Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  FINDING THE LOCATIONS

  After reading the script and studying the storyboards, the location scout or manager travels around to find and photograph potential places to film—a difficult job, as numerous factors must be considered before the director and producers will even go and look at it.

  • How much does it cost to film there? Are there permits available? Grand Central Station may be exactly what the film calls for, but will the cost of filming there put the movie over budget?

  • How noisy is the location? Nearby construction equipment or an airport can grind a production to a halt. Location scouts must be able to see into the future to know what the conditions will be like when the filming is scheduled.

  • How accessible is the location? Is there power available? Only movies with the biggest budgets can afford to send an armada of trucks and helicopters out to the middle of nowhere and power it all up with generators.

  There have been more than 200 deaths and 12,600 injuries…

  If no suitable location can be found, there are options: They can “re-dress” one place to make it look like another, send a film crew to the location to get background shots and then digitally add in the actors during postproduction, or re-create the location on a soundstage or a studio back lot.

  Reel-Life Example: In the 2000 comedy Big Momma’s House, Martin Lawrence plays an FBI agent who disguises himself as a matriarchal woman in order to catch a criminal. Production designer Craig Steams knew that “the House” would need to be a character in and of itself, so he sent four location scouts on a search through the southern United States. When the perfect house was finally chosen, producers decided that filming would be much easier in a more controllable environment. So the crew ended up building an exact replica of the house on two stages at Universal Studios.

  Did it work? Yes. Martin Lawrence’s performance (along with that of the house) may not have won many accolades from critics, but audiences loved it. Made for $33 million, Big Momma’s House grossed $173 million and spawned a successful sequel.

  VISUAL EFFECTS

  Because shooting schedules are so tight, the visual effects coordinator must read the script and then tell the director what can or can’t be filmed on set—and then start figuring out how to do it. There are two kinds of visual effects: those that will be completed in postproduction, and practical effects, which will be done on set, such as explosions, gunfire, rain, and…baby cows.

  Reel-Life Example: In the 1991 film City Slickers, Mitch (Billy Crystal) must help deliver a newborn calf. Because an actual birthing would have been nearly impossible to set up and capture in one take, the visual effects department built an animatronic calf that Crystal “delivered” several times until director Ron Underwood was satisfied.

  Did it work? Yes. City Slickers was a hit with both critics and audiences. If the birthing scene hadn’t been convincing, the story would have suffered. Film critic Roger Ebert apparently didn’t notice the ruse. “All of the subplots, like Crystal’s love for a baby calf he helps deliver,” he wrote, “pay off at the end.”

  attributed to road rage in the U.S. since 1990.

  COSTUME DESIGN

  Working in conjunction with the art director, based on the PD’s vision, every single piece of clothing that the actors wear must either be found or created by the costume designer.

  Reel-Life Example: In a character-driven film such as 2001’s Ocean’s Eleven, the costumes must help tell the story, and director Steven Soderbergh credits much of the movie’s success to costume designer Jeffrey Kurland. But the head of an art department can’t work in a vacuum; Kurland collaborated with production designer Phil Messina. “We share color schemes and ideas. When I told him that I was going to try to design Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) with an Asian feeling, Phil designed Benedict’s hotel with a distinctively Asian feel. We also talk about color and what he plans to use as upholstery so that the characters don’t disappear into his furnishings.” This is another job that begins in preproduction and stretches all the way through to the end of filming. “If I remember correctly, George (Clooney) has 26 costume changes, Brad (Pitt) has 24, Elliott (Gould) has 12 or 14. I was constantly making and designing clothes throughout the show.” (In movie business lingo, a film project in production is called “the show.”)

  REHEARSE, REHEARSE, REHEARSE

  It’s important that the casting be completed as early as possible so the main actors can be brought in to rehearse and train for the various tasks their characters must perform—from stunt work to dancing to foreign accents. An actor may spend a month training for a scene that will take a week to shoot and only takes up a minute of screen time.

  Reel-Life Example: When Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, and Hugo Weaving were cast as the four leads in 1999’s futuristic action film, The Matrix, they figured training would only last a few weeks. Instead, it took closer to four months. Under the tutelage of kung fu choreographer Woo Ping Yuen, they had to learn not only martial arts but how to fight each other while suspended on wires.

  Did it work? Yes. The Matrix set a new standard for action movies with both its never-before-seen visual effects and complex fight scenes. But it wasn’t easy—the film spent four years in development and over a year in preproduction before the first scene was even filmed.

  For Part IV, go to page 433.

  Q: How many steps are there to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa? A: 294.

  SUPER BOWL TRIVIA

  For our Bathroom Reader sports fans, a little “bowl” trivia.

  • City that’s hosted the most Super Bowls: Miami, with 10. Second place: New Orleans, with 9.

  • Only two brothers to be named Super Bowl MVPs: Peyton Manning of the Indianapolis Colts (2007) and Eli Manning of the New York Giants (2008).

  • Only Super Bowl MVP selected from a losing team: Chuck Howley of the 1971 Dallas Cowboys.

  • Only team to play the Super Bowl at home: It’s never happened. The closest: the 1985 Super Bowl won by the 49ers at Stanford Stadium, 35 miles from San Francisco.

  • Most Super Bowl appearances without a win: The Minnesota Vikings and the Buffalo Bills have each been to, and lost, four Super Bowls. The Bills are the only team to lose four in a row (1991–1994).

  • Closest final score: In 1991 the New York Giants beat the Buffalo Bills by one point, 20–19, thanks to a last-minute field goal.

  • Most Super Bowl wins: The San Francisco 49ers, Dallas Cowboys, and Pittsburgh Steelers have won five each.

  • Lowest scoring Super Bowl: Super Bowl VII (1973); Miami beat Washington 14–7. Highest scoring Super Bowl: Super Bowl XXIX (1995). The 49ers beat the San Diego Chargers 49–26, for a combined total of 75 points.

  • Most points scored by one team: The San Francisco 49ers scored 55 in 1990 to beat the Denver Broncos 55–10. It was the biggest blowout in Super Bowl history.

  • Most-watched Super Bowl: The 2008 game between the NY Giants and New England Patriots was seen by 97.5 million American TV viewers. With the population at 300 million, that means that about one out of every three U.S. residents watched the game.

  • TV shows that premiered immediately after Super Bowl broadcasts: The A-Team, The Wonder Years, Family Guy, and Homicide: Life on the Street.

  To date, the year 1888 requires the most Roman numerals: MDCCCLXXXVIII.

  CAUGHT IN THE ACT

  More tales of dishonest people getting their comeuppance.

  CULPRIT: Nigel Hardman, a.k.a. “Prince Razaq,” of Warton, England

  GRAND SCHEME: After a number of civil servant jobs—mail sorter, meter reader, and accident insurance advisor—Hardman was ready for something different. His chance came after a 2002 car accident, when he applied for disability payments and housing assistance, claiming he was “too ill to work.” Now, with a supplemental income, Hardman started training to be a magician. After he recovered, he stuck with his act…but kept on receiving government payments. Donning a turban, long robes,
curly-toed sandals, and the name “Prince Razaq,” he appeared on the British TV show The Big Breakfast (he escaped from a straight jacket while standing on a bed of nails), and his career took off. With newfound fame, Hardman started living in lavish style, even purchasing a 31-foot-long stretch limousine so he could, according to the Guardian, “drive stag and hen party guests around Blackpool.”

  EXPOSED! British fraud investigators, it turned out, had also seen the talent show and soon learned that the man who was “too ill to work” was moonlighting as a death-defying daredevil who swallowed swords and tamed lions. In 2008 Hardman, 40, pleaded guilty to 11 counts of fraud—in all, he bilked £18,000 ($35,000) from the British benefits system. (He was also nearly bankrupt.)

  OUTCOME: Hardman was tagged for six months, which means he can’t leave his home from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. If he does, the magistrate warned him, the court will come down on him “like a ton of bricks.”

  CULPRIT: Martino Garibaldi, a 45-year-old shop owner from Montecalvo, Italy

  GRAND SCHEME: Garibaldi’s wife (first name not released) thought her marriage was fine…until one day in 2007, when she discovered that all of her money—37,000 euros ($73,000)—was missing from her bank account. And Martino was missing, too. Did he run off? Was he kidnapped? Mrs. Garibaldi hired a private investigator to track down her husband, but the search yielded nothing. Her husband and her money were both gone.

  EXPOSED! A few months later, in early 2008, Mrs. Garibaldi received a call from one of her friends: watch the new movie, Natale in Crociera (Christmas on a Cruise), said the friend, and pay close attention to the background people. Mrs. Garibaldi watched it, and sure enough, there was Martino—along with his mistress—sitting at a table enjoying themselves in the background of a scene that was filmed in the Dominican Republic.

  OUTCOME: Thanks to the new evidence, Mrs. Garibaldi was able to track Martino down and has since served him with divorce papers…and is suing him to get all of her money back.

  Snowmelt from Montana’s Triple Divide Peak can end up in 3 oceans: Pacific, Atlantic, and Arctic.

  CULPRIT: Michael Cosmi, a 29-year-old man from Wayne, New Jersey

  GRAND SCHEME: From December 2005 to February 2006, Cosmi would routinely wander around New York City’s JFK Airport while speaking loudly into his cell phone: “Yes, yes, I’ve been robbed! And my patient doesn’t have much time!” When a concerned citizen showed interest, Cosmi introduced himself as “Dr. Michael Harris” or “Dr. Michael Stanley” and explained that he desperately needed cab fare to get to Brigantine Hospital in New Jersey to perform emergency surgery. “I promise I’ll pay you back,” he’d say. “It’s a matter of life and death!” In all, Cosmi conned ten people out of more than $800, including a flight attendant; a rabbi; a cop’s widow; and an off-duty NYPD captain named Bill Tobin, who gave the scam artist $100.

  EXPOSED! A week after he’d been unknowingly conned at the airport, Tobin was riding on the LIRR (Long Island Railroad) and heard Cosmi giving the same spiel to an elderly woman. “I wasn’t carrying my gun, which was probably good, because I wanted to stick it in his ear,” said Tobin, who arrested Cosmi for fraud.

  OUTCOME: Authorities were able to track down Cosmi’s other victims (he still had all of their names and addresses in his notebook because he’d promised to pay them back). It was later revealed that Cosmi is the son of a New Jersey prosecutor…and that there is no “Brigantine Hospital” in New Jersey or anywhere else. Cosmi was ordered to pay $2,165 in restitution and undergo drug counseling to avoid a jail term.

  The naked truth: The first American film to feature nudity was called Inspiration (1915).

  THE COMSTOCK LODE,

  PART III

  Here’s the third installment of our story of one of the biggest mining bonanzas in American history. (Part II of the story is on page 222.)

  SELLERS’ REMORSE

  It didn’t take long for the discoverers of the Comstock Lode to realize how wrong they’d been to sell out so early. Having thousands of dollars in their pockets, perhaps for the first time in their lives, must have felt wonderful in an age in which the highest paid miners made $4 a day. In the 1850s, $1,000 had more purchasing power than $100,000 does today.

  But as the new owners of the Comstock claims dug deeper into the earth, not only did the ore deposit not peter out as the discoverers had expected it would—it grew larger than the most experienced mining engineers had ever seen before. Who knows how many sleepless night were spent by the early sellouts, anguishing over what might have been had they held onto their claims for just a little longer.

  WIDE LODE

  Normally, such rich deposits of gold and silver are found in narrow cracks in the Earth known as veins or lodes. They’re deposited there by geothermally heated water, which dissolves trace amounts of gold, silver, or other minerals at deeper levels in the Earth’s crust. Then, as the water rises through cracks in the crust and gets near the earth’s surface, the hot water cools and the minerals come out of suspension and are deposited in high concentrations in the cracks.

  Such cracks are usually quite narrow—no more than a few feet wide. But not this time: by the time the miners had dug 50 feet down, the vein had grown to 10 to 12 feet wide, and as the miners dug deeper, it grew wider still. When they reached a depth of 180 feet in December 1860, the vein was more than 45 feet across—so wide, in fact, that traditional methods of reinforcing the mine against cave-ins weren’t good enough to do the job. A better technique of timbering had to be found, and in late 1860 a mining engineer named Philipp Deidesheimer found one. Instead of just putting posts against each wall and running a horizontal beam across the top to reinforce the ceiling, Deidesheimer used six-foot lengths of heavy timber to build giant cubes that could be stacked like building blocks to any height, width, or depth.

  3,000 people are hospitalized every year after tripping over laundry baskets.

  THE MONEY PIT

  Once this and a few other engineering challenges were solved, the Comstock Lode began to produce valuable ore faster than the mining companies could process it. Traditional horse-powered ore processing machines called arrastras soon gave way to giant steam-powered mills that by the end of 1861 could process more than 1,200 tons of ore per day. More than $2.5 million worth of gold and silver bullion was pulled out of the mines that year; the number more than doubled to $6 million in 1862 and doubled again to more than $12.4 million in 1863.

  The miners and the mine owners were making plenty of money, but in these early years nobody made out better than the lawyers. When it became evident that the Comstock Lode was one gigantic ore deposit instead of many small ones, the owners of the original mining claims wanted it all. They filed suit against newer operators to drive them out of business. By the time they succeeded in 1865, more than $10 million—the equivalent of $14 billion today and nearly 20% of the entire production of the mines up to that point—had been spent on lawsuits.

  BOOM TOWN

  As the mine roared to life, so did the city being built on top of it. In the winter of 1859, miners who’d lacked the foresight to bring their own tents with them to Virginia City had had to tunnel into the hillsides for shelter or squat in hovels made of stone, mud, and sagebrush. By the following spring, however, more than a dozen prominent stone buildings had already been built, as had dozens more of wood. Hundreds more went up before the year was out.

  The presence of so many miners with money to burn and no place to burn it attracted scores of merchants and aspiring businessmen who hoped to profit by providing them with goods and services. Soon the wagon trains hauling goods and supplies into the city stretched for miles on end. By the end of 1860, the settlement that had looked like a refugee camp just a year earlier boasted hotels, boarding houses, restaurants, butcher shops, bakeries, tailor shops, candy and cigar stores, and doctors’ offices. On the seamier side, there were saloons, gambling halls, opium dens, several brothels, and at least one brewery.

  Hey, Oprah! P
orphyrophobia is the fear of the color purple.

  That was just in the first year of growth; in the years to come, Virginia City would add paved streets, gas streetlights, schoolhouses, an opera house, an orphanage, five newspapers (26-year-old Samuel Clemens began using the pen name “Mark Twain” while editor of the Virginia City Enterprise), half a dozen churches, telegraph and railroad links to the outside world, and the only elevator between Chicago and California. When a lack of drinking water became a barrier to further growth in the early 1870s, the city ran a seven-mile-long iron pipe up into the Sierra Nevada mountains and began siphoning two million gallons of fresh water into the city every day.

  ON THE MAP

  By the mid-1870s, Virginia City boasted nearly 30,000 residents and in many respects was the most important community between Denver and San Francisco. The wealth of the Comstock Lode remade the map of the American West and provided the impetus in 1861 to create the Nevada Territory, which became the state of Nevada just three years later. It also helped to spur interest in building America’s first transcontinental railroad, which broke ground in 1863. The city of Reno, Nevada, 17 miles outside of Virginia City, was just a stop on the railroad when it was founded in 1868.

  Most of the goods and supplies that went to Virginia City passed through San Francisco, giving that city a major economic boost. San Francisco’s first stock exchange, founded in 1862, was set up to trade Comstock Lode shares. More prominent brick buildings were built in the city in 1861 alone than had been built in all previous years combined, and the pace of development remained high for many years to come.