Lost Highways (A Valentine Novel)

by Matlock, Curtiss Ann

  Then she turned and saw that Harry was observing the house with appropriate appreciation. He smiled at her and put a hand to her back as they went up the stairs and across the porch.

  “Rainey…Rainey!”

  Turning she saw that it was Mildred Covington hurrying up the yard from the sidewalk as fast as her pudgy legs would propel her. The woman had obviously seen them arrive from her house down on the corner. Although she never admitted her age, Mildred was surely in her late seventies. She always did herself up well, except for that strange habit of wearing knee-high stockings with a dress and ignoring that they showed when she sat down.

  “How is your Daddy, Rainey? Have you been to see him? They told me this morning that he was doin’ good, but they wouldn’t let me talk to him. Said he was sleepin’.”

  “I was with him last night. He is doing really well. They’ll probably move him to a regular room today.”

  “Oh, that is good news.”

  Now Mildred was eyeing Harry with high curiosity. Rainey introduced them, and then, rude as it might have been, said, “We’ll see you later, Miss Mildred,” and led Harry and Roscoe into the house, which was not locked, and closed the door after them.

  In the foyer, she inhaled the familiar scent—the mixture of Daddy’s Camels and Old Spice and Mama’s rose lotion and lemon furniture polish.

  Just then her attention was caught by Roscoe, who went bounding up the stairs. He reached the top and disappeared. There came the sound of his toenails tapping on the wood flooring.

  “Well, my goodness,” she said, going up and Harry following.

  They found Roscoe in her old bedroom, curled up on the braided rug. Rainey looked questioningly at Harry.

  “He followed your scent,” Harry said and continued down the hall to find the bathroom, saying immediately that he was going to take a shower, removing his shirt even as he spoke.

  Her eyes landed on his bare, hard-muscled back. She felt a sort of shimmer of possibilities. She was, however, absolutely too tired to entertain them.

  Stripping to her bra and panties, she crawled beneath the cool sheets of her old bed, onto the mattress that retained the indentation of her body. She thought that she had not fully appreciated that her bedroom remained just as it had been when she’d moved away. She listened to the water running in the pipes, then heard it shut off, and as she drifted into sleep, her last thought was that Harry was smart enough to choose a bed in one of the other three rooms.

  She slept for three and a half hours and awoke to Roscoe sniffing at her face. She reached for him and nuzzled him as he did her, and then she caught the smell of coffee and cooking meat. Slipping into a terry robe hanging in the closet—a little musty but clean—she wondered who in the world could be here cooking, and she thought of her mother in a blue way.

  Glancing into the guest room, she saw that the bed was rumpled but Harry was not there.

  It was Harry in the sun-lit kitchen. She and Roscoe both stopped and looked at him. He was at the stove, frying ham, hair rumpled, shirt unbuttoned, as was his habit, showing his tanned chest, and barefooted, too.

  “I knew the smell of food would get you up,” he said, glancing over at her.

  “You can cook?” So many things she did not know about him, she thought, as she gazed steadily at his chest, which had at the most a couple of hairs.

  “I can heat things up.” He gestured to the pan. “Ham slices, toast, opened a can of pineapple. Your brother called. They moved your father to room 215 in the south wing. Charlene will be there about one. Bring your father’s whittling knife and wood when you come.”

  “Oh.”

  The next second she went to him, wrapped her arms around his middle and laid her head on his warm skin, listening to his heartbeat and inhaling the particular male scent of him.

  “Thank you for being here,” she said, while the image of what it would have been like to be alone, drive home alone, be in this house alone, flitted through her mind. She began to tremble. “Thank you for being there all these days, with Neva and Buck and that child, and Leanne and Clay…and for bringing me here.”

  He kissed her hair, and then he tilted her head upward and kissed her lips. A kiss that started comforting and gentle but quickly turned passionate, leaving her breathless and throbbing and ready to sink to the floor with him.

  “Hey…don’t make me burn the ham,” he said, abruptly letting her go and turning away.

  Calming herself, trying to keep her balance, she went to the refrigerator, staring into it until her vision returned and she saw oranges, which she took out to squeeze for an afternoon breakfast.

  “Daddy never would abide bottled orange juice,” she told Harry, and upon reflection, she added, “I guess Daddy can be as prickly as Freddy.”

  The following afternoon her father underwent angioplasty to clean the arteries of his heart. The doctor came to them afterward in the waiting room and said that all had gone well; in fact, their father’s arteries were not as bad as tests had indicated.

  “He’ll be out of here day after tomorrow, but he’ll need to take it easy for a week—not bed rest, but off his feet most of the time. Then I want to see him begin a routine of regular walking. Start slow, of course, but the goal will be to work up to at least three miles a day. I’ll give a sheet of instructions to you when he’s discharged.”

  The doctor left, and they all looked at each other.

  “Well, we need to figure out what we’re gonna do about Dad now,” Freddy said.

  “What do you mean, do about him?” Rainey asked, watching his face.

  Freddy answered with all he had been thinking for some time. “Off his feet for a week, which means someone’s goin’ to have to be with him day and night for that week, or he’ll be out and drivin’ down to the café at the sale barn. And he’s goin’ to fight that walking routine. Dad’s never stuck to a routine in his life, and he isn’t about to start just because a doctor tells him to.

  “He can’t be livin’ alone any longer, and let’s be honest here. Helen and I both have busy lives and don’t have the time to take care of him. Charlene and Joey have their kids and can’t do it, either.”

  Rainey waited for him to mention her, but his eyes passed right over her.

  “I think we should think about gettin’ him into Prairie View Manor,” he said.

  She looked over at Charlene, who slowly sank down to the blue vinyl couch beside Joey, who’d come in that afternoon. Joey kept his gaze where it had been for an hour, on the gray tile.

  Freddy apparently had looked into Prairie View Manor at great length. He went on to extol the attributes of this wondrous facility as if he had memorized the brochure. He told them how Daddy could have a kitchenette apartment and still have people looking in on him, and, if and when he needed it, they had a nursing home facility, too. Helen stood beside him, giving a nod now and again, her expression clearly saying, “Yes, sir, yes, sir.”

  When Freddy finally appeared to be finished with his oration, Rainey said, “I’m movin’ back home with Daddy.”

  Then she looked over at Harry, who was gazing at her intently, although expressionlessly.

  CHAPTER 28

  The Only Thing That Stays The Same

  Charlene burst into tears in the Kmart parking lot.

  Rainey had just stopped the Suburban and put it into park but had not turned off the engine. She sat there with her foot on the brake, pressing it even though it wasn’t needed, gazing with surprise at her sister, who had covered her face with her hands. One minute Charlene had been cautioning about the close proximity of the Oldsmobile on the right, and the next she was sobbing.

  They had come to buy their father some khaki slacks and a new shirt for him to come home in. When Rainey had gone through his clothes, she had found them all terribly worn. She had thought it would make him feel better to have some new clothes—rather like he had a reason to live, if he had new clothes. And she thought it necessary, too, to show him there w
as still someone to buy them. Their mother had always bought their daddy’s clothes, all those years. Rainey recalled that the previous Christmas their mother had bought the khakis, the only type of slacks their daddy would wear, at Kmart. She had gotten the name on the label of his old ones, hoping to get the same kind, since he was so picky about them. She hoped to please him and lift his spirits.

  She felt a little desperate to boost her father. She had left Harry shaving him, because she felt he was more up to the job than anyone else.

  There was a way about Harry. He could boost anyone, even though he himself did not seem an especially jolly person. He was an accepting person. She had begun to think that, faced with an armed robber, Harry would probably say something like, “I’m sure you need to rob me, and I’ll help you.”

  With this thought, she put her hand over on Charlene’s shoulder and patted, thinking maybe what her sister needed was for Rainey to accept the crying and let her go at it, purge herself.

  After a couple of minutes, Charlene sniffed and dug into her purse for a tissue. Rainey found a napkin in her glove box and handed it to her.

  “Thank you,” Charlene said and blew her nose. “This is just such a bad time for all of this with Daddy.”

  “I know.”

  “My hormones are leaking out my toes, Rainey,” Charlene said dolefully and screwed the rearview mirror around to have a look at herself and dab underneath her eyes. “Look at my hair. Look at all that gray. Joey asked me if I was goin’ to dye it.”

  “I think it’s pretty. I thought you liked it.”

  “I guess I thought it was sort of distinguished, but really all it says is that I’m getting old. How many pregnant women have you ever seen with gray hair?”

  “Are you pregnant?” Rainey asked, a little surprised, but being careful to appear neither positive nor negative, until she knew the leaning of Charlene’s emotions.

  Charlene shook her head and gave out a little sob. “Oh, Rainey, I can’t get pregnant—” some more sobs and head shaking “—and Joey and I are havin’ problems, and I need to pay attention to my marriage. I just don’t have much left to help with Daddy.”

  Rainey was startled by her sister’s revelation. Charlene and Joey had been married for so long. From the time she had met him, Charlene had been crazy about Joey. Rainey could not imagine a threat to their marriage. She didn’t want to imagine it. It seemed that if Charlene and Joey could not make it, there was no hope for any marriage. Most especially any marriage Rainey might consider.

  “It’s all right, Charlene,” she said, trying to control a frantic feeling welling inside. “This is just a hard time for everyone, but it will work out. Daddy is going to be fine. We’ll get him home, and he’ll get back to his old self. You don’t worry about him.”

  “Rainey, Daddy is never goin’ to be like his old self,” Charlene said, wadding up the wet napkin and tossing it into her purse. “That went when Mama did. We all have to face up to the fact that Daddy is weakening now, too.”

  She gazed for long seconds at Rainey, who gazed back.

  “I know he is weakening,” Rainey said. “But he isn’t dead yet.”

  Charlene sighed. “Of course he isn’t. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. What I’m saying is that we do have to look at things as they are. I know you think that Freddy is unfeeling, but he isn’t. There’s a lot to what he’s sayin’. He’s bein’ honest, and he is putting forth what he thinks is best for everyone.”

  Rainey looked out the windshield, at the sun glinting on the red hood.

  “We all have lives to live, Rainey. We can’t put them on hold or change them all around just for Daddy. You just can’t give up your life for him. I don’t like the way Freddy says it, but you being their late child, Mama and Daddy sort of gathered you to them. You were their special child, yes, but a lot of that was them using you to heal their marriage. You tied them together, and you were tied to them. But you can’t just stop your life and go home to take care of him.”

  It seemed like Charlene was gathering back her strength by attacking a tender spot in Rainey.

  “I’m not stoppin’ my life,” Rainey said. “I want to go home to live.”

  Charlene again checked her reflection in the mirror. “What about Harry? He seems awfully taken with you.”

  “Harry and I are still tryin’ to find out about us.”

  “And how are you goin’ to do that if you set yourself to takin’ care of Daddy? If you try to hold on to what is passin’ away? Things are changing, Rainey. It’s the way life is—the only constant in life is change, and you can’t stop it. No matter how hard you try, you cannot keep Daddy and the house and everything like it was.”

  “Freddy and Helen want the house,” Rainey said. “They are just goin’ to scoot Daddy out of there and take it, and you’re goin’ to let them.”

  “That is not so. I am not going to let them do any such thing. I’m just facing that Daddy could fare well at Prairie View Manor, maybe a whole lot better than rattlin’ around in that big old house. He’d have good companionship for one thing. More than That Hussy Mildred.”

  When Rainey didn’t reply, Charlene said, “Rainey, you’ll focus so much on Daddy and on tryin’ to hold on to what is passin’ that you won’t have anything left over for a relationship with Harry. Don’t do that, Rain. Don’t let this opportunity pass you by.”

  “I don’t really know what sort of opportunity I have with Harry,” Rainey said with impatience that seemed to swell as she spoke. “But I know what I have with our Daddy. I know what I have to do there. Either it will work out with Harry and me in the midst of all this or it won’t, but right now I want to go home to live, okay?”

  “I think you should keep in mind one question,” Charlene said, having always been intent on getting the last word. “What will you do with yourself when Daddy dies? What will you do, if you have made him your life?”

  “And how can I abandon him, Charlene?” She had begun to shake. “Maybe you and Freddy don’t want to see it like that, but that is how I see it. I can’t just walk away, not from Daddy, and not from our family’s home. Now, can we just go in and get Daddy some pants?”

  Immediately she regretted sounding so hateful. Charlene looked for a minute like she was going to start crying again. Upset herself, Rainey started to get out of the Suburban and then realized she had still not switched off the motor. She sat back down, turned the key, got out and slammed the door, and headed toward the store with rapid though shaky strides.

  She had not realized how depressing her family could be until that minute. Likely Harry could have an entire career simply psychoanalyzing her family.

  And she and Charlene definitely did better talking on the telephone.

  Rainey walked down the corridor, carrying the paper sack with her father’s new clothes. When she came to his room, she found the door ajar. Through the opening she saw her father sitting up in his bed, and Harry sitting in the vinyl upholstered chair pulled up close.

  She stopped and stepped back out of sight. She hesitated about eavesdropping, remembering what her mother always said about people who eavesdropped generally hearing what they deserved.

  “You in love with Rainey, son?” her daddy asked.

  “Yes, sir, I am.”

  Her heartbeat picked up. She hugged the sack of clothes close.

  “Hmm…well, you aren’t the first. Ever since she was a baby, boys been comin’ around Little Bit. Them Overton girls are lookers.”

  “I can imagine that.”

  Rainey smiled.

  “Well, I’m pretty certain she’s in love with you, or you wouldn’t be with her now. I hope you aren’t gonna break her heart.”

  “I don’t plan to.”

  “We never plan those things. We just manage to do them. I’ll give you some advice, and that is, don’t take anything for granted. We do that too much in this life, take things for granted, think we’re gonna live forever. You know, I never knew I was o
ld until my wife died.”

  Hearing her father’s voice sound so sad, Rainey squeezed her eyes closed.

  “Widowhood ain’t really any enjoyment,” her father said. “You remember I told you that, and you’ll appreciate Rainey more while she’s alive. Now, there are less men widows than women widows, and so I do get a lot of women comin’ after me.” He sighed again. “But they’re all old.”

  Clutching the shopping bag against her, Rainey clapped a hand over her mouth. Feeling any moment that she was going to burst out into either sobs or laughter, she turned and hurried back outside. Oh, Daddy…oh, Daddy…

  It was tears that came, not laughter.

  CHAPTER 29

  Swimming That River

  At sunset they walked, hand in hand, out to the corral to give Lulu a Twinkie cake. Her pale gray coat had a golden tint in the sunset light. Golden rays shone on their faces, on the trees, on the fencing. Roscoe ran sniffing around them, and then sniffing around Lulu, who ignored him. Harry’s shirt, the silk one, was unbuttoned halfway down. Rainey had come to realize that Harry simply hated the binding of a shirt. She wore a flowing cotton knit dress that fell softly over her curves down to just above her ankles, total femininity, which she had planned, of course, and the only things she wore beneath were a lacy bra and barely-there panties. There were sensual thoughts in the back of her mind, which she kept trying to keep tucked aside, while she spoke of apple trees.

  “Daddy planted these trees when he and Mama moved into this house,” she told Harry as she leaned on the corral fence. “They moved here when Mama’s mother and father needed care. My grandfather died in the living room.” She glanced at him. “You’re good for my father.”

  “I like him. He’s tough, like Thurman. I admire people like that.”

  “You’re tough.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I guess I’m learning to be,” he said, with that amused dry tone.