The onslaught of thoughts that had raced through my mind as we walked to the park had finally settled enough for me to sort through them.
“Did you hear everything?” I asked. In the heat of the argument, the bus had seemed quiet, but I hoped that it was because they had blocked us out with headsets.
“Yes.”
I knew I could count on him for the truth, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Needing to understand why Jaxon was so upset with me, I decided to ask the person who knew him the best.
“Did I ruin everything?”
“No.”
“But I hurt him.”
“Yes.”
“How? And please give me more than a one-word answer.” I nudged his shoulder with mine, causing him to smirk.
“Here’s how I see it,” he said, turning to face me. “Jaxon looks out for the people around him, especially those he cares about. It’s just who he is. When someone is disappointed or let down, he takes it personally and feels like he’s failed them. You two have grown very close, and I think we both know it’s a lot more than just some casual fun.” Eli stared at me until I nodded my agreement. “Jaxon assumed that today would have been exciting and full of happiness for you. That’s where he was wrong. But he grew up with an amazing family, so that’s what he knows. They share things, attend events to support each other, and celebrate happy occasions together.”
“Alright, but I’m not part of his family.” And I knew better than to hope that I might become a part of it one day.
“No, but he cares very deeply for you. Do you feel the same way?”
“Yes,” I whispered, afraid to even admit that much. My heart was already going to be shattered when I had to leave him.
“I thought so, but not telling him about your graduation made him feel like he wasn’t important enough to share it with; like you don’t care enough about him to want to share it with him.”
The way Eli explained it made sense. Still, I was used to handling things on my own. If I didn’t depend on anyone, they couldn’t disappoint me. Instead, Jaxon had been the one to be disappointed, and I’d been the cause of it.
“It wasn’t personal. I just didn’t say anything because I’d already decided not to go. There was nothing for Jaxon to fix or make better.”
“That’s where you were wrong. It wasn’t the graduation ceremony itself that was the problem. It was the fact that you would have been all alone. But you’re not alone anymore, and Jaxon would have moved mountains to be there with you. Hell, we all would have been there.”
“It wasn’t even possible,” I argued. “You had a show last night and another one is scheduled for tonight.”
“But we also have a tour bus with a nocturnal driver. We could have slept en route and then come back after the ceremony with time to spare for pictures and lunch. Even if we’d had to delay our soundcheck, it would have been fine since everything’s still in place from last night’s show.”
“You would have done that? For me?” As his words sank in, I realized that it would have been possible. It would have been crazy, but just knowing that they all would have done it made my eyes overflow. “Those would have been very happy memories,” I said, wiping the tears away.
Eli wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. “You’ve been on your own for a long time, so learning to count on other people will take time. I know how scary that can be. I also know what it’s like to not want to be a burden to other people, especially when you already feel indebted to them. But that’s part of relationships. You learn to depend on each other and find a balance.”
His phone began to vibrate in his back pocket, so he eased forward to remove it. Jaxon’s name appeared on the screen as Eli hesitated to answer it. “I won’t tell him where we are if you don’t want me to, but he’s probably worried. Can I at least tell him you’re safe?”
“Yes, and you don’t have to keep anything from him.”
Listening to Eli’s side of the conversation, I knew that Jaxon was indeed worried. Eli assured him, repeatedly, that I was safe. Then he listened for a few minutes and agreed with whatever Jaxon was saying. “Okay, I’ll be back before soundcheck,” he said before disconnecting.
“He’s not coming?” I asked, unsure how to take that and hating the insecurity I felt because of it.
“No. He’s respecting your space even though it’s killing him.”
Swallowing my pride, I asked the question burning in my throat. “Is he going to send me home now?”
Eli frowned as he shook his head. “Why would he send you home? Because of one argument?”
The harshest lesson I had learned about adapting to new places came rushing back. “When foster kids act out or have too many needs, they get sent to group homes. I’ve seen foster parents ask for kids to be removed because of one argument, one mistake.”
“So you learned to be invisible.”
It was a simple statement, but the truth of it was like a punch to the gut. Without realizing it, that’s exactly what I’d done. I hadn’t simply learned to blend in, I had disappeared.
Eli turned, cupping my chin in his hand. “I see you. We all see you, and you are a very special woman. In families like this one, we fight about things because we care about each other enough to work them out. You’re allowed to make mistakes, to speak up if something is bothering you or there’s something you need, and you get to have your own opinions. You don’t have to be perfect to be accepted by us. Just be yourself.”
Wrapping my arms around him, I held tight as the power of his words registered. The idea of not just fitting in somewhere but being truly accepted for who I was felt liberating. I thought of the countless times I’d tried to be who everyone else wanted me to be, all for the sake of avoiding conflict or trying to get some random boyfriend to stick around a little longer. Though it may have seemed helpful at the time, I had lost a lot of myself in the process.
No more.
“Thank you,” I said, kissing Eli’s cheek and grinning ear to ear.
“You good now?” he asked, looking me in the eye to judge the sincerity of my answer.
“I’m good,” I promised. I knew Jaxon and I would have a lot to talk about but was hopeful that we could work things out. It was a heady feeling.
Chapter 19
Jaxon
Pacing the length of the bus, I thought I was going to wear a groove in the pavement. I checked my phone again. No new messages. Anna and Eli were overdue, and with each passing minute, I grew more impatient to get my hands on her again.
Our fight had left me reeling, but it had only taken about ten seconds to snap out of my stupor and realize that she was gone. By then, I’d been too late to stop her. But some space had been good for both of us. Thankfully, Eli had gone with her, so I knew she was okay. He would work his usual magic and help her sort through her emotions enough to come back to me.
Please, let her come back to me.
The instant I realized what an idiot I’d been, I leaped into action. Barking out orders like a drill sergeant, I’d put a plan into place to celebrate Anna’s achievement in a way that was worthy of her. I hunted down Callie and Pops, only to find them with the crew and Indigo, inadvertently ruining the surprise Anna was putting together. Yet another tally mark for me in the idiot column for today. But it was a necessary sacrifice. I needed as much help as I could get.
For once, Lance’s social media presence was good for more than attention seeking and superficial drama. After putting out a plea for a blue cap and gown, fans immediately responded with offers to help the cause. Callie and Indigo were put in charge of decorating the catering tent while Derek worked with a local nursery to get them to loan us enough large plants to transform the stage into a classier setting. Shawn hit up local bakeries and grocery stores until he found one with enough available cakes to feed the hundred-plus people we had with us. Then he had them decorated and personalized as best he could, given the short notice. Pops was left to
oversee everything while I handled some of the other details. I placed a couple of quick calls, including one to a local florist and another to a print shop. Then, with a bit of snooping, I was able to gather up the information I needed to make everything more legit.
Crew members hauled gear out of the way, assembled centerpieces, and helped with dozens of other tasks. Even the guys from Borrowing Trouble jumped in to help as soon as they heard what was happening. After adding their muscle to get everything set up, they offered to operate the lights and sound booth. Plus, they would handle the clean-up afterward, making sure the stage would be ready in time for the show. That meant my guys could all enjoy dinner in the tent and continue to celebrate with Anna. I owed Tence and his crew big time for that.
It had been a humbling experience to see everyone pull together, though I never doubted their support. But they hadn’t done it for me. It had all been for Anna. Because she was one of us now, and we took care of our own.
Just as I started to worry that she wouldn’t show up, Anna came into view. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and her face was a little pale. Yet she had never been a more welcome sight. Her steps faltered briefly when she saw me. But as soon as I opened my arms, she was in them. Her face was buried in my neck as I felt the air shudder from her lungs. We both spoke words of regret and sorrow.
“I didn’t know,” I said, holding her tighter.
“Me neither,” she whispered. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I can take it.”
“I’m sorry I left.”
“It’s okay, as long as you always come back.”
“I will, for as long as you’ll have me.”
Cradling her head, I crushed my mouth to hers. “Forever,” I said, parting just long enough to get the word out.
I put all of my feelings into the next kiss, a slow, soul-searing, never-ending declaration. I wanted to tell her then that I loved her but held back. Today was about her and all she had accomplished. I wasn’t willing to risk upsetting her again if she wasn’t ready for the words or if she wasn’t ready to return them. Plus, we still needed to talk everything through and get past the hurt of the day. I didn’t want to gloss over the importance of that with a few pretty words. They were not to be taken as part of an apology or an attempt to make up for an argument. When I said them, they would stand on their own.
“I’m so fucking proud of you,” I said, gently easing away from her.
“Thank you. I’m not used to having anyone to share things with. I’ll try to get better.”
“Well, you’re going to get lots of practice today,” I laughed. Taking her by the hand, I led her through the back door of the arena and down the hall, where I knew Callie and Indigo were waiting for her. Anna’s look of confusion had grown with each step, her eyes narrowing in suspicion as I knocked on a dressing room with her name on it. “Trust me?”
“Yes,” she answered, just as the door opened enough for her to be yanked inside.
The look of awe on Anna’s face made all of the hectic stress of the day worth it. A rocked-out version of “Pomp and Circumstance” played overhead as she walked up the main aisle of the arena. It wasn’t a sold-out event, but the front section of the floor seats was filled with the crew from both bands. She looked regal in her borrowed cap and gown as she climbed the steps to the stage and was directed to her seat of honor.
The ceremony was not as refined as the one in Chicago. Instead, it was filled with heartfelt and humorous speeches. Some were motivational and encouraging while Lance was just Lance. I spoke of how proud I was of her, for her dedication and hard work to finish school through adversity, and how I knew she was destined for great things. Then it was time for the big moment.
“With a GPA of 3.87, graduating Magna Cum Laude, with a Bachelor’s Degree in Public Relations, I’m honored to present Annalise Corinne Taylor.”
An outpouring of applause, cheers, and whistles echoed around us as Anna walked across the stage to accept her “diploma”. Figuring that she would receive an actual diploma, I’d had something special printed up. It was a certificate of membership declaring that she was a lifetime member of the Detrimental family. Tears threatened as she read it, noting all of our signatures, and then hugged it to her chest. Luckily, I’d already had it framed.
After another round of applause, the audience filed out as Indigo continued snapping pictures of Anna on stage. Having a visiting journalist there with a fancy camera had come in extra handy. She took a variety of pictures, some of Anna with the band and a few of just the two of us. As we posed close together, I was sure she was wondering if I knew the real reason for Indigo’s visit. I still felt guilty that I had given her such a hard time about missing her graduation while she was secretly doing something so amazing for me.
“I’m sorry I ruined your surprise,” I whispered in her ear. “The rest of the guys don’t know, so you can still surprise them.”
“It’s okay. I still have a few surprises up my sleeve.” Her tone was playful, and there was a gleam in her eyes that promised I would like what she had in store. I wanted to drag her back to her dressing room and give her a few surprises of my own, but we had a party to attend.
“I’m going to hold you to that. And you better clear your schedule because I plan on spending the next forty-eight hours engaged in epic make-up sex.”
Her eyes widened and her lips parted slightly, the signs of desire written all over her face. But one of us had to stay focused.
“Let’s go eat.”
Cheers and more applause greeted Anna as we entered the tent, and several people came up to hug her. The space had been transformed with strands of twinkle lights, streamers, balloons, a personalized banner, and centerpieces with candles in them. There was plenty of food, and drinks flowed in moderation since it was a show night. But it wouldn’t have been a proper celebration without a champagne toast.
The crowd started to thin out as it got closer to show time, leaving just the band, Pops, Callie, and Indigo at our table.
“I’ve got a question for you, Anna,” Lance said, making everyone moan. You never knew what was going to come out of his mouth. “It’s a serious question,” he said defensively.
“Okay, Lance. What is your question?” I could tell she was a little tipsy but just enough to be relaxed.
“Why Public Relations?”
“Well,” she began, “there are a few reasons. I don’t know how much Jaxon has shared about me.” She looked my way, but I shook my head, assuring her that everything she had said to me had remained between us. “Okay. When I was little, I was the stereotypical poor trailer trash and was always treated that way. Whenever I would go into a store with Mama, the clerk would give me dirty looks. Parents pulled their kids away from me at the park, and teachers mostly pitied me. Then I was placed with a foster mom who cleaned me up, put me in nice clothes, and taught me better manners. Suddenly, I was treated like gold. I was still me, but everyone’s opinion of me had changed because of the way I presented myself. The experience affected me deeply, and I became aware of how much people are influenced by their perception of someone or something. My interest grew from there.” She took a deep breath to fortify herself for what was coming next. “Then the summer before my senior year in high school, I was arrested for shoplifting. It was another hard lesson in how easily people are swayed by something they hear, without ever verifying the information.”
“She didn’t do it,” I stated, clarifying the point for everyone.
“Never assumed she did,” Derek offered. “Even if it was true, we all did stupid shit when we were kids. It wouldn’t be a reflection of her character now.”
“Thank you,” Anna said, giving him a smile.
“What kind of PR work do you want to do?” Shawn asked.
She sighed like she was lost in a fantasy. “My dream job would be working with a charity to promote awareness of food scarcity and change the perceptions of people living in poverty. I registe
red with the job placement center at my college but haven’t heard anything yet. I was waiting until after graduation to start any serious job hunting on my own.”
Shawn raised an eyebrow, and it suddenly hit me that her dream was something I couldn’t give her. She would return home to chase that dream and our time together would be over. Until then, I would make the most of every moment and not dwell on the day that I would have to love her enough to let her go.
Both of us were breathless and sprawled across the bed. It had been wild and lacked any finesse, but it was a great first round of make-up sex. I had planned to talk beforehand, but once the door had clicked shut, my need for her had taken over. Hell, I still had one shoe on, blocking the jeans that were pooled at my ankle.
Rolling to rest my head on her belly, Anna immediately sank her fingers in my hair. “Thank you for today.”
“Happy memories?”
“The happiest.” She continued to massage my scalp, and I was tempted to let sleep pull me under. Instead, I bent an elbow to raise up enough to see her face.
“I’m sorry for earlier,” I offered. “I made some assumptions and acted on them without asking you first.”
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t understand the importance of sharing today with you.”
“I know that’s not something you’re used to, but it’s more than that.” Goosebumps coated her skin from the chill of the air-conditioning, so I stood to pull back the covers. Quickly disposing of the condom and removed the rest of my clothes, I pulled her close while searching for the right words to explain my concerns without making her feel worse. “I’ve seen how selfless you can be. You give so much without asking for anything in return.” I chose my next words with care. “Because of your generosity, you’ve been taken advantage of by guys like Karl. They took what they wanted and didn’t care how it affected you. When I realized you were missing your graduation, I felt like one of those guys.”
“No! You’re nothing like that.” Her hand rested in my chest, so familiar now that I almost didn’t notice it.
Changing the Key: A Detrimental Rock Star Romance (Book 1) Page 19