Jaided

by Rose, Ashley

  She couldn't help it, she smiled, too.

  "Continue with your life story, please."

  "Right, umm, well thinking back, I wonder why I didn't just run away, you know. Jump out the window or something? I just couldn't. I was messed up. It was all I had ever known. Even before he started abusing me sexually, he knocked me around and stuff. I didn't have any friends. I didn't have anywhere to go. I was only outside my house a total of four times in those four years. Twice because I was sick. I had pneumonia when I was 13, and then mono when I was 15. He waited until I was almost dead to take me to the hospital and threatened me that if I told anyone, he would make it worse. Another time was when he had the exterminator over and he locked me in a shed outside all night. And then the day he took me court when the state was challenging him for custody. It was best day of my life."

  "And the state got you, right?"

  "Yep, and that launched an investigation into my mother's murder. It was originally thought to be an accident, but it wasn't. They reopened the case with new technology and stuff they could use to convict him."

  "That's cool."

  "Yep. So then I lived in a girls' home for a few weeks. I was messed up though. No one wanted to foster or adopt me. I don't blame them. I couldn't be around people, especially boys. I tried but you know how foster programs are. They are overloaded. They can't give kids the things they need sometimes, especially teenagers."

  Leith nodded. "But you did get adopted."

  "Yeah, Tremaine actually caught me stealing from his car. I would walk around public parking lots and check doors to see if they were unlocked, looking for money. I only stole from expensive cars because I figured they could afford it. Tremaine had a BMW and it was unlocked. I was going through his wallet when he caught me. I tried to get away but he grabbed me and I freaked. Back then, I didn't do any touching. I couldn't handle it. It had only been a few weeks.

  "He knew right away I needed help. Even though he barely knew me, but he talked his dad into setting up a meeting at the foster agency. Sam wanted to adopt me right away but he wasn't an approved foster parent. He was a single dad with a teenage son. It just didn't look good on paper and it would take months to get approved. But Sam had money. He called in some favors and had me adopted legally within three days. It was amazing to me. I still don't understand why they did that. I was a psychological wreck. But I got better. It took time and I still couldn't handle public school but I loved to read, and they got a really good homeschool program going for me. Tremaine helped me, mostly." She paused. She had been talking for a while.

  "And then happily ever after?"

  "Almost. There was one more crucial player. I was comfortable around Tremaine and Sam but not strangers, not at all. I think it actually made me a little worse at the prospect because at the girls' home, I was forced to be around people so I coped, but at Sam's house I could be alone if I wanted, so I backtracked a little. And then, I met Mason and everything changed. He was my brother's friend. My brother didn't have friends over to the house a lot because of me, but I ran into him by accident and I acted the same as I did with all strangers. I was terrified. But Mason wouldn't have it. He forced me to be around him at first. He didn't give up, and soon I wanted to be around him. Eventually I wasn't afraid of people anymore. Once I was pretty much back to 'normal', I wanted him to have sex with me, to see what it was supposed to be like, you know? He thought I was crazy at first but I convinced him. We did it once and got addicted. He was my best friend and fuck-buddy all wrapped into one. It was great."

  "That's why you’re used to having sex whenever you wanted. You and Mason had tons of sex."

  "Pretty much. The end."

  "Well I'm glad everything is alright for you now."

  "Me too."

  "How many people have you told?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "About your past with your father? How many people have you admitted it to, like you just did with me? Blaize?"

  "Oh, um, no. I told Blaize that my father wasn't nice but I never gave any more details than that. I don't know how much he has assumed. Tremaine knew the general stuff but I never really opened up to him. Just Mason. Mason knows every detail. He had me talk about it. It helped a lot even though it was incredibly hard. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I do."

  "So I'm only the second?"

  "Yep."

  "Why haven't you confided in Blaize yet? You guys seem intimate enough."

  "Honestly, I don't know. I just don't. I don't know if I can trust him yet, not completely."

  Leith looked confused. "But you could trust me?"

  "Yeah. I don't know why, I just do."

  Leith nodded slowly. "I know why."

  Jaide looked at him dubiously. "Oh?"

  "Yeah, it's because we had sex. I mean, you had sex with Mason and you opened up to him. You had sex with me and you opened up to me."

  "But that doesn't really make sense. It could just be coincidence."

  "It's not, and it does make sense. For a long time in your life, sex was something terrible. That will never go away. There will always be that grain of doubt that sex could go back to that again. It's like the last frontier for you. When you have sex with a guy and he doesn't hurt you, then you know you can trust him completely. It's probably a subconscious thing. You don't really know that it's happening."

  "Wow, that does make sense."

  "My dad's a psychologist," Leith shrugged. “It rubs off, that way of listening.”

  Jaide yawned. "Should we get going now? What time is it?"

  Leith looked at his watch. "Yeah, we could get going, if we make a quick pit stop." He climbed into the front seat and turned on the car. Jaide followed.

  "What pit stop?"

  "We still got 10 minutes or so. I need caffeine to manage this killer headache."

  They buckled their seat belts and pulled onto the highway. After five minutes of a steep downgrade, they were back in town. Leith pulled into the drive through of a small coffee stand. He was still shirtless and Jaide still hadn't found her pants.

  A young man in the coffee booth leaned out of the window to take their orders.

  "What do you want?"

  "Mocha, double shot, please,” said Jaide.

  "Hand me my wallet, will you? I think it's on the floor in the back."

  Jaide twisted around the seat to grab it while he ordered a triple-shot latte.

  "Jesus Leith, caffeine much?"

  "I need it."

  The guy disappeared for a couple minutes, then reappeared with their drinks. As he leaned down to hand them their drinks, he took his time checking out Jaide's bare legs.

  Leith took the drinks from him and leaned forward, obscuring his view. "Whatcha lookin' at, pal?"

  The guy smirked and disappeared inside the booth.

  "Yeah that's right. Fuckin' punk." Leith handed Jaide her drink before pulling the car back onto the street.

  Jaide found her wallet on the floor below the front seat and her cell phone in the cup holder. The closer they got to school, the more anxious Jaide felt. The guilt hit her hard. She wanted to tell Blaize right away but knew she wouldn't be able to do it. Leith said she shouldn't tell him, but he was biased. She needed someone who wasn't involved. She needed to talk to Mason.

  Leith pulled into an empty parking spot. "We should probably wait for few minutes before it's safe to go inside." He took the straw out of his latte and sipped.

  Jaide looked around. She needed privacy to make the phone call. She wanted to just step out of the car but she couldn't really hang out in a full parking lot with no pants on.

  "What is it?" Leith said abruptly.

  "What?" Jaide looked at him. "I didn't say anything."

  "No, but you’re clutching your cell phone and looking around like you need something."

  She sighed. "I need to make a phone call."

  "So make a phone call."

  "Privately."

  "Why?"

>   "I'm calling Mason. I need to talk to him about this. I need his opinion on this."

  "You're gonna tell him we had sex?"

  "Yeah, if you don't mind. I mean, I won't tell him your name or anything."

  "Nah, it's cool. I don't care." He turned the key off and popped his door open.

  "No, you don't have to leave.”

  He ignored her, stepped out of the car and shut the door behind him. He hoisted himself onto the hood and continued to drink his coffee, his back to the windshield.

  Jaide shook her head but then took a moment to gaze at his muscular back. She dismissed those thoughts quickly and hit Mason's number on speed dial.

  It rang a few times before Mason picked up.

  "Hello?" Mason sounded fresh out of bed.

  "Hey, it's me. Did I wake you?"

  "Hey, Jaide. No, you didn't wake me up. Gimme a second though." Jaide heard some rustling in the background and Mason telling someone to go back to sleep, that he'd be right back. "Hey, what's up?"

  "Did I interrupt something? Who were you talking to?"

  "A girl. Does it matter?"

  "Your girls never stay the night."

  "Yeah, well, anyways, what did you call for? Something wrong?"

  "No, nothing's wrong. I just needed your opinion on something."

  "Okay, shoot."

  "Well, ummm, so I had sex."

  "About damn time that kid got his shit in gear."

  "Uh, yeah, about that -it wasn't Blaize."

  "What? Who did you do then? And why?"

  "Well that's the thing. It was a mistake. We were drunk. I only remember bits and pieces. I just need advice on whether to tell Blaize right away, or later, or not tell him at all."

  "Who was it?"

  "Does it matter?"

  "Yes."

  "No it doesn't, and I'm not telling you."

  "Interesting. Well, let's see. It must be one of your friends, otherwise you wouldn't be afraid to tell me. It wasn't Blaize. It can't have been Chance, he’s too brotherly. It wasn't Matt, he's your team captain. It wasn't either of the two gay guys, obviously. That only leaves Leith and Bhrade, and I'm guessing it's not Bhrade because I talked to his girl yesterday and she said she and Bhrade are hitting it off real well. So I'm going to say Leith."

  "No, it wasn't him and I'm not telling you. It doesn't matter."

  "You suck at lying. It was Leith, I can tell. Anyways, what's the problem?"

  "I don't know what to do. Should I tell Blaize?"

  "Are you guys dating?"

  "No."

  "But you're getting close?"

  "Yes."

  "I think you know the answer to this question."

  "Enlighten me."

  "Technically, you have no reason to tell him. But, this is you we're talking about. You’re going to tell him or it will drive you crazy. It's the right thing to do."

  "But the boy said that if he was me, he wouldn't tell Blaize."

  "Of course he did. He’s not inside your head. He doesn't know how close you and Blaize are. You know you have to tell him. You don't have to do it right away but you need to come clean. Who knows? He might not even care, but it will drive you crazy if you don't."

  Jaide sighed. She knew he was right. "Okay, I'll tell him."

  "Good, now tell me about this Leith character. He got you drunk? Do I need to make some phone calls?"

  "Phone calls?"

  "Yeah, you know, call someone I know from that school to beat him up."

  "What? No, he didn't get me drunk. We got drunk together. It was just a stupid mistake.

  "Are you sure? How do you know he didn't force you?"

  "He didn't."

  "How do you know if you don't remember it all?"

  "Because the parts I do remember, shit, it was good."

  "Ahh, it was good sex? Better than me?"

  Very similar actually, but she didn't say that. "I'm not commenting on that."

  Mason laughed. "Right, whatever. Shouldn't you be getting to class?"

  "Yeah, I'll talk to you later, okay?"

  "Yep, call me after you tell Blaize. I wanna know what he said."

  "Okay, I'll call you later then. Love you."

  "Love you too, sweetheart."

  Jaide ended the call and looked up. Leith was still sitting on the hood. His latte was empty now.

  She knocked her knuckles on the windshield to get his attention. He looked over his shoulder before sliding off the hood. He came back to the driver's side and opened the door.

  "You ready?"

  "Yep. And just so you know, I'm going to tell him, just not right away. I don't want to ruin his day. I'll probably tell him tonight, okay?"

  "Sure." Leith grabbed his wallet. "Help me with this empty alcohol stuff. We need to trash it."

  Jaide hopped out of the car and looked around, making sure no one was nearby. They grabbed all the containers and tossed them in nearby garbage before heading toward the main building.

  "Leith, I don't have any pants on. How are we going to get inside without being seen?"

  "The back way. We’ll go in the back door and take the service elevator up."

  They went around the back of building, keeping an eye out for people. They got in and Leith quickly ushered her into a small elevator. Once on the second floor, Leith checked that the hallway was clear before they headed to Jaide's room. They were rounding the corner to their hall, but suddenly Blaize appeared at the top of the stairs. They backed behind the corner and Leith peeked around to see what he was doing. Blaize took his key out and went into his room, shutting the door after him.

  "What's he doing? Shouldn't he be eating breakfast?"

  "Yeah, he should. I don't know. We need to get out of the hallways though. Come on, you can shower in my room."

  They hurried to Leith's room before Blaize came out of his room. They got in and locked the door behind them.

  "Hey guys, what's up?" They both jumped and looked across the room. Bhrade was lying in bed, looking sleepy.

  "What the hell are you doing here?" Leith asked.

  "Someone wasn't here to wake me up so I slept in. Hey Jaide, what's happening?"

  "Uh, not a lot."

  "Thanks for the phone call by the way, Leith. I had to find out from Blaize."

  "Find out what?"

  "He said that Jaide called him and told him that you guys had had a little bit too much to drink and weren't safe to drive. You guys were just going to sleep it off in the parking lot of the restaurant."

  "Oh, right," Leith nodded. "Yeah, sorry I didn't call you."

  "Whatever dude. Say, what's with the sex hair, Leith?" Bhrade asked obliviously. "And why is Jaide wearing your shirt?"

  Jaide and Leith stayed silent.

  Bhrade finally caught on. "Whhhat?"

  "Please don't say anything, Bhrade. I ...”

  "Nope, don't want to hear anything about it. It’s none of my business. I didn't see anything."

  "You're the best, Bhrade."

  "Evidently not, or you would have done me, not Leith." He winked.

  "Yeah, yeah. Jaide, you should get in the shower. There are clean towels on the sink, and I’ll find something for you to wear until you can get into your room."

  "Thanks."

  In the shower, Jaide tried to remember last night’s call to Blaize but couldn’t locate the little gray memory cell where she catalogued such important things. All she could remember seemed fuzzy at best, and was somehow wrapped up in a karaoke song about kissing girls. Or was it boys?

  Chapter 18

  It was lunchtime and everyone headed for the cafeteria. Earlier that day, Jaide had finally gotten the chance to sneak into her room and change quickly, barely making it to class. The day had been awkward so far. Blaize was being his normal self, trying to kiss her between classes, putting a casual hand on her leg during class. But Jaide felt weird, like she didn't want him to show her affection while she was lying to him. She would pull away from
his kisses and turn away from his hugs. She got increasingly uncomfortable when they were in class with Leith.

  By lunch, Blaize had given up. He walked her to the cafeteria but then said he needed to run upstairs for something. Jaide nodded and went to join a couple of the other guys at the table.

  But Blaize didn't go upstairs. He hung out beside the door of the cafeteria until he spotted Leith.

  Leith saw Blaize walking towards him briskly and got worried. Blaize didn't pause in his stride as he grabbed Leith's arm and pulled him into a small alcove just off the hallway.

  He pushed Leith against the wall and looked at him hard.

  "Hey Blaize, what’s up?"

  "I'm going to punch you."

  Leith was confused. "What?"

  Blaize hauled back his fist and belted him in the stomach. Hard.

  Leith folded over holding his stomach. "Oh shit."

  He straightened slowly. "What the hell?"

  "I warned you."

  "What was that for?"

  "For being dumb enough to drink during soccer season."

  "That's fair."

  Blaize slammed his fist in the other boy's ribs this time, knocking the breath out of him.

  Leith took a moment to suck his breath in. "Okay, and that one?"

  "For being dumb enough to let Jaide get drunk."

  Leith nodded slowly."Yeah, I guess I deserved that one, too. Have you had enough or you got another one for me?"

  "Another one." Blaize hit him on the other side, knuckles meeting ribs again.

  This one took Leith a little longer to recover. He pulled in a couple breaths before standing straight again.

  "Why aren't you hitting me back?" Blaize asked, shaking out his sore hand.

  "You've got valid reasons so far. What's the reason for the last one?"

  "Sleeping with Jaide and making her feel like shit."

  Leith was speechless. He had no idea that Blaize knew about it.

  "Uh, umm, yeah," he gulped. "I didn't know that you knew about that."