Living a Lie

by Cox, Josephine

  “I’ve done my share of organising. The newspapers have been notified; the honeymoon’s booked…the best suite in the most expensive hotel on Mauritius, I might tell you. We’ll be chauffeur-driven to the airport and collected in style the minute the plane touches down at the other end. And just wait until you see what I’ve bought you for a wedding present!

  “I can’t wait to show you off. When you walk down that aisle in your wedding gown, I’ll be the proudest man on earth.” As he gazed at her, she imagined she saw a tear, and was filled with guilt.

  Going across the room, Kitty placed the dish of rice in the centre of the table.

  “Jack, are you quite sure you want to marry me?” It wasn’t the first time she had asked him that, but his answer was always the same.

  It was now.

  “I want you to be my wife more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” He knew why she asked, and he knew the answer she wanted.

  But he was not about to give it.

  “Please don’t ask me that again.”

  “I just wish you hadn’t invited half of Bedford to the wedding.”

  “That’s an exaggeration, and you know it.”

  “What! All forty members of your sailing club, and every customer you’ve ever dealt with?” She paused there, because Harry was large in her mind.

  “It’s a pity Harry and his wife couldn’t make it.”

  “I know, but I did ask him,” he lied.

  “Apparently he and Susan have made other plans for that date.”

  “Thank you for that,” she acknowledged. To be truthful, she thought it might be as well they couldn’t come. In one way it would have been nice to have Harry there. In another, she didn’t think she could bear him to listen while she gave her vows to another man. The fact that he had chosen to be elsewhere told her a great deal.

  Jack complained then that he couldn’t see why she hadn’t accepted his invitation to move into his house. Kitty made her excuses for the umpteenth time, and quickly changed the subject.

  She had stayed in the flat because she wanted to be on her own. She needed time to adjust to the changes that were looming. She had to come to terms with the fact that soon she would be Mrs. Jack Harper.

  She chastised herself for being reluctant because after all he was a good man. He was wealthy, her life would be much easier, he had promised to show her the world, and obviously adored her. What woman wouldn’t be thrilled at the prospect of marrying him?

  The meal was eaten, the wine was drunk, and Jack wanted to make love.

  “It’s been a whole week,” he moaned, “I can’t wait until Saturday.”

  Standing behind her chair, he slid his hand down the neck of her blouse.

  “You’re enough to drive any man mad.” The tips of his fingers found her nipples.

  “I want you so much,” he sighed, softly caressing her.

  “Let me take you…right here on the floor.” Bending forward, he licked her ear and pressed his face to hers.

  “I can’t wait much longer,” he whispered.

  “I’m in agony. You wouldn’t turn a man down when he’s in agony, would you?”

  Kitty tried so hard not to dislike him. He didn’t deserve that. He had always treated her well, and though his reasons were not unselfish, he had come to Georgie’s rescue. Yet she couldn’t love him. Not the way he wanted.

  She could feel him all over her; his hands; his mouth; the touch of his tongue on her neck. In a way it was good. Someone needed her. Someone prized her above all others. This man was prepared to spend the rest of his life with her. That had to count for something. Besides, these past few days she had felt incredibly lonely, aching inside, wondering if she could ever be content again.

  She could hear him whispering in her ear, soft and persuasive. He needed her. She needed him. Besides, she had needs too. A spiral of anger rose in her. What was wrong with taking love where you could find it?

  Now he was groaning as though in agony, his probing fingers caressing her thigh. Her legs were open. She felt vulnerable. For one brief moment she was tempted to yield, to let him invade her.

  “Just once more before we’re married,” he urged excitedly.

  “After Saturday we’ll be together for always.”

  The temptation subsided.

  “After Saturday’ he’d said. And Saturday was only a few days away. Suddenly she was cold inside.

  “No, Jack,” she said softly. “The wine’s gone to my head, and I’m heavy with sleep. Saturday will soon be here.”

  She forced herself to smile at him. “You’ll just have to be patient.”

  Lurching away, he made a growling sound in the back of his throat. “You’ve got me too excited to wait until Saturday.”

  Kitty inched away.

  “You’ve got yourself excited.”

  “You’re a hard woman, Kitty Marsh!” His eyes were glittering brightly.

  “I ought to take you anyway, whether you want it or not!”

  Kitty was quickly on her feet.

  “If you tried that, it would be the first and last time.”

  He bowed his head.

  “Sorry, darling,” he apologised.

  “I was only joking. I would never do that, and you know it.”

  After that he couldn’t do enough for her. He helped her clear the table. He washed the dishes while she dried, and afterwards, when she told him she was tired, didn’t put up an argument. Instead he went quietly.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

  “Not tomorrow,” she said, reminding him that she was collecting Georgie from the station.

  “After I’ve got her home I shall feed her and get her settled, then we’ll just sit and talk till the cows come home.”

  “Wednesday then?”

  “Not Wednesday either. There’s still so much to be done,” she reminded him.

  “On Wednesday there’s her dress to be fitted, her shoes to be got, a hair appointment to be made for both of us, and all the other little last-minute things.”

  His face fell with disappointment, but he didn’t argue.

  “Thursday, then,” he said, smiling from ear to ear when she nodded her agreement.

  “But it will seem like a lifetime until then.”

  After he’d gone. Kitty sat with her feet up and a mug of hot chocolate clutched in her hands.

  “You’re wrong, Jack,” she muttered, recalling his parting words. “Saturday will seem like a lifetime. And every day after that.”

  At midnight she went to bed. At six she was downstairs again, unable to sleep any longer, excited that Georgie would soon be here. She had a slice of toast and a cup of strong tea, then washed the crockery, tidied her bedroom, Hoovered the entire flat and scrubbed the kitchen floor. That done, she put on her coat and went into town.

  It was still only eight-thirty by the time she got to the florist, but they were open and just setting out a splendid pavement display.

  “I’ll have two bunches of white chrysanthemums,” she told the assistant.

  “And another bunch of those lovely pink roses.” The colours would mix wonderfully well, she thought.

  On her way back, she remembered Georgie’s weakness for eccles cakes.

  Calling in the baker’s she bought half a dozen, oozing with currants and with pastry so flaky it fell off like a snow shower when the girl put them into a bag.

  Kitty also bought a french loaf, six large crusty baps, and some naughty chocolate eclairs.

  “You’ll get fat,” the girl laughed.

  “I should be so lucky,” Kitty replied with a glance at her trim shapely figure. She wouldn’t mind being fat, if it was fat of a kind that would produce a baby at the end. That was something else she was concerned about, a niggling little worry at the back of her mind.

  Right up to the hour before she was due to meet Georgie, Kitty kept herself busy. She took delight in arranging the flowers; a huge vaseful in Georgie’s bedroom, more in the sitting room,
and even in the bathroom. She washed the bathroom from top to bottom, she polished every windowsill in the flat, and even had a go at cleaning the windows. It was a beautiful day. The sun shone in through the windows and Kitty’s heart was happier than it had been in a very long time.

  The hours sped by, and soon it was time for her to make her way to the station. She thought it too lovely a day to go by bus so decided to walk; along by the river and through the Amdale Centre, with its splendid old facade and busy thoroughfares.

  Pausing now and then to gaze in the shop windows, she saw the most beautiful brooch in a corner jeweller’s; it was a blue red-eyed rabbit, a bright cheerful creature with long floppy ears. She had already bought a present for the maid of honour, but as soon as she saw the rabbit, she knew Georgie would love it.

  It took only a few minutes to purchase the brooch, then she was on her way, her steps quickening as she approached the Midland Road station.

  “Due in a few minutes,” the clerk confirmed.

  “Meeting someone, are you?” Kitty had only bought a platform ticket so he knew she wasn’t travelling.

  As she walked away, his appreciative gaze followed her, from the top of her shining dark hair to the shapely lines of her ankles. Kitty was wearing a short beige skirt and long-sleeved blue blouse. She had on her blue high-heeled shoes, and the whole outfit showed off her figure to perfection.

  “Nice eyes too,” the clerk muttered with a saucy wink.

  “Wish I were thirty years younger.”

  Kitty sat on the wooden-slatted bench, a small forlorn figure on that lonely platform. She watched for the train and tried to push all thoughts of Saturday from her mind. Oh, but it would be wonderful to have Georgie for a whole week. She missed her. She missed having a friend to talk with, to share her fears and hopes with. She remembered the old days, when she and Georgie were younger. In spite of the unhappy reasons that had taken them to the home, Kitty still cherished the memory of those times as some of the best in her life.

  Just as the clerk had predicted, the train was on time. The last few minutes before it came speeding into view, a multitude of people crowded the platform.

  Kitty pushed her way through to watch the train as it came into the station, her eager eyes searching every carriage as it went by. For a minute she thought Georgie had changed her mind as she often did, and her heart fell like a lead weight inside her.

  “Don’t let me down, Georgie gal,” she muttered, smiling with embarrassment when a big ginger-haired woman gave her a funny look. As the wary woman hurried on to the train, Kitty couldn’t help but chuckle.

  “She must think I’m a brick short of a load!”

  All the passengers had boarded and still Kitty couldn’t see any sign of Georgie. Disillusioned, she turned to leave when a familiar voice chirped out, “Some bleedin’ friend you are. Kitty Marsh! Invite a gal to your wedding then ain’t got the decency to see her safely off the train!”

  Kitty swung round and there she was.

  “GEORGIE!”

  With open arms she ran to her, hugging her as if she never wanted to let go.

  “I didn’t see you get off,” she laughed.

  “Oh, Georgie. I’m so glad you’re here.” She gulped back the joyful tears. For one awful minute she’d feared she would have to walk down that long, lonely aisle on her own. Now Georgie was here and the world was a brighter place.

  “Bleedin’ hell, gal!” Dropping her suitcase, Georgie let herself be swung round.

  “Are you after strangling me or what?” But she was thrilled to be here. She had so much to tell Kitty, and there was so much she wanted to know in her turn.

  They took the bus as far as the top of the market, then walked the rest of the way.

  “We’ll go by way of the embankment,” Kitty said. As they walked along arm in arm, with Kitty insisting on carrying the suitcase, she couldn’t keep her eyes off her old friend. Georgie looked so much better than when Kitty had last seen her. There was a spring to her step, and a twinkle in her eye.

  Georgie gave her a sideways look.

  “What the ’ell are you gawping at?”

  Kitty squeezed her arm with affection.

  “I’m ‘gawping’ at you,” she answered. “You look…different somehow.”

  She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but there was something very new about Georgie, like a light shining from inside her.

  Georgie made a wry little face.

  “’Course I’m different,” she pointed out with exaggerated patience. “I’m fat and heavy, and I’m carrying a bleedin’ monster.”

  “No, you’re not,” Kitty corrected. “You’re very smart and light of foot, and being pregnant suits you.”

  It must be that, she decided. She couldn’t help but wonder whether being pregnant might suit her too, but suddenly there it was again, that little nagging worry at the back of her mind.

  “You never told me you lived in such a posh place,” Georgie remarked as they strolled along the riverside. “It’s beautiful.”

  They sat on the bench and watched the river life Graceful white swans glided by with multicoloured ducks following in their wake. Children played on the bank beneath the watchful eyes of their parents, and all along the riverside graceful willows bent to the gentle breeze.

  “It’s like paradise,” Georgie said, mesmerised.

  Kitty knew exactly what she meant.

  “It is beautiful,” she murmured. “But it isn’t paradise to me.”

  Something in the tone of her voice made Georgie turn to look at her.

  Quietly she said, “For someone who’s getting wed in four days’ time, you seem a bit down in the mouth, gal.”

  “Let’s go home,” Kitty said, picking up the suitcase.

  “You must be tired.”

  As they completed the journey to Kitty’s flat, Georgie kept sneaking a look at her quiet companion. She had been bubbly and bright, but now she seemed preoccupied.

  There was a deep frown on her lovely face, and a heaviness to her step.

  Though she was concerned that it was she who had dampened Kitty’s spirits by her thoughtless remark, Georgie decided to say nothing about the swift change of mood. But she began to wonder. And when she wondered, certain things began to make sense. And when she began to put two and two together, she didn’t like what it all added up to.

  In better mood by the time they reached home, Kitty flung open the door to her flat.

  “Welcome to my little abode,” she said proudly. She had put a great deal of love and effort into this place, and now she wanted to show it off to her one and only true friend.

  “What do you think?” Dumping the suitcase by the door, she waited for Georgie’s reaction.

  Georgie’s blue eyes stood out like hatpins.

  “Bloody Nora, gal!” she cried.

  “Let me get me foot in the door first!”

  As she took off to carry out a closer inspection, Kitty picked up the suitcase and padded behind her.

  They went into the kitchen first, then on to the bathroom.

  “Getting above yerself, ain’t you?” Georgie said on seeing the freshly filled vase.

  “Flowers in the loo? La de da!” When she winked. Kitty knew she approved.

  They went into Kitty’s bedroom. It was a bright cheerful room, with lots of scatter cushions and pretty floral curtains.

  “You always did have good taste, gal,” Georgie assured her.

  “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen a wicker chair in a bedroom, let alone covered in brightly coloured cushions.” She chuckled.

  “Mind you. I wouldn’t want wicker chair in my bedroom, thank you very much.”

  Kitty was intrigued.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I have a tendency to run about in the nuddy. You know how forgetful I can be? If I should plonk myself down on a wicker chair like that, me arse would be scratched to buggery!”

  Kitty had forgotten what a tonic Georgi
e was. Laughing out loud, she dragged her away.

  “Come and see the room I’ve got ready for you.”

  “You ain’t got no wicker chair in there, have you?”

  “See for yourself.” Kitty remained at the door while Georgie went inside.

  “By! You’ve really gone to some trouble, ain’t you, gal?” Georgie’s surprised gaze travelled the room. Kitty had painted it the softest shade of blue because she knew that was Georgie’s favourite colour.

  There was a soft blue shade hanging over the light, a blue cheque red eiderdown, and a blue vase filled with pink and yellow flowers.

  Georgie shook her head.

  “It’s really lovely,” she murmured.

  “It’s like a real home, that’s what it is.” Turning to look at Kitty she said softly, “Why do you do it, gal? Why do you go out of your way to please me, when I don’t do nothing but bring you a heap o’ trouble?”

  “Because I love you.” Georgie would never know how much, Kitty thought fondly. She couldn’t possibly realise what she had come to mean to her over the years.

  Lost for words, Georgie looked round the room once more.

  “It’s lovely,” she said again.

  “Really lovely.” She came to Kitty then, her blue eyes glittering with tears as she told her in a hoarse whisper, “I love you too, gal, and it ain’t easy for a hard-boiled egg like me to say that.”

  Kitty didn’t want the past to swamp them, as it swamped her every time she let her mind wander back over the years. Going to the bed, she flung the suitcase down.

  “First of all, we’ll hang your clothes up, or they’ll be creased like concertinas, then you’ll go into the sitting room and rest your feet, while I make us something to eat.”

  “Don’t want nothing to eat, gal.” Georgie began unfastening the suitcase.

  “I had a cheese sandwich on the train and I couldn’t eat another crumb. Besides, if you intend stuffing me full of food, I’ll look like a bleedin’ turkey instead of a maid of honour.”

  Later, Kitty managed to persuade her into enjoying a small salad and a portion of salmon.

  “This is what I call style,” Georgie joked, and Kitty was content to see how at home she was making herself.

  “How’s Mildred getting on with her old man?” Georgie asked, in between sipping at her tea.