Nothing Changes Love

by Jacqueline Baird

  ‘No, no.’ And with one last frantic effort she grasped his head between her hands and tried to push him way. ‘I will not let you do this to me. I won’t, I swear I won’t,’ she repeated over and over again, like a sacred mantra. Tossing her head from side to side, her eyes closed tight, she screamed, ‘No! No...’

  ‘Stop it, stop it, Lexi.’ Jake’s voice penetrated her distraught mind and she realised she was virtually free. Jake was sitting on the side of the sofa, his face as black as thunder, but his blue eyes were strangely blank. ‘You can relax. I’m not about to assault you, though you are the most maddening, complex female it has ever been my misfortune to meet. I want some answers, and I want them now...’ The cold implacability in his tone was in direct contrast to the fierce tension she could sense in his hard body hovering over her. He had rested one arm on the back of the sofa, while with his other hand he deftly pulled her up to a sitting position and adjusted the bodice of her dress up over her breasts. ‘With no distractions,’ he murmured almost under his breath.

  Lexi drew a deep, shuddering breath, her eyes clashing with Jake’s, and she knew the moment of truth had come. She had been on the very edge of hysteria, and there was nothing left in her emotional bank.

  ‘I thought you and I had reached some kind of understanding, a level of commitment since Pompeii, and tonight I was sure. Was I mistaken?’ Jake demanded tautly.

  ‘No,’ she murmured with a weary shake of her head.

  ‘So why the devil did you run away again?’ He sounded infuriated and almost unaware of what he was saying. ‘My first thought was, mercenary little bitch, she’s decided that flaming Arab was a better bet. But in the car coming home, when I had time to calm down, I realised I was wrong. Wasn’t I?’

  ‘Yes,’ Lexi confirmed quietly.

  ‘For five years I considered you a gold-digger of the worst kind. I told myself I was well rid of you, but it didn’t stop me wanting you. Then, when I heard the hotel where you worked was on the market, I saw a perfect opportunity to get you back but on my terms, and I took it. I’d have you as my wife again in my bed and under my control,’ he declared his eyes searching her face grimly. ‘I told myself, to hell with your mercenary tendencies, I was wealthy enough to indulge them.’

  ‘Gee, thanks. A girl could get a swelled head listening to you.’ The sarcasm hid the hurt his words caused her.

  His gaze narrowed speculatively on her stiff, resentful features. ‘Hold your sarcasm, Lexi, I haven’t finished,’ he commanded bluntly. ‘The past two weeks I have been forced to accept that I was wrong. I discovered you’ve never touched your account in London, and you actually worked to live, not just as an excuse to meet wealthy men, and yet you said you left me for money. I have seen with my own eyes Ali, one of the world’s wealthiest bachelors, drool over you, but you were planning to marry Dante, a man I could buy and sell a million times over.’ His hand closed over hers, his thumb rubbing the glittering ring on her finger. ‘I don’t like a mystery; I want some answers and fast.’

  ‘Maybe I didn’t leave you because I wanted money,’ was as far as she was prepared to go in enlightening him. To reveal her real reason after seeing him with Lorraine again was not something she dared contemplate. She had her pride if nothing else...

  ‘I know that years ago I let you down, Lexi, and broke my promise to you, but I thought you cared enough for me, were mature enough to understand.’ Jake thrust a hand through his tumbled hair. ‘I never expected you to take off then or now... Talk to me, Lexi, make me understand.’

  Lexi stared at him. He had said as much before, and she had been unable to comprehend his reasoning. Perhaps because secretly, deep in her subconscious, she had not wanted to believe she could love a man so totally bereft of any morality. Looking away from his too penetrating eyes she said, in a voice devoid of all emotion, ‘I understand I shouldn’t have run away.’ She tried to stand but Jake, with a brief tug on her hand, forced her back down beside him.

  ‘You’re not going anywhere until we have talked this through.’ His dark eyes held hers, an intensely speculative look in their indigo depths. ‘So, why did you run away, not once but twice?’ he prompted.

  ‘If I had stayed in England I could have been divorced and free within weeks. It’s my one big regret in life, apart from meeting you in the first place,’ she said curtly, an icy calm possessing her. She stared up into his harsh face. He still had her hand in his, but his other arm was curved over the back of the sofa, not touching her but effectively encircling her.

  ‘I very much doubt that,’ he drawled cynically. ‘But do carry on, this is beginning to get interesting.’

  Interesting. He had ruined her life, and had the audacity... Suddenly all her hurt, all her anger came streaming out.

  ‘I was a naïve fool when I married you. I knew you wanted Forest Manor, but my mistake was in thinking you wanted me more. I discovered the truth that night at the London apartment. It was ironic really; for weeks I had suffered from hormonal depression after the miscarriage but that morning Dr Bell had convinced me to snap out of it.’ She looked at Jake, not really seeing him. ‘I caught the train to London, happy for the first time in ages, my passport in my purse, and dreaming of a wedding anniversary in Paris.’

  Jake’s only reaction was to tighten his grip on her hand.

  ‘Instead, I found you and your mistress, virtually naked, calmly discussing how you could tell your poor little wife you had broken your marriage vow, and wanted your freedom, and would I settle for cash...?’

  Jake’s head snapped back. ‘You what?’ The words were rasped out hoarsely, but Lexi ignored his aghast query.

  ‘Of course I said I’d take the money. I had some pride left, though not enough to drink champagne to your future happiness. But you know the real irony, Jake?’ she asked with a harsh laugh. ‘I would have sold you the house for the price of my father’s debts without a qualm. Contrary to your opinion of my mercenary characteristics, I have never had any great desire for material things. So you see, our marriage was totally unnecessary.’

  There was a silence, and she could hear the ticking of the ornate ormolu clock on the mantelpiece. She glanced at it. Almost two, her mind registered, as her gaze swung back to Jake. The expression on his ruggedly handsome face would have been laughable if the moment had not been so tense. His face was grey beneath its tan, his wide mouth parted in an incredulous gasp; he looked absolutely stupefied.

  Well, why shouldn’t he hear some home-truths? Lexi thought with bitter resentment. He had been the one calling the tune for far too long. ‘As for your latest attempt at a reconciliation, Luigi was right. Nothing changes. I saw you and Lorraine tonight in each other’s arms, and realised, much as I value my friendship with Signor Monicelli, I am not prepared to give my life for it.’

  Jake dropped her hand and grabbed her by the shoulders, pushing her against the back of the sofa. He stared down into her pale face as though he had never seen her before, and when he spoke it was as if each word was forced out of him. ‘Am I to understand that you left me because you thought I only wanted your house, and I was having an affair with Lorraine? Have I got that right?’

  ‘Not thought, knew,’ Lexi said scathingly.

  ‘Oh, my God. I knew we needed to talk but I never realised...what you imagined... What a low opinion you must have of me...’ His rich voice deepened with a strange urgency. ‘Lexi, you’ve got it all wrong.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’ She tried to sit up but Jake wouldn’t allow it. Instead he swung her up and across his thigh to hold her on his lap like a small child, a strong arm firmly around her waist.

  ‘Let me go.’ Held in his arms close to his hard warmth, his strong thighs beneath her, she was far too susceptible to him, and she tried to slide off his lap, but Jake was having none of it. ‘Sit still and for once in your life listen,’ he demanded hardily, but, with an oddly gentle gesture, he brushed the tangle of her red hair from the side of her face before curving his hand
around her leg.

  Lexi stopped struggling. She would hear what he had to say. She didn’t have much choice, she was trapped, but she didn’t have to believe him...

  ‘Do you remember that night when you arrived at the apartment?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said curtly. She would never forget.

  ‘I asked you if you had heard all our conversation and you agreed.’

  ‘I heard enough.’ Lexi glared up at him. His betrayal was an ache in her heart. ‘And I saw: the woman was wearing my robe.’

  ‘For the very simple reason, if you cast your mind back, that there was a hell of a storm that night and we were both soaked to the skin. There is no way on this earth I could ever have an affair with Lorraine; her preference is for other women, and always has been.’

  ‘What?’ Lexi gasped. Her violet eyes clashed with his. He wasn’t joking, he was deadly serious. ‘You expect me to believe that Lorraine...’ As excuses went it was a classic, but could she believe it? He was right about the rain. A brief memory of when they were on honeymoon prompted her to ask, ‘In Paris, when I asked if you and she had had an affair—was that why you laughed? And I never got the joke.’

  ‘Exactly. I should have told you, but I thought Lorraine’s sexual preference was her own affair.’

  ‘But I heard you tell Lorraine you were breaking your wedding vows.’ However Jake tried to colour his story, that fact was unmistakable.

  ‘No, Lexi, you heard me say I was breaking my promise to you. But what you obviously didn’t hear was the first part of the conversation.’ His sober gaze held hers captive as he continued. ‘It had nothing to do with our marriage, but none the less it doesn’t reflect very well on me.’

  Lexi tensed, fearing what was to follow.

  ‘I promised you that, when Forest Manor was converted to a hotel, you would always have a home there. But unfortunately it wasn’t possible.’

  Inexplicably, a tiny glimmer of something very like hope ignited in Lexi’s heart. She squirmed on his lap and, lifting one hand, placed it on his chest urging him to continue. ‘And? Carry on.’

  ‘Sit still and I will,’ Jake commented with a very masculine groan. ‘Yes, well, the bottom had dropped out of the property market and I had sunk all my cash into the Docklands venture. The only good news was the meeting with Mr Stewart, the American I was dining with the night we lost our baby.’ He hugged her tighter for a moment. ‘It hurt me more than you knew, Lexi.’

  ‘I think I do know, after Pompeii,’ she confessed.

  ‘Anyway, that night Mr Stewart loved the hotel, but—and this is the hard part—he didn’t want to lease the rooms, but made me an offer to buy the hotel outright. I resisted at first. I didn’t dare discuss it with you, not when you were ill and so depressed. The night you burst in on Lorraine and me we were arguing over the sale of Forest Manor. I knew it made sound business sense to liquidate some of my assets, and the hotel was the simplest one to dispose of; the offer was lying on my desk. I couldn’t refuse. But it meant breaking my promise to you. I felt a heel, but there was no other way out. It would save the construction firm and solve my cash-flow problem.’

  Lexi’s violet eyes widened in horror as the full extent of her mistake dawned on her. ‘You...I...’ She could not find the words to express her feelings. She believed Jake. It all made perfect sense. While she had convinced herself Jake had broken his sacred wedding vow and wanted a divorce, he had simply been afraid to tell her that his business was in trouble and Forest Manor had to be sold. Maybe if she had not been so depressed about the miscarriage she would have recognised the signs—looking back he had given plenty of hints that business was difficult—but in her pregnant state he had not wanted to worry her, and afterwards she had been so wrapped in her grief that she had not listened to him at all.

  ‘When I thought you were discussing breaking your marriage vow,’ Lexi reasoned slowly, ‘you were actually talking about the promise you made to keep the house!’ she exclaimed, the enormity of her mistake too much to take in. ‘Five years...at cross purposes...’ The hurt! If only she had waited, allowed him to explain... With a flash of insight she realised something else. ‘My father’s debt. How much did it finally come to?’ She had never asked at the time, but she had heard the rumours since of Lloyds names going bankrupt trying to pay off the appalling losses after a string of disasters.

  ‘You don’t need to know,’ Jake said firmly.

  ‘Please.’ Her hand moved agitatedly against his chest. ‘If we are to make anything of our marriage we have to have truth between us.’ A flush stained her cheeks as she realised what she had proposed.

  His hand covered hers where it lay on his shirt, his long fingers lacing with hers. ‘The truth.’ His eyes flared darkly. ‘I’d do anything in the world for our marriage, Lexi,’ he said emphatically, and pressed a swift hard kiss on her parted lips. She felt herself relax against him, then immediately went rigid in his arms when he mentioned a sum that made her head spin.

  ‘Oh, my God! That much.’

  ‘Yes, but not to worry, I can easily afford it now, but at the time it was touch and go for a while. That’s why, when you told me that night you had heard everything and agreed, I was so relieved and delighted you didn’t mind losing the manor, I suggested the celebratory drink. I couldn’t believe it when you said you would take your share of the money and never wanted to see me again. For a few seconds I believed you were the gold-digger Lorraine had tried to warn me about before we married, and I yelled at you. But it didn’t last for long. I thought you would come back to me. I told myself, Be patient, she’s still depressed, let her have a holiday. When it finally dawned on me that I had lost you for good, I decided Lorraine must have been right all along: you were only after money.’

  She saw the pain in his dark eyes, and she lifted her hand to stroke his cheek. ‘I never cared about money and not much about the house. It was only you I wanted, Jake; I loved you, you were my life. I would have lived in a tent if you’d asked me,’ she blurted. Still reeling with the shock of his revelation, she didn’t realise what she was confessing.

  ‘Past tense, Lexi?’ Jake queried softly, and, catching her chin between his finger and thumb, he tilted her face up to his. ‘I love you, I always have; the last five years have been hell without you. Will you give me another chance to let me try and win your love? Please, Lexi.’

  The flicker of hope in her heart burst into a glorious flame. Jake, her husband, vulnerable and pleading for her love, was like a dream come true, and she wanted to believe it. Curled on his lap, his strength and warmth enveloping her, she almost did, but still a niggling doubt persisted. ‘Lorraine—she was in your arms tonight. I saw you, Jake; are you sure she...’

  Jake’s strong arm hugged her to his broad chest as he said urgently, ‘Tonight, in Reception, seeing you and Lorraine together, her hand on you.’ His dark brows drew together in a frown. ‘She hurt you, and that I will not tolerate, and if I’m being brutally honest I saw something in her eyes when she looked at you that gave me the same gut-wrenching jealousy I got when I saw you and Dante together, and it made me wonder how I could have been so stupid.’

  ‘You mean Lorraine fancies me?’ And she laughed out loud at his outrageous suggestion.’

  ‘I don’t know, but I’m not taking the chance.’

  ‘But you more or less admitted she was your mistress when you insisted we resume our marriage.’ Yet Jake’s explanation didn’t shock her as much as it should have done. Lorraine had always made her flesh creep.

  A rueful grin flashed across Jake’s sensuous mouth. ‘Self-defence! I’m not proud of myself, but, seeing you with Dante, I wasn’t above letting you think I was having an affair. The truth is that you are the only woman I have made love to in five long years.’

  Lexi stared into his dark eyes, her heart pounding like a drum, and what she saw in the glittering depths almost convinced her he was telling the truth. Jake celibate for five years was a stunning revelation. �
��But I saw you kiss her, Jake...’

  ‘No,’ he denied. ‘But let me tell you about Lorraine, so there can be no doubt left in your mind. Much as I value Lorraine’s business ability, there is no way I can stand by and watch her hurt you.’

  ‘Lorraine has never liked me, but she didn’t hurt me,’ Lexi said honestly.

  ‘You’re too soft-hearted.’ Jake dropped a swift kiss on her forehead. ‘And I let pity and stupid teenage guilt blind me to Lorraine’s obsessive character.’

  Lexi tensed at the word guilt. Had Jake been involved with Lorraine? She still did not quite credit his tale of Lorraine’s sexuality. She was sure the woman fancied Jake whether he knew it or not. But then, she was prejudiced, she thought ruefully, sure the woman didn’t live who couldn’t fancy Jake.

  ‘As sixteen-year-olds, Lorraine and I were in the same class at school. She wasn’t a friend. In fact her only friend was a girl called Pat. They were both real lookers, but never went out with any boys, and, as teenage boys do, we teased them unmercifully about being gay, which I might add they freely admitted to. It was also common knowledge that Lorraine’s father was a drunk who beat up both her and her mother. On more than one occasion she appeared in class with a black eye.’

  ‘Oh, the poor girl.’

  ‘Yes, well, years later, when Lorraine applied for a job with my company, I remembered her and my own insensitive teasing as a teenager. She told me her friend Pat had been killed in a car crash some months earlier and I felt sorry for her. Plus I had had an embarrassing experience with my last secretary imagining she was in love with me and leaving in tears. Lorraine’s qualifications weren’t great, but at least I could be sure she wouldn’t spend all day making cow’s eyes at me, so I gave her the job. She’s worked hard for me ever since. But tonight I realised something I should have recognised six years ago, when she first tried to convince me you were only after a wealthy husband. She had become far too ambitious, or perhaps possessive is a better word, of her position in my company.’