Unnatural acts sb-23

by Stuart Woods

  “You suspect correctly, Mike,” Herbie said. “The truth is, I’m already finding the law something of a grind, because of the sort of work assigned to associates.”

  “You mean work that no one else wishes to do?”

  “Exactly. I mean, getting Dink Brennan into treatment and settling his gambling debt was fun, in its way, but not something that helps build a career.”

  “Don’t be too sure about that,” Freeman said. “I’ll see that Marshall Brennan knows of your role, and you may be sure that he will express his gratitude, and not just to Bill Eggers.”

  “That’s kind of you, Mike.”

  “Has it occurred to you that Eggers is probably considering you for the role of the new Stone Barrington at Woodman and Weld?”

  “It has occurred to me.”

  “Stone had a fair deal there, one that paid him a very good income, but one that did not improve his status in the firm. That did not occur until Stone gained us as a client, and further, the Steele Companies, an insurance conglomerate I was able to introduce him to. After that, when he brought his late wife, Arrington Calder, into the firm, a partnership became possible for Stone.”

  “I had a sort of general idea about that,” Herbie said.

  “But it took him a long time to accomplish that, and if the firm sidetracked you into the kind of services Stone provided them for so long, you might not get as lucky as he did. Strategic Services offers extremely interesting work and much more rapid advancement for the right young people. I suspect that you might be one of those people.”

  “I appreciate that, Mike,” Herbie said.

  “But go on and work at Woodman and Weld for a little while longer. See if you can gain a promotion to senior associate. That would look very good on your resume. Then, when you feel the time is right, give me a call, and we’ll see what we can do for you.”

  “Thank you, Mike, I’ll give that a lot of thought.”

  A little chime rang, and Freeman turned to look at his computer monitor. “Aha,” he said, “young Mr. Brennan is, as we speak, en route to Winwood Farm, and this time, you may be sure he will arrive there.”

  Herbie felt enormously relieved. “I can’t thank you enough, Mike.”

  “Tell you what, Herbie,” Freeman said, “since we were able to wrap this up so quickly, I won’t bill Woodman and Weld for our services. Why don’t you call Bill Eggers and give him the good news? Use the phone over there.” He pointed to a coffee table.

  Herbie went to the phone and called Eggers.

  “Hello, Herbert,” Eggers said. “This had better be good news.”

  “Bill,” Herbie replied, “Dink Brennan is on his way back to Winwood Farm.”

  “Well, that is good news! How did you manage it?”

  “I don’t think I need to go into the details, Bill. Suffice it to say that everything you asked me to do has been done, and in very short order. And I have to tell you, I don’t appreciate the threat implicit in your earlier statement.”

  There was dead silence at the other end of the line.

  “Goodbye, Bill. I won’t be coming back to the office today.” Herbie hung up.

  Mike Freeman was laughing. “Something else I like about you, Herbie-you have an enormous set of brass balls.”

  9

  Stone and Dino met at P.J. Clarke’s bar and had their usual drinks, Knob Creek bourbon for Stone and Johnnie Walker Black Label scotch for Dino. Dino looked troubled.

  “What’s the matter, pal, are you still grieving for Elaine’s?”

  “Well, yes,” Dino replied, “but that’s not what’s bothering me now.”

  “What is?”

  “I’ve had another call from Shelley Bach,” Dino said.

  “What did she have to say for herself?”

  “She has nothing to say for herself,” Dino replied. “That’s the problem. She doesn’t seem to think she’s done anything wrong.”

  “Even after murdering five people?”

  “Even after that.”

  “There’s a word for that: sociopath. Someone without a conscience.”

  “I know that,” Dino said testily.

  “Next time, just hang up on her.”

  “Trouble is, I didn’t,” Dino said.

  “How long did you talk?”

  “Not long. She wanted to come over to my place.”

  “She may be a sociopath, but she’s not crazy. Why would she want to risk that?”

  “Maybe because she believed I wouldn’t turn her in.”

  Stone cleared his throat of the bourbon he had nearly inhaled. “Why would she believe that?”

  “Because I didn’t turn her in.”

  “Wait a minute, Dino, are you saying that she came to your apartment?”

  Dino just nodded.

  “And you didn’t call anybody? Nine-one-one, the FBI, anybody?”

  Dino shook his head.

  “Listen to me, pal, you need to take a hike to the nearest post office and take a look at the ten-most-wanted list. You won’t have any trouble finding her there, she’s right at the top.”

  “You think I don’t know that, Stone?”

  “I know you, Dino, and I know that you are all cop, that you would turn in your mother if she was wanted for five murders.”

  Dino shrugged. “I wasn’t all that crazy about my mother.”

  “But you’re crazy about Shelley Bach?”

  “That’s about the size of it,” Dino said disconsolately.

  “Funny, I never noticed that when we met her in Washington.”

  “You didn’t notice, because you were in your room screwing Holly Barker while Shelley and I were in my room, fucking our brains out. We didn’t have all that much opportunity to talk.”

  “I suppose that’s so,” Stone agreed. “We were both pretty busy at the time.”

  “Busier than I’ve ever been in my whole life,” Dino said. “We were fucking at least twice a day every day we were there.”

  “That’s a tough schedule, Dino. You’re in better shape than I thought.”

  The headwaiter summoned them for their table, and they followed him into the back room, where they were seated.

  “Tell me,” Stone said, “in the moments when you weren’t raping each other, what did you talk about? Did Shelley even mention the murders?”

  “Nope. It’s like they never happened. I asked her how she got away so clean, and she said that she had started making arrangements not long after we arrived in D.C. She’s a very smart woman. You know that guy from Boston, Whitey Bulger, that the FBI caught not long ago?”

  “Sure, it was all over the TV and the papers.”

  “The FBI spent sixteen years hunting him, and she worked on the case for the last couple of years. I think she learned a lot about how fugitives disappear.”

  “I guess getting lost is an art,” Stone said.

  “You bet your ass it is. Just think about all the ways there are to get caught these days, what with cell phone tracing and security cameras everywhere and the Internet. It doesn’t seem possible that somebody could just get lost, but that’s what she’s done.”

  “But now she’s made a mistake,” Stone pointed out. “She’s contacted you.”

  Dino shook his head slowly.

  “Dino, do I need to point out that abetting a fugitive can end your career and get you some serious time? What are you going to do if she kills somebody else? Then you’re in deep shit.”

  “I don’t think she will,” Dino said. “She killed the first one in a rage and the others to cover it up. She doesn’t have to cover up anything anymore.”

  “Dino, you’re playing a very dangerous game here.”

  “You think I don’t know that?”

  “How about this: the next time she contacts you, tell her not to get in touch again, because you’ll have to turn her in. That would put you pretty much in the clear.”

  “That’s a good idea, Stone. When I get home tonight, I’ll tell her just that.�
��

  “You mean she’s in your apartment right now?”

  “I told her I was going out with you, so she ordered a pizza.”

  “Dino, promise me you’ll drop-kick her right into the street, first thing in the morning.”

  “I will,” Dino said. “If I can.”

  10

  Herbie was in his cubicle at Woodman amp; Weld at seven-thirty the following morning. He emptied his briefcase of the files he had worked on at home until midnight the night before, then walked up one level to one of the two partners’ floors, to Karla Martin’s office. Karla had a well-deserved reputation as the toughest partner in the firm where the treatment of associates was concerned.

  With the knowledge of Mike Freeman’s offer bolstering his courage, Herbie walked into Karla’s office and dumped the stack of files on her desk. “Good morning, and there you are,” he said. “There’s a memo in each file listing the relevant precedents and case law. That makes you and me entirely up to date.” He walked over to a table in a corner where a coffee thermos sat and poured himself a cup, then sat down opposite her.

  Karla stared at him, unblinking, a glare that any associate would have recognized in a flash as preceding heavy weather. “I don’t believe I invited you in for coffee,” she said acidly.

  “That’s just one of the many mistakes you make with associates, Karla,” Herbie replied, “especially with me.”

  “ What? ”

  “I’ve spent two years shoring up your reputation in this firm, and I’m all done now. I’d like you to recommend me to Bill Eggers for senior associate.” This was a step toward partnership, and the appointments were handed out stingily. In fact, he thought, no one could remember Karla ever recommending anyone for senior associate.

  “You must be out of your mind, Herbert,” she spat, “coming in here and making yourself at home and thinking I would promote you.”

  “You can’t promote me, Karla, I know that, but if you sign this letter, it might help a bit with Eggers.” He removed a letter, neatly typed on the firm’s letterhead, and slid it across the desk.

  Karla picked up the letter and read it.

  “I don’t think the praise is overdone, do you? I tried to frame it in your own inimitable, grudging style.”

  Karla was trembling with anger. “You little twerp,” she said through clenched teeth. “You get out of my office!”

  “Just as soon as you sign the letter,” Herbie said. “Oh, and a phone call to Bill would be nice, too.”

  “Why do you think I would ever do such a thing?” she demanded.

  “Because if you don’t, I’m going to start making people around here aware of what a lousy lawyer you are.”

  “ What? ”

  “You’ve been kept afloat for years in this firm by smart associates who’ve done your work for you and kept their mouths shut about it, but I’m not going to keep my mouth shut. I’m in a very strong position in this firm. I have an excellent reputation here, and you don’t.” Herbie saw a flicker of something in her face that might have been fear. He pounced.

  “You know that as well as I do, don’t you? You know you couldn’t count on the support of a single associate here and not more than one or two partners. You’ve lost two accounts in the past year, and you haven’t brought anything in. You’ve been on the edge at Woodman and Weld, and all you need is a nudge to tumble into the abyss of unemployment.”

  “Then why would you want the support in the firm of someone as weak as you think I am?” She smirked, as if she had won the argument.

  “Because you never praise anyone for anything, Karla, and the shock just might get Bill Eggers’s attention. That’s the only reason, believe me.” He stood up. “I’ll be going now, and I’d like to take the signed letter with me.” He held out a hand.

  She tried the glare again, saw that it wasn’t working, and signed the letter. “Now you can go to hell,” she said.

  Herbie put the letter into his pocket. “You first,” he said, then walked out. He was quivering with excitement and exultation. He had nailed Karla Martin, and he had it in writing. She could never retract that letter.

  Herbie walked up another flight of stairs and down the wide hallway that housed the senior partners, then walked into Eggers’s secretary’s office. “Good morning, Jane,” he said, giving her his best smile. He had cultivated her carefully since the day he arrived at Woodman amp; Weld.

  “Good morning, Herbert,” she said.

  “Do you think he might have a moment?”

  She picked up the phone and buzzed Eggers. “Herbert Fisher would like a moment.” She hung up. “He’ll see you.”

  “Thanks, sweetheart.” Herbie walked into the big corner office. “Good morning, Bill,” he said.

  “Herbert,” Eggers said. “I got your message about leaving early yesterday.”

  “Yes, I had a lot of work to get done for Karla, and I didn’t want her interrupting me, as she is prone to do, so I took it home and finished it there.”

  “I see.”

  “It was the last work I’ll be doing for Karla,” Herbie said, matter-of-factly.

  Eggers looked surprised. “Are you resigning from the firm, Herbert?”

  “No, Bill, just from Karla. I won’t work for her another minute.”

  A flicker of a smile crossed Eggers’s face. “And how did Karla take that?” he asked.

  “Oh, we parted on good terms,” Herbie said, handing Eggers the letter.

  Eggers picked up the letter and read it, looking more and more amazed. “Herbert, did you forge this?”

  “Certainly not, Bill.”

  Eggers pressed the speaker button on his phone and dialed an extension.

  “Karla Martin.”

  “Karla, it’s Bill.”

  “Good morning, Bill.”

  “Good morning. I’ve just read the letter you sent me, recommending Herbert Fisher for senior associate. Do you stand by it?”

  There was the briefest of pauses, causing Herbie to begin to sweat, then she said, sweetly for Karla, “Of course, Bill. He’s a very bright young man, and he’s done fine work for me.”

  “Thank you, Karla,” Eggers said, then hung up. His gaze had never left Herbie’s face. “I’m having a little trouble digesting this,” he said. “Do you have photographs of Karla in bed with a donkey?”

  Herbie laughed heartily. “Karla? I can’t imagine her in bed with man or beast.”

  “Neither can I,” Eggers said, “but before you walked in here I could never have imagined her writing this letter, either.”

  “Hard shell, soft heart,” Herbie said, shrugging. “Who knew?”

  “Certainly not I,” Eggers said. “So you’re making a formal request to be promoted to senior associate?”

  “Karla was kind enough to do that for me,” Herbie said.

  “But you do want it, don’t you?”

  “Of course, Bill. I think I could be more useful to the firm in that position. And not having to slave away for Karla or another partner would give me time to make some rain around here.”

  “You think you could do that?” Eggers asked.

  “Let’s find out. My guess is that Marshall Brennan might be disposed to giving us some new business, and I’d like to handle it.”

  “What else do you want, Herbert?”

  “A substantial raise, a real office with a window, my own secretary, and a full-time associate to do everything I don’t want to do myself.”

  “Is that all?”

  “For the time being.”

  “And what will you do if I don’t give it to you?”

  Herbie took a deep breath and prepared to threaten to resign, but he stopped himself. “I think this is in the firm’s best interests, Bill, and you always do what’s in the firm’s best interests.”

  “Nobody’s ever made senior associate around here in under three years,” Eggers said.

  Herbie observed that Eggers had not fired him yet, and he pressed his luck just
a bit. “I’ve heard that,” he said, “and I think this might give a lot of the associates new hope-even make them work harder.”

  Eggers pressed a button on his phone.

  “Yes, Mr. Eggers?” Jane asked.

  “Come in, please.”

  “We moved George Howard to a bigger office yesterday, didn’t we?”

  “Yessir.”

  “Give his old office to Herbert, and find him a decent secretary. Herbert is our newest senior associate. Send out the memo, and send a release to the papers and the law journals.”

  “Yessir.”

  “And who is our newest, greenest, most forlorn associate?”

  Jane squinted at the ceiling for a moment. “That would be young Bobby Bentley,” she said.

  “Tell him he works for Herbert now.”

  “Yessir. Anything else?”

  “Yes, type up a memo to payroll for my signature, giving Herbert a fifteen percent raise.”

  Herbie made a loud coughing noise.

  “All right, twenty-five percent.”

  “Yessir!” Jane sped back to her desk.

  Eggers looked at Herbie. “Why are you still here?”

  “Thank you, Bill.” Herbie tried to leave without appearing to hurry.

  11

  Dino woke from a sound sleep with the sudden knowledge that his penis was in someone’s mouth, and that long, red hair was tickling his belly. He stuffed an extra pillow behind his head and watched, with growing excitement that ended in a veritable explosion. “Oh, God,” he moaned.

  Shelley Bach moved up the bed to share his pillow. “Well,” she said, “I do know what you like.”

  “I can’t deny that,” Dino said. He took a deep breath and said what he had to say. “Shelley, you can’t be here-it’s too dangerous for both of us.”

  “You’re afraid that you’ll lose your job if you’re found consorting with a fugitive, right?”

  “More than that, Shelley, I’m afraid that you’ll be in prison soon and that I will be, too. Can’t you understand that that is too high a price to pay for a good blow job?”