Diary of an 8-Bit Warrior (Book 1 8-Bit Warrior series): An Unofficial Minecraft Adventure

by Cube Kid

  “I’ll craft one?”

  “And if you don’t have any wood to craft a crafting table?”

  “I’ll gather some?”

  “And what about leather?”

  “I’ll find some cows?”

  (Sheesh . . . couldn’t he see that I was trying to make an honest emerald, here?)

  “But there are no trees in the desert,” I said. “No cows for leather. You’ll be walking barefoot across hot sand with no way to craft new boots. That’s why you should always keep an extra pair on you at all times. A warrior told me that.”

  Suddenly, Joe’s eyes lit up.

  “Omigosh!! You’re right!! I never thought of that before!! Do you still have those boots?!”

  I gave him a grin flashier than any diamond.

  “Right here, my friend. For the low, low price of just three emeralds, these quality boots are yours.”

  Ten seconds later, there was a tinkling sound as three emeralds fell into my hand.

  “Thanks a lot,” he said. “You’re a cool kid.”

  “No problem.”

  And at the same time,

  I thought: thank you.

  Well, I really did have to work for it. A part of me feels guilty, though. Perhaps I cheated him slightly—I could have asked for two emeralds.

  It was for the greater good, though. Besides, if he ever ran into a really skilled trader, he might have paid ten or more for the same item.

  In a weird way,

  I saved him money.

  I’m such a nice guy, huh?

  My arms are like dead slime again.

  Mining class was really tough today. We’ve been digging a downward staircase tunnel as part of a project. We’ve been working on it since the start of school. I never mentioned it before because there was nothing interesting to say about it. Until today. Today, we finally reached bedrock. For those of you who don’t know, bedrock is the indestructible layer at Minecraftia’s core. Too cool!

  Then the teachers hit us with some surprise news. There’s another test tomorrow. A mining test this time. We barely have any time to prepare for it. The teachers just said, “Good job on the tunnel. Tomorrow you’re having a test and here are the rules.”

  The rules are pretty simple. As before, there are seventy-five teams—two students per team. Naturally, Stump and I are partners.

  The goal is to gather ten diamonds.

  The first team to do this gets first place, the second team second place, and so on.

  Each student will be given an iron pickaxe. If someone is caught bringing in any extra tools, they will be disqualified, along with their partner.

  More than a few students complained. Finding diamonds depends more on luck than skill.

  Even so, the teachers argued that proper mining techniques will increase a team’s chances of winning. The faster a team digs, the faster they’ll find diamonds. Teams must work together and come up with mining strategies.

  Mining this deep is really dangerous.

  We could run into a lava pool . . .

  For this reason, all students will be given a bucket of water and a potion of fire resistance. Now, those are great answers for lava, obviously . . . but what about mobs?

  But don’t worry, I’m not scared. I’ve got a combat score of 12% now. That’s good, right? I’ll take on endermen with my fists if I have to.

  (I’m lying. I’m actually super scared.)

  The mining test began shortly after everyone trudged down to the bottom of the tunnel. Potions, water buckets, and iron pickaxes were handed out.

  Then we were off. The seventy-five teams scattered in different directions.

  Stump and I dug and dug.

  I swung that pick as fast as I could—as I swung, I imagined Max’s face on every block of stone. Imagined him laughing. Imagined him calling me a nooblord, a noobmuffin, a head nanny. It gave me all the strength I needed.

  Stump eventually argued that we needed to split up. He was right. We could cover more ground that way.

  (Yes, that was the best plan we could come up with. Look, we’re not mining geniuses. Not yet.)

  After we dug far enough away from the other students, I began mining my own tunnel, while Stump continued mining the original. Finally, I was super far away from everyone else. When I stopped mining, I couldn’t hear anything, no sounds of other students digging, nothing, just eerie silence. And I wondered if maybe I wouldn’t be able to find my way back. I’d placed torches on the walls to provide direction, but still . . . What if I was lost?

  I kept mining anyway, not wanting to fall behind.

  Chunk, chunk, chunk.

  My pickaxe broke another block of stone. And then, a brilliant white light hit my eyes.

  Diamond ore.

  My heart started pounding. Sweat poured down my face. I mined all the stone around that diamond, and realized . . . It was a double vein. Normally, a diamond vein will yield three to eight diamonds. But this was two diamond veins, right next to each other. There were eleven diamond blocks encased in that stone. This single discovery was enough to complete the test.

  Here’s the bad news. (There’s always bad news with me, huh?) In all my excitement . . . I had stopped paying attention to the durability of my pickaxe.

  Chooonk

  It broke as I finished mining away the surrounding stone. Well, I really panicked then. Here I was standing before the biggest diamond vein ever, and I had no way to mine it. Just my luck. Seriously, this kind of stuff always happens to me.

  Obviously, I had to go find Stump. I had to find him before his own pickaxe broke. I had to find him before someone else found this vein and stole it. Wait. If I just left this vein sit here, surely someone would spot it, and take everything. I had to find Stump, yet I couldn’t leave. And if I shouted, trying to get Stump’s attention, others would hear.

  I mean, what if I just bellowed, “Hey! Stump! I found a huge diamond vein! Come here! Quick!”?

  Every student within 2,000 blocks would be on me like an army of chickens running to a mountain of seeds. I’d never been so nervous in my life.

  Then, a few seconds later, I heard someone approaching. It was probably just Stump, I figured, but I wasn’t going to take any chances. I had to conceal my find. I went into my inventory and realized when you mine stone, it turns into cobblestone. I had no natural stone. The only way to make natural stone would be to bake cobblestone in a furnace. I could have made a furnace, of course, with my huge amount of cobblestone—however, someone was approaching. I simply didn’t have that much time.

  That was why I began placing cobblestone around the diamonds to try and hide them. I was so nervous and frantic, I even placed an oak block instead of cobblestone. I did this right before that person approached. It wasn’t Stump.

  It was Razberry.

  “Have you seen Max?” he asked. “I’m lost.”

  “No,” I said. “I haven’t seen him at all.” I was angry at myself for just blurting that out. I should have said something clever like, “Yeah, I just saw him over there! 5,000 blocks that way! You can’t miss him!”

  Razberry sighed. “Well, have you found any diamonds yet?”

  “None,” I said. “Just coal, coal, and more coal. No diamonds around here.”

  My heart sank as he peered at the cobblestone behind me.

  “Hurrrrrrr, hey . . . what’s that cobblestone doing there?”

  I gave the cobblestone a quick glance.

  “Oh, that? That’s just . . . a natural cobblestone formation!”

  “A natural cobblestone formation?”

  “Yep. They’re pretty rare. What, don’t you know?”

  “No, I’ve never heard of . . . wait, what’s up with that wood?”

  Great, I
thought—and came up with some pathetic explanation.

  “It’s part of an underground tree,” I said.

  Razberry stepped closer. He got right up next to me, still staring at the cobblestone.

  “An underground tree? That’s really weird, don’t you think? Are you sure that’s what it is? Maybe you’d better take a closer look.”

  I did, turning around, pretending to be amazed.

  “Wow, I can’t believe it, but that’s definitely what it is,” I said. “Wow. I mean, wow.”

  “Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” said Razberry.

  “Yes. It’s so great. I’m so . . . amazed! Totally, absolutely . . . amazed!”

  Thankfully, Razberry isn’t too bright. He actually believed me.

  “Me, too,” he said, “Okay, I’m going to go look for Max now.”

  “I think I remember seeing him down that way,” I said, feeling relieved.

  “Thanks. Bye.”

  He took off, and a moment later, so did I. I soon found Stump swinging away at his tunnel; my heart felt a chill as he lifted his pickaxe over his head. It couldn’t have had much durability left . . .

  “Stop” I hissed.

  He froze, then turned around with a blank face.

  “What?”

  “Come here. Quick!”

  After Stump mined away the cobblestone, and saw those diamonds, he didn’t say a word. He just kept swinging away.

  Ten minutes later, we were back at the huge chamber where all the teachers were. We handed the diamonds over, one by one, grinning like . . . something that grins a lot.

  We won.

  We got first place.

  Again.

  Stump started jumping up and down, and gave me a huge high five.

  “Yeahhhhh!!”

  We aced a building test, and now we just aced a mining test. I was about to out-level Max. I’d no longer have to worry about anything—my future as a warrior was all but certain. And then—

  A teacher stepped closer to me.

  “Please show me your inventories.”

  “No problem,” I said, and showed her my inventory screen, as did Stump. (Steve said you can’t do that in the original game, but hey . . . this is Minecraftia, not a game.)

  “Hurrrrrrr! What’s that?” she said. “A diamond pickaxe?!”

  At first, I didn’t understand what the teacher was saying. Then it hit me. There was a diamond pickaxe in my inventory. Enchanted. Enchanted with Efficiency II.

  Stump gasped. “What the creeper?! How did that get there?!”

  “Give me that!” the teacher snapped. There were a bunch of murmurs from the other teachers around me. What . . . was . . . happening . . . ? Why did I have an enchanted diamond pickaxe?

  “It’s not mine,” I said, handing over the tool. “I . . . I don’t know how it got there!”

  “So this is the real Runt,” said the head teacher. “A cheater!”

  “You’ve got it all wrong!” said Stump. “I was with him almost the whole time! That pickaxe isn’t—”

  “Enough!” the head teacher snapped. “Both of you are hereby disqualified! You have failed this test!”

  “It’s a trick!” I shouted. “Someone set us up!”

  “No more lies, young man. Now I’m wondering if maybe you cheated on the building test as well.”

  I heard someone snickering in the distance. Two people, actually. And right then, it was all so clear . . . I recalled Razberry stepping closer to me in my tunnel. He had tricked me into turning around and looking at the cobblestone so he could slip that pickaxe into my inventory. I’m sure that was what happened. Max’s family is rich. He probably asked his parents for emeralds and bought that pickaxe yesterday. How stupid am I?

  There I was, thinking I was so clever for tricking Razberry . . . But it was Razberry who had tricked me. Max and Razberry walked up and handed the teachers ten diamonds.

  “Show me your inventories,” the head teacher said. They did. Both of their inventories were empty, of course.

  “Well done, you two!” Max winked at me before walking away with his best buddy.

  Well played, Max. Well played.

  I didn’t go to school today. I said I was sick. I am.

  Kind of.

  I’m mentally sick. Emotionally sick. Most of all, I’m sick of being picked on.

  I stayed in my bedroom all day, reading a book called Orggor, the Zombie Pigman Creeper Golem. It’s a fun series. Something to take my mind off everything.

  At some point, Stump barged into my room. I didn’t look up from my book.

  “Rhurrrrrg. I just want to be alone right now.”

  “And do what?” asked Stump.

  “Read.”

  “Hurrrrr. I don’t blame you. That’s a good series. But still, there’s another test on Monday. A trading test this time.”

  “Great,” I said. “Maybe we’ll get disqualified for that one, too.”

  Stump shook his head. “Listen, I’ve thought of a way to come back. We can ace that trading test even more than we did the building test. It’ll put us back in the game. Trust me. Let’s think of it as our next secret project.”

  “Not interested,” I said. “Anyway, can we talk about this later? Orggor is about to destroy a Nether Fortress and I want to find out how he does it.”

  “He just smashes everything. Nothing fancy, just smashing. Can we discuss Project X2 now?”

  I glared at him. “You just spoiled the book!”

  “You’re acting just like Steve did when the mobs blew up his base,” Stump said. “Hurrrrg. Whatever.”

  Before I could respond, he left my room. I turned back to my book.

  What’s the big deal? I thought. What, can’t I feel sorry for myself? It’s over. Max is probably level 50 by now, and we didn’t get any points for the

  mining test. Probably that one kid Pebble is a higher level than me now and he’s the biggest noob of all time . . .

  Still, I couldn’t help thinking about Stump. What was this “Project X2” he was talking about? What crazy idea did he cook up? I couldn’t help myself. I had to find out. Pigman Golem could wait.

  Before I knew it, I was running out of my house. I saw Stump in the distance, walking slowly away.

  “I’m sorry!” I called out, sprinting to catch up with him.

  He turned around and smiled.

  So the trading test is on Monday. We have two days to prepare.

  According to Stump, the rules for the trading test are like this: there’s no school Monday. All students must go around the village and attempt to trade with adult villagers—blacksmiths, fishermen, and so on. Teachers will observe students from a distance, to assess their trading skills. Students are allowed to cheat the adults. In fact, it’s encouraged. Also, no one in the village knows about this, except for the teachers and students. If a student manages to cheat an adult, the teachers will come up and tell the adult what’s going on. They’ll even give those we cheat extra emeralds to make up for it.

  Sounds pretty cool to me.

  And then, Stump came up with a master plan to ace this test.

  That means—Project X2 has officially begun.

  Actually, we renamed the project to “Project All Eggs In One Basket.” The reason for that name change will make sense to you soon enough. However, I’m not going to write about the exact details of our secret project until we attempt it. Again, this is to protect us, in case someone steals my diary.

  I will say it requires a large amount of cactus and bone meal.

  The bone meal isn’t a problem. My parents have a ton of it lying around. They use it to make their crops grow faster. They’re farmers, remember?

  So I can probably sneak a bunch of it from the chest in the kitchen.
The cactus, though . . . that’s tough. Looks like we’re going to have to go into the desert tomorrow and harvest as much cactus as we can.

  If we get caught traveling so far from the village, things are going to get real bad. Whatever.

  It’s all or nothing.

  All eggs in one basket.

  To make a long story short, we got some cactus. As soon as the sun came up, we ran to the desert. I brought water bottles, Stump brought cakes, and we harvested cactus until our inventories were full.

  Later on, I took a stack of bone dust from my parent’s item chest in the kitchen. Just one stack. There were seven total. No one will notice.

  And now, I’m signing off for today. It’s crafting time.

  Oh. One more thing.

  I’ve come to realize . . . I need a plan B in case I don’t make the top five. That backup profession is perfume salesman.

  You see, I’ll be able to get revenge that way. If I fail, I’m going to make Eau de Noob and put Max’s face on the advertisement.

  Today was it.

  My last shot at making the top five.

  There was no school. All of us students were wandering the streets, looking for someone to trade with.

  Stump and I already had someone in mind.

  Leaf is his name. He’s an old guy. A blacksmith. A bit cranky. His beard is so bushy, it covers half his nose. And his eyesight . . . it’s the worst.

  In addition, he’s one of the best blacksmiths in our village. He’s got lots of items for trade.

  All of the above is why he chose him. He was our target. The perfect target.