your life. My deception should seem like child's play compared to that."
"But my father was cold and cruel to me. It's not that hard to accept that he was a vardoger all these years. But you..." I swallowed as memories of his warmth and tenderness rushed through me. "That can't have all been an act."
"You'd be surprised at what necessity can produce. I needed you to trust me, and the best way for that to happen was for you to fall in love with me. So I made it happen."
Simon's tone was flippant, as if he thought nothing of such a heartless and malicious action. I didn't want to believe it, but the person standing before me wasn't the Simon I knew. The fact that the person I had fallen in love with was nothing more than a facade almost debilitated me. I steeled myself, reminding myself that this was about more than me.
"So now what?"
Simon's eyebrows raised at my calm tone. "We wait until we can put you under hypnosis again."
I gave him a grim smile. "So you can figure out a way to become immortal? Not gonna happen."
"I wouldn't tempt the temper of your father's vardoger. He can be pretty belligerent, as you've already experienced. And vengeful."
The thought of Sarah being hurt made me consider my words more carefully. Simon seemed relaxed and conversational. Maybe I could garner some information from him that would help me to defeat them.
"So, how do you think you're going to be able to become immortal?" I shrugged when Simon just looked at me without answering. "It doesn't matter if you tell me. If you're trying to get the information from me under hypnosis, I'll see it before all of you anyway."
Simon seemed to consider my words before he spoke. "We think it's somehow tied to the palladium. Right now, all palladium does is make seers powerless and vulnerable. There has to be some way to use it so that we can overtake another body when our current one is about to expire. Being only able to overtake your own person is extremely limiting. When the body dies, so do we."
The thought of vardogers jumping from body to body was terrifying.
"What was so special about Claudia that she was able to sustain vardogers so that they didn't have to be connected to their person? How was she able to give them the power to enter me?" The thought of Claudia made another question spring to mind, but I waited until Simon answered my first one.
Simon shrugged. "We don't know. We didn't have time to study her vardoger in-depth. Claudia was overtaken right after you had the vision of it happening and, as you know, she died not too long after that. We don't know if there are more like her out there. I guess we'll find out soon enough."
"Why did you kill her? I mean, if she's so special I would think you would want to keep her around." I took a deep breath as I asked my real question. "Why did you save me?"
Simon's expression was enigmatic. "I didn't kill her to save you. I killed her to keep up the guise. I needed you to trust me because I needed to find out just how strong your powers were. It's so much easier when you're cooperating. Besides, you're no good to us dead. The type of power you wield is worth more than a hundred Claudias."
"How was I able to have a vision of you?"
Simon smiled grimly. "You'd be surprised at how powerful the mind is to suggestion. Lenore was able to plant it in your head. She can be amazing with the power of suggestion."
"How could she plant it in my head? I met her after my visions of you!"
Simon shook his head, obviously displeased by my lack of imagination. "Do you think you're safe just because you have four walls surrounding you? It takes more than that to stop us."
"But I saw your vardoger." I bit my lip as I thought it through. "I mean, I guess I saw you. You hadn't overtaken Simon's body yet when you attacked me. You were still a vardoger without a body. How is that possible if what you're telling me is true? That you overtook Simon before we even met?"
"Like I said, Lenore can be amazing with her powers of suggestion. She was able to make you see me instead of the actual vardoger who was unknown to you. It helped that your aunt told you that she saw me coming after you while she was under hypnosis." Simon laughed. "Little did she realize that I had already overtaken Simon's body."
"Has Lenore used her powers on me any other time? How the hell is she able to make me believe things that aren't true? To make me see things that aren't really there? To make me dream things?"
Simon's lips tightened. "Lenore's powers are unpredictable. Unfortunately, her ability to sway a person's
mind to her will hasn't been honed, although God knows she's been trying. She's failed so many times trying to control your mind." He shook his head disgustedly.
"Is my aunt really dead? Is my mother alive?"
Simon ran his hand through his hair and I felt a searing pain at the familiar gesture. He seemed so much like the man I had loved. The man that I had never really known.
"I didn't come here to answer all your questions. I'd recommend you stop talking now for your own good."
Simon's menacing tone made all thoughts of the man I had loved so desperately vanish. I was quiet for the rest of the morning and Simon made no overtures to speak. It was unnerving having him just sitting there watching me, but I coped by not looking at him. It was easier to think of a way out of this without being constantly reminded of everything I had lost.
I was startled when Simon stood up and my eyes shot to him. His movement made me nervous but he just walked past me into the kitchen. While he was gone, I tried to writhe my body to dislodge the palladium necklace from around my neck, but it was impossible while I was bound to the chair. I immediately stilled when I heard him walking back towards me.
Simon set a glass of water and a sandwich on the coffee table and sat next to it. When he put the glass to my lips, I turned away. It was one thing to accept food and water from Marie, or even from one of the sullen boys. It was another thing to accept it from someone...no, something that had played me for a fool this whole time.
"It's for your own good." Simon's voice was stern, as if he were lecturing a small child. "You're only hurting yourself if you don't eat and drink."
As much as I hated to accept it from him, I knew he was right. The minute the cold water hit my lips I gulped eagerly. I avoided Simon's eyes as he fed me the sandwich. He was close. So close that I could smell his cologne. I wanted to laugh hysterically, finding it perversely funny that a vardoger still did such mundane human things like putting on cologne.
I was relieved when I finished the sandwich, hoping that he would now move away. I tensed when I heard the front door open. My father walked in and dropped onto the couch.
"Where is everyone?" Simon was still sitting on the coffee table next to me when he asked the question.
"Still tracking. I decided I should come back to see how our little guest is doing." I flinched when he stood up abruptly, coming closer to me. "Maybe we can make some progress of our own. Pain is a great motivator. There's a possibility that she didn't tell us everything she saw while she was under hypnosis yesterday. We could make sure."
Simon stood and faced my father. "You need to stop being so reckless. We have to think about the end goal, not about getting your kicks through torture."
My father narrowed his eyes but he kept his gaze on me. "You deserve a little payback for all the grief you've given me all these years."
I barely registered his hand raising before I felt him backhand me with such force that my chair tipped back, almost toppling me over. Simon grabbed the back of my chair to steady it, and then released it when I was firmly on the ground. I felt a flash of doubt at his action. Why would he care if I fell back? It didn't align with him being a vardoger. But when he spoke there was no emotion in his voice except irritation.
"Do I really have to have this conversation with you again? She's a means to an end. After we're done with her, we'll either be able to overtake her or we'll kill her. Until then, control yourself."
There was a ringing in my ears as my head throbbed. When I dropped my head to try and push away the pain, I saw Simon's hand closest to me clenched into a fist. He was gripping so hard that his knuckles were white and his fist was trembling. It was clear that he had been affected by my father striking me. Hope is such a horrible and wonderful thing. It was wonderful because it left open the possibility that Simon wasn't a lost cause. That he was pretending so that he could try and figure out a way for both of us to escape this. It was horrible because if I was mistaken, I didn't know how I'd survive the betrayal again.
I looked up at my father to see if he had noticed Simon's reaction but he was too busy frowning at the cell phone he had pulled out of his pocket. He walked out of the living room with the phone to his ear.
Simon sat back down on the couch and I couldn't stop searching his face for a clue. For any sign that this was all an act. But his face remained impassive. He didn't look up when the front door opened and the two boys walked in. He simply said, "Watch her," and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The rest of the day was sheer torture. I was tense and wired, preparing myself for something to happen. Not knowing my fate was almost worse than something bad happening. My imagination was in overdrive with all the different possible scenarios. Yet the day remained relatively calm.
Lenore came back to the house when night fell, although Marie and Cecelia were nowhere to be seen. I hadn't seen Simon since he had left me earlier, so I was surprised when he walked back into the living room. He addressed Lenore who was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. It had irritated me to no end that she was doing something as banal as flipping through a magazine, as if nothing was out of the ordinary, while I was strapped to a chair in front of her.
"You're going tracking again."
Lenore frowned. "Now? Isn't it a little late?"
Simon ignored her and glanced at the boys. "You too."
My father walked into the living room. "Let's go. I got some good information on a powerful seer. If everything goes according to plan, we can bring her back here tonight."
My stomach dropped at the idea of another seer being trapped by these monsters.
The house was eerily quiet after they left. Simon dropped onto the sofa in front of me. He shushed me when I started to speak. "Don't talk."
Simon cocked his head as if he were listening for something. Several minutes passed as we just sat there until he finally stood up and peered out the window. I opened my mouth to speak but instead I squeaked in alarm when he suddenly rushed towards me. But instead of attacking me, he started untying the rope around my ankles. My heart started thudding as I stared at him.
"S-Simon?"
Simon glanced up at me. "There's no time to talk right now." He succeeded in freeing my feet and dug into his pocket, pulling out a key and unlocking the handcuffs. He then took the palladium necklace off me and threw it to the floor. When Simon pulled me up to stand I immediately tilted forward. My limbs had been in the same position for hours and they ached painfully and were unable to hold my weight. Simon grunted as he caught me and bent at the knees, flinging me over his shoulder like I was a sack of potatoes.
I gripped his waist and tried not to smash my face against his rear end as he started walking quickly and then running. I had no idea where we were going since the only view I had was of his backside, but my heart soared when I felt the rush of cold air hit me. It was glorious to be outside after being trapped in that house, even though it was freezing.
I didn't say a word. I was too scared that they would hear us and it was too hard to speak in the position I was in anyway. Simon seemed to be running for a long time before he stopped abruptly, setting me down gently on the ground. I gingerly straightened, grateful when I was able to stand on my own despite my aching muscles.
I threw my arms around Simon's neck, clinging fiercely to him as I felt pure elation rush through me. "I knew it," I whispered. "I know it couldn't have been an act."
Simon hugged me back momentarily but then pulled back. "We have to get out of here. It was by sheer luck that your father got that call. He was suspicious when I sent them out earlier to track seers so he was spying on us outside the house, hoping to hear something damning. But he doesn't suspect a thing now since he was the one to instigate the latest outing."
It was dark and I was shivering, but I could have cared less. We were on a quiet residential street and I was surprised when Simon led me to an unfamiliar car.
"Get in."
I followed Simon's order
s and climbed in. Simon slid into the driver's seat and started the engine.
"Where are we going?" I asked as I watched Simon driving.
Simon gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I don't know. Just far from here."
I still didn't understand how he was able to fool my father and Lenore. "How did you convince them that you were really a vardoger?" I hesitated as a thought struck me. "Is your vardoger still inside you?"
Simon didn't answer for a while. My anxiety and confusion grew the longer he avoided answering the question. He finally glanced at me, but only for a brief second, and then he looked back at the road. His voice was low when he spoke.
"I wasn't lying to you before."
"Wait, what?" I turned my body sideways so I could fully look at him. "What are you talking about?"
Simon's profile was tense and I could see that he was clenching his jaw. He didn't turn towards me when he answered.
"I'm not who you think I am. I've been a vardoger since you met me. I was able to fool your father and Lenore because it's the truth."
I stared at him, my mind blank. Nothing he was saying was making sense. "Why are you saying that? You don't have to pretend anymore."
Simon smiled grimly and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "That's the ironic thing. What you think is a lie is the truth. What you think is the truth is a lie."
I felt a flare of anger. "Stop talking in riddles! Everything in my goddamned life is a riddle!"
Simon took a deep breath and then started talking. His voice was quiet but seemed to fill every corner of the car.
"I took over Simon's body his sophomore year in college. It was ridiculously easy. He was so open and unguarded. A bottle of sleeping pills and he was gone. Everything had gone according to plan. My power was growing and I had the foresight to plan for the future instead of all the stupid vardogers that only lived in the moment. I knew we'd never survive in our current state. Seers were growing stronger and destroying more and more vardogers every day. I knew the only way to defeat them was to band together."