No Accounting for Cowboys

by Leah Braemel

  His mother stood on the porch, staring at him through the screen door. Pebbles, the traitor, nudged her hand in an ever hopeful quest for treats.

  Fuck. “What do you want?”

  Stupid question. He already knew the answer.

  “Hey, Cissy, come on in.” Paige shot him a warning glance, then opened the door and stepped aside.

  His mother smoothed her hands down her thighs, raised her head and walked in as if she owned the place. Nervous maybe, but determined. He could tell by the set of her chin. He’d seen it in the mirror often enough. “Good morning, Paige. You look lovely this morning.”

  As much as he hated agreeing with his mother, she was right. Instead of being tucked up in a ponytail or in some updo the way she normally wore it when she was working, Paige’s hair floated around her shoulders, tousled with traces of where he’d run his fingers through it the night before. A faded plaid shirt—one of his—had been belted at her waist and trailed down over her thighs like a dress, the top three snaps left undone to give him a tantalizing hint of her cleavage and upper swell of her breasts. Long trim legs, bare, ending in trim ankles and bare feet that padded back to the counter, then returned to stand directly in front of him.

  She had really nice ankles. Pretty feet too. Huh, who knew he had a foot fetish?

  “Jake, here’s your coffee.”

  A white china mug blocked his view of her feet, its contents swirling in a hypnotizing pattern. She pressed it into his hand and curled his fingers around the handle, then urged, “Go sit down.”

  Sitting. Yeah, sitting was a good idea.

  He lurched over and sank onto the couch. “All right, Ma. Say what you have to say.”

  Paige slipped onto the couch beside him, as if she sensed he might dash from the room, something he’d considered before discarding the idea.

  His mother perched on the chair across from him. “I know you think I was a horrible person. That I cheated on your father.” She closed her eyes and blew out, then opened them again. “On my husband.”

  “Yeah, I do. All my life I thought you and Pop were the perfect couple. I thought you loved each other. And then I find out you lied to him. And to me. For twenty-eight years.”

  “I didn’t lie. I truly didn’t know you weren’t his son. And I didn’t cheat. I’d asked him for a divorce. I really thought our marriage was over.” She shifted as if she wanted to get closer to him, but he held up one hand, warning her off. “All right, yes, we both made mistakes in those first couple years. But once we got back together, we fell in love all over again. Oh, honey, I loved Eddie with all my heart. You know how much it hurt me to lose him last year.” Her breath caught and tears cascaded down her cheeks. “I will miss that man every single day of my life until I die. There will never be anyone who can replace him.”

  “I don’t care what lies you tell yourself to justify your behavior. I only have one question. Who’s my father?”

  “Oh, Jake, honey...”

  Holy crap, could she not give him a straight answer for once in her life? Ignoring the fiery ache of his ribs, he stood. “Don’t put me off again. Who was he? Was he someone you just picked up? Was it a one night stand? Or was he...someone more?”

  Jesus. Had she left Ed because she’d been having a long term affair?

  Silence.

  “I need to know. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

  Paige wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulders and whispered, “Give her a minute. The more you push the more she’ll resist. She’s a lot like you that way.”

  He heaved in a breath at Paige’s quiet assurance. She knew him so well. Maybe even better than anyone in his family, because that’s exactly what he did; he’d just never realized he’d gotten it from his mother before.

  Cissy stared at the floor until he was certain she would refuse once more. When she lifted her head, tears sparkled in her eyes, her cheeks were flaming, though whether from her own pique or shame, he wasn’t sure. “I’m not giving you the details, Jacob. It’s not important who it was. Eddie was your father in every other way.”

  “Not good enough. This whole year—Gabe’s whole life—has been because the two of you were so fucked up and selfish. And now I don’t know who I am or where I belong either.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

  Oh fuck, he was so fucking tired. “Tell me!”

  Shaking her head, Cissy stood. “No. Why can’t that be enough for you?”

  Holy fucking crap. He’d never find out who he really was. “Because it’s not.”

  She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. Once she opened her eyes and met his gaze again, she’d regained control. “I’m not discussing this any further. Eddie was your father in every way that counted. I do not want anyone taking Eddie’s place. He loved you, Jake. Heart and soul. But for the record, Eddie never told me about him and Gabriel’s mother either.” Her voice hardened. “So don’t make me out to be the bad guy here.”

  “You’re the one who ran out on your family. Ben was only three—he needed his mother, yet you left him behind while you partied. You’ve fucked up everyone’s life because you were so damned selfish.”

  “How did I wreck your life, Jacob?” Her spine straightened. “Because you’ve been handed everything most kids only dream of. You’ve had a loving family surrounding you, supporting you. Thanks to your father—and yes, he is still your father even if he isn’t the sperm donor—you’ve inherited this ranch. If George had known you weren’t Eddie’s kid, he’d have made damned sure you didn’t inherit an inch.”

  “Is that why you lied to Pop? To make sure you weren’t saddled with an unwanted kid, left with no money, no claim to the ranch? Would I have been too big a burden to you otherwise?”

  “I never lied! I wasn’t stupid, Jacob. I’d made sure the other man wore a condom.” His mother’s shoulder slumped. “I swear to the good Lord above, it never occurred to me that you weren’t Eddie’s child.”

  Fuck it. He grabbed his ball cap from the hook beside the door, jammed it on his head. Fumbled on top of the fridge until he found his sunglasses. “I gotta get some air.”

  Pebbles and Brewskie jumped up the moment the door opened, their tails wagging so fast they blurred. At least someone was happy. He was halfway off the porch when he heard Paige’s “Jake, hang on. I’m coming with you.”

  If it had been anyone else but Paige, he’d have told them to leave him alone. But he slowed, waiting for her to catch up. The moment her fingers closed around his and gave a gentle squeeze, something inside him quieted. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, okay?”

  The dogs jumped down and trailed him, Pebbles’ excited yips bouncing off the barn and echoing around the yard as Jake started the double-seated quad Paige had left parked beside his.

  Unwilling to trust his voice, he nodded. Where last time he’d ridden his quad with Paige he’d deliberately raced across the fields, now he stuck to the paths and kept his speed slow, the dogs racing ahead of him chasing grasshoppers and the occasional frightened bird.

  Bull’s Hollow had been his whole life—he’d never imagined living anywhere else, doing anything else. While he could probably find work on some other ranch, up in Wyoming or Oklahoma maybe, he’d always be reminded of what he’d lost. But he didn’t know anything other than ranching—which meant he’d probably have ended up working at a shipping yard or driving a truck like Cam.

  If Paige had any hint of his debate, she stayed quiet.

  The lower speed let him soak in the sight of every cow in the field, and the way the wind rippled through the grasses like waves on a lake.

  Not knowing where to head he angled the quad across the winding creek bed, the water low again this year thanks to the lack of rain, though the clumps of pampas grass thrived, the d
ense plumes dipping in the slight breeze as the quad passed.

  The motor whined as he gunned it up the bank on the far side, dirt and rocks spitting out behind him. He slowed as they approached the heavy steel fences with wire extended another two feet bordering the fields. In the distance, a half dozen massive beasts grazed peacefully, ignoring the quad and its riders.

  He didn’t consciously stop, but he realized they were sitting still.

  “Which one hurt you?” Paige asked. “Which bison, I mean.”

  It wasn’t the question he’d been expecting. He’d figured she’d ask him to share his feelings or some other touchy-feely female crap. Figured he could trust Paige not to poke a stick at the resentment festering deep inside.

  “See the one over by himself? That one.” As if he understood Jake, the damned beast raised its head and eyed him. Keep lookin’, buddy. You’re not getting a second round with me.

  “Why do you keep bison anyway?”

  Thank God he hadn’t turned her away. He seized on the opportunity to focus on something different. “They’re great for training cutting horses, but they’re murder on fences.” The more he talked the more his throat loosened. “It’s not just how they rub up against them, but they can jump six feet from standing still. It’s the damnedest thing you’ve ever seen.”

  He focused on one of the females rubbing its horns on a fence post. Gonna need to check that post in a couple days. Someone would, he amended. He wouldn’t be here.

  The breeze lifted her hair, feathering it over her cheek. He caught a pink tip and rubbed it between the pads of his fingers. Her hair would have driven his grandfather crazy, but he loved the way Paige defied convention. Not streaks or extensions like some of the girls he knew had. But like someone had dipped the ends in a paint pot. Dark and light.

  He’d sign the contract. Go on the road. And when the road trip was done, he’d return to Paige, not Bull’s Hollow.

  The ache in his chest wasn’t from his ribs. He had to leave. He couldn’t stay here, the only place he’d ever called home. But being faced with knowledge that he didn’t belong made the thought of staying intolerable.

  * * *

  Jake parked the quad by the barn at the back of Ben’s house. Ben’s horse, Rusher, grazed in the same pasture as Gabe’s appaloosa. The house he’d grown up in had changed. Ben had given the siding a fresh coat of paint the previous year. The windows had been replaced too. The back porch that had been sagging in one corner had been bolstered, and a hot tub had been installed in the far end.

  Inside the dark wood in the hallway had been painted white—he knew because he’d helped Ben paint it. He’d helped update the kitchen so it looked nothing like it had when his parents lived there.

  While he agreed with the changes his brother had made, it felt weird because it wasn’t his home anymore. Any more than he considered the Monstrosity home—even this morning, when he’d dropped Paige off for work, it felt like walking into a stranger’s place.

  While the “where the hell did he belong?” questions occupied his mind, they’d quieted after hearing Paige’s story. No wonder people said he’d lived a charmed life, in comparison to hers. He’d had a good upbringing, surrounded by love, and everything in front of him.

  Before he’d taken two steps, the backdoor opened and Ben walked out. His brother stuck his hands in his pockets and rested a shoulder against one of the supporting posts. “You comin’ in or are you plannin’ on standing out here all day like a heifer chewin’ her cud?”

  Still pissed. He should have expected Ben wouldn’t be pleasant. There was no use launching into yet another explanation, and there was no damned way he was offering an apology. He had nothing to apologize for. It was his life, signing the contract his decision.

  His breath left him in a whoosh when Gabe walked out onto the porch and stood shoulder to shoulder with Ben.

  He’d wanted to say something profound, something smart, but his brain fritzed and all he could choke out was, “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Gabe shifted feet and glanced at Ben, then back to Jake. “I hear congratulations are in order. You got a record deal, huh?”

  “Yeah.” His lungs hurt as he inhaled. “If you want to cut me out of the partnership, I’d understand. It’s not like I’m going to be able to pull my weight much if I’m on the road, and now we know that—” his gut spasmed, “—I’m not really a Grady by blood, it would make sense to divide it between the two of you.”

  “Oh for fuck’s sake,” Ben snarled.

  Gabe whirled on him. “Give it a break for once, will you?” His chin fell to his chest and his shoulders heaved before he faced Jake again. “Get your ass up here so I don’t have to keep yellin’ across the yard at you.”

  Each step made Jake think his feet had been encased in concrete, but he finally reached the porch and met Gabe eye-to-eye.

  “I told Ben before, but I’m telling you. I am not going to take your share of the ranch from you. It’s yours, d’you hear? Yeah, we could use an extra hand around here to help do the chores, but you’ve put in twenty-eight years’ worth of work to warrant a little time away. And I know what your singing means to you—you’d be crazy to give up this chance.”

  “I wish I’d known,” Ben grumbled.

  “You would have if you hadn’t kept pounding at him about it bein’ a waste of time. The guy can sing.”

  “I never said he couldn’t,” Ben argued. “Oh, okay, I may have teased him when he was younger but I heard him singing a couple months ago and yeah, you can sing, all right?”

  Jake blinked. “You’ve heard me singing?”

  “Yeah, it was the morning after we rescued that stupid-assed Cody when he got himself drunk. You were singing a Dierks Bentley song as you left. You were good.”

  Heat prickling behind his eyelids, Jake stared at his boots. “Why’d you never say anything?”

  “Right back at you, doofus. How come you never told me you’ve been singing in bars all these years?” Ben waved him off. “Okay I get it, you thought I’d insult you even though I wouldn’t have, you know.”

  “Obviously he didn’t know,” Gabe drawled. “Can you give us a minute alone, Ben?”

  Shit. All the air went out of Jake like he was a balloon bouncing across a porcupine’s back.

  Ben hesitated, glancing between them. “Sure. Don’t take too long though, okay. We pay Randy by the hour, remember.”

  Gabe grunted. “Tell me about it. I’m having to pay Victoria and she’s as expensive as fuck.”

  Once his brother was back inside, Jake met Gabe’s eyes. “I’m not apologizing to you anymore if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m done with it. I made the only decision I could at the time. If you can’t deal with it, it’s your damage.”

  “I’m not looking for an apology, dumbass.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  “My friend back. The one I used to be able to talk about anything with. The one who used to rag me and would let me rag him. But I guess he’s gone, isn’t he? He’s turned into this asshole with a persecution complex.”

  “Fuck you.” Exhausted, Jake turned away, intending to walk off the porch, drive away, screw the partnership.

  Footsteps tromped behind him, a hand clamped on his shoulder. Jake braced himself for a blow.

  Gabe’s eyes were stormy, his jaw rigid, when he faced him, but no blow came. “You aren’t the only one who’s lost a father. I’ve lost two. Clint swore he’d love me and care for me when he adopted me. He said the same thing to my mom when he married her too. Yet he walked away from both of us. Your pop treated me like I was his son even though he didn’t know I really was—as far as he knew I was some punk-ass stranger. So the day Ed died, I mourned him just as much as you.”

  “I know.” He’d been right there at the hospital with hi
m. And again at the funeral home. He’d seen Gabe’s grief first hand.

  “But you know what made it worse? I didn’t just lose him that day. I lost my best friend too. Except he didn’t die, he shut me and everyone else out.”

  Oh God.

  “You should have come to me. Told me what was doin’.” There was no heat in Gabe’s tone. “I wouldn’t have sued you or Miss Cissy.”

  “I couldn’t be sure of that. And even if you hadn’t, I was afraid if anyone found out what Momma had done, they’d charge her.”

  Gabe nodded. “I get that. You were wrong, but I get it. But even after it all came out and I didn’t do anything, you’re acting like a douche.”

  Hard to argue that.

  Christ, it sounded just like one of their conversations from a year ago. Groaning, he flopped on the top step. “I’ve missed this.”

  “Me too.” Gabe settled beside him and swiped his hand over his mouth. “I don’t blame you for not telling me about what your momma did. I used to. But I don’t anymore.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “Time? Distance? I don’t know.” Gabe kicked at a clod of dirt with the toe of his boot. “Now I’m pissed off about how you didn’t tell me about the music contract yourself. That I had to find out about it from Ben.”

  “After the way you attacked me about the YouTube video? Not hardly. Besides, I didn’t figure you’d be interested.” Or supportive.

  “I was. I am.” He stood, held his hand out. “Can we finally get past all this and become real partners?”

  Jake shook it. Why had it taken them both so long to figure things out? “We’re not technically partners. We’re officially called members.”

  Gabe grimaced. “Yeah, that sounds like something in one of those erotic romances out these days.”

  Jake choked down his snort. His father—Ed—had made a similar comment when he’d arranged the LLC. “Your lawyer’s okay with you signing the agreement?”