by Taylor Rylan
Unpacking and looking around Jasper’s house took a lot longer than I’d anticipated because before I knew it, Jasper was walking in the door with a pizza box with a small bag on top. I hoped there were breadsticks in that bag. I wanted to run over and kiss him but I still wasn’t sure what he'd be comfortable with so I just stayed where I stood and watched him. He walked over to me and did exactly what I wanted. He kissed me. It was sweet and tender, and so unlike most of Jasper’s previous kisses.
Grasping for anything to say, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind and cringed at how domestic it sounded. “Welcome home. How was work?"
“Damn, I knew I should've shouted ‘honey, I’m home’ when I opened the door.”
I shrugged. I knew I sounded lame. “Sorry, Jasper, I’m just a little nervous. A little unsure right now.”
“Why don’t we eat pizza and breadsticks and we’ll talk about that. Alright?”
“Sounds good. Did you want me to get drinks and plates?”
“That'd be great. I need to put my bag down in the office anyway. Thanks.”
When Jasper came back out of the office, I had the plates and drinks already on the table. This wasn’t the first meal we shared together so I didn’t know why it felt so different; why I felt so unsure. Jasper seemed aware of how I was feeling because he walked to me and hugged me. “Relax. You’re here and I’m thrilled. I want you here. Now that you’re here, I’m not letting you go so get used to it.” I felt goosebumps forming on my skin when he whispered in my ear. He gave me a knee-buckling kiss. If he hadn’t had his arms wrapped tightly around me, I bet I'd have fallen. “That’s a better welcome home kiss. Now, are you ready to eat?”
All I could do was nod because he once again rendered me speechless. When we sat down to eat we talked about Jasper’s day from hell and about my day spent unpacking and putting off to reorganize the office.
Jasper put his slice of pizza on his plate and looked straight into my eyes. “Not that I’m complaining, but what made you decide to come back to Crooked Bend so soon? How long are you planning on staying this time?”
“Didn’t you already ask me that last night?”
Jasper looked perplexed, but nodded. “Yeah, I did, and I told you that I wanted you here always and you said done.” Ahh. That’s why he was perplexed. He wasn’t sure what I meant.
I let that sink in for a little bit before I answered Jasper. He said he wanted me there and I knew I wanted to be there with him so hopefully he was serious and would let me stay. If not, I didn’t have any foreseeable problems with getting my own place for a while. I knew I could find a place in Jackson. That was a hell of a lot closer to Jasper than Seattle was.
“You’re here to stay then? Don’t tease, Liam. I’m serious. I want you to be with me. Here with me. I know it’s fast, but I’m willing to go all in. I hope this means you are too.”
“I want to be here with you. I talked to Rhett and he really helped me clear up some things. He made some really good points. Life is short and so unpredictable, Jasper, and we never know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Like Rhett said, if we have a chance at something, we should take it. It’s not like we’re both kids just out of school. I’m twenty-five and you’re thirty. We’re more established in our careers and I hope I didn’t misread things when I say we’re both looking for a long-term, serious commitment.”
“You didn’t misread my intentions, Liam. We’re both looking for the same thing. I’ve never been in a relationship before but with you, there is something about you that won’t let me let you go. There’s so much I want with you. I’m more than willing to talk about all of it after dinner if you like. We can sit on the couch or cuddle in bed and talk. I’m good with either.”
“After dinner works for me. I have to call Rhett though. He made me promise to call him later this evening.”
“That’s perfect because I needed to call and see if I could talk to Travis for a few minutes, anyway. His cousin is an architect and I wanted to see if he was looking for a new job in a new location, specifically Jackson." Jasper couldn’t contain a small laugh; he knew how ridiculous that sounded. But, if they were considering hiring a third architect, that was a good thing. It meant that they were busy and if they had a third architect, Jasper would have more free time.
“That works for me. We’ll do that after dinner and then settle down for a chat.”
My call was a success. Rhett was happy for both me and Jasper and promised to not tell anyone until we were sure things were going the way we expected. Travis promised to talk to his cousin Collin and give him contact information for the brothers. He was currently working for a firm in Alabama and wasn’t happy there so it was promising that he'd be willing to relocate.
I managed to get Jasper into the shower for a long, hot shower. After, we decided to chat in bed. It was warm and comfortable. It wasn’t like we weren’t going to end up there anyway, so why not? Although I really wasn’t expecting the conversation to go the direction it did.
Jasper started us off. “About that all in comment I mentioned earlier, what do you think?”
“Well…” Nothing like a pregnant pause to build up the suspense. I giggled when Jasper fidgeted, waiting for my answer. “As I said earlier, I’m all in too, Jasper. I packed up my apartment, turned in the keys, and moved to Wyoming.”
“You packed up your apartment and left?” Jasper seemed surprised by this. I nodded and he continued. “Okay, you know this house is a rental. We can stay here, or, and I know it’s insanely fast, but what do you think about buying a house? Together. It’s a huge step. I’m fully aware. If you’re unsure, I’m still going to buy a house. I’ll want you with me, even if you aren’t ready to commit to buying a house. I want something bigger and more modern. Nothing too crazy but something between here and Jackson would be great. Sean and I have discussed opening a satellite office here in Crooked Bend because the trip to Jackson in the winter can be dangerous, or even impossible sometimes.” He paused there. I think he was giving me time to process it. After what he thought was an appropriate amount of time, he continued. “What do you think? Would it be something you might be interested in?”
“Wow, that’s so not where I expected this to go.” I lifted my head and looked at him, face-to-face. “It’s not that I don’t want a commitment. I do. I really do. You’re so much more established in your career than I am and I don’t know that I'd be able to contribute much toward buying a house, Jasper. I have some savings, but you’ve had more time than I have, and I’ve been on my own since I was eighteen so everything I’ve gotten was all on my own and that hasn’t really given me a whole lot of time to build up my savings. I’m sorry.” By the end of my unfortunate response, I couldn’t look Jasper in the eye.
I wasn’t ashamed of what I did, nor was I unhappy. I just didn’t come from the same type of family as Jasper. I didn’t have the same privileges he did growing up. I sure as hell didn’t have the capital to be able to afford to purchase a house. I’d only been out of college for three years. Sure, I started writing full time my sophomore year. I’d been publishing books for five years, but I definitely wasn’t an architect.
Jasper gently placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. “Hey now, look at me. Seriously, none of that. I didn’t ask you because I expected or wanted you to pay for half of the house. Sean, Rhett, and I all have a trust that we can use for that. It was given to us by Dad’s parents. I asked because I wanted to know if you wanted to move into a house we could call ours. A home we pick out together. One we can add your furniture to if you want. One that we’ll live in together. And, if Sean’s rules are to be adhered to, one that has a fireplace. I guess he and Simon use their fireplace a hell of a lot.” Jasper smirked at me.
“That sounds perfect. My furniture will be here later this week. I was going to put it into storage until I found somewhere to live if you didn’t want me here. I don’t know what you had in mind for size of a house, but I don�
��t have a whole lot, anyway. My Seattle apartment was a one-bedroom, and it was full with my things.”
“Great! I’ll contact the Realtor and see what she has on her radar. I want us to pick it together, okay? It’s going to be your home, too. You have just as much say in what we choose as I do, alright?”
“Alright.”
Jasper’s mood seemed to lighten up a little. He tightened his grip on me and opened his mouth to talk. “Now, you were gone an entire week, exhausted last night, but it’s still early and I've this little trouble, well, maybe not that little, that I bet you know just how to fix.” Jasper rolled over a bit and thrust his hips upward, pressing his steel-hard shaft against my thigh.
“Little issue? Cupcake, I wouldn’t say there is anything little about you, at all. You’re right though, I know just how to fix it." Without wasting another single minute, I dove under the covers to get reacquainted with Jasper’s little issue.
17 — Jasper
Knowing that Liam and I were in a committed, exclusive relationship made me think about a lot of things. He knew I had a past, just like I knew he had one before me. I believed my past was so much worse than his. I hoped it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for us. In order for us to be able to truly commit to each other, I felt that I needed to let him know about Rupert and the fallout from that. With that in mind, I set about the best way to approach the difficult conversation.
I knew the sooner we talked the better. The more time I spent with him, the more attached I became and the less I'd be willing to give him up. I figured after a nice dinner I could breach the subject. I made sure to leave work early enough to stop at the store. I had to get some supplies to cook Liam’s favorite meal, chicken Alfredo. I knew it wasn’t going to be nearly as good as what he was used to getting in Seattle, but I was going to give it my best effort. Hopefully I'd get some points for that.
Dinner turned out to be pretty good thanks to the Food Network app on my phone. Liam thoroughly enjoyed it. I already knew he had a thing for garlic bread sticks so I stopped and picked up a double order of them from the Italian place in town. My guy truly loved bread sticks. I had to chuckle about that. After dinner, I refilled our wine glasses and took the bottle to the living room. I situated myself on the couch and prepared to tell Liam what it was that I needed to. I hoped and prayed that this didn’t backfire on me. For the first time in my life, I wanted a relationship. I know I’d asked Rupert if we could be in a relationship, but now, a decade later, I realize that I didn’t want a relationship with him. He was my first and the nature of our arrangement definitely wasn’t healthy.
Once Liam joined me on the couch, my stomach roiled and it took effort to keep dinner down. Maybe we should've done this before we ate. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this nervous. Liam seemed to pick up on it because he was asking me if I was alright. I should be asking him that. I probably would be by the time I was finished.
Liam frowned and scooted close to me. “Are you okay? You seem a little nervous. You know we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We both know we had a past before. We don’t have to do this. I’m okay with leaving the past in the past and going on from when we met.”
“I know, and I appreciate that, but I need to clear the air on some shitty things in my past. If I don’t, it’s always going to be in the back of my mind bothering me. I just hope, by the time I’m finished, you still want to be with me.”
Liam pulled back. He looked upset. “Seriously, Jasper? You think that hearing about the guys you’ve slept with will make me want to not be with you? I know you were, as Rhett put it, a complete commitment phobe who brought several guys home each month.”
I couldn’t help the snort that came out of my mouth at hearing the phrase several guys each month. I knew it was way more than just several guys each month. “We’ll get to that in just a bit, alright? For now, I want to start at the beginning. One that started while Sean and I were at university. Growing up, we went to private school. After graduation, we enrolled directly into a university. I had my first sexual encounters while in college. I wouldn’t call myself a late bloomer.” I chuckled. “I was quite acquainted with my hand, as well as toys, but I hadn’t found a guy that I wanted sexually until I saw Rupert for the first time.
“Rupert wasn’t what you would've thought I'd be attracted to. He was one of the architecture professors. He was older, well into his forties, sophisticated, and very commanding. I made it known immediately that I found him attractive. He didn’t return my interest at first. I tried for months and months to get his attention but, nothing. Then, one day right before winter break, he asked me to meet him in his office during office hours to discuss my final assignment. I worked hard on that assignment and was worried about my grade so I was nervous when I went to his office during the allotted time.”
“He didn’t want to talk about your assignment, did he?” Liam asked when I paused to think about how best to describe what was about to happen in Rupert’s office.
“No, he didn’t. When I got there he got up and locked the office door while I sat. That made me so nervous. After he sat behind his desk, he stared at me for the longest time. I later came to realize that he was stroking his cock through his pants to get it hard while looking at me. I noticed what he was doing when he told me to get up and come to him on the other side of the desk. He pointed to the floor and commanded me to get on my knees and suck him off.
“Without a single objection, I did. I’d been so enamored with him for the past four months that I didn’t really think anything of it. It was the first time I’d given anyone a blowjob and according to him it was okay but needed work. He was willing to train me but I had to keep quiet about it. Being the young, naive, horny eighteen-year-old that I was, I readily agreed. What I didn’t realize was what exactly I was agreeing to. That day in his office I agreed, without knowing, to become his submissive, his sex toy.
“For two years I thought that what Rupert and I were doing was what I wanted. For two years I let him do just about everything imaginable to me. About a year into our ‘agreement,’ he started asking me to top him. It was the first time I was ever allowed to top, and I loved it. I thought that meant that he loved me and I was sure I loved him by that point. I was wrong. So, so wrong. For a year, I was at his beck and call and fucked him after he took me roughly. I thought that’s how it worked. I thought that was just how our relationship worked.
“I found out that it wasn’t a relationship at all. The house he always told me to meet him at? He rented it under another name. I was just one of many of his students who he was fucking. We didn’t know about each other because we were only ever allowed to come to the house on our assigned day. There were only a few he let fuck him, and I was one of them, but that didn’t mean anything. It just meant I had a big enough dick for him. When I asked him two years in if we could take our relationship to the next level and come out together as a couple, he laughed at me and told me we weren’t in a relationship at all.
“That’s when I found out he was married to a woman. She was from what you’d call old money. He popped out a few kids with her and kept her happy enough that she didn’t really care that he taught night classes when in truth he was fucking several of his students while he was supposedly teaching. Anyway, after he tied me to his bed and fucked me with so little lube that I was quickly sore, then rode me until I was completely spent and lost my erection, for whatever reason I thought it would be a good time to ask about our relationship. I was wrong.”
Liam seemed tremendously upset with what I was telling him, but not upset with me. He was upset for me. “What happened? Were you alright? You said he fucked you raw, as in without lube or it took so long that you got sore? You know what? Never mind. Forget I asked because I really don’t need to know.”
“I don’t mind telling you. It was both. He was fond of using very little lube when topping and using none when bottoming. He liked pain and didn’t care if his partners did or no
t. Since I was so young, it wasn’t difficult to get me hard, nor for me to stay hard once he put a cock ring on me. The point is he used me, just like he used everyone else. He was a closet gay that was only interested in himself and what he wanted. When I found out he was married, I just about puked. I'd never knowingly cheat or be the other person. That really messed with my head. That part affected me deeper than knowing he’d used other students like he’d used me. He liked students that were young and gullible. I was both.
“I’d heard enough and stood to leave. He grabbed me and wouldn’t let me. He’d gotten rough with me over the past two years but never like that. He tried to force me to give him a blowjob before I left and I told him no, that I was finished and we were through. I tried again to leave and he grabbed me again. This time he punched me on the side of the head and told me we were only through when he said so and then again demanded a blowjob. Since he’d hit me, I fell to my knees. When I was knocked off balance and he grabbed my chin and tried to shove his dick in my mouth, I reached up and grabbed his balls and twisted, hard. He screamed like a stuck pig and let go. He fell to the floor. I managed to get out of the room and dressed enough to leave.”
I stopped talking. I needed a break, and I needed some more courage. I downed another glass of wine in several large gulps, I looked over to Liam to see if I could gauge his reaction to what I’d just told him. The last thing I expected was to see tears in his eyes. Worried about him, I shakily reached for his arm and asked what was wrong. I was worried he was disgusted and upset but he completely shocked me when he told me how he was feeling.
“Oh, Jasper. None of that was your fault. You were young and naive, just like you said. You didn’t really know what he was doing,” Liam told me while giving me a tight hug.