Piper sank down on her bed. ‘I haven’t told Luke yet.’
‘Why not?’ Pauline was clearly shocked.
‘There’s never a good time. Every time I go to tell him, something happens with Jess or rugby or – or – I dunno, life.’ Piper pulled at a stray thread on her duvet cover. ‘How did you guess?’
‘Come on, we share a bedroom. I hear you tossing and turning at night and crying. I also heard you throwing up a couple of times and you keep touching your stomach.’
‘Do you think anyone else has guessed?’ Piper asked, her heart pounding.
Pauline laughed. ‘You must be joking. The twins are far too self-obsessed, Posy is too young, Mum is too preoccupied with college and Dad probably thinks you’re still a virgin.’
Piper winced. ‘He’s the one I’m dreading telling the most. He’s going to be so disappointed in me.’ She began to cry.
‘I imagine he will be, very,’ Pauline agreed.
‘Thanks, Pauline, kick me while I’m down.’ She sniffed.
‘But he’ll get over it. You’ve always been his favourite.’
Piper blew her nose. ‘No, I’m not. Dad loves us all the same.’
Pauline snorted. ‘No, he doesn’t. He thinks the twins are vacuous, he likes Posy but finds her immature, and he doesn’t get me at all. I’m far too serious for him.’
Piper felt uncomfortable because she knew Pauline was right. Piper was her dad’s favourite and always had been.
Her mother was more subtle about which child she preferred – Piper could see it was Posy, but Olivia was better at pretending she loved them all equally.
‘How did it happen? You’re a smart girl. Why didn’t you use protection?’
‘We were drunk and we didn’t have any condoms and I thought a one-off would be okay if we were careful. I’m so stupid.’ Piper covered her face with her hands and began to sob. Talking about it made it all so real. Suddenly it wasn’t a little secret that she could ignore sometimes. It was real life. Piper was going to have a baby. She was going to be a teenage mother. Her life would never be the same. How the hell would she cope with a baby?
Pauline patted her awkwardly on the knee. Affection was not her sister’s strong point so Piper appreciated the effort.
‘Look, we all make mistakes. Well, some of us do. Anyway, the point is, what are you going to do? Do you want to have the baby? You don’t have to, you know. If you want to go to London and have an abortion, I’ll come with you.’
‘Would you?’ Piper was astounded.
Pauline nodded. ‘Absolutely. Having a baby at eighteen could ruin your life, Piper. You’ve got to think very carefully about it. What if Luke doesn’t want to know? What if you break up and you have to raise it on your own? How are you going to support it?’
Piper rubbed her eyes. She felt so weary. ‘At first I was going to have an abortion, but now I don’t want to. I kind of love the baby. I know I’m only about thirteen weeks gone but I feel protective of it. I can’t get rid of it, I just can’t.’
Pauline sighed. ‘Think very carefully before making a final decision. You’ll be this child’s mother for the rest of your life. You may not be able to go to college or travel, like you wanted to, or have a successful career.’
‘Come on, Pauline, lots of successful women have kids.’
‘Not at eighteen they don’t.’
‘Well, I’m sure some of them do.’
Pauline stood up. ‘All I’m saying is, deciding to have the baby will change your life for ever. So think carefully.’
Piper nodded. She thought about it all the time, but when it came down to getting rid of the baby or keeping it, her heart said, ‘Keep it.’
‘The thing is, Pauline, I saw Jess nearly die and it made me realize how precious life is. I can’t get rid of this baby. I know it’s going to change everything, I know Luke might break up with me, but I just can’t have an abortion, even though I probably should.’ Piper began to cry again.
There was a thump on the door. ‘Hey, come on, narky head, you’re going to be late for school. It’s the Christmas carols today and I want to be on time,’ Poppy called out.
Pauline went over to unlock the door. ‘Before you make a final decision, Piper, you have to tell Luke. It’s his baby, too. He should have a say in what happens, and at least you’ll know where you stand with him. He might not react well. You need to be prepared for that.’
I am, Piper thought. I think he’ll freak.
Luke hummed as he ate a huge bowl of egg noodles with chicken. Piper tried not to retch. The smell of chicken was one of her triggers. She was hoping the morning sickness would wear off soon.
‘So where is everyone?’ she asked.
‘Mum’s taken Jess and Bobby to get shoes and Granddad’s working. So we have the place to ourselves for a while.’ Luke grinned at Piper. ‘When I’ve finished this, we could go to my room and hang out.’
Sex was the last thing on Piper’s mind. Her stomach was twisting and turning. Now, she shouted inwardly, tell him now.
‘So, uhm, Luke, there’s something I need to talk to you about.’
Luke’s phone pinged. He picked it up and laughed. ‘Check out the photo Gavin just sent me.’ He held his phone up so Piper could see some lame photo of a donkey with a stupid sign on it. She wanted to get the phone and throw it across the room.
‘So, anyway, as I was saying, I need to –’
Luke’s phone rang. ‘Hey, Gavin, hilarious pic, man,’ he said, and began chatting about the upcoming rugby match. After missing the last one, he was hyped up about performing well this time.
Piper drummed her nails on the kitchen table and tried to resist the urge to turn the bowl of noodles upside-down on Luke’s head. Yes, he was excited about the match, but what about the fact that she was sitting right in front of him, being ignored?
‘Yeah, he was … He’s a beast. Did you see the weights he was pumping? … I know … Savage session … I’m up for it, though. Bring on the match – we’ll stuff those guys … No, they haven’t a hope. They’re not good upfront. Our forwards will kill them … Yeah … Yeah … I agree with you there …’
Piper’s breathing was coming hard and fast. She’d had enough. Was Luke stupid, selfish or just immature? She’d told him she wanted to talk to him about something and he wasn’t remotely interested or focused on her. Maybe he wasn’t a great guy. Maybe Pauline was right – maybe he’d run a mile when he found out about the baby. Piper stared at her boyfriend. He was sitting in his school shirt and tie and he looked young. Too young to be a dad. Too young to have the responsibility of a baby.
‘Dude, I know, he’s class. Did you see his try last week? He was unstoppable … With Rocco on form, we’re unbeatable … Yeah …’
Piper was wrong. She couldn’t have this baby. They were kids themselves. How the hell could they possibly raise a child? They were still in school. What was she thinking? She should have had the abortion ages ago. Oh, God, it was a disaster. She must be mad thinking she could be a mum. Luke would dump her and she’d be living with her parents for the rest of her life – if they didn’t kick her out when they found out she was up the pole at eighteen.
Piper stood up and rushed towards the door.
‘Hey!’ Luke called out.
Piper went to open the door but Luke grabbed her arm. ‘Gotta go, Gavin,’ he said into the phone, and threw his phone onto the countertop. ‘Where are you going?’ he asked.
‘I have to get out of here.’ Piper tugged at the door but Luke stopped her.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. Get out of my bloody way.’
Luke put his hands on her shoulders and made her turn to face him. ‘Hey, Piper, what’s going on? Talk to me.’
She looked down. She had no words. How do you tell your boyfriend that he’s going to be a dad or else have to help pay for an abortion?
‘Did something happen?’ Luke’s blue eyes were full of concern. ‘Tell me
. I’ll fix it or help or whatever. Come on, Piper, it’s me – you can tell me anything.’
Piper looked over his shoulder and tried to summon the courage and the words. Taking a deep breath she opened her mouth. ‘It’s –’
‘Fuck, are you breaking up with me?’ Luke moved away from her. ‘That’s it, isn’t it?’ Luke glared at her. ‘Thanks a lot, Piper, thanks a fucking lot.’
Piper’s blood pressure went through the roof. What the hell was wrong with Luke? Why couldn’t he let her speak? ‘WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN!’ she screamed.
She had his attention now. Piper walked past him and stood at the opposite end of the room. ‘I have to tell you something and I don’t really know how to do it so I’m just going to blurt it out.’
‘You cheated on me. Oh, Jesus, who with?’ Luke’s face darkened. ‘Was it Harry? It’d better not be him.’
‘Jesus, Luke, will you shut the fuck up!’ Piper roared. ‘I didn’t cheat on you. I’m pregnant.’
Luke stared at Piper, his mouth hanging open like a fish’s. She’d never seen anyone look so shocked. She’d wanted to tell him in a calm way, but he’d ruined it. She stood still and waited.
‘Are you serious?’ he eventually said.
‘I can promise you this is no joke.’
‘Like, how, when, what?’ Luke’s brow creased as he struggled to process the information.
Piper pulled out a chair and sat down. She felt exhausted. ‘I guess it must have happened that night after you’d had the terrible dinner with your dad and we got drunk and you wanted to have sex but we didn’t have any condoms.’
Luke sat down opposite her. ‘But that was ages ago. I mean, what …’
‘I think I’m about thirteen weeks pregnant,’ she said.
‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me?’
Piper sighed. ‘I tried. I tried to a million times, but something always happened, like Jess got the infection or you got dropped from the team or you had to donate bone marrow … Every single time I went to tell you, something got in the way.’
‘Jesus, Piper, you should have just pulled me aside and told me. We see each other all the time. Thirteen weeks? You’ve known for all that time?’
Piper said nothing.
Luke chewed his thumbnail. ‘A baby? What are we going to do? I mean, we’re eighteen. We can’t have a kid, can we? How can I tell Mum I’ve knocked you up when she’s got so much shit to deal with? I can’t do that to her. I just … What do you … What the hell are we going to do?’
Piper felt his fear and worry land heavily on her shoulders. She had to be calm and try to stay level-headed. She wished Luke would wrap his arms around her and tell her not to worry, that he’d fix it all or make it go away. But how could he? There was no magic wand for this.
‘God, your dad! He’ll kill me.’ Luke’s mind was racing.
Piper didn’t care about her dad right now. She cared about what they were going to do. Luke hadn’t mentioned abortion yet. She’d have to bring it up. Maybe he was afraid to.
‘Well, my dad doesn’t necessarily need to know. No one does.’
Luke stared across the table at her. Piper could almost see his mind working overtime. Biting his lip he said, ‘Is that something you … I mean, is that what you want?’
Piper felt her throat closing over with stress and anxiety. ‘I don’t know what I want,’ she croaked. ‘I’m so confused and worried. I feel so alone.’
Luke came over and sat beside her. He held her hands. ‘I’m here for you, babe. You’re not alone. I’ll do whatever you want to do.’
‘Can we really bring up a baby?’ Piper asked him.
Luke shrugged. ‘I dunno. I guess technically we could, but … well, it would change everything. We’d be like parents and have to get jobs and an apartment and stuff.’
Piper was crying now. ‘I don’t want to give up my life, but I don’t want to get rid of the baby either. It feels wrong.’
‘It isn’t, though. I mean, if we did go for an abortion, it would just be a decision. It’s not wrong or bad or anything.’
‘I know that, Luke, but I can feel the baby inside me. Maybe I’m imagining it, but I think I can. I’d feel so bad if I got rid of it.’
Luke rubbed her index finger. ‘Well, then, we’ll have it and just work it out. I can get a job and maybe study for a sport and performance degree at night.’
‘What am I going to do? Sit in a tiny apartment all day with a baby?’ Piper asked. She knew she was being unreasonable. Luke was just trying to figure things out, but suddenly she saw herself stuck at home, alone with a baby.
‘No, you could work and study too. The baby could go to a nanny or crèche or something.’
‘Do you have any idea how much that costs? Crèches and nannies are really expensive.’
‘Piper, I’m trying here. Maybe your mum could mind the baby.’
‘Why should she? She’s busy.’
Luke was incredulous. ‘Well, my mum can’t. She’s already looking after a sick child. There’s no way we can dump a baby on her.’
Piper pulled her hands away. ‘Well, you’re not dumping this kid on my family to raise. It’s your baby, too, and if you hadn’t been so bloody insistent on having unprotected sex, I wouldn’t be bloody well pregnant.’
Luke glared at her. ‘Oh, so it’s my fault. I don’t remember you telling me to back off or pushing me away, Piper. I seem to remember you enjoying it.’
‘I’m not saying it’s your fault,’ Piper said. ‘I’m just … I’m scared, Luke.’
‘Look, we don’t need to have this stress in our lives. I can call Maggie. She’d help us, I know she would. And she wouldn’t be judgemental. She’d find a clinic in London that could do the abortion, a good place, and we could stay with her for a few days. I could pretend to Mum that we’d just decided to go to London to visit Maggie. No one would find out.’
Piper paused. Now that she had told Luke, the reality of having a baby and raising it was hitting her hard. How could she bring up a baby when she was still living with her parents in an already cramped house? There was so much she wanted to do and see and experience. A baby would ruin all her plans. What if she broke up with Luke? It was possible: a baby would put their relationship under huge pressure.
Luke would get to walk away, but she’d be stuck with the baby. The woman always was. She could end up as a single mother, sitting in a bedsit all day long, living on welfare. Her stomach lurched. She didn’t want that. She wanted a life full of adventure and excitement.
Maybe Luke was right. If Maggie could sort it out, then no one would have to find out and they could just do it and move on. Forget it had ever happened.
‘Call Maggie. Let’s see if she’ll help and then we’ll make a decision,’ Piper said.
Luke picked up his phone, dialled Maggie’s number and put the phone on loudspeaker.
She picked up after one ring. ‘Is everything okay?’ she asked, sounding worried.
‘Everything’s fine. Jess is good.’
‘Oh, thank God! When I saw your number I almost had a heart attack.’
‘Sorry, didn’t mean to stress you out,’ Luke said. ‘Actually, Maggie, do you have a minute? I’m here with Piper and we need to talk to you about something.’
‘Of course. Hi, Piper.’
‘Hi, Maggie.’ Piper twisted her fingers nervously as Luke took a deep breath and filled Maggie in on their situation. Maggie let him talk and said nothing until Luke finished. ‘So we don’t know what to do, but we think maybe we’ll have an abortion, but we’re not sure.’
‘Well, I certainly wasn’t expecting that. No pun intended,’ she said.
Luke and Piper laughed weakly.
‘Look, guys, this is a very serious decision. Luke, you’ve only just found out. You need to think about it for a few days. Taking some time to process the situation is important. Whatever decision you make, you must both be happy with it. If you have this baby, you will be parents
to it for the rest of your lives. You don’t get to walk away or change your mind. If you have an abortion, that decision will stay with you, too, but you will move on and it certainly gives you more options for your future. You are very young, and having a baby is a huge responsibility. Think very carefully about it all. But whatever you decide to do, I’ll help you. I can arrange for you to be seen at a very good clinic over here, or if you decide to keep the baby I’ll help you financially. But just remember, a baby is for life.’
Luke and Piper nodded. ‘Thanks, Maggie,’ Luke said. ‘You’re brilliant.’
‘I’m here for you, Luke. You’re the closest thing to family I have, so anything you need, just call. Now, can I talk to Piper privately, please?’
Luke raised an eyebrow. ‘Uhm, sure.’ He handed the phone to Piper.
He left the room. Piper switched the phone off loudspeaker and held it to her ear. ‘Maggie?’
‘Are you alone?’
‘Yes.’
‘Right, here’s the deal. I’m going to be blunt with you because you seem like a great girl and I want the best for you and for Luke, who I adore. As the mother, you are going to be landed with bringing up this baby. Maybe you and Luke will make it. Maybe you’ll get married and have other kids and things will work out great. But there is a big chance they might not. You need to think about that. You also need to think about your future and what you want to do with your life. Do you really want to be tied down at eighteen?’
Piper’s head was spinning. Everything Maggie was saying she had thought about. It seemed that, suddenly, they were all leaning towards an abortion and it made sense. It made sense in every way but one: Piper loved this baby.
‘Just put yourself first and think about it,’ Maggie was saying. ‘This is your choice, ultimately. Call me in a few days and let me know your decision. I’ll do everything I can to help.’
‘Thank you, Maggie. I really appreciate it.’
‘No problem. I’ve gotta fly to a meeting now. Call me when you know what you want to do.’
Piper ended the call as Luke walked back into the kitchen. They stared at each other in silence. She knew he was wondering what her decision would be, and she was wondering what conclusion he’d reach. It was like that game she’d played as a kid, where someone thought of a number and you had to guess what it was. She was trying to read his mind. But this wasn’t a game, and she wasn’t a kid any more. This was possibly the biggest decision she would ever make in her life.
The Good Mother Page 19