Just One More Day

by Susan Lewis

  ‘Be quiet and sit down.’

  A grandfather clock in the corner starts to chime. I count all twelve bongs and wait for something horrible to happen. Nothing does, so I swing my feet back and forth, until Mummy tells me to stop, then I have a rummage in her bag for some Embassy coupons to count.

  ‘Don’t do that,’ she says, stuffing them back in. ‘Now behave, someone’s coming.’

  This time the footsteps are coming down the stairs. The floorboards creak and so do the shoes. I see them first, they’re brown lace-ups, a bit like Daddy wears.

  Mummy and I stand up. We keep watching whoever it is descending from the shadows, first the shoes, then the thick stockings, then the black dress, then . . . my eyes nearly pop out of my head. It’s a man! Wearing a dress! And stockings! Blimey. I don’t know whether to be scared or not now.

  ‘Hello, I’m Miss Diamond, the headmistress.’ It’s definitely a man, I can tell by the voice. ‘I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place for the preliminary exam. It’s being held in a special hall, near the city centre. Didn’t you get the letter?’

  ‘Uh, no,’ Mummy answers, turning red again. ‘Hi thought we ’ad to come here.’

  The headmistress smiles, which makes her look hungry, so I step back a bit behind Mum. ‘I’m awfully sorry,’ she says. ‘Can you tell me your name?’

  ‘I’m Mrs Lewis and this is my daughter, Susan. Uh, Lewis.’

  The headmistress looks at the watch pinned to her chest. ‘Mm, you’re too late to sit the exam this morning now,’ she informs us. ‘But maybe they can squeeze you in this afternoon. Would it be convenient?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ Mummy assures her. ‘Most. Yes. Thank you.’

  ‘I’ll see what I can do. Please wait here.’

  She waits till we’re sitting, then goes through a door the other side of the hall and closes it.

  I turn to Mummy. ‘Is she a man?’ I ask.

  ‘Ssh!’ Mummy snaps.

  ‘But is she?’

  ‘No. Of course not.’

  ‘I don’t want to come here and grow up to be a man,’ I tell her.

  ‘I told you to be quiet.’

  I lean forward and look up into her face.

  ‘If you make me laugh, Susan Lewis, you’ll go straight to bed when you get home.’

  I start to giggle.

  ‘I’m warning you.’

  I put a hand over my mouth.

  Next to me I feel Mummy starting to shake.

  ‘You’re laughing,’ I accuse.

  ‘I am not.’

  ‘Yes you are.’

  ‘Be quiet.’

  A few minutes later the door opens and the headmistress comes back, carrying a piece of paper. ‘Yes, they can fit you in this afternoon,’ she tells us. ‘They start again at two. Here’s a map of how to get there. It’s just off College Green.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Mummy says. ‘Thank you very . . .’

  She stops so I look up to see why.

  ‘Thank you very much,’ she says.

  She’s trying not to laugh.

  The headmistress goes to open the front door. ‘Goodbye,’ she says.

  Mummy starts to say goodbye back, but it turns into a great big snorty snigger. ‘I’m sorry,’ she says, ‘I’m very sorry,’ but she’s still laughing. She can’t stop and now nor can I.

  The headmistress closes the door behind us and Mummy leans against a statue to get her breath back. ‘I bloody hope we haven’t cocked this up,’ she says, wiping her eyes with her gloves. ‘You shouldn’t have made me laugh in there. I’ve made a right charlie of meself now.’

  ‘But it’s not my fault she’s a man,’ I say.

  ‘That’s enough. Now let’s get out of here before someone chucks us out.’

  As we start to move off a bell rings and then lots of girls start spilling out of a terrapin hut that’s round the side of the school. We stand back and watch them go past. They’re all wearing dark red uniforms with white shirts and grey knee-length socks, and they all look older and posher than me. They definitely sound it too, because we can hear them talking like donkeys as they go by. Hee, haw! Hee haw!

  I can tell by Mummy’s face that she really likes the look of them. It’s exactly how she wants me to be, all upper-class and better than everyone else. It’s all right for them though, they’re all lovely-looking and I expect their dads are really rich. I notice one who’s as pretty as Elizabeth Taylor in National Velvet. She’s laughing with her friends, but when she catches me watching her she gives me a look that makes me feel like a worm. I want to poke my tongue out, but I’m a bit afraid to.

  ‘They’re probably gypsies,’ I hear someone say, and I realise they’re talking about us.

  I hope Mum didn’t hear, because it’ll make her really mad. ‘I never want to go back there again, ever!’ I say as we walk on down the drive. ‘I hate it. It’s horrible and creepy and I’m not going to pass the test.’

  ‘You’ll do as you’re told,’ Mummy responds. ‘You’re going up in the world, my girl, if it’s the last thing you do.’

  ‘Then you go and let me stay at home with Dad and Gary.’

  ‘Don’t talk ridiculous. And stop answering back.’

  We catch the bus down to the centre and I cheer up a bit when Mum says we can have a Wimpy for dinner. She only has a cup of tea and a fag though, otherwise we won’t have enough bus fare to get home. We find a ha’penny spare, which she lets me put in the fruit machine, but we don’t win.

  It only takes a few minutes to walk up round from the Wimpy Bar to College Green, which is next to the cathedral. In the summer people sit out on the grass to eat their sandwiches, but it’s too cold today. Everyone’s hurrying in and out of the council offices, which curve round one side of the green, glad to get out of the wind and rain. The place we’re looking for is just round the corner, behind the offices, a large white building with black window frames and a black double front door. All the railings in the street have gold tops like spears, and outside some of the houses are shiny brass plaques with names on.

  This time we’re not the only ones arriving, there are quite a few others, girls with their mothers, and some dads are here too. Just inside the door a woman takes our names, ticking them off a list, and pointing us through to where we have to sit the exam. I eye the other girls warily, waiting for someone to be snotty so I can be snotty back, but they don’t seem to be taking much notice of me. I think we’re all about the same age, but most of them are prettier than me, even without my glasses. Some of their mums are nice-looking too, with smart clothes and hair. I wish my mum was as nice-looking as some of them.

  After we’ve found the tables with our names on the parents have to leave, and when we’re given the signal, we turn the exam papers over to begin. I’m shaking a bit, and can’t read the first questions very well, but then I settle down and get on with it.

  Some of it’s easy-peasy, like how many wives did Henry VIII have? I know that, and I can even name them, but that would be showing off. I have to write out a poem I know, so I write two verses and the chorus of ‘A Smuggler’s Song’ by Rudyard Kipling, because it’s my absolute favourite. Then I have to fill half a page about a Shakespeare story, so I choose The Taming of the Shrew, which I like even better than A Midsummer Night’s Dream. There’s some arithmetic to do, which I get a bit stuck on, but then I work it out and turn over the page to answer some questions on Bristol, like who built the Clifton suspension bridge and Temple Meads station (Isumbard Kingdom Brewnell); what rare species of wild cat is in the Clifton zoo (white tigers); what’s the name of the gorilla in the museum, Alfred; how many people live in Bristol (I don’t know so I guess, more than a million). There are some questions on geography then, which are a bit harder, like how do you tell a position on the globe – I think it’s something to do with longitude and latitude so I just put down those two words, hope they’re spelt right and go on to the next. What is the capital of Australia? Sidney. (I go back after, cross i
t out and put Brisbun.) What was the name of the Turkish empire? I know that, because it’s where Gran keeps her blankets, in the ottoman.

  After an hour a bell rings and we all have to stop. I’m on the last question, so I quickly write ‘the Queen’ in answer to who’s the head of the country, and put down my pen. I wonder if it’s the prime minister. I think it is, but it’s too late to change it now.

  I can’t find Mum when they let us out, and I start to panic in case she’s gone off and left me. Maybe she’s arranged for that evil man in a woman’s frock to come and get me while I’m not looking, so he can lock me up in that haunted castle. I don’t think she loves me very much really, so she might do that. Or she could have popped off to see her other family for an hour, and forgot to come back. How am I going to get home? Dad will be really worried, and I might get kidnapped off the fourteen bus and murdered down St Pauls. I don’t want Mum to have gone and left me. I was trying to be good, and I did my best in the test. Then I spot her outside smoking a cigarette and talking to a lady in a long black coat with a white fur collar.

  ‘Hello,’ Mum says as she sees me coming. ‘How did you get on? Did you answer them all?’

  ‘Most of them,’ I tell her. ‘Some were really easy.’

  ‘This is Mrs Cranfield,’ she says, nodding towards the other lady. ‘Her daughter Emily’s been sitting the exam too.’

  Mrs Cranfield’s smile is the loveliest I’ve ever seen. ‘Hello,’ she says. ‘What beautiful hair you have.’

  I feel a bit shy, and pull a face.

  Mum nudges me. ‘Say thank you!’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Oh, Emily, darling, there you are,’ Mrs Cranfield says in a voice that’s all happy and soft. ‘How did you get on? Look at you, silly. No tears now, it’s all over.’

  ‘I didn’t answer them all,’ Emily wept.

  ‘Oh, darling, that’s all right,’ her mother says, stooping down to her level and giving her a hug. ‘I’m sure you did your best, and Daddy and I will be proud of you for that. Now won’t we?’

  Emily nods her pretty head, then buries her face in her mum’s neck. I think I’d like to bury my face in Mrs Cranfield’s neck too.

  ‘Come on,’ my mum says, ‘time we were going. Bye Mrs Cranfield, nice to meet you.’

  ‘And you Mrs Lewis. I hope Susan passes.’

  As we walk off down the road Mum starts mimicking Mrs Cranfield, ‘“Oh darling, there you are,’” she says in a stuck up voice.

  I glance up at her.

  ‘What a load of old nonsense,’ she laughs.

  ‘Yeah, a load of nonsense,’ I say and laugh too.

  Eddress

  I can tell you what the first words out of Eddie’s mouth will be when he comes in from work, and I’m right. ‘So how did my best girl get on with the test today? Did you answer all the questions?’

  ‘Course she did,’ I tell him, pouring the potatoes from the colander into a bowl ready to mash. ‘She’s an old clever clogs, aren’t you?’

  ‘No!’ She’s leaning against the living-room door with a face as long as a fiddle.

  ‘Sulking because there’s no-one to play with,’ I tell Eddie. ‘But she did very well today. Better than her old mother, who took her to the wrong place this morning. Made a right blooming chump of meself, I did.’ I tell him what happened, and by the time I finish he’s laughing too.

  ‘I reckon that headmistress might be a man, mind you,’ I say. ‘She bloody well sounded like one. Then we met this lovely woman, down at the proper exam place. Really nicely spoken she was. Not a bit stuck up like the rest of them. That’s how you’re going to talk,’ I inform Susan.

  ‘No I’m not,’ she retorts.

  ‘Oh yes, you are. Once you start mixing with people like that.’

  ‘I don’t want to be like them. They’re all snobs. And I’m not going to that bloody school.’

  I stop what I’m doing. ‘Did I just hear you swear?’

  She stares at me, eyes as defiant as I’ve ever seen.

  ‘Upstairs! Now! Swearing, and cheeking me back. Who do you think you are?’

  ‘She’s tired,’ Eddie says.

  ‘She’ll do as she’s told. Go on. Bed!’

  ‘You’re always picking on me,’ she shouts, close to tears. ‘And you only want me to go to that school so you can get rid of me.’

  ‘I’m trying to do my bloody best for you, is what I’m trying to do, and this is the thanks I get. Now don’t just stand there, bed!’ I can see she’s about to argue again so I raise my hand.

  She flounces off in her high and mighty way, and stomps up the stairs like a bloody elephant. I start to shout after her, but Eddie says, ‘All right. Leave her now. It’s been a long day for both of you, and we don’t want it to end in tears.’

  I shrug him off and go on mashing the spuds. ‘You don’t help bloody matters,’ I tell him. ‘Taking her side all the time. She’s got to learn, Eddie, and she’s never going to with you mollycoddling her all the time.’

  ‘What can I do to help?’ he says. ‘Has anyone laid the table yet? Where’s Gary?’

  ‘He’s staying up our mam’s tonight. And he’s in the bloody doghouse too, when he gets home. He’s been crayoning on his wallpaper, he has.’

  Eddie doesn’t have anything to say about that, he just takes the cutlery in to the table and wipes over the place mats, while I carry the plates through, corned beef, mashed potatoes and beans.

  ‘I’ll go and get her,’ he says.

  I notice that he’s only set places for me and him, Susan’s is on her own little table that she had for Christmas. Her and Gary always sit there now, so I suppose it was worth the money, even though we’re still paying it off.

  ‘Come on,’ I say, as she walks in with Eddie. ‘If you eat all that you can have someone in to play for ten minutes after.’

  ‘I don’t want to.’

  I look at Eddie. ‘What do I do with her?’ I demand.

  ‘Eat your tea,’ he tells her. ‘I’ll play a game with you after, if you like.’

  We all sit down and no-one says anything for a while. Eddie pours us out a cup of tea, I make myself a corned-beef-mash sandwich and Susan just mucks about with hers.

  ‘If you don’t start eating that properly you’ll be straight back up to bed with nothing,’ I tell her.

  ‘I don’t want anything,’ she answers stroppily.

  ‘Right, that’s it . . .’

  ‘Yes, you do,’ Eddie jumps in. ‘You like corned beef, so don’t be daft now. Eat it up like a good girl.’

  ‘I can’t if she’s going to shout at me.’

  ‘She?’ I repeat. ‘Who’s she? The cat’s mother?’

  She puts her head down and I see two tears drop into her food.

  ‘What are you crying for?’ I shout. ‘It’s me who should be bloody crying, having a daughter who can’t ever do as she’s told.’

  ‘Eddress, you’re making her cry for no reason.’

  ‘No reason? You call her attitude no reason? All right. All right. Have it your way. I can see nothing I say matters around here, so you just do it your way, and I’ll leave you to it.’

  ‘No, Mum, no,’ Susan cries as I march down the hall and start putting on my coat. ‘Don’t go. Please. I promise I’ll be good. I’ll eat all my tea. Mum,’ she screams, as I walk out the front door. ‘I promise I’ll be good.’

  I’m about to slam the door and take myself off up our mam’s for an hour, but the panic in her voice makes me turn back. She’s really frightened. She’s sobbing so hard that her little body is jerking around all over the place. I sit on the bottom of the stairs and pull her onto my lap. ‘It’s all right,’ I tell her. ‘I’m still here. Come on now, pull yourself together, there’s a good girl. There’s nothing to get yourself so worked up about.’

  She still can’t speak, and she’s clinging to me like she thinks she’s going to fall off a cliff. I look up at Eddie.

  ‘There you are,’ he s
ays, kneeling down next to us. ‘Mummy’s still here. Everything’s all right.’

  ‘I-I don’t want you to go,’ she finally manages to say.

  ‘I’m not,’ I tell her. ‘I’m right here.’ I smooth back her hair, and kiss her forehead. ‘There, is that better?’

  She nods. ‘I don’t want to go to that school, Mum. Please don’t make me.’

  ‘Ssh,’ I say. ‘We won’t talk about it now. Let’s just go back and eat our tea, shall we?’

  Later, when Eddie’s upstairs reading her a story, I finish the washing-up and sit down in front of the fire to smoke a fag. Take Your Pick’s on the telly, but I’m not paying much attention. I’m thinking back over the day, and what happened at tea-time. It’s niggling me, the way she’s being about that school, and how frightened she got when she thought I was leaving. Such a lot of fuss to make about nothing, but it’s not the first time it’s happened. Still kids are kids, they get themselves into a state about all sorts of things, and the next thing you know it’s all forgotten. So I decide to put it down to a long day with a lot of things happening, and a bit of over-tiredness at the end.

  ‘Is she all right?’ I ask Eddie when he comes down.

  ‘Fast asleep,’ he answers. He’s already got his coat on and is warming his hands in front of the fire before putting on his gloves. ‘I should be back about nine,’ he says. ‘Shall I get some coal in before I go?’

  ‘No, there’s enough there. Where are you going?’

  ‘Up the Union.’

  ‘You can bring me back some fags, if you like.’

  He shakes his head. ‘I’m not buying them for you.’

  ‘Don’t be so bloody po-faced,’ I tell him. ‘There’s a ten-bob note behind the clock, take that.’

  ‘I’ve got half a crown for the Union, that’s all I need.’

  ‘Eddie, I can’t go and get any myself while Susan’s in bed.’

  ‘Then you’ll have to do without, won’t you?’

  I feel like landing one on him. ‘If you don’t get me any fags, then you better find somewhere else to spend the night.’

  ‘Cheerio,’ he says, pulling on his gloves and taking a cap out of his pocket.

  ‘Eddie!’ I shout after him.