Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader

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Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader Page 62

by Bathroom Readers' Institute


  —Mary Ellen Kelly

  “There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.”

  —Kevin James

  “The shortest period of time lies between the minute you put something away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain.”

  —Jane Bryant Quinn

  “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.”

  —James Branch Cabell

  “I once wanted to save the world. Now I just want to leave the room with some dignity.”

  —Lotus Weinstock

  The Welwitschia plant (found only in Southern Africa) can live for 1,000 years.

  ANSWER PAGES

  OL’ JAY’S BRAINTEASERS

  (Answers for page 166)

  1. HUNGRY BOOKWORM. The bookworm only eats through 2½ inches of book. That’s because he started at page 1 of the book on the left (which is facing the right side) and only has to eat through the front cover of book 1, the back cover of book 2, all of the pages of book 2, then through the front cover of book 2, then through the back cover of book 3. At that point he will have reached the last page of book 3 and can stop eating.

  2. THE 5TH CONDITION. The person must also be elected.

  3. SURROUNDED. Julia will just have to wait until the merry-go-round ride ends…and then dismount.

  4. BUILDER BLUNDER. The house address numbers were missing. Each number cost $1.00. So 1000 would have cost $4.00 and 50 would have cost $2.00. But since their new neighborhood only had nine houses, their addresses were each a single number, costing them a total of only $3.00.

  5. THE RUNAROUND. One-eff Jef ran around the chair twice and then said, “I’ll be back in a week to run around it a third time,” knowing that Two-eff Jeff wouldn’t be able to sit there for an entire week.

  6. A MOTHER’S GIFT. The answer is coal, which starts out black, but becomes a diamond in the rough after Mother Earth “smothers” it for a few million years. Thanks, Mom!

  7. FEELING FLAT. The flat tire was Thom’s spare tire—in his trunk the whole time.

  8. COFFEE DELIVERY! Maggie filled the three-gallon bucket with coffee and then poured it into the five-gallon bucket. Then she filled the three-gallon bucket again and carefully poured it into the five-gallon bucket until it was full, leaving exactly one gallon of coffee in the three-gallon bucket. And then we had coffee!

  Film star Jackie Chan’s father was a spy for Taiwan.

  EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN

  (Answers for page 236)

  1. New Hampshire.

  2. Alphabetical order—if you spell out the numbers.

  3. The letter Q.

  4. Four.

  5. The letters -ANT can be added to all of them to form new words.

  6. Hawaii and Louisiana.

  7. Mechanics, or mischance.

  8. Connect I cut (Connecticut).

  9. Seven.

  10. Strengths.

  11. Cobra, crab.

  12. Donkey—each of the others begins with the name of another animal: pigeon, beetle, bullfrog.

  13. Spell each of the numbers from 0 to 99—none contain the letters a, b, c, or d.

  14. In capital letters, the word has “180-degree rotational symmetry,” meaning that if you turn the book upside down, it still says SWIMS.

  15. Catchphrase.

  THE COLLECTORS

  (Answers for page 277)

  1. c 2. p 3. f 4. x 5. r 6. i 7. k 8. s 9. l 10. n 11. e 12. w 13. b 14. o 15. g 16. t 17. m 18. u 19. a 20. q 21. v 22. y 23. h 24. d 25. j

  “STRONGER THAN DIRT”

  (Answers for page 321)

  1. Sony PlayStation (2002)

  2. L’Oreal (1967)

  3. Radio Shack (2005)

  4. GEICO (2004)

  5. Mentos (1991)

  6. Wonderbra (1994)

  7. General Electric (1954)

  8. Sprite (1996)

  Bubble gum was originally called Blibber-Blubber gum (1906).

  9. Bayer (2004)

  10. Coca-Cola (1929)

  11. Kix (1980)

  12. Ford (1972)

  13. Viagra (2002)

  14. Quaker Puffed Wheat (1920)

  15. Ajax Detergent (1962)

  16. Pepsodent (1956)

  17. Pringles (1990)

  18. Morton Salt (1911)

  19. Foster’s Lager (1992)

  20. Miller High Life (1904)

  21. Microsoft (1996)

  22. Playtex Cross-Your-Heart Bra (1965)

  23. Nair (1987)

  24. Peace Corps (1961)

  25. J.C. Penny (1999)

  26. Greyhound (1957)

  27. United Negro College Fund (1972)

  28. Mazda (2003)

  29. Disneyland (1955)

  30. Meow Mix (1976)

  31. Esso/Exxon (1964)

  32. BMW (1975)

  33. Avis Rent-a-Car (1962)

  34. U.S. Army (1981)

  THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE ZAMUNDA

  (Answers for page 373)

  1. c), 2. k), 3. l), 4. d), 5. q), 6. b), 7. m), 8. j), 9. r), 10. i), 11. h), 12. o), 13. n), 14. a), 15. f), 16. e), 17. p), 18. g)

  TOAD AWAY

  Australian Cane toads are nearly as big as dinner plates…and poisonous. Their venom has been known to kill large dogs within minutes. That’s why Jackson Crews was worried when he saw his dog Bella mistake a cane toad for a pie he was feeding her in his backyard in Bakewell, Australia. “She swallowed it whole,” said Crews. He rushed Bella to the vet, where they gave her “an injection to help her vomit.” Finally, 40 minutes later, she threw up and out came the toad. And it started hopping around. Amazingly, both animals survived. Vet workers then caught the toad and kept it at their office. They named it Spew.

  Thinnest part of the Earth’s crust: about 3.7 miles. Thickest: about 46 miles.

  UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER CLASSIC SERIES

  Find these and other great titles from the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Classic Series online at www.bathroomreader.com. Or contact us at:

  Bathroom Readers’ Institute

  P.O. Box 1117

  Ashland, OR 97520

  (888) 488-4642

  Also available

  from Uncle John’s

  Bathroom Reader!

  THE LAST PAGE

  FELLOW BATHROOM READERS:

  The fight for good bathroom reading should never be taken loosely—we must do our duty and sit firmly for what we believe in, even while the rest of the world is taking potshots at us.

  We’ll be brief. Now that we’ve proven we’re not simply a flush-in-the-pan, we invite you to take the plunge: Sit Down and Be Counted! Become a member of the Bathroom Readers’ Institute. Log on to www.bathroomreader.com, or send a self-addressed, stamped, business-sized envelope to: BRI, PO Box 1117, Ashland, Oregon 97520. You’ll receive your free membership card, get discounts when ordering directly through the BRI, and earn a permanent spot on the BRI honor roll!

  If you like reading our books…

  VISIT THE BRI’S WEB SITE!

  www.bathroomreader.com

  • Visit “The Throne Room”—a great place to read!

  • Receive our irregular newsletters via e-mail

  • Order additional Bathroom Readers

  • Become a BRI member

  Go with the Flow…

  Well, we’re out of space, and when you’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go. Tanks for all your support. Hope to hear from you soon. Meanwhile, remember…

  Keep on flushin’!

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Our “Regular” Readers Rave!

  Copyright

  Thank You!

  Contents

  Introduction

  BATHROOM LORE

  Short

  Back Side Story

  Hollywood’s #1 Star

  Beware! Toilet Attack!

  Medium

  Bathroom New
s

  Uncle John’s Stall of Fame

  Butt…Butt…

  Toilet Tech

  Bathroom News

  Uncle John’s Stall of Fame

  FADS & FLOPS

  Medium

  Fast Food Flops

  Like, Totally ’80s Slogans!

  The Tapeworm Diet

  High-Tech Toy Flops

  POP SCIENCE

  Short

  Let’s Do a Study

  Medium

  The Lego Spill of ’97

  Robots in the News

  The Constellations

  13 Things About Botulism

  Q&A: Ask the Experts

  Come See the Meteor Showers

  Long

  What Race(s) Are You?

  ALMOST HISTORY

  Medium

  Atom Bombs Away!

  Unamused

  The (Almost) Colony

  Long

  The Plot Against FDR

  Project Orion

  *The Secret Race to the Moon

  SPORTS

  Short

  Super Bowl Trivia

  Medium

  Games People Play

  After the Olympics

  Sacrifice on the Softball Field

  Basketball Team Name Origins

  The Sumo Way

  Death in the Ring

  Long

  The Runningman, Part I

  The Godfather of Fitness

  The Runningman, Part II

  LIFE IS STRANGE

  Short

  World’s Largest…

  Bra-vo!

  Medium

  Don’t Make Them Angry

  Strange Coincidences

  Heeere’s Baby!

  Uncle John’s Creative Teaching Awards

  It’s a Conspiracy!

  It’s a Weird, Weird World

  The World’s Largest…

  Weird Attractions

  Ironic, Isn’t It?

  High-Tech Underwear

  IT’S A BLUNDERFUL LIFE

  Short

  Injury…Meet Insult

  Oops!

  Medium

  Oops!

  Wow! That’s Dumb!

  Oops!

  MUSIC

  Short

  Woodstock, Y’all

  Musical Notes

  Hip-Hop Namez

  Medium

  Behind the Hits

  Not-So-Easy Riders

  Long

  *Rock ’n’ Roll Lawsuit

  ORIGINS

  Medium

  Founding Fathers

  Random Origins

  Cocktail Party

  FORGOTTEN HISTORY

  Medium

  History’s Last Stands

  Lost Arts

  The Comstock Lode, Part I

  The Comstock Lode, Part II

  The Comstock Lode, Part III

  More Lost Arts

  Where’d They Go?

  Long

  Dustbin of History: Masabumi Hosono

  The Mercenaries

  The Comstock Lode, Part IV

  BODY OF KNOWLEDGE

  Short

  Open Wide

  Medium

  Medical Miracles

  Know Your Knuckles

  A Hole in the Head

  Maneuver-Ability

  The Truth About Food Allergies

  THE DRIVER’S SEAT

  Short

  Steered Wrong

  A Beetle by Any Other Name

  Medium

  The Da Vinci of Detroit, Part I

  Hypermiling

  The Da Vinci of Detroit, Part II

  Long

  Hypermiling

  The Da Vinci of Detroit, Part III

  HI-TECH BITS & BYTES

  Short

  Networds

  The Internuts

  Medium

  Plug and Play

  Long

  eBay: The Real Story

  CANADIANA

  Short

  30 People You Didn’t Know Were Canadian

  Medium

  Weird Canada

  Long

  *The Snowmobile

  CREATURE FEATURES

  Short

  In Hog We Trust

  Man’s Best Friend

  Weird Animal News

  Medium

  The Mysterious Eel

  Cows on the Run

  Owney Goes Postal

  POLITICS

  Short

  The Commander Guy

  Poli-talks

  Nixonia

  First Lady Firsts

  Medium

  Political Animals

  Govern-Mental

  More Political Animals

  Long

  The Magna Carta

  *World Politics

  FOOD FOR THOUGHT

  Short

  Cheesey Does It

  Tequila Mockingbird

  The Last Meal

  Junk Food Recipes

  Medium

  Regional Treats

  Founding Food-ers

  Founding Food-ers

  Long

  Seafaring Food in the Age of Sail

  The Joy of Cookbooks

  *Layers of the Onion

  *The Kitchen Olympics

  GAMES & AMUSEMENTS

  Short

  Blokus, Anyone?

  Medium

  Duck…Duck…Goose!

  The World of War Games

  Weird Video Games

  Long

  The First War Game

  Roll the Dice

  The Original Dungeon Masters, Part I

  *The Original Dungeon Masters, Part II

  LAW & ORDER

  Short

  Court Transquips

  Law and Order: Special Pants Unit

  Looney Laws

  Medium

  The Big Brother Files

  Dumb Crooks

  Strange Lawsuits

  AROUND THE HOUSE

  Short

  Hats Incredible

  Bedtime Stories

 

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