Giving it Up (Brewhouse #1)

by Holly Dodd

  Deciding against wearing a glitter barrette, I smoothed my hair behind my ears, and turned to face my roommate. She was pouting, post tantrum, her lips pursed in annoyance. Even though she wasn’t planning on leaving the apartment today, she was dolled up with a full face of makeup, fake lashes, and perfectly coiffed hair.

  Until living with her I used to believe she rolled out of bed looking naturally gorgeous. Now I knew it took her an hour for her get her makeup just right, exercised like a crazy person, and lived on Greek yoghurt, alfalfa sprouts, and protein shakes. I didn’t envy her life, even if I wished for a body like hers.

  Sighing internally, I approached her and grabbed her hands. “Please, please don’t let this be an issue. You need a man who thinks you are the best thing in the world, who will treat you like a queen. Do you really believe Kevin is the one for you? If you say yes, and mean it, I won’t go out with him tonight.”

  Angela’s diamond-bright eyes glimmered as they met mine. With the subtle outline of eyeliner framing them, her blue eyes appeared Kewpie doll enormous. Part of me envied her looks, but I was beginning to learn we all had our demons. No matter how gorgeous Angela was, she thought she could be better.

  Who had made her feel worthless? The psychologist inside me died to ask, but I kept a lid on my curiosity. She didn’t need me shrinking her.

  After a long, tense minute Angela sighed and shook her head. “No. He isn’t “the one”. She hung air quotes around the last two words. “He was fun, he is fun. Enjoy yourself Jo, I’m sorry I’ve been a bitch about it. I mean, you have seen him, right? Wouldn’t you want to wake up beside that for the long term?”

  I offered her a relieved smile and laughed. “Yeah, he’s damn hot, but so is Regi.”

  Angela made a face. “Please tell me you’re not still hung up on that meathead.”

  Why wasn’t I surprised she knew about my secret crush too? “Ugh, how long has everyone known I have had a crush on him?”

  Angela rolled her eyes and I swear she was going to say ‘duh’ but thought better of it. “Since the start. Really, you get bright red and give Regi doe eyes every time you see him.”

  I let go of her hands and walked to my bed. Sitting on the edge, I stretched my foot out and tugged on a pair cowboy boots. I wasn’t sure where Kevin and I were going, only where we were ending, so I was going the date chic route with a glittery tulle skirt, boots, and a flowy blouse. I thought about adding leggings to the ensemble, but true to Wisconsin weather, mother nature had gone bipolar and it was now a balmy forty-something degree. Not cold enough to layer up. Yet. “Yes, I’m still hung up on him.”

  Angela was truly distressed as she said, “Oh Jo, don’t. He’s…he’s Regi.”

  I knew Angela had also fucked Regi at some point over the past year. Though this was the first time I’d heard Angela talk bad about him.

  I stood and turned towards her. “What does that mean?”

  “Kevin is straight up. He will tell you like it is. I knew going in with Kevin that he wasn’t going to stick around. Regi…Regi doesn’t do that.” A wisp of pain threaded Angela’s voice. Had she been in love with Regi?

  A knock on the apartment’s front door made me jump. My thoughts scattered like dandelion seeds in the wind. For one terrible moment, I was empty headed and panicking.

  “He’s here.” I was so damn nervous my voice became high-pitched and wobbly. I shouldn’t be nervous. This was Kevin! But our friendship was going to change after this. At my insistence.

  Swiping my purse off the bed, I lurched towards the door. Angela surprised me by grabbing me into a hug. “Go get him.”

  Before I had time to react she let me go, strolled out of my room, and down the hallway toward hers. Was that an overture of friendship? Maybe we could become closer after all of this was over.

  Another knock propelled me into gear. Double checking that I had my cell, I scurried towards the door and yanked it open.

  Damn.

  I caught my breath as my eyes ran down Kevin. Really, he was too good looking with his wheat-blond hair all wind tousled. He’d gotten it trimmed since the night before, the top still long enough to tangle my fingers in, while the sides were cut close to his scalp. The ‘bangs’ were styled to the side, threatening to eclipse one intense green eye. The tips of my fingers twitched to rub through his groomed beard. I’d never kissed a man with a beard before. What would it feel like? Dressed comfortably, he sported torn grey wash jeans, a buttery soft bomber jacket, and a slim long-sleeve shirt in a faded green that made his eyes appear darker. He was casual and delectable.

  “You got a little drool right…here,” Kevin teased as he bumped my chin with his fingers.

  “Oh, shut up!” I laughed even as my cheeks flooded with heat. Yanking my coat off the rack, I stepped out into the carpeted hallway and locked the door behind me. Kevin fell into step beside me as we made our way down the stairs.

  Out front a black Toyota was parked a few feet away from the building’s entrance. Kevin walked to it and opened the passenger door. “Did you want to get anything to eat, go somewhere, or are you wanting to head straight to my place? If you haven’t changed your mind.”

  Nerves plagued me. The thought of food left me ill. If I had time to think about it while Kevin was looking at me like he wanted to eat me whole, I would back out. “I haven’t changed my mind. I’m not hungry.”

  Kevin’s flaunted a lurid grin as he leaned against the door. His hands crossed above the window, and he dropped his head until his chin propped on top of them. He looked almost boyish as he nodded towards the car. “Then get in, and I’ll give you your first lesson.”

  My legs quivered. Heat and slippery need bloomed between my thighs. Lord, he made my nipples stiffen and my pussy gush with just a look. Biting my bottom lip, I held his eyes as I wiggled into the passenger seat.

  Kevin slammed the door and made his way around the car before dropping down beside me.

  “You know I usually don’t bring girls back to my place,” Kevin said as he started the engine and maneuvered the car into the flow of traffic.

  Part of me wasn’t surprised. Not at all. On the other hand, I was curious. Which was becoming my natural state of mind around him. “Why not?”

  A rueful grin twisted his lips. “If they don’t know where I live, they can’t stalk me or throw eggs at my car.”

  I snorted. “It sounds as if you’ve had problems in the past.”

  He grinned sheepishly. Briefly taking his eyes off the road, he looked at me with a mirthful glint in his eye; a naughty boy who’d been found out. “A few times, yeah. There were some girls, back before I really laid down the law, that believed all I needed was a good woman. They wanted to change me. Thing is, I didn’t, and don’t want to change.”

  I squirmed in my seat. Tendrils of guilt spread through me. Wasn’t that what I wanted to do to Regi? “You really don’t believe in love and forever, do you?”

  Kevin was quiet for a minute, allowing the car to fill with the sounds of driving: the soft thump of the wheels on asphalt, the murmur of the engine, and the rush of wind moving over the Toyota. “I thought I was in love once.”

  What a loaded statement. I was going to be stepping into a mind field of buried hurts if I kept on this path of conversation. But I couldn’t help it. I was curious about him, and not just because I was a budding therapist who was curious about everyone. Did he have anyone he talked to? Did he have a BFF like I did in Mia? “What happened?”

  Kevin rolled his hands forward on the steering wheel. The skin pulled tight over his knuckles as he squeezed it, causing the vinyl coating beneath his palms to squeal; an aggressive tick that he relaxed once he noticed me staring.

  “She got pregnant.”

  “Oh.” I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like what he said next. The usual tawny pallor of his skin turned ashen as he dredged up obviously painful memories.

  He swallowed tightly. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “She ha
d an abortion without giving me a chance to change her mind.”

  I flinched. The pain in his voice was raw. The ethics of abortion were a hot button topic for a lot of people. Not everyone agreed, and it caused a lot of anger, resentment, and violence. I was Switzerland. I tried not to judge people. Whatever had happened between them was moot. What mattered was that at the end of the day Kevin was still devastated over it years later. “Oh God. I’m so sorry.”

  Kevin said, “We were young. She was younger than I am. She didn’t want a baby.”

  He answered by rote, parroting things she must have said, but I could tell he didn’t really believe it. Underneath the casual indifference, Kevin was still hurting. “Oh Kevin…”

  “It’s fine.” He flashed me a strained smile. But I could tell it wasn’t. He wasn’t fine at all.

  No wonder he doesn’t do relationships.

  Six

  Kevin

  Why the fuck was I talking about Sara? And with Jo of all people? Most of the friendships I’d had during that period had faded out of my life. I didn’t blame them. Sara, and her decision, broke something inside me. I pushed people away, and anyone new got held at arm’s length.

  I’d always wanted to be a father, to have a little family of my own. Mostly because mine had been absolute shit. I’d been the classic turnkey kid with two parents who wanted a child for the looks, not to raise and love.

  I had fucking loved Sara. I’d wanted to marry her and give her the world. Yes, we were too young. She’d just turned twenty-one, and I’d just gotten my Bachelors of Science and was in debt up to my eyeballs. Still, we could have made it work.

  She never gave me the chance.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. What a way to bring down the mood. I was supposed to be showing Jo the fine art of seduction and wooing her with my impressive sexuality. Instead, I was depressing the fuck out of her with my sob story. Was that an empathetic tear in her eye? I would have to return my man-card if I made her cry out of sympathy instead of orgasmic bliss on our first date.

  Fuck, why am I thinking of this as a date? This wasn’t a date. This was two friends experimenting.

  “You don’t have to be sorry.” Jo rested her hand on my thigh and hesitantly squeezed it. “We’re friends. Isn’t this what friends do? Share all the fucked-up stuff in our life, and then go get drunk, do stupid shit, and try to forget about it?”

  It’d been a long time since I’d let anyone in. I hadn’t meant to open the door for Jo, but she was right there, waltzing in as if she belonged past the palisades guarding my emotions.

  “Besties,” I said, dropping my hand to where hers lingered, and giving it a tight squeeze. “Shouldn’t you be telling me I need therapy or some shit, Doc?”

  Jo wrinkled her nose at me in an all-too adorable way that made me want to kiss the shit out of her. “Therapy isn’t a cure all. Sometimes medication and waiting for the mind’s natural ability to heal from emotional trauma works just as well.”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t do either. I just bottled it up and shoved it down.”

  Jo turned in the passenger seat and leveled her gaze on me. The amazing therapist she was going to be flashed to the surface. She cared, and that was more than a lot of people could claim. “While that isn’t healthy, do you feel like you need professional help? I could refer you to a few people.”

  I laughed and flashed her a cheeky smile. “I’m my own brand of crazy, babe. What would the world do without me?”

  “Oh, my Lord that ego!” Jo pinched my thigh playfully. The dark clouds her questions summoned faded, and I relaxed, feeling as if a weight had shifted off me. It felt good sharing the jagged pieces with another person. Her sympathy buffed a li’l of the sharp edges away. I was over Sara. It was the baby, and what could have been, which remained a piece of glass lodged beneath my skin; never growing out, never giving me relief.

  The rest of the trip to my apartment passed in comfortable, companionable silence. Pulling into a parking spot, Jo tensed beside me. Giving her hand a quick squeeze, I hopped out of the car and managed to snag her door open before she popped out. I might be a manwhore, but I could be chivalrous too.

  Anxiety pinched her features. Doubt coalesced in her eyes, quicksand threatening to suck down all the positive strides I’d made of getting into her panties.

  I can’t have that.

  I braced my palms on the car roof, and caged her with my body. She was trapped between the cool metal and my chest; hot and cold, safety and danger. “Tell me again why you want this.”

  Jo sucked in a shivery breath. Her face lifted to mine all but imploring me to kiss her. How delicious. She was affected by my nearness. How wet was she for me? She may be doing this for Regi, but her attraction to me was completely legit. “You know why.”

  “Yeah, I do. I’m not going to lie. I fucking love that you want me to be your first. Do you know how much I’ve jerked off since you told me?” My breath nuzzled her face as I dipped my head, holding her eyes and daring her to look away.

  Jo’s pupils dilated; a black hole of lust devouring her whiskey-brown iris. Her lips formed an oval of surprise. “You have?”

  “Mmm, yeah I have.” Moving closer, my lips caressed her cheek, leaving a warm path to her ear. “I’m dying to see your pretty pink pussy gobble up my cock.”

  “Oh. My. Lord,” Jo breathed. “That filthy mouth of yours.”

  “You like my filthy fucking mouth, Jo. Don’t lie. I know you’re nervous. I can feel how tense you are. But tonight, I’m not going to fuck you. That sweet li’l cherry you want to give me is safe. We’re going to do this in phases.” Sliding my hands down her sides, I anchored my palms to her wide hips, and around to her thick ass. Gripping both cheeks, I pulled her into me tightly. Close enough she would feel, without a doubt, how rock fucking hard I was for her.

  “You want to learn, so we’re starting with the basics. First base, second base, and if you’re really lucky, you’ll get to third and come on my fingers.”

  Jo shuddered against me. Her eyes were liquid pools of need, smoldering with desire. Arousal replaced the tension she carried, which was exactly what I wanted. She quivered against me, so desperate for our first kiss it was nearly impossible to resist. I resisted. Barely. If I tasted her now I wouldn’t stop.

  “Let’s get inside,” I whispered roughly. She didn’t fight me. Instead, she let me lead her into my den of iniquity like the virgin sacrifice she was.

  Seven

  Jo

  I had to be in a state of shock. I’d been a bundle of nerves when I’d gotten out of Kevin’s car. But he’d fixed that with the dirtiest, hottest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.

  And it was directed at me. He’d blown up my nerves, leaving only a smoking pile of heat and need behind.

  Oh, my Lord, what had I gotten myself into? I was in over my head, drowning in the sexual riptide that flowed from Kevin and sucked me in. I was so fucking wet I don’t know how I wasn’t leaking through my panties. I’d never been this aroused before. Even during the almost-sex sessions Dylan and I’d done.

  Kevin had gotten me there with just words.

  I couldn’t focus as Kevin urged me towards an exterior stairwell. A few steps later we were on the second floor. His apartment building was off campus, and while I’d have loved to look around and pay attention for when I graduated, I just couldn’t. All I caught was a blur of three floors, the grey, cream, and orange exterior built in a horseshoe shape; a small thatch of frost-rimed greenery; a few barren trees; toppled garbage cans and a few empty beer cans lining the ledge of a balcony.

  The jingle of keys presaged the door opening. He walked in first. I followed, but I must not have been moving fast enough because he pulled me in after him and shut the door. Before I could even blink he had me pinned to the wall. He plastered every inch of his buff body against mine. Fire sizzled in my veins as I stared into his handsome face.

  His breath fanned over my mouth, a pseudo kiss that caused
my already rapid pulse to accelerate. “You’ve been kissed before, right?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, but I knew this kiss wasn’t going to be like anything I’d experienced before.

  His teeth gleamed in the shadows shrouding his apartment. His head lowered, and I was snared, consumed by the sage flames in his eyes. My heart thudded in my chest. A train whistled in my ears, and if his hands hadn’t been tangled with mine, pulling them over my head and holding me there, I would have fallen. I wanted him badly. My thighs quivered, desperate to spread wide and guide him right between them.

  I was right. This kiss was destructive, tearing down the walls of isolation I cocooned myself in and replacing it with a hunger I’d never experienced before.

  Kevin slanted his mouth over mine, a gentle pressure that belied the ferocity of his desire. Maybe he thought I would bolt, or swoon, or a klutzy combination of both. But once my lips softened beneath his, parting at the insistence of his tongue, he devoured me.

  His tongue plunged between the gates of my teeth and dived into the hot cove of my mouth. His tongue on mine thrilled me, an erotic bolt that buried itself at the apex of my legs. All that wetness that his earlier words caused turned into a slippery rush gushing into my panties. The lace I wore was no match for all that feminine honey. My nipples tightened, puckering into hard beads against my shirt. I rubbed the aching tips into his chest, whimpering at the tingle that shot through me.

  Who knew a kiss could be so hot? Or maybe I’d just been kissing the wrong men. I moaned as his arms pulled me flush. He let go of my hands, and wrapped me up in his body. One thick arm wound around my waist, while his other sculpted my back, sliding upwards until his fingers slipped into my hair. His hand tightened, and he pulled. Pleasure spiced with pain traveled from my scalp down to my toes as he arched me into the perfect angle.