Weavespinner f-5

by James Galloway

  That was what was so frustrating. She could understand it all and be assured if she'd just talk to him, accept what was going on, but she absolutely did not want to do that. She didn't want to know him as a human, she didn't want to see any side of the problem but her own. She was not going to budge from her position, and that position was that he was a Were-cat, and by all the gods, he was going to be one again. That also frustrated him, because he was sincerely curious about her. She was the mother of his child, after all, and he had the feeling that if she'd just talk to him, they could be friends. But she didn't want to deal with him at all, not as a human. She wanted the Were-cat back, and that made her totally reject him as a human.

  They were simple things, but he had the feeling that he was right. It certainly explained alot about how she was acting. He described his feelings to Triana when she came to check on him not long afterward, and she could only smile at him in that strange way of hers and nod in agreement.

  "You're full of surprises, cub," she said. "I thought alot of what you are came from the Were in you. I see that was a wrong conclusion. You're probably one of the most remarkable humans I've ever met."

  Tarrin was rather thrilled by that complement, and the fact that she seemed to have accepted the fact that for right now, he was human. "Why won't she listen?" he complained. "Why won't she understand?"

  "Cub, there's one simple constant in the universe, and that's that there are absolutely no bounds to that cub's stubbornness. She's dug in her heels, and there's nothing that anyone can say to move her. Not you, not me, not even if all the gods came down from the sky and wrote it out for her on a steel tablet in flaming letters. The only thing that's going to change her mind is her. And that's going to take time." She snorted. "Jesmind was born with the two worst combination of traits. She has a short temper and a wide stubborn streak. They've gotten her in no end of trouble over the years."

  "I can imagine," he sighed. That really was a bad combination. It meant that she was very easy to anger, but her stubborn nature would make her unwilling or unable to forgive or forget. There were probably a long line of people she'd once called friend, but were now on her black list because of past slights that any other Were-cat would have forgiven long ago. "She's easy to anger, but she won't get over what made her mad."

  "Exactly. There's one example of that that you'll remember when you get your memory back, and that's Rahnee. She and Jesmind were best friends, then Rahnee seduced Jesmind's mate at the time. That's not too serious among our kind, but it is against the rules, and Jesmind had a right to be angry. But where most females would have let it go after a few rides, Jesmind wouldn't. She wouldn't talk to Rahnee for over a hundred years because of that. That's how she is, cub. You can't change her, you just have to learn to work around it."

  "I don't think I'm going to be able to do that," he sighed.

  "Probably not," she agreed. "And since you can't change her mind, the best thing to do is just avoid her. She's more angry with herself right now, but even that won't last long if you show up."

  "Why is she angry with herself?"

  "Because she almost hurt you," she answered bluntly.

  "She wouldn't have hurt me," he said dismissively.

  "I'm glad you think that, cub," Triana sarcastically, said with an intense stare. "It's a good way to get your neck broken. Jesmind will hurt you if you make her angry enough. It won't matter how much she loves you or how careful she's being. It's all a part of our natures, I told you that. If you enrage her, nothing is going to protect you from her. She's tried to kill me several times, and she meant it when she did it."

  "Why would she do that?" Tarrin gasped.

  "Because I made her that mad," she answered bluntly. "And if she'll take a swipe at me, cub, don't ever think that she wouldn't do the same to you."

  Tarrin was a bit worried about that statement. "Maybe, maybe I should avoid her for a while," he said in a hesitant voice.

  "I think that's a good idea," Triana agreed. "And if she confronts you, keep what I said in mind. It's alright to stand up to her, but for the forest's sake, don't get physical with her, and don't do whatever it was you did that set her off this time."

  "I know what happened," he said glumly. "It's my fault, Triana." He quickly told her about his error in choice of words, which turned a rather innocent exposure of the falseness of her threat to refuse his rights to see Jasana into a very real threat against her rights to her daughter.

  "That would do it, alright," she grunted. "You hit the one nerve bigger than her love for you. I suggest you don't do that again."

  "I won't, I promise," he said fervently.

  "Good. I'll be back later, cub."

  "Alright," he acknowledged.

  When Triana left, he was a little less assured of the whole thing. He knew now that Jesmind could be dangerous, but only if he did something very wrong. The problem he could see now was that he wasn't sure what was in the forbidden zone anymore. He'd got her mad and said some bad things to her. He still did not intend to break off his frienship with Auli, and that was certain to infuriate her. So maybe what Triana said was for the best. Maybe just staying out of Jesmind's way was the best thing to do. If he wanted to see Jasana, Jula could arrange that for him. Her or Mist. Either way, he could continue spending time with his children without having to worry about saying something in passing that may get Jesmind just that mad.

  The incident with Jesmind passed over the course of the day, and Tarrin worried less and less about it. He didn't worry about it at all once sunset came, and Auli and Dar knocked conspiratorially on his door. He did manage to convince Sapphire that he'd be quite safe with two Sorcerers along with him, but he was sure that she could see through his subterfuge. For whatever reason she had, he was very thankful for it when she deigned to let him go out with Auli and Dar without her accompanying him.

  That turned out to be a good thing. Auli wasted no time in taking command of the host, and she immediately bent them to causing mischief. The first act of the evening was to go down into the baths and change the color of the water into something that very closely resembled blood. While people were bathing. It didn't really phase the Sorcerers, since they probably knew that someone had just used magic, but it caused a hysterical fit among the Novices and few Initiates that were currently using the pool.

  That was just the start. Auli managed to get Dar into the spirit of things, and it wasn't long before Illusions stalked the halls scaring people, or the baked rolls cooling on a kitchen table were suddenly filled with live worms, or some of the suits of armor that served as decorations along the halls on the lower floors started moving around by themselves, figures in the paintings and tapestries started to move around in them, or passages and intersections suddenly seemed to change directions or disappear, thanks to Dar's Illusions. Auli ran the gambit of the Tower in that one night, coaxing Dar into helping her cause magical mischief, while Tarrin could only watch and struggle not to give them away every time he all but exploded into laughter.

  In one short night, Auli and Dar had managed to infuriate, scare, terrorize, confuse or shock almost everyone in the Tower. From the horde of rats in the cellars to the rather risque image of a Sorceress holding open her robe that now adorned the top of the South Tower for all of Suld to see, from the cute, pink, floppy-eared, horse-sized rabbits that were grazing on grass on the east side of the grounds to the smith's forge that had water gushing out of the furnace on the west side, Auli made sure to leave no part of the ground untouched by their night's marauding. The worm-filled rolls seemed to be the pinnacle of the evening's activities, for it turned out that they were served to the Novices for dinner. The screams of horror and disgust were audible down almost every passage and hallway. Though it certainly was not a fun night for most of the Tower residents, it was grand fun for the three of them. The only place they didn't go to cause trouble was the Knights Academy, and it wasn't because Auli didn't want to go. She had this great idea to scare all th
e cadets and make them run out of their barracks, and all because she wanted to see how many of them were naked. But Tarrin intervened rather forcefully at that point. Since he was a Knight, he felt it his duty to protect the order from Auli. At least not without the permission of the Lord General, anyway. He knew that Darvon may very well approve of such a thing, to give the cadets an exercise in dealing with the unexpected. Auli saw no reason to do it if the "wrinkled-up old boring Elders" knew about it or condoned it. But when Dar teased her about only wanting to do it to see the cadets naked, she actually seemed to reconsider. Perhaps Auli's desire to see the cadets naked was stronger than her resistance to the idea of misbehaving with the blessings of someone in charge. Tarrin promised to break the idea to Darvon in the morning, and that idea was shelved for the immediate future.

  All in all, it was an absolutely wonderful night. Tarrin got to indulge in a little harmless fun-at least harmless for him-and it vastly improved his mood. After the day he'd had, he needed to vent a little, and Auli provided the perfect means to let him relax.

  This wasn't to say that their activities went unnoticed. The next morning, Jenna called him into her office and blasted him for going along with Auli, but even she laughed helplessly when she told him about the terrified Knight cadets who had been sent out to round up the magically enlarge bunnies before they got into the gardens and did some real damage. It turned out that none of them really had any experience in wrangling horse-sized rabbits, and they caused something of a stampede among the herd. There were huge pink fuzzy bunnies everywhere, trampling cadets, knocking holes in walls, even a few that managed to jump over the fence and terrorize the city. Jenna may be the Keeper, but she was young enough to appreciate the joke. Her amusement ended when she told him just who had to pay for all the damage, and she gave him a blistering ultimatum that any further "walks" with Auli and Dar had better not lead to the same chaos the next day. She threatened to make the three of them go down into the cellar and round up every single rat that Auli had managed to put in there. Then she laughed and told him that one of the Sorcerers, a strapping big Dal, had literally fainted when he saw all the rats. It turned out the man had something of a phobia for rodents. Then she laughed again and told him that he'd better not see the bunnies, or he'd have a heart attack.

  Despite the trouble, Tarrin had had too much fun the night before to be easily dissuaded, even by Jenna. Being a troublemaker was new to him, but he had to admit that it was tremendously entertaining.

  The only one that even made him feel anywhere near sorry about the night before was Jasana. Jula and Mist brought them out to the gardens and he spent time with them. While Eron ran around aimlessly, Tarrin carried Jasana on his shoulders as they walked along the paths between fruit trees and beautiful flowers. "You're being mean to Mama," she accused in a grim voice.

  "She was mean to me too, Jasana," he said mildly, knowing what this was about.

  "No, last night. You went out with the Sha'Kar."

  "I did," he said calmly. "She's my friend, sweetheart. I like to spend time with her."

  "It makes Mama sad when you do that, Papa," she accused.

  "That's your mother's fault, not mine," he said with quiet adamance. "I wasn't alone with her. Dar was with us, so you know that nothing went on that made her mad at me in the first place. Me and her and Dar just went out and had fun, just like you and Eron come out here and have fun."

  "You should be having fun with Mama."

  "Your mother is furious with me right now. I wouldn't dare come near her."

  "Well, you're not making it better by going out with the Sha'Kar."

  Tarrin already knew that arguing with Jasana wasn't easy. She was a very bright girl, and she had a maturity and grasp on subtle adult nuances that were beyond any child her age. She was a fierce debater. She already had her arguments lined up, and she was assaulting him with them one after another.

  "I may not be making it better, but I'm not about to alter my life to suit Jesmind," he told her in a voice brimming with parental authority. "And I'm not going to make Auli feel bad just to suit Jesmind. If she wants to be mad at me, that's fine. But I'm not going to stop my life because she is mad at me, daughter."

  "I hate it when you two fight," she said in a small voice. "I hate it. I want it to stop."

  "So do I, Jasana," he sighed. "But until your mother accepts me like I am, it's just not going to happen."

  "But you're not going to be like this forever," she complained. "Why do we have to like you as a human?"

  "You don't," he told her. "All I ask is that you take me as I am right now, just for right now. Is that so hard?"

  There was a long pause. "I don't know. You're alot different now, Papa. I don't understand you."

  "I know I am, kitten. I don't really understand you and your mother either, but I'm trying to understand you. But Jesmind won't even do that. Now do you understand what I'm saying? I just want her to try. I'm not asking for anything more than what I'm willing to give in return, but she doesn't want any part of it. That's what makes me so mad, kitten. Your mother won't have any part of me unless she can have what she wants. I don't think she's once thought about what I may want."

  Jasana was silent. Obviously, Tarrin had struck on the one argument that she couldn't refute.

  "I'm not asking for you to accept me as a human, kitten. I just want you and your mother to accept me as I am for right now. I want to spend time with your mother. Truth be told, I like her, and I'd like to get to know her better. But she won't talk to me, she won't let me get close to her because she doesn't want to like me this way. It's easier for her to be angry with me as a human, that way she doesn't have to like me."

  "Mama loves you, Papa. I do too. Can't you be with us again? You promised me we'd be a family. You can't do that unless you're Were again."

  "The future isn't set, kitten," he said soothingly. "Until I get back my memory, nobody knows what's going to happen. Not even me. That's what we're all waiting for. Once I get back my memory, I'll know what to do. Until then, we just have to go with things as they are, one day at a time."

  "I don't like it," she said sullenly. "I want you back."

  "I don't like it either, kitten. You have no idea how much I hate not being able to remember things. I see people they tell me were my best friends that don't talk to me as much as they would have if I did, because they don't know me. I see people and places and things and know that they once had meaning to me, but I don't know what it is. I know I loved people, but I can't remember them. Don't you understand how that makes me feel? When I first met you, I was heartbroken that it upset you to see me the way I was. It hurt me to know that I couldn't even remember my own daughter's name. I love you, Jasana, but I can't remember you at all. That kills me inside."

  "But it'll all be better, Papa," she said. "When you're you again, you'll know everything again."

  "I'll be me as soon as I get back my memory, kitten. Whether I'm the human me or the Were-cat me doesn't make a difference, because both are still me. Until I get back my memory, I really don't know who I am or what I want, so we're all waiting until Phandebrass finishes his magic.

  "It won't be you," she said in a small voice. "At least not the you you're supposed to be."

  "That's what all this is about, Jasana," he told her. "To find out who the real me is supposed to be. And I won't know until I have my memory back."

  "You still shouldn't go around with that Sha'Kar," she said, coming full circle. "It makes Mama sad."

  "That's your mother's fault," he told her bluntly. "I won't bow to her, kitten. Not in this, not in anything. Not until she can accept me as I am. Until that happens, she can be as miserable as she wants to be."

  Things went generally downhill at that point. It was impossible to explain things like that to Jasana, since she was a child, and what was more, she had set her mind in stone about how things were supposed to be. It hurt him that his refusal to be what she wanted of him upset her, but not e
ven she could make him change his mind. He was more than willing to meet Jesmind halfway, but he would not budge a finger over that line that marked the halfway point. It was Jesmind's responsibility to come to him, and he was not going to give in, no matter how angry she was, no matter how sad she was, no matter what.

  Jasana's teary retreat from him turned out to be an omen of things to come. Much to his surprise, the incident with Jesmind had literally torn apart his friends and family. A talk with Miranda over lunch revealed that she and Keritanima had had a very rare fight over his situation. "Kerri thinks you'd be better off staying human, but I think that you'd be very unhappy if you did," she said calmly as they walked along the passage towards the kitchen. "She knows you pretty well, but I don't think she's thinking with your mindset."

  "Why do you think I'll be unhappy?"

  "Oh, you aren't now," she said. "But when Phandebrass heals you, I'd lay odds that you'll ask to be changed back. I know you alot better than Kerri thinks I do. You and I were very good friends. Better friends than Kerri thinks."

  A talk with Kerri turned out to be an endurance match. She was angry with both Miranda and Allia, and she shouted alot of threw things a few times. "They're both so thick-headed!" she told him. "They're not thinking about you! Allia think it's all twisted up with your personal honor that you have to change back, and that's just damned stupid! This isn't about what you need to do, it's about what's best for you! I think she's being really damned inconsiderate to want you to change back when you may not want to! And Miranda had the nerve to tell me that she knows you better than I do!" she shouted. "As if! You're my brother! I know you a hell of alot better than she does!"