Daddy said a stuter was not a disability that it was a speech impediment and that he shouldn’t get special treatment and that we all had ‘shit going on’ and that a kid shouldn’t get a role just because it took him ten minutes to say his name.
Declan’s Mummy said that Daddy was a ‘very rude man with a hart of stone’ and that he had no idea how dificult it was for Declan to deal with life with a stuter and that I was a ‘mean boy and a bully’.
Mummy said, ‘Excuse me but Bobby is a lovely boy and has a hart of gold. He was just trying to help Declan.’
Declan’s Mummy said that everyone with half a brain knew that you did not finish words for stuterers.
Mummy said ‘May I remind you that Bobby is seven.’
Then Tommy’s Daddy came over with his brother and said that I was a ‘nasty piece of work’ for nocking his Tommy down.
Mummy reminded him that Tommy had pushed me first and I was just defending myself.
‘He’s a violent bully’ Tommy’s Dad said. He said that Tommy is a ‘kind-harted boy who looks after his brother’ and that life wasn’t easy.
Daddy putted his hand on my shoulder and said that he saw the way Tommy punched me and that the only violent person was his son.
I was so happy that Daddy was on my side. It was brilliant.
Tommy’s Daddy said Tommy was a lamb who minded his little brother who had chalinges.
He was going to say more but Luke throwed his hands in the air and shouted, ‘Can everyone just shut the hell up. Bobby was trying to help the dude with the stuter, Tommy stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong and got violent. Bobby is dealing with a sister who has cancer and nearly died a few weeks ago, so you can take your stuterers and your Down Sindrum kids and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine. Bobby is the nicest kid in the world so if ever I hear anyone call him a bully again I sware to God I will lose it.’
Luke looked so big and tall and strong, like a warior.
‘Luke!’ Mummy was shocked but she was kind of smiling too.
Tommy’s Daddy and Declan’s Mummy just went quiet and looked shoked. Granddad said, ‘Time to go’ and rushed us all out of the school before any more fighting could happen. I was so proud that Luke was my brother. I told him thanks and he said, ‘no worries dude, don’t let anyone push you around and if they do, let me know.’
Jess was quiet. I heard Mummy ask her if she was alrite. Jess nodded but I could see she had tears in her eyes. I don’t know why. Maybe she wished she had a stuter or Down Sindrum instead of cancer.
So I asked her and she did a sad smile and said ‘A stuter maybe but not Down Sindrum because you can’t be cured.’
I thought Down Sindrum just meant you were agro but obvioosly it’s worser than that. I feel a bit bad for Tommy’s brother now and for Tommy. A bit … but not loads cos he punched my sore stomak.
27
Kate washed her hands with one of the sanitizers that were all over the house and in every bag and coat pocket she owned.
Bobby watched her from his bed. He was wearing his dinosaur pyjamas and looked very sweet and young. Kate went over and hugged him. ‘What’s that for?’ he asked.
‘It’s for being a great boy.’
‘Did you think I was a great boy when I ruined the Christmas play?’ Bobby asked.
‘Of course I did, and you didn’t ruin it. It was Mrs Lorgan’s silly casting of the wrong boys in the wrong roles. You were wonderful.’
‘Mummy,’ Bobby asked, his little forehead wrinkling, ‘why does chemotherapy make you so sick?’
Kate paused. ‘Well, it makes you sick but better at the same time.’
‘Why can’t they make a medicine that cures cancer without making you sick and bald?’
‘I wish they could, Bobby, and when you grow up, maybe you can invent a chemotherapy that makes patients feel good instead of awful.’
‘I will, Mummy. I’ll invent that and then we can be rich and I can buy you a house and you won’t have to wait for Daddy to pay you money to get us things, and I’ll buy Jess a pony all of her own, and I’ll buy Luke his own rugby pitch to practise on.’
‘What about Daddy and Jaden and Jenny?’ Kate asked. She wanted to try to get Bobby to like his half-brother at least a little. It worried her how much he disliked him.
Bobby frowned. ‘I’ll buy them a small house, but I’m not spending loads of money on them. I’m keeping it for us.’
‘You know that when Jaden gets older he’s going to look up to you like you look up to Luke?’ She tried to appeal to his ego.
Bobby looked surprised. ‘Will he?’
‘Yes. You’ll be his cool big brother and he’ll want to be like you and spend time with you.’
Bobby closed his book of facts. ‘But he’s only my half-brother, not like me and Luke. He’s not really our family, Mum. He’s Daddy’s family, and he’s kind of stinky and stupid.’
Kate took Bobby’s hand in hers. ‘Listen to me. Jaden is your family and you must try to be nice to him. When he’s a bit older, you can teach him your facts. He’d love that.’
‘Would he? He seems dumb to me. All he does is cry.’
‘That’s because he’s a baby, Bobby. Babies cry. When he’s talking and walking you’ll be able to teach him things and help him to be as smart as you are.’
Bobby seemed doubtful. ‘We’ll see about that. Anyway, he has Daddy to teach him stuff. Daddy’s always with him.’
‘Daddy’s been popping in more often lately to see you.’
Bobby’s big brown eyes looked up at her. ‘He’s been coming to see Jess, not me or Luke. Daddy cares about Jess and Jaden and Jenny. Maybe if my name started with a J he’d care about me too.’
Kate felt so sad for her little son. He was so in need of a proper father who paid him attention. It broke her heart. ‘Daddy loves you and Luke just as much as Jess. He’s obviously paying more attention to Jess at the moment because she’s sick. He came to your play and he stood up for you. That was nice, wasn’t it?’
‘He was late and he missed my lines. Anyway, Luke was the one who really stood up for me.’
‘Oh, Bobby …’ Kate hugged him. ‘Your dad loves you and I love you enough for a million mums and dads.’
Bobby snuggled his head into her shoulder. ‘I know, Mummy, and I love you too, so don’t get cancer and die. I want you here.’
Kate held him tighter. ‘I’m not going anywhere and nor is Jess. We’re all going to grow old together.’
Bobby wriggled out from her embrace. ‘You’re kind of suffocating me now.’
Kate laughed and pulled back.
‘It’s not funny, Mummy. Since 2000, the number of child suffocations per year has risen in the US from less than eight hundred to more than a thousand.’
Kate stopped laughing and tried to look serious. ‘I doubt many of those are from mothers hugging their children.’
‘Well, I don’t want to be the first. Is Luke home yet?’
‘No. He said he was going to study at Piper’s.’
‘Why is he grumpy all the time? I went into his room yesterday and he was on his computer and when I asked him what he was looking at he snapped it shut and shouted at me to get lost and pushed me out.’
Kate had noticed that Luke was short-tempered. ‘He has a lot on his plate. His finals are coming up in six months, he’s training really hard to stay on the team and he’s worried about Jess, too.’
‘So am I, you know, and I don’t go around pushing people.’ Kate looked at him and Bobby went red. ‘Well, not unless they push me first.’
Kate leant over and put his book on the bedside locker. She kissed his forehead and tried not to mind when she saw him rubbing it off. Switching off the light, she said goodnight.
As she was leaving the room she heard Bobby’s tired voice say, ‘I’m really glad you’re my mummy.’
‘And I’m thrilled you’re my little boy.’ Kate smiled into the darkness and quietly made her way down to the
kitchen.
She glanced at the clock. She was supposed to be at her mindfulness course but she really wasn’t in the mood. She was planning on Skyping Maggie and having a drink and a chat with her instead. She was pouring herself a glass of wine when she heard a knock on the back door. She pulled it open. Liam was standing there with snowflakes on his hair and beard.
‘Hi.’ Kate was surprised to see him.
‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I didn’t mean to disturb you but there doesn’t seem to be anyone doing mindfulness tonight. The room is empty and I wondered if it was cancelled because of the weather.’
Kate hadn’t realized it was snowing. She’d left the door unlocked for the teacher and the class before putting Bobby to bed. ‘Gosh, it really is pelting down. Come on in.’
Liam hesitated. ‘I don’t want to come on top of your family.’
‘Don’t be silly. I’m here on my own. Dad’s in the shop sampling the new wines that have just come in with his friend Bill. Bobby’s in bed, so is Jess, and Luke is out.’
‘Well, just for a minute.’
Kate offered him a glass of wine. Liam shrugged off his coat and accepted it.
‘The class must be cancelled – she’s never been late before. Mind you, she should have sent a text if it is.’ Kate took a sip of her wine.
At that moment Liam’s phone buzzed. He looked down. ‘Ah! She’s apologizing for cancelling at the last minute but her car won’t start.’
‘I wasn’t going tonight anyway. Just didn’t feel like it.’
Liam smiled. ‘Neither did I, but my daughter called in to make sure I went. I think she knew that after the first three my enthusiasm was waning.’
‘Do you think it’s just us?’ Kate asked. ‘The others seem to really get into it. I just can’t switch my mind off and the swaying to music just makes me want to laugh.’
Liam grinned. ‘It’s very awkward for a fella like me who has two left feet and no balance.’
Kate giggled. ‘I noticed that when you knocked me over in the first class.’
‘I’m still mortified.’ He chuckled.
They sipped their wine companionably. He was nice in a big-bear sort of way, Kate thought. Maggie had asked her if she fancied him when she’d told her about him coming to the coffee shop and being so nice about Jess. But she didn’t fancy him. He was too … well, hairy and squidgy. The opposite of Nick, who waxed his back and shaved every day and was fit and toned. At least, he had been before his life became one long stressful problem. He probably got very little time to work out now. Just like me, she thought ruefully.
Kate knew she should try to fall for someone like Liam, who was kind and wouldn’t cheat on you, but you can’t make yourself like someone when there’s no chemistry. She liked him as a man friend. She wasn’t remotely embarrassed about Liam seeing her tonight in her slippers with no make-up on and wearing an old baggy sweatshirt. She felt comfortable with him, and it was nice.
‘So how’s Jess?’ he asked.
Kate put down her glass. ‘She’s been doing really well since the bone-marrow transplant so things are better. I’m feeling really hopeful. I’m just so glad the chemo and transplant are over. It’s been so hard on her little body.’
Liam shook his head. ‘It’s a terrible thing. My wife was so sick on chemo – I can’t imagine how awful it must be for a child.’
‘I just don’t understand why, with all the money and funding that is put into cancer research, they haven’t come up with something less aggressive to cure it.’
‘June’s oncologist used to say you have to fight fire with fire. Sometimes I wanted to punch him when he said it.’
‘Sometimes I want to punch everyone,’ Kate said.
‘It’s very hard on you as the mum, with two other children to worry about. My kids were all adults when June was diagnosed. They still suffered terribly but at least they were able to look after themselves and stay with her in the hospital when I needed to go home.’
Kate nodded. ‘Still awful, though.’
‘Yes, it was,’ Liam said quietly.
‘Do you miss her?’
‘Yes. It’s the quietness of the house. It’s been nearly three years and I still can’t get used to it. I think the hardest part is when something happens, like when Grace got engaged and I wanted to talk to June about it and celebrate together, but it was just me and the dog.’
‘I miss that, too. I miss sitting on the couch and talking to Nick about the kids or what happened that day. In fairness, I don’t miss it right now because he’s driving me crazy, but in the beginning I did.’
‘I don’t think humans are built to be alone,’ Liam said.
Kate agreed. Before Jess had got sick and her mind had filled with tests, research and terror, she used to wonder what would happen to her when the kids left home. She was afraid of turning into a sad old lady, with cats, who lived alone, watched daytime TV and got fatter by the hour. Maggie told her she was being ridiculous, that empty-nest syndrome was rubbish, and she’d have the time of her life, that she could come and live with Maggie and shag handsome younger men, get a job and have a ball.
Kate couldn’t see herself living Maggie’s life, though. She didn’t want to sleep with younger men: she wanted to meet a Nick who didn’t cheat.
‘Anyway, it’s great news about Jess, with the transplant going well, I’m really pleased for you.’ Liam fished about in his pocket and pulled out a small plastic pouch with something silver in it. ‘I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted to give you this.’ He handed it to her.
‘What is it?’
‘It’s a medal of St Peregrine, the patron saint of healing for those who suffer with cancer and other life-threatening illnesses. I thought Jess might like to keep it beside her bed or under her pillow.’
Kate looked down at the medal, tried to hold back tears and failed. It was such a kind and thoughtful gesture. She stood up and hugged him. ‘Thank you.’
Liam patted her on the back. ‘It’s nothing really but … well, every little thing helps, I suppose.’
Kate pulled away and wiped her cheeks. ‘Sorry, I’m a wreck. I’m counting the days and holding my breath until she has the tests to see if the bone marrow worked. I shouldn’t drink alcohol at all – it makes me weepy. I’d better have a coffee.’
Liam jumped up. ‘I’ll make it for you. Sit down and rest.’
Kate did so. It was nice to have someone doing things for her. Liam made them both a coffee and sat opposite her. He raised his cup. ‘Here’s to good health and complete remission in 2016.’
Kate clinked her cup against his. ‘I can’t believe Christmas is only days away. I’ve done nothing. I’ll be glad to see the back of this year, that’s for sure. I’m scared, though. It’s funny, you think when something awful happens that you’ll assume this is your bad card in life. But now I just think, Why wouldn’t I get more bad cards? Who’s to say more bad luck isn’t on its way?’
Liam reached over and squeezed her hand. ‘It’s normal to feel like that, but I really think you’ve had your fill. I’ll light a candle for Jess on Christmas Eve and one for you.’
Kate squeezed back. ‘Thank you. It’s silly, we barely know each other and yet I feel as if I’ve known you all my life.’
Liam smiled broadly. ‘I know what you mean.’
The door opened. Luke came in and threw his kitbag onto the floor. He stopped dead when he saw Kate holding hands with Liam. Kate yanked her hand back. Oh, God! It looked like something it wasn’t.
Luke glared at her. ‘What the hell?’
Liam stood up and took charge. He took Luke’s hand and shook it. ‘Hi, Luke, I’m Liam. I met your mum at the mindfulness course but we decided to skip it tonight. Nice to meet you. I hear you’re a great rugby player – best of luck in the cup. Right, I’d best be off. Good luck, Kate, and thanks for the coffee.’
Luke didn’t have time to react.
Kate walked Liam to the back door. ‘Thanks for dropping by
, I really enjoyed that,’ she said quietly.
‘Me too. We should skip the mindfulness class more often.’
Kate grinned. ‘I agree.’
‘See you in January. If we decide to mitch off, we could go for a walk, if the weather permits.’
‘Sounds great. Happy Christmas.’
Liam bent down and kissed her cheek. ‘You too.’ Then, looking over her shoulder, he said, ‘Bye, Luke.’
‘Uh, yeah … bye,’ he muttered.
Kate watched Liam go. He turned when he reached the end of the garden path and waved at her.
‘Can you close the fucking door? It’s freezing,’ Luke snapped.
Kate spun around. ‘Watch your language.’
‘So who’s the dude? When did you get a boyfriend?’
‘He’s not my boyfriend. He’s a friend, a very nice man.’
‘Oh, yeah? Well, if he’s just a friend, how come you were holding hands when I came in?’
‘He was holding my hand to comfort me, Luke. I was feeling a bit down. That’s all.’
Luke shrugged. ‘I don’t care if you’re seeing him. He seems all right, but I don’t need another dad. So, if you want to go out with him, fine, but he’s not to start hanging around me or telling me what to do.’
Kate stood up and washed the coffee cups. ‘For the last time, I’m not going out with him and I know you don’t need another dad.’
‘Fine, whatever.’
‘Have you eaten?’
‘No.’
‘Do you want me to cook you something?’
‘I’m not seven. I can cook for myself,’ Luke said angrily.
‘Fine. Sorry for asking and being concerned.’
‘Jesus, I wish everyone would get off my back.’ He slammed the fridge door.
‘No one’s on your back,’ Kate said, eyeing him. ‘What’s wrong, Luke? You’ve been really grumpy this last week.’
‘Nothing. I just want to eat in peace.’
The Good Mother Page 21