She met his eyes, looking into him in a way that felt as raw and vulnerable as he’d ever seen her. “Do you really think that’s true?”
“I know it is.”
“Well, I’ll see you around.”
“Bye, Darla. Hope to see you tomorrow.” He watched her walk away, noticing for the first time that her boots had holes in the sides. Some of these kids couldn’t get a break. One kid at a time, Mike always said. One act of kindness at a time can change the world. New boots for Darla, he thought. Add that to Lee’s list.
After he finished shopping, he stacked the bags into the back of his truck, then carried the bundle of canned goods up the stairs of the church. The doors were unlocked during the day, so he went inside. The pews and alter were empty, but the lights were on, even though the pastor was nowhere to be seen. Tommy left his bag of cans in the donation bin and turned to go, but stopped at the sight of the carved Jesus over the pulpit. He would pray, give thanks, ask for clarity, he thought, as he walked to the front of the church and sat in the front pew, bowing his head.
He gave his thanksgiving in prayer, then paused. What did he want to ask God? To relieve Lee from her sadness, to give them another child? Yes. He wanted one, too, he realized. The fourth member of their little family’s place at the table was empty. Please, guide me, help me know the best thing to do, he prayed, silently. After a moment, a sense of well-being filled him. Everything was going to be all right. Somehow it would all work out as it should. He rose, and walked down the aisle of the church, remembering both his wedding and the baptism of Ellie-Rose. Joyous occasions, filled with family and friends: their tribe. There would be another christening in the future of his family. He felt certain.
Chapter Three
They woke on December 23rd to clear skies and a sparkling frost covering every surface. Ellie-Rose squealed with delight. “’airy ust,” she said, pointing at it with a chubby finger.
“What did she say?” he asked.
“Fairy dust,” Lee translated.
They left Ellie-Rose with grandmother Ellen, and spent the midday at the community center, feeding the kids and passing out presents. Holding out hope, he kept Darla’s present under the tree. When she had not shown by the end of the party, he accepted that she wasn’t going to come. “Let’s bring it home with us,” said Lee, hugging him. “We can call and see if she wants you to deliver it to her house.”
“I don’t know if she’d let us come by,” he said.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t have.”
Later, while Ellie-Rose napped, they sat in front of the fire in compatible silence, taking a few minutes of respite before Linus and his partner John, plus Ellen and Verle arrived for dinner. A roast in the oven spread the scent of savory meat and rosemary. Tommy sipped a glass of wine and Lee peeled an orange, the zesty scent mixing with the smells from the kitchen. A knock on the door roused Tommy from his comfortable perch on the couch. “Who could that be?” asked Lee.
“Maybe a delivery. I’m expecting one more box.” Tommy set his glass on the coffee table, feeling excited, but taking his time. The UPS delivery guy just left boxes on the porch and sped off to his next stop, unless it was something he had to sign for. He’d ordered a last minute gift for Lee: a book of baby names. A token of his commitment to having another child, no matter what it took. “Sit tight. I’ll be right back.”
He opened the door and looked down, expecting to see a box from Amazon on the front mat. But no, it was not a box. It was a baby.
A baby, wrapped in a wool scarf, on the front door mat, face stained with pink blotches, and a little mouth moving without sound.
Tommy yelled for Lee, as he scooped up the infant. Only hours old, he felt certain, remembering several times as a paramedic when he’d arrived right after a surprised mother had given birth on the side of road, and of Ellie-Rose’s birth. As he turned to go inside, a note fluttered out from the folds of the scarf. Lee was there by then. Her hands flew to her mouth. “What in the world?”
“There’s a note.” He pointed to where it had fallen.
She read it out loud. “Tommy and Lee, please take care of my baby. I can’t do it. I’m sorry. Darla.”
“Oh my God,” he said. “I had no idea. I just saw her yesterday.”
The baby started to cry, like little mews of a kitten. “She’s hungry,” said Lee.
“We have formula, don’t we? Left over from that last box I bought in bulk?” he asked.
“I think so.” Lee took off toward the kitchen in a sprint. He walked into the living room, rocking and making the shushing sound one does with babies.
Within seconds, Lee yelled from the pantry. “I found it. There’s a couple bottles up here, too. He heard footsteps, then water running from the kitchen faucet. “Thank God we never throw anything away.” She spoke over the sound of running water.
The baby started to cry harder. Tommy unwrapped the scarf. Except for a makeshift diaper made from a feminine pad stuck into lady’s underwear and secured with a shoelace, the baby was naked. The umbilical cord had been cut and hung limp on a tiny tummy. Dried blood plastered dark hair to her soft skull. He untied the shoelace, peeking inside the contraption to see what variety of baby had suddenly come to them. She was a she. A baby girl. Fat for a newborn, she kicked her legs as her face turned red, then almost purple. “It’s a girl.” He shouted over her cries. “Come feed her before she starts to shatter windows.” Lee, moving faster than he’d ever seen her, was upon them.
“I’m ready,” she said, shaking a bottle. “Goodness, I forgot how loud they can cry.”
“I’m going to call Linus and ask him to stop at the store and pick up newborn diapers, a couple more bottles and some formula.”
She sat in the rocking lounge chair where she had sat with Ellie-Rose so many times, and held out her arms. “Hand her over.”
Despite how shocked he felt to find a newborn on their porch, he laughed. Lee was bossy when it came to babies. Laying her gently in his wife’s arms, he turned away to look for his phone, finding it on the mantel. He grabbed it and selected Linus from his favorites list. How did one explain to a friend that a baby had turned up and they needed him to stop for formula and diapers on his way over for a holiday dinner?
The baby greedily sucked from the bottle, as her face turned from red to merely pink and she stared up at Lee with wide eyes. Lee, in turn, stared back, with an expression of contentment, like a patient in pain experiencing relief from medication. He shivered, a sense of foreboding coming over him. Don’t get attached, he thought. She’s not really ours.
Linus answered after the second ring. “We’re ridiculously late. I’m sorry, but John insisted on making a batch of his famous berry cocktail for our little party tonight. Of course, I was the taster, and in doing so spilled an entire martini glass all over my white Christmas shirt. Ruined. Like unsalvageable ruined. Red juice all over the front, strangely, in the shape of Canada. The shirt was fabulous, too, with red stripes on the cuffs that hinted at candy canes without being all ‘ugly Christmas sweater’ obvious.” Tommy heard him sigh. “Anyhoo, I changed into my second favorite Christmas shirt and we’re now on our way.”
“Sorry about your shirt, but we have a little situation here,” said Tommy.
“What’s happened? Did Lee lose one of her lists?”
He shook his head, as if Linus could see him. “No, no. Nothing like that. We have a visitor. A baby.”
“A baby?”
“Left on the doorstep,” said Tommy.
“Oh, sweetie, very funny.”
“No, for real. A real life hungry baby. Anyway, we’ll explain all of it when you get here. But you need to stop on the way and get diapers and formula.”
“And bottles.” Lee didn’t look up from gazing into the baby’s face. Oh God, he thought. We’re in trouble. Lee had that look – that - I’m in love with this baby look. They could not let themselves get attached. There were legal procedures and such, not to mention that Dar
la might change her mind and decide she wanted to keep the baby. Darla. Where was Darla? She’d just given birth. She could be hurt somewhere. Bleeding.
Next, he called their family doctor. She didn’t answer. It was after hours. He left a message with her service that he needed to speak to her urgently and to call his cell as soon as she got the message. Next he called Ellen. If this wasn’t a situation for a Grandma on steroids he didn’t know what was.
“Ellen, are you on your way yet? We have a situation.”
“A bear?”
“No, no, not a bear. A baby. On the doorstep.”
Silence greeted him from the other end of the phone. After several seconds, during which time he thought he might have lost the connection, she spoke in her crisp, efficient school-teacher voice. “I think it’s best if I come right away and ask questions later.”
“Yes, that would be good,” agreed Tommy.
He took in a deep breath, feeling the weight of the situation settle between his shoulder blades. From the moment he’d met Lee, his life’s purpose and direction had changed, instantly transformed from carefree bachelor to protector and provider. When Ellie-Rose had come, his desire to shelter them from any storm had risen exponentially. No harm would come to them on his watch. Whatever it took. To some it might seem old-fashioned, but he didn’t care. And now, this little six-pound sweetheart had opened the possibility that his wife’s heart could break. This, he could not let happen.
All these thoughts swirled around his mind in a matter of seconds, quickly replaced by the more immediate urgency. Darla. He had to figure out where she was and get her to the hospital. He dropped to his knees next to Lee’s chair. “Honey, we have to figure out where Darla is. She must’ve been on foot. I have to go out and look for her.”
“Should we call the police?” she asked. “Get help looking?”
Yes, of course. He wasn’t thinking straight. He should do that first, then set out to search for her. It took a few minutes to explain everything to the sheriff, who happened to be an old friend. After relaying all the information, he hung up, feeling relieved that help was on its way. He was about to slip into his jacket, when he heard the patter of Ellie-Rose’s feet coming down the hallway. Holding her blanket, cheeks flushed from sleep, she stopped at the fireplace when she saw her mother holding a baby. With big eyes, her gaze darted back and forth between her mother and the baby. Then, she toddled over to the chair and scrunched up her forehead, and put her hand on top of the blanket. “Baby ‘inally came?”
“Finally?” asked Tommy.
“Me prayed.” Ellie-Rose flashed a self-satisfied grin, then leaned down and kissed the baby’s forehead.
“You prayed for a little sister?” asked Tommy.
Ellie-Rose nodded. “To Jesus.”
“Oh my God,” said Lee, looking up at Tommy with tears in her eyes.
“Mommy no more sad,” said Ellie-Rose.
Before either of them could respond, Ellen and Verle arrived. Verle distracted Ellie-Rose with promises of a tea-party in her room, so they could explain everything to Ellen. “We didn’t hear a car in the driveway. She had to be on foot,” said Tommy. “She couldn’t have gotten far.”
“I never heard such a crazy thing in my life,” Ellen said. “What did this girl do? Give birth on her own and traipse over here with a baby wrapped in scarf? Even for River Valley, this is insane.”
Tommy excused himself, stopping only long enough to put on his warm jacket and grab his largest flashlight. It was already dark and getting colder by the minute. If he couldn’t find her in the next half hour, the sheriff would organize a search party, but instinct told him she wasn’t far.
Outside, using the flashlight, he scanned the yard. Nothing out of the ordinary. His mind raced, weighing the options. Should he drive out to the road to see if she was walking toward town? Or, was she here, close by? It was starting to get icy, the first layer of frost crystallizing on the bushes and soil. He crossed the winter grass, dead and crunchy under his feet. At the edge of the lawn, where it turned to gravel, he stopped, shining his flashlight near his feet. There, in the gravel, a section looked wet. Blood? He squatted, swiping his finger over a rock. Yes, it was damp and sticky, and when he brought it to his nose, the metallic smell of blood was unmistakable. She’d been here, but was she still nearby?
Following the traces of blood, he rounded the house, toward the river. At the steps that led to his river spot, he stopped, and stood with his hand on the railing, listening. The sound of the river, high and swift this time of year, roared beneath him. The river? Would she have gone to the river like a panicked animal during a fire? She was desperate and not thinking clearly. Perhaps she wanted to do harm to herself? He took the stairs two at a time. At the bottom of the stairs, where the sandy beach began, he spied a mound of something dark. He shone his flashlight directly on it and saw that it was Darla, unmoving.
Kneeling, sinking into the wet sand, he drew back the hood of her jacket and went into paramedic mode, feeling for her pulse. It was there, strong. She was alive, but had lost a lot of blood. Even in the dark, he could see how it had soaked through her coat. He reached inside his own jacket, pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911.
Chapter Four
Tommy and Lee waited in the lobby of the small hospital. They’d left Ellie-Rose with Ellen and the rest of the gang, unsure how long they would be. Lee sat in a rocking chair, holding the baby, who, after polishing off her third bottle in less than four hours, was sound asleep. Finally, after what felt like hours, but was actually thirty minutes, the doctor came out to the lobby and sat next to them. “Darla gave birth about six hours ago, but did not deliver the placenta. Fortunately, I was able to do get everything out with a D&C. Thank God you found her when you did. I shudder to think what would’ve happened. I was careful, of course, and everything looked fine. She should be able to have more children if she decides to. We’ll keep her here for several more days at least.”
“The poor girl,” said Lee.
“She says she’s firm in her decision. She wants to give the baby to you. She’s ready to sign a formal adoption agreement. Is that what you want?”
Tommy was unable to speak. Lee leaned forward in her chair. “Girls often change their minds after a few days.”
The doctor shook her head. “She seems quite sure right now.”
“We want her,” said Lee. “We absolutely want her, but I’m worried about Darla. She may not be thinking rationally right now.”
“Why don’t you go in and see her? I need to do a full examination of the baby. You can talk to her while I do so.”
Chapter Five
Darla’s eyes were closed when Lee and Tommy entered the hospital room, but she opened them as they crossed to her.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” said Tommy.
“Are you mad?” she asked.
“Of course not.” Lee sat on the side of her bed and smoothed the covers over Darla, like she did with Ellie-Rose.
“I didn’t know what to do,” Darla explained.
“It’s completely understandable,” said Lee. “I panicked when I found out, very unexpectedly, that I was pregnant with Ellie-Rose. My husband was dead. I was broke. I remember exactly how it feels to be scared. But as scared as you were, you still made sure she was safe by bringing her to us. Do you know how many girls in your situation leave them in dumpsters, or worse?”
Darla started to cry. “I would never hurt her. I want her to be with you guys. To have a real family.”
“We know that. But Darla, as much as we’d love to adopt her, I want you to feel sure. Because if you want to keep her, we’ll help however we can. There’s support in this community for you and for her. You don’t have to do this alone,” said Lee.
He gazed at his wife. How was she this unselfish? He knew the extent of her desire for this baby, and yet here she was, doing the right thing. He did not think it possible, but he loved her more than he had yes
terday.
“I don’t want to turn into my mother. Tommy said it’s possible to break the cycle. You did it, but I know I’m not ready for a baby. I don’t want my baby to have the kind of mother I had,” said Darla.
“It is possible to break the cycle,” said Lee. “I won’t lie; being a mother’s the hardest job in the world and having maturity and income helps. However, you have it in you to be a great mother. Someone told me the same thing when I was doubting whether I could do it or not, given my own childhood and my own mother. And you know what? She was right.” She hesitated, picking a piece of lint off the blanket. “That said, you also have your whole life ahead of you. If you’re not ready for a baby and you believe we could give her a great life, then it’s a very brave choice to let us adopt her.”
“I just started getting my life on track, with school and music and everything. I thought maybe I could go to college, actually make something of my life instead of throwing it away on crack and alcohol like my mother.” She looked up at the ceiling, tears wetting her cheeks. “I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do, but it’s so hard to let her go.” Looking back at Lee, she wiped her cheeks. “Could I see her every once in a while? You could send me pictures, too, as she grows up. When she’s older, if she wants to know me, would you let her?”
Lee looked up at Tommy with fear in her eyes. He knew she was unsure how to answer, to over-commit. It was inevitable that someday the baby would be curious about her birth mother. There was no reason they should deny either birth mother or daughter the right to know one another. It wouldn’t change who her parents were, who raised her as their own.
“It’s very common these days to have open adoptions,” he said. “As long as we have clear boundaries in writing and such, I think it’s the best thing for the baby. No one ever suffered from too much love.”
“Darla, we have to ask about the father,” said Lee. “We need to understand if he might want her.”
A River Valley Christmas Page 2