My Perfect Drug (Reapers MC: Ellsberg Chapter Book 2)

by Bijou Hunter

  “He’s harmless,” I say and smirk at Cooper. “Look at his fucking turtleneck. He’s like one of those stuffy professors at Hampton.”

  Cooper narrows his eyes, even while he tugs at the fabric at his throat. “My wife made me wear this.”

  “Sure, she did,” I say, laughing at his explanation. “You poor whipped bastard.”

  “Good thing you’re hiding behind those kids or I’d kick your ass.”

  “Wasn’t hiding last night and my ass remained shockingly un-kicked.”

  Cooper opens his mouth to insult me or threaten me or maybe blame his wife again for his silly sweater. Whatever he planned, he chooses to remain silent.

  “Lily is talking about having Sissy and the kids move in here. You should mentally prepare for that.”

  My sister tugs at my shirt again, wanting me to stop talking. Besides running, she also plays possum when afraid. It never works on Topher, but Cy tends to forget to yell at her if she’s quiet for long enough. If we were alone, I might explain to my sister how a man like Cooper Johansson won’t fall for her regular cons. After all, he graduated from law school. No way is he getting outwitted by Sissy Mullen.

  “This place isn’t big enough for the three of them.”

  “And me,” I add, rubbing salt in the wound. Grinning at his raging expression, I throw a bit more salt by saying, “And the baby.”

  “Why can’t your sister move into the other side of the duplex?”

  “College kids are renting it.”

  “Kick them out.”

  Sissy opens her mouth in shock at the very thought. I’m not sure why she’s surprised, but her kids also gasp because the dummies work on the same dumb-dumb wavelength.

  “Lily isn’t going to do something like that,” I tell Cooper, ignoring my sister’s stunned expression. “She has a rental agreement with them. Breaking that for personal reasons goes against her moral fortitude.”

  “Yeah, she’s a little too straight and narrow for my taste.”

  Sissy gasps again, and I can’t help laughing. My sister won’t tolerate anyone talking shit about her precious Lily. When I pat Sissy’s head, she stops looking horrified long enough to give me a disapproving headshake.

  “I didn’t want this for Lily,” Cooper says. “My greatest fear was she’d hook up with the shitty son of one of my brothers, but she managed to aim even lower.”

  “But you were cool with Jay?”

  “No, but he was better than a Mullen.”

  “No,” Sissy says and then covers her bruised mouth. Cooper’s dark gaze focuses on her, and I think my sister pees her pants a little. “He cheated.”

  “He did cheat,” I say, nodding. “I mean she cheated on him with me, but he cheated on her with several chicks. One of them was even a Roche, so there was probably some penicillin needed afterward.”

  “Gross,” Cooper says. “Jay was a twat.”

  “Yes, but you didn’t threaten him.”

  “I figured Lily would realize he was a mistake.”

  “And you didn’t figure that with me?”

  “She’s already pregnant by you.”

  “Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting about the baby,” I say, shrugging. “Lil claims she’s showing, but I didn’t notice anything last night.”

  Laughing at Cooper’s expression is the absolute wrong move, but I’m on a suicidal streak lately. I glance at Sissy to see if she’s shocked by my behavior, but she seems to have stopped listening. Her gaze is on the TV where Sesame Street plays while she absentmindedly twirls her kids’ wavy hair. Resting their heads in her lap, Hart and Haydee are also transfixed by the show.

  It takes so little to please the dummies, and I’m not much better. I’d prefer to watch Kermit than try to make nice with Cooper Johansson. I mean the frog might teach me something new, but there’s no chance of winning over the big man in the turtleneck.

  “So what is your plan exactly?” Cooper asks me. “You move in here and then what?”

  “This is a conversation you should be having with your daughter. As I repeatedly explained last night, she’s the one running the show. I’m her pet, just following her around.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “What bothers you most?” I ask, leaning closer. “That she lowered herself by hooking up with a Mullen or that you don’t know Lily as well as you thought you did?”

  “Asshole,” he nearly snarls, and I’ve fucking hit a nerve.

  Nodding, I smirk just a bit. “If it makes you feel any better, really knowing Lily is tricky.”

  “How do you fucking figure?”

  “She’s got a lot of levels. You’ve known Good Girl Lily, but that’s just one level. Rather than get butthurt about her big reveal, think of it as a chance to get to know the other Lilys. Trust me that Drunk-Off-Her-Ass-Lily and Totally-Baked-Lily are something to behold.”

  Cooper stares at me for so long that I lose interest and start watching Elmo manically babble.

  “I want to punch you so bad right now,” Cooper finally mutters.

  “Get in line,” I reply while wondering why kids like Elmo when he acts like a meth-head.

  “I have coffee,” Lily announces as if she hasn’t been in the kitchen for a freakishly long period of time. “Mom helped.”

  Her gaze tells me how her mom is on board with the situation, but her pop isn’t. Or maybe he is but can’t admit it when I’m around because I’m a Mullen and totally suck. She also mentions how I look really fucking hot in my plain white tee. This last part might only be my imagination, but I swear she’s undressing me with her eyes. Horny-As-Hell-Lily might be my favorite level of all.

  THE PRINCESS

  Returning to the living room, I’m relieved Pop doesn’t have Dash in a headlock. Sissy and the kids are chill until I appear. Then Sissy tenses, likely assuming I’m kicking her out. Sensing her anxiety, the kids sit up and stare at her as she stares at me.

  “I have cocoa for the kids,” I say, and Sissy’s relieved expression rips out my heart. “I can whip up a snack if you’re hungry.”

  “We just ate,” Haydee says and then covers her mouth.

  Ignoring the child’s fear of misspeaking, I hand Pop a coffee cup I recently bought for his visits. At the time, he thought the “Only the Coolest Grandpas Ride Motorcycles” mug celebrated his new Pop-Pop status after Keith’s birth. Now he gives the cup a weird frown.

  “Uh-huh,” he says, taking it from me.

  “How come you never set me up with anyone like you did with Audrey?” I blurt out.

  “I didn’t know what kind of men you liked. Well, except the dentist and I don’t know anyone like that.”

  I narrow my gaze. “You know plenty of men like him.”

  “None that I want as a member of my family.”

  “But you were good with Cap Hayes?” I ask, sitting in the chair closest to the couch.

  “Sure. He’s a harmless turd as compared to the harmful turd you’ve attached yourself to.”

  “I prefer polished turd, Pop,” Dash says, smirking.

  “Don’t call me that.”

  “Fine, but then don’t call me a turd in front of my niece and nephew. I’m their hero.”

  Haydee laughs, though I’m reasonably certain she has no idea what he’s talking about and is just giggling over the word “turd.” Dash grins at her laughter, and I literally sigh at how gorgeous he is when happy. He needs so little to be comfortable. Why shouldn’t he get a chance at happiness like everyone else? Why must his last name sentence him to misery?

  “Don’t cry,” Mom says, hugging me to her. “Your pop isn’t really angry.”

  “I am actually,” Pop says, and Mom grips me tighter. “Not so angry that she needs to cry, though.”

  “I’m not crying because of Pop.”

  Dash holds my gaze, and I know he knows why I’m crying. It’s the same reason I’ve always cried. There’s no changing the way things work in Ellsberg. Sissy still thinks she isn’t worthy of my friendship
, let alone for her to be good enough to go a week without someone smacking her upside the head.

  Dash isn’t much better. He loves me, but he’d let me go if I ever wanted someone else. In the past, Mullens overcompensated for their poverty by expecting more than they deserved. Then Topher came along and decided the only way for him to succeed in life was to stomp on the rest of his family. The newest generation demands nothing for themselves. Long before I met them, Dash and Sissy learned to expect only the absolute bare minimum to survive, and nothing I do can change the reality of their lives in Ellsberg.

  “I’m fine,” I say, letting go of Mom. “It’s just hormones and a stressful week.”

  I walk to where Dash sits next to Sissy. Gesturing for him to scoot over, I sit between them. Hart climbs onto my lap and hands me the stuffed blueberry unicorn I bought him on his last birthday. He rests his head on my chest and smiles at his mom. For just a moment, I’m surrounded by my favorite people, and no one bitches, and the world feels perfect.

  “Why don’t you come over for dinner on Sunday?” Mom says, sitting on Pop’s lap and sipping from the “Glamma” mug I bought her. “We’ll get to know you, and you’ll get to know us. MJ, Quaid, and Colt can join us.”

  “We’d like that,” I say while Dash stares at the top of Hart’s head.

  Pop exhales loudly, and I wait for him to bitch. Instead, he looks at Mom’s cup and smiles at her. “You are too glamorous to be called grandma.”

  Though Mom shares his smile, I sense an undercurrent of tension between them. I know my choice to have a baby with Dash Mullen isn’t why their relationship is strained. I’m not self-centered enough to believe my parents don’t share a life outside of their children’s love lives. Even understanding this fact, I still feel guilty. I shouldn’t be the daughter who makes them tense. I’m the one who bores them with stories about the pharmacy and makes them more quilted pillows than any two people ever need to possess.

  That was then. Now I’m the daughter they don’t trust. The one they can’t be sure they even know. I’m the one carrying the grandchild they’re not excited about welcoming. Most of all, I’m the one who’s forever linked the Johansson family with the Mullens.

  No doubt this last insult is something Pop will never forgive me for.

  THE LOSER

  Farah Johansson becomes my hero when she ends the most awkward hour of my life by saying they need to run errands. Lily sees her parents out, and I hear Cooper insist she calls every few hours to reassure him that she isn’t in danger. I glance at Sissy when I hear his comment, but she’s dozing off from the pain medicine Lily gave her before the Johanssons arrived.

  “If you’re staying at Lily’s place for more than a day,” I say, and she wakes instantly as if under attack, “we’ll need to pick up crap from the house.”

  “She’s moving in here,” Lily announces from the foyer.

  “I don’t know,” Sissy mumbles. “Topher won’t be okay with that.”

  “I don’t care,” Lily says, sounding like a Johansson. “I need someone here to help out now that I’m pregnant.”

  Lily’s sneaky tactics make me smile. The knitting do-gooder knows how to play Sissy. My sister will immediately agree to anything if it means helping her bestie.

  “Pop said I should kick out the people next door,” Lily says while carrying the empty mugs to the kitchen.

  Following her, I nod. “You should, but you won’t.”

  “Breaking a rental agreement is shady.”

  “What a dork.”

  Lily sticks her tongue out in the dorkiest way possible. “Anyway, the agreement is only through the school year. So after they go home for the summer, Sissy and the kids can move next door. It’ll be tight in here for a while, but it’ll work without me breaking my word to the renters.”

  “Sure, sure. So what’s the deal with your parents?”

  “What about them?” Lily asks defensively. If I didn’t know her better, I’d think she was ready to throw a punch. Her defiant expression is sexy as hell.

  “They seem irritated with each other.”

  Lily walks back into the living room, saying over her shoulder, “I didn’t notice anything.”

  “It was pretty obvious, but you were probably too busy serving tea and crumpets.”

  Lily grabs one of her quilted pillows and smacks my arm with it. “Fuck, woman, that hurt!” I cry, laughing at her attempt at violence.

  “Shut your trap about my parents.”

  “I thought maybe I could help.”

  “How, when your parents were never married, let alone for decades?”

  “You sound a little stuck-up there, Lil.”

  Defiance gone, she looks scolded which only makes me laugh again. Realizing I’m thoroughly fucking with her, she tosses the pillow back on the chair and shrugs.

  “MJ says they’re having a simultaneous midlife crisis,” Lily announces. Once she hears the words out loud, she adds, “Of course, MJ was completely sure that Colton had rabies a few years ago. She went as far as quarantining him. Colton didn’t care since it allowed him to hang in his room, watching TV while she served him food and beer. In fact, it was such a solid little setup that I still wonder if he faked symptoms to make her worry.”

  Lily frowns deeply, forever confused by the behavior of her siblings. I would tell her to not overthink it, but she can’t help herself. She wants people to make sense even though they rarely do.

  “Do you want to know what I think about your parents?”

  Lily’s grumpy frown returns, and I know she assumes my lack of experience with happy marriages means I can’t possibly understand what’ll help her long-wedded parents. Again, she is overthinking the problem.

  Leaning closer, I whisper against her lips, “They need to fuck.”

  “They have plenty of relations.”

  Lily’s flushed cheeks tell me I’m now talking to the good girl side of her brain. Grinning, I wrap an arm around her shoulders and try to paint a picture that even Granny-Lily can fathom.

  “Years ago, Topher had a girlfriend named Peggy Anne-Lynn. They were pretty good together. They drank a lot, screamed a lot, and started bar fights a lot. It was about as romantic as a Mullen can manage, but then tragedy struck,” I say, pausing dramatically while Sissy shoots me an unimpressed glare despite Lily clearly jonesing on my story.

  “Reality began pissing all over their fun life as soon as her sickly, drug-addicted mom and lazy-drug-addicted adult son showed up. Topher and Peggy Anne-Lynn stopped punching other people and started punching each other. It looked as if their relationship was doomed. Fortunately, they got the idea to run off to Branson for a week. Well, those two crazy lovebirds rutted like animals when not gambling and drinking cheap booze. The trip reinvigorated their love so much that it lasted another six whole months. That’s like twenty years in the Mullen family.”

  “The problem with your very romantic tale, Dash, is that my parents just traveled a few months ago and they already spend plenty of time alone.”

  “Naw, baby. You’re not seeing it right. Look, time alone at the home they’ve lived in for a few decades is lame. And traveling with family is lamer. What they need, nay, deserve is sexy time away from Ellsberg.”

  Lily’s furrowed brow soothes a bit. “I did enjoy our trip to Wisconsin where no one knew us.”

  “Exactly. And remember how we returned home feeling invigorated? Well, I did anyway.”

  Wrapping her arms around me, she smiles. “You know I did too.”

  “Do I know that or do you just think I know that?”

  When Lily glances at the pillow, I suspect she’s wondering if hitting me twice in one day will make her a borderline Topher.

  “So perhaps, Lily Bear, a wacky, fuck-filled vacation is all your parents need to keep from busting into a murder-suicide after New Year.”

  Lily balks, gasping, and then breathlessly declaring, “My father would never murder my mother!”

  “I actua
lly thought it might go the other way around. Your mother looked so tense that I doubt she’s shit in a week.”

  “I’m getting the pillow,” Lily threatens, but I only laugh at her threat.

  On the couch, Haydee relishes my use of the word “shit.” She's nursing a real soft spot for cussing. Just like her dear old mom.

  “No way would they listen to my advice now that they think I’ve ruined my life.”

  “No,” Sissy pipes in, proving once again that she’s always listening even when she seems to be spaced out. “They know you’re smart, Lily. Even if you like Dash.”

  “Thanks, sis.”

  Sissy realizes she’s insulted me, looks shocked, decides it’s too late to fix her mistake, and shrugs. Lily grins at her friend’s reaction before narrowing her eyes at me as I snuggle closer.

  “I have an idea,” I whisper. “I suspect Devious Delta will approve too. So what you need to do is dump me. They’ll be so relieved by your stroke of intelligence that they’ll listen to your great advice. Then after they return exhausted from the great tropical fucking adventure, you’ll inform them how their love encouraged you to give me another chance. Bam, everyone wins.”

  “Sneaky.”

  “I am a Mullen,” I whisper and nip at her pouty bottom lip. “It’s what we do.”

  Lily exhales very loudly, and I burst into laughter. I never find her funnier than when she acts like a disappointed teacher who just wishes I’d apply myself.

  “You’re a riot, Dash.”

  “Would making you come a few times flip that frown upside down?”

  Lily glances down at my dick, and I know Delta is running the show. Unfortunately, she’s less interested in fucking than making big moves.

  “Let’s pick up clothes from your old house and move them in here.”

  “Now?” Sissy asks, again proving she totally eavesdrops on every conversation.

  “The weather app says we’ll get rain in three hours. If we leave now, we’ll have time to pick up your stuff, stop for a meal out, and return before the rain begins.”

  I glance at Sissy who shares my smile. With Lily Johansson in charge, we ought to just follow orders and not get in her way.