I Heart Hawaii: Escape with the funniest and most fabulous romcom of summer 2019 (I Heart Series, Book 8)

by Lindsey Kelk

  ‘Right, I’m going to go and let you get on with your …’ I paused, words escaping me at the worst time as usual. ‘Rejuvenation, and I’ll see you tomorrow night. You’ll have to meet Alex and the boys.’

  ‘I’d love to,’ she replied with what seemed like a genuine smile. ‘Anika, I know we were just doing downstairs today but we might have to tighten up the face as well.’

  ‘I really hope she’s got a different attachment for that,’ I muttered as I waved goodbye and let myself out.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  ‘Does this look good?’

  Alex strode into the middle of the living room on Friday morning with arms outstretched, and gave me a spin. I looked him up and down; black leather hightops, ancient jeans that looked as though they’d been made just for him, an untucked white button-down shirt that actually had been made just for him and his favourite vintage blazer. He looked almost exactly the same as he did the day I met him.

  ‘It looks amazing,’ I confirmed from the floor of the middle of the living room where Alice was busy discovering a stuffed duck that had an especially irritating crinkly bill and made a quacking sound every time she stomped on its belly. Which she did every three minutes. I started off thinking it was worth it to hear her delighted giggles of joy. I was no longer sure. She clung to the edge of the sofa, wobbly on her new legs, before falling onto her bum and laughing her back off. My daughter was mental and I loved her.

  ‘You don’t think it’s kinda dated?’ he asked, windmilling his arms to confirm it was an appropriate outfit for a rockstar. ‘I’ve had it forever, I must have worn it to a hundred shows.’

  ‘Then it must be good,’ I said as I tried to steal away the cursed duck. ‘You look like you, I like it.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, raising his voice as he disappeared back into the bedroom. ‘But tonight is a big deal. It’s the first time we’ve played New York in forever and we’re trying a ton of new stuff. Should I be wearing the same stuff I wore a decade ago? I don’t want to look like me, trying to look like me. What about this?’

  He reappeared, having swapped the blazer and the shirt for a tissue-thin black T-shirt that hung from his broad shoulders and just met the waistband of his jeans.

  ‘Your belly is going to show when you play,’ I said, pointing at the hint of bare skin.

  ‘My belly?’ With a look of alarm, he turned to look in the mirror and slapped his firm, flat stomach. ‘I don’t have a belly?’

  ‘Not that kind of belly,’ I said, rolling my eyes at Alice as she pulled up her tiny T-shirt to demonstrate her own belly action. ‘I meant, there’s going to be some bare flesh action. But that might be what you want, trying to get by on your looks again, you monster.’

  ‘Hey, it works for that Maroon 5 dude,’ Alex replied.

  ‘You know his name is Adam Levine and you’re only pretending you don’t to annoy me.’ I rolled a light-up ball towards Alice, seizing the opportunity to grab the duck and hurl it behind the settee. ‘What are Graham and Craig wearing?’

  ‘I didn’t even think to ask them,’ he said, manically patting himself down for his phone. Happy to be the level-headed spouse for once, I reached over to grab it from the coffee table, where it had been all morning, and handed it to him.

  ‘Thanks.’

  He stooped down to kiss the top of my head before hitting number one on his speed dial and heading back into the bedroom. Number one was Graham, number two was Craig. I was number six, after the pizza place on Bedford Avenue, Northside Cars and his hairdresser.

  ‘Hey, it’s me,’ I heard him as the door closed. ‘What are you wearing tonight? A suit? What do you mean, you’re wearing a suit! We didn’t talk about suits!’

  ‘Don’t worry about Daddy,’ I said as Alice tried to eat the light-up ball. ‘He just wants to look pretty for his special night with his friends.’

  She looked back at me, drooling onto the floor as my phone began to vibrate somewhere nearby.

  ‘Yeah, I know,’ I said, resting my back against the settee. ‘He looks amazing in everything. It’s very annoying … Hello, Angela Clark speaking?’

  ‘It’s me,’ Paige answered on the other end. ‘New version of the video is done, I’m sending it to you right now. Do you want to look at it again? Cici wants it out this afternoon.’

  ‘What’s new on this version?’ I asked, scrambling for my laptop. Technically, it was a Friday so I was working from home but it was also eleven a.m., I was still in my pyjamas and the only work-related thing I’d managed so far was opening the blank document that was my book proposal for Luka. Which was due on Monday.

  ‘Nothing major,’ she said. ‘It’s the same as the one you saw last night with the new music added at the end. I haven’t snuck in any photos of you looking ravishing or anything like that. Tennyson added some more footage from Hawaii just to spice up the pacing but that’s about it. We put in some of the audio to give it more of a real-life feel. It works really well with everyone laughing and having a good time.’

  Hmm. Whatever could everyone be laughing at?

  ‘Is the part where I fall in the pool still in it?’

  ‘And we added a bit where the horse ran off,’ she admitted. ‘But in Tennyson’s defence, it is really funny. We really need to get it out today, Cici’s going spare.’

  ‘If that’s it, I don’t need to see it again,’ I replied, my epic to-do list running through my mind. One less thing to think about. ‘Let’s get it out. I can’t believe we got it done so quickly, I should get Ember and Tennyson doughnuts or something.’

  ‘Ooh, that’s a good idea,’ Paige said. ‘I found a brilliant little vegan bakeshop that’s just opened next to the office. No dairy, coeliac friendly. They’re so much better than you’d think they’re going to be.’

  ‘Good god, woman, you’ve been here, what, three weeks?’ I said with a sad little sigh. ‘And you’re already fully converted. Shame on you, get yourself down to Krispy Kreme and get me a dozen original glazed and we’ll forget this ever happened.’

  She cackled down the line.

  ‘You’ve been away from England too long, my love. You wouldn’t recognize east London if it bit you on your perfectly Pilates-toned bottom. We’re all food-conscious these days.’

  ‘It’s time to go and live in a cave,’ I declared, rolling onto all fours to follow Alice as she scooted off behind the sofa but I was too late. Quack quack quack quack. ‘And you’re coming tonight, aren’t you?’

  ‘Can’t wait,’ she replied. ‘My ex is over from London for work stuff, I’m going to bring him, if that’s OK?’

  I nodded as I tried to bribe Alice away from that bloody duck with a half-empty packet of Wotsits. Her lack of interest in British snacks was worrying. The child was rejecting her heritage.

  ‘Totally, sounds like a brilliant idea and not in any way a huge mistake.’

  ‘Piss off, I’ll talk to you later,’ Paige said happily. ‘Thanks, babe.’

  ‘Your boss is coming tonight?’ Alex walked back in wearing his suit, swooping down to scoop Alice up into his arms.

  ‘Boss and friend,’ I replied. Damn he looked good. I really did have to start putting on people clothes as soon as I got up in the morning. ‘Although yes, she is my boss. I still need to learn boundaries.’

  ‘Good for you,’ he said, messing with his hair in the mirror. ‘I’m gonna head down to BAM, run through the sound check. Graham said there are a couple of interviewers coming by so I don’t know if I’ll get back before the show. Do you want to come over and eat with us? The guys would love to see Al.’

  He threw Alice up into the air, almost letting go as she reached the top and bounced her all the way back down again. She shrieked with laughter every single time, as though it had never happened to her before, reaching out for his face, his hair, his shirt, anything she could get her pudgy little claws into. That little girl was so in love with her daddy.

  ‘I would but I’ve got a ton of work to do.’ I
clicked on Paige’s link and started downloading the video. ‘I’ll call you when we’re on our way.’

  Alex pointed over at a square cardboard box on the dresser by the door. ‘Don’t forget her ear defenders. Can’t have my baby messing up her hearing at Daddy’s show.’

  ‘Are they the ones Gwyneth used?’ I asked, my heart pounding.

  ‘They are,’ he nodded. ‘I called Chris to make sure. You’re Goop-approved.’

  There it was, confirmation he was actually perfect.

  ‘And did I tell you my mom and dad are coming?’

  Almost perfect.

  ‘No, you did not.’

  ‘Yeah, they haven’t been to a show since … you know, I don’t think they’ve ever been to a show. You’ll hang out with them backstage, right?’ he asked, lowering a devastated Alice back down to the floor. She lay at his feet, gazing up at him in despair before opening her mouth, taking a very deep breath and screaming as loudly as humanly possible. According to our upstairs neighbours, that was very loud indeed.

  Alex stepped over the screaming baby and leaned over to give me a real kiss.

  ‘Remember that time she screamed so long she turned blue?’ he said, looking at his wailing daughter with love only a father could feel.

  ‘Pretty sure I’ll remember that until the day I die,’ I replied, picking her up and resting her on a hip, letting her snuggle into my neck until she stopped crying. According to my mum, this was bad parenting and children should be left to cry but her only child, me, ran away to America and never came back so I wasn’t totally sure her tips were one hundred percent reliable.

  ‘Call me if you need anything,’ Alex said, checking himself for his phone, his keys and, nope, that was it because he was a man. ‘It’s supposed to rain so I got her duck boots out.’

  His mother had bought them. They were actually pretty cute but it would be a cold day in hell before I put them on my daughter.

  ‘We love you!’ I called, holding Al at arm’s length and bouncing her up and down on my knees. A dry nappy didn’t feel that squishy and bouncing a dirty nappy up and down was not about to make the next five minutes of my life any more pleasant.

  ‘Love you too,’ Alex replied as I sniffed Alice’s bum for confirmation of her dirty protest at her father’s leaving.

  I retched, she giggled and the front door slammed shut.

  ‘Brilliant timing,’ I muttered, holding her aloft and keeping the offending butt area as far away from me as possible as we made our way into the nursery.

  Three hours and four cups of tea later, Alice was fast asleep and I had answered three emails, written two articles and now I finally felt ready to face the book proposal. I tightened my ponytail and stared at the computer, willing a brilliant idea to make its way from my brain directly onto the page. I couldn’t work out why it was so hard. I wrote words every day, I had a million stories I could tell that would all make good books (or at least that’s what Jenny said), so why was I hitting a brick wall every time I tried to commit them to paper?

  Everything I’d come up with so far could be best described as complete toss and now Alice had gone down for her nap, all I wanted to do was copy her. But there was no time for sleep, I had to come up with something. This could be my one and only chance to have an actual book, actually published. All I needed was one fantastic idea …

  I wasn’t sure which came first, the ringing doorbell or the pounding on the living room window, but I did know Alice screaming the house down followed only split seconds behind. Leaping out of my chair, I sprinted for the door, dodging the ankle-shattering stuffed toys that lay littered around the living room, and wrenched it open, ready to kill.

  ‘Jenny?’

  My best friend was standing on the doorstep, mascara running down her face and fury burning in her eyes. This was the first time in the entirety of our friendship she hadn’t immediately let herself into my house and made herself at home. Something was very wrong.

  ‘Jen?’ I said again, actually afraid. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘What’s wrong?’ she repeated from the doorstep. ‘Are you for real?’

  ‘I don’t know what’s happening,’ I said, looking back over my shoulder. Alice had quietened down but was still grumbling away in the background. She enjoyed being woken up from a nap about as much as I did. ‘But can you come in and stop banging on things? Alice is having a nap.’

  ‘No, I can’t,’ Jenny shook her head. ‘Because you just ruined my life so I don’t especially care about your precious daughter’s naptime.’ She thrust her phone in my face.

  I stepped backwards to avoid getting punched in the nose with a giant iPhone and stared at the cracked screen.

  ‘Did I break your phone?’ I asked, taking a step backwards.

  ‘Not the screen, genius, what’s on the screen.’

  It was my video.

  ‘OK, I’m a bit confused.’ The cold dread in my stomach suggested this wasn’t Jenny’s very dramatic way of telling me how much she had enjoyed it. ‘What’s wrong with the video?’

  ‘The video is great,’ she said, pulling her arm back and scrolling through to what I hoped was her favourite part. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe I’d ruined her life by being really great?

  ‘Super high production values, perfectly pitched to your readers, and I think the best part, and this is only my humble opinion, is when you say the mascara that paid for your trip to Hawaii completely fucking sucks. And then I agree.’

  She pushed the phone back into my face and pressed play. Paige – or Ember and Tennyson more likely – hadn’t only included the video of me being pushed into the pool, they’d added the audio. I watched the screen in horror as a laughing Jenny hoisted me out of the pool, both of us with mascara tracks running down our faces, merrily slagging off Précis Cosmetics without a care in the world.

  ‘Oh god, Jenny,’ I whispered, barely hearing Alice’s screams any more. Not hearing anything but me telling the entire world just how bad the new Précis mascara exactly was. And leading Jenny into agreeing. ‘I am so sorry, I’ll get it taken down right away. Let me call Paige.’

  ‘Oh, OK, if you’re sorry then that’s totally fine,’ Jenny declared, restarting the video all over again. ‘You call Paige and I’ll call Camilla Rose, tell her it was a huge mistake and then she’ll give us back the Précis account, stop threatening to sue and I’m sure she’ll put in another call to Bertie Bennett and tell him not to cancel his AJB contract with us too.’

  The cold dread in my stomach blossomed into immobilizing fear.

  ‘I’ll get it taken down right now,’ I said quietly. ‘Let me call Paige.’

  ‘Cool, cool,’ she said, curly hair flying everywhere, still utterly manic. ‘Then could you call Erin and ask for my job back? I’m sure she won’t mind the fact her entire business is at risk because you’re sorry.’

  ‘Erin sacked you?’

  For a second, I really thought I was going to throw up.

  ‘Does it sound like the kind of thing I’d make up?’ Jenny bellowed. ‘How could you, Angie? How could you do this?’

  ‘I didn’t do it on purpose,’ I said, knocking her phone away from my face. I really didn’t need to see the video again. ‘I didn’t even know, I haven’t seen the final video. I’m—’

  ‘So help me god, if you say you’re sorry one more time,’ she warned, pointing a sharp, red fingernail in my face. ‘What the fuck, Angela, what the actual fuck.’

  I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hug her, I wanted to punch myself, I wanted to reach into her phone and yank that video off the internet with my bare hands, but none of those options would help Jenny. Well, punching myself in the face might be a start but, from the look in her eyes, I could tell she’d much rather do that herself.

  ‘What can I do? Tell me what to do.’

  ‘No,’ she said, her voice this close to breaking. ‘I can’t fix this for you this time. You really screwed up.’

  ‘I don’t know what el
se to say.’ I bit my lip and looked down at my feet, unable to meet her tearful eyes. The weight of my guilt was so heavy I couldn’t even raise my head to look at her. ‘There’s been so much going on with work and Alex and the book and—’

  ‘And I was the last thing you considered, as usual,’ she finished for me. ‘Because everything is more important than me. Alex, Alice, your job, your little British besties, your mommy friends. No room left for ol’ No Babies Jenny.’

  ‘You know that’s not true,’ I said as Alice began to scream louder. ‘Come inside. I’m going to call Paige right away and have it taken down then I’ll call Erin and explain. And I’ll call Camilla and Al and whoever else I need to speak to. I can fix this, I promise I can fix it.’

  ‘Only you can’t.’ Jenny’s rage finally exploded into a flood of tears. ‘It’s done. You can’t take something like this off the internet. People are already posting about it. And Camilla knows everyone, we’ll have lost every account by the end of the day, then it won’t only be me who’s unemployed, it’ll be the entire staff. How are you going to fix that?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered but the words had lost all meaning. ‘I hate myself right now.’

  ‘Good,’ she said, giving me one last heartbroken look before she turned and stormed off down the street. ‘You should.’

  I watched as she went, pausing only for a second before stuffing my feet into the trainers I kept beside the door for emergency bin visits. I was down the steps and on the pavement before I stopped. Alice. I couldn’t leave her to chase after Hurricane Jenny. And by the time I’d got her awake, changed and dressed, Jenny would be long gone. I hovered in the street, stamping my feet in frustration. As Jenny disappeared out of view, I turned back to the apartment, a plan of action forming in my head. First things first. I would call Paige, get the video removed, call Erin and explain how this was all my fault. Then I’d get Camilla’s number and give her my best grovelling apology and, after that, Alice and I would trawl the streets of New York City, hunt down Jenny Lopez and find a way to make her forgive me. No matter what Jenny said, nothing was impossible. There had to be a way to make this right and I was going to find it.