The Preacher's Daughter

by Shelly Morgan

  I let each article drop to the floor on my way to the bathroom. I’m too tired to pick them up, and I honestly don’t care that I’m making a mess. It can wait until morning because the bathtub is calling my name. I only wish I had some of Amy’s rum to help me fall asleep while I watch horrible sitcoms on TV.

  The past two days have really hit me. I feel like I’m strung so tight, I could snap at any moment. It’s all Dominic’s fault. He’s the reason for all my stress, all my discomfort, and all these feelings inside me that I can’t understand. They’re so new to me. How can someone loath and lust after someone at the same time?

  As I lie in my bath, I think about going over to Amy’s house to tell her about what happened, but I immediately dismiss the idea. I’m upset with her. I can’t believe she brought him here. After hearing everything that went down, and how hesitant I was about the whole situation, she should’ve walked away from him, not bring him here.

  I’m sure if he really wanted to, and had half a mind to do so, he could’ve found out where I lived all on his own since it’s on all my paperwork. But as my friend, Amy should’ve laid down the law, told him to leave me alone. Then, if he went out on his own to find me, I could’ve gone to her to have my back. Heck, this whole thing could’ve been her idea for all I know.

  Finishing my bath, I don’t bother to put any clothes on. Since tomorrow’s Sunday, Amy won’t be over until late afternoon. Sunday’s are our lazy days. We sleep in and eat junk food on the couch while we do nothing but watch TV. However, with how angry I am, I may not answer the door for her. If she comes in using her key, I’ll ignore her.

  But probably not, because deep down, I can’t really blame her for this, even though I really want to. She was just doing what she thought was best for me. Damn her.

  Climbing under my covers, I close my eyes, but all I can see is his face. I think of the way he looked while I danced for him, when I moved off the stage and made my way toward him slowly. The way his eyes shined with unbridled lust and a need for me that made me dizzy. Then I think of the way he looked when I told him who I was. I know that nothing good can come from this feeling I have for him. I may want him, more than I myself probably understand, but it can’t happen.

  ***

  Waking up the next morning, I don’t even open my eyes. I just lay there and dread the day. Maybe if I don’t completely succumb to waking up—opening my eyes, getting out of bed, or getting dressed—I won’t have to brave the world. Even if it is only my empty apartment. But after yesterday, seeing Dominic fill these walls with his aura, I don’t want to look at anything here. I know that everywhere I look, I’ll see him.

  Suddenly, I feel movement on my bed, just before someone touches my arm.

  “Ahhh!” I scream. I literally jump a foot in the air before landing on my bare butt on the floor.

  Laughter erupts throughout the room, and I instantly know who my bed companion is.

  I level her with a seething glare. “Amy! What the heck are you doing here? In my bed,” I ask angrily. She doesn’t answer because she can’t. She’s laughing and coughing so hard, I worry she’ll hack up a lung. Actually, I’d like to see that happen so I can laugh at her.

  When she calms down a bit and wipes the tears from her eyes, she looks at me and instantly stops laughing. The smile is wiped off her face and she’s looking at me curiously.

  “Why are you naked? Did someone have a little too much fun last night?” she asks, now seeming a little too excited for me.

  Remembering I never put clothes on after my bath last night, I reach up and try to grab the bed sheet, but she snatches it away.

  Covering my breasts as best I can with my hands and arms, I glare at her. “Give it to me.” I could just get up and get dressed, but that would make it hard to cover all the parts I need to in order to do that. I only have two hands.

  Smiling cruelly, she says, “I bet that’s what you begged for last night too.” This has her bouncing on the bed, giddy all over again. But when she sees I’m not finding any of this funny, she adds, “I’ll give it to you as soon as you tell me why you’re naked. Is it because a certain sexy someone took your clothes off with his teeth?” Before I can answer her, to tell her she’s wrong, she continues. “God, please tell me he did. Then give me all the dirty details, girl.”

  Yeah, she’s way too excited about this. I almost want to lie and tell her exactly what she wants to hear, then rip it all away when she’s flying on cloud nine for me, but I honestly have no idea what to say. I highly doubt I could make anything sound believable.

  Looking down, I tell her exactly what happened. “I’m naked because I didn’t feel like getting dressed after my bath last night. I was completely drained and just wanted to sleep.”

  When I glance up at her, I’m surprised to see an even bigger smile than before gracing her face.

  “What?” I ask when I start getting creeped out. It was just a bath for crying out loud. She’s making it look like it was a bath with two men.

  Throwing the covers at me, she bounces on the bed. “Yeah, I bet you were worn out. A man like that would wear me out just looking at him.”

  My mouth drops open, wondering how she came to that conclusion, then I realize I didn’t specify enough to her and her dirty mind.

  “Get your head out of the gutter, Amy. Nothing like that happened. He was here for not even five minutes. He left, I took a bath, and went to bed. Alone,” I emphasize the last word, making it abundantly clear nothing happened.

  Her face drops and she looks at me like I just stole candy right out of her hands. “Wait, what? Nothing happened? Not even a kiss?”

  “Nothing. He barked at me for telling him who I was and not sticking around after to hear him label me more. I told him exactly how I felt, then he left. His parting words were for me to stay away from him, and I think he’s right. Maybe for the kind of man he is, I am too good for him. We’re two totally different people.” Remembering his words hit me again like a boulder. I should be grateful he feels that way because it takes it out of my hands. And hopefully, it means I won’t be seeing him around anymore.

  “He said that?” she asks, appalled.

  “Pretty much,” I confirm with sadness in my voice, but I can’t help it. This is what he does to me; makes me angry, giddy, then let down.

  Abruptly, Amy gets off my bed and starts walking toward my bedroom door. Looking up, I stand with the sheet in front of me and ask, “Where are you going?”

  I can’t describe the look I see on her face, but I know I don’t like seeing it there and directed at me. “I’m going home.” That’s all she says.

  Before she can fully turn around, I take a step toward her, the sheet firmly wrapped around my body. “What? Why?”

  Sighing, like she’s exasperated with me, she turns around once more. “Because, Angel, I can’t be here right now. You preach and rage about him making assumptions about you, based off of small details of your life. Yet, here you are, doing the exact same thing.”

  “Wha—” I start, but I can’t finish. I’m completely thrown off by here statement. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I try again. “That’s not what I’m doing, Amy. You don’t know—”

  “What I know is that you say he judged you when you first met. I get that, and I even get why it hurt your feelings. But he’s here now, he knows who you are, yet you’re completely dismissing him before things can get cleared up. I don’t know what was said last night, Angel, but I do know what I see. That was a man desperate to find you, to talk to you about what happened. So he may have said things in the heat of the moment, but I don’t think for a second that he would have made the same mistake as he did when you first met.”

  She turns around and walks out the door, but before she’s completely out of sight, she says with her back to me, “Maybe he said it because he thinks he’s a bad person. Because he honestly t
hinks that you wouldn’t want him for the man he is. Maybe what you heard was what your pride wanted to hear, and not what he was telling you.” Seconds after she’s out of sight, I hear my front door close.

  How is it that in less than twenty-four hours, two people have walked away from me, upset with me or with the situation I’ve left for them?

  The rest of the day I spend in front of the TV, eating junk food. I’ve laughed, cried, and been angry. So much so, that I now feel like there’s nothing left of me. No emotion left to spare for anything, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe that’s exactly what I need right now—to live in the numbness, until something makes enough sense to feel again, no matter what the feeling might be.

  ***

  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday are spent at the gym. I took a few new classes for self-defense, attended my usual pole dancing class, and even added another after the teacher informed me of an accelerated class that she thought I’d do well in. It was hard at first, but I’m glad I did it. Not only was she right and I did well, but it kept my mind off other things.

  My mind’s been pleasantly numb. The only things that matter are my daily routines and the things that are necessary during the day, like eating, going to the bathroom, and sleeping.

  I haven’t seen or spoken to Amy since she left my apartment Sunday morning. I don’t know if she’s locked herself away, or if I just haven’t seen her, but I hear no movement past her door when I walk past, and I never run into her.

  Since my body and mind are blissfully numb to everything but what I’m doing, it doesn’t faze me. I don’t try to see her or try to talk to her. I’m not sure if she was right or wrong, but right now, what’s best for me is to close myself off. So, that’s what I’ve been doing.

  Today I have to prepare myself to go back to work. I’m a little nervous. Amy will be there, and I’m not sure how we’re going to act around each other after our little disagreement. But I’m also worried that Dominic will show up too, and if he does, I’m not sure how either of us will fare if we have words again.

  Instead of worrying, I work on a new dance routine. I haven’t found the right song for it yet, but it has more of an erotic feel to it. I’ve never had sexual relations with someone, or experienced anything erotic in any way, but that’s what this dance feels like to me.

  The dance is sexy, sensual, and has a harder edge to it. When I’m working on it, I feel like a Goddess. I feel irresistible, and that’s amazing. I feel like I did when I danced for Dominic that night in the VIP room. It’s the first real feeling I’ve had in days, other than physical exhaustion. It’s a step up, and one I’m not going to shy away from, no matter how new it feels.

  When it’s time to get ready to leave, I get dressed, grab my bags, and hesitate when I pick up my phone to call a cab. Amy and I always ride to work together, whether it’s in a cab or with one of the girls. But today, I don’t know what to do. Should I knock on her door, ask if she’s ready like nothing happened? Or go to work by myself and carry on like I have been?

  Unable to come up with the right way to go about it, I call a cab and walk out the door, stopping to listen outside of Amy’s door.

  I don’t hear anything, but I knock anyway. If she’s not here, at least I can say I tried.

  My face falls a little when there’s no answer. I can’t help it. Riding to work together is our routine. It’s painful to think that we may not have that anymore. That our friendship may be ruined because I couldn’t get over the past bitterness that plagues me.

  Just as I’m about ready to admit defeat and head off to work by myself, thinking she’s already gone without me, the door opens. No sound alerted me to her walking toward the door. It just opened, making me jump.

  There she stands with her bag in hand, ready for work, like it’s any other day.

  Thrown off guard, I stumble over my words. “I, uh…I already called a cab. It should be waiting downstairs for us.”

  Stepping past the threshold, she closes and locks the door behind her. “Good.”

  We don’t say another word the whole way to work, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s as if the time apart was what we both needed, and now we’re both moving forward, together. I’m not naïve enough to think that we won’t need to talk about what happened. It’ll come, but perhaps it can wait until the end of the night.

  I was able to finish my first routine without any sign of Dominic. I even went out to the bar to get a bottle of water a few times—okay, I was really looking for him, but I also needed the water—but there was still no sign of him. I couldn’t help but feel more and more lost each time I realized he wasn’t there. I guess that’s something I’m going to have to address sooner or later, but not tonight.

  The night goes by fast, and things seem normal with Amy and I, which I’m grateful for. I don’t have the energy to fight with her.

  Speaking of Amy, she comes waltzing into the dressing room with a smile from ear to ear.

  “Good luck out there,” she says, which has me a little worried. Why would she wish me luck?

  “Uh, thanks?” I squeak out, unsure of what else to say.

  I hear the DJ announce me, and as the music starts, I walk out to the stage, and the first face I see is his. Dominic is here.

  He sits there with what starts as uncertainty, but as he sees me enter the stage, I lock eyes with him and his expression changes. His look now is one of pure lust, and I want nothing more than to return it. But I can’t. Not yet. So instead, I do the only thing I can do. I dance.

  I dance for me, like I do every night, but something’s different tonight. As I’m on stage, doing a routine I’ve performed countless times before, I dance for him and him only. My eyes are only on him as I move my body in ways I’ve never moved it before. As I work my way closer to him, a smile takes over his face, like he knows what I’m doing.

  When I finish, I stop in the dressing room to grab my robe and see Amy sitting on my chair. “I saw that,” she says, smiling.

  Unable to hide my own smile, I reply. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Putting on my robe, I begin to leave the room, needing to go back out there and see Dominic again, when I hear her laugh. “Sure you don’t.”

  I pause, but only for a second, then continue out to the bar.

  When I get there, I don’t see him anywhere. It’s as if he watched me dance, then left.

  I want to feel angry at him, but I don’t. Maybe I even understand it a little.

  At the end of the night, Amy and I return home and have a good long talk about everything. I explain to her that he makes me insane and I can’t think straight. I’m like a different person where it concerns him. But I do realize that she was right. I’m going to fix it. I’m not sure how or when yet, but I will fix it.

  We fall asleep holding hands on my couch. The rum and tea after a long and emotionally draining day was apparently too much for us.

  The rest of the weekend goes on almost identically, apart from Amy and I talking again and getting ready for work together as we usually did. But every time I make my way onto the stage for my routines, Dominic is there for every one of them, and he’s the only one I see while I dance. It’s as if while I’m on stage, I’m connected to him. We understand each other and want the same things. I feed off of him and he feeds off of me.

  And then he’s gone. Whether he leaves while I’m in the back or I watch him walk out the door, the end result remains the same. I’m left feeling empty and alone. I can’t do anything to change it. I’m not even sure if I want to.

  For weeks, this is the way we carry on, neither of us willing to make a move. Him just watching me, while I watch and dance for him. Until Amy’s had enough.

  “This shit needs to stop. It’s like foreplay; pleasurable, but not satisfying.”

  Her statement makes me laugh. Every bit of advice t
hat comes out of her mouth seems sexual somehow. I don’t know how she does it.

  “I don’t know what I can do, Amy. He only stays to watch me dance. He’s not interested in talking, or anything else for that matter.”

  “Well, why don’t you do something about it?”

  I think about that for a long moment. I do want to do something, but I’m unsure if I should. What can I do? The few times we were in the same room with each other and talked, it turned out to be horrible. I say things I don’t mean, or what I do mean doesn’t come out right. It’s a nightmare waiting to happen.

  And therein lies the problem.

  “When I talk to him, things get out of control. It hasn’t turned out well, as you already know.” Amy has to understand. I’ve broken down every conversation, word for word, so she knew what I was talking about and what had happened. She has to know that talking is the problem.

  “Then talk with your body,” she says with a smile on her face.

  Chapter Twelve

  Torq

  Jumping on my bike, I head to the clubhouse. Bear called a meeting and I’m pissed. I have no idea what it’s about, since he didn’t care to give me any details when he called. I hope it doesn’t last too long. I have to get to Bottoms Up for my daily dose of Angel.

  We’ve been playing this game for a while now. Every night the club is open, I go and watch her dance for me. I sit in my usual spot and get a thrill out of seeing her up there, eyes on mine, as her body moves only for me.

  My cock seems to be in a perpetual state of aching hardness. It adds a whole new level to the term blue balls. But I don’t mind the pain. If anything, I seek it out. I live for it now. Any pain she inflicts on me, even mentally, I will gladly accept.

  I’ve made this game my mission. I told her I wasn’t good for her, and I meant it. But I also said that for another reason. I want her to want me, the same way I want her. The way she teases me on that stage is exactly what I’m doing to her. I show up, I watch her, and I leave without a word. I know I’m fucking with her head, but I want her to make the decision and come to me.