by Taylor Rylan
“Yeah, but that’s not the worst part of my history, Liam. Because of the betrayal that Rupert put me through, I refused to commit to anyone for the next ten years. I’ve been with lots and lots of men, Liam. And I do mean lots. I’ve never let another man dominate me like that again and I only ever fuck men once, maybe twice if they’re really good and then that’s it. I’ve become him. I used men for my own pleasure.”
“Tell me something, Jasper. Did you tell any of those men you hooked up with that you were looking for anything other than just that, a hook up?”
“No, I was always very upfront about what we were doing. I always let them know it was for one night and one night only and that was it. They all seemed okay with that.”
“Then what’s the problem? They knew the situation and still participated. Is it because there had been so many?”
“In part, yes. That doesn’t bother you?”
“Well, you were safe, right? You’re tested regularly, right?”
“Yes. Plus, I’ve always used a condom; even with Rupert we always used condoms. I’ve gotten tested every four to six months. I’m on PrEP, just because you never know. Condoms break. Things happen and it is better to be safe than sorry. Better to be prepared.” I put up the first three fingers of my right hand in a Boy Scout salute when I quoted their slogan.
“So you’re negative then?”
“I've always tested negative. My last test was in December, right before I met you and the results were negative then as well. Since I first saw you, I haven’t even wanted another man, let alone been with one.”
“Then I don’t see what the problem is. You have a past, Jasper. For ten years, you slept with lots and lots of men. As long as you keep it to you and me while we’re in this relationship and nobody else, then just leave the past in the past. You said you would never knowingly cheat. Well, don’t cheat on me. That is the deal breaker in my book. No cheating? No problem. If I catch you cheating on me, I’ll castrate you like you tried to do to Rupert.”
I couldn’t help but cringe and cover my balls when Liam threatened that. I happened to be quite fond of them and prefer them right where they are. I wouldn’t give him any reason to do anything of the sort. I was with Liam by choice. I wanted to be in a relationship with him and only him.
I was a little behind my brother Sean. He’d done the same as me last summer, He’d grown tired of the countless number of hook-ups and one-night stands. Finally, I was tired of the clubs and the barely legal boys that didn’t know what the hell they were doing. I wanted something permanent. I wanted something stable. I wanted quiet dinners at home, and long soaks in the tub. I wanted to binge-watch Game of Thrones while cuddling on the couch. I wanted all of that, but only Liam. I know I’ve only known him for a few months, but just like when Dad met Papa and Sean met Simon, I knew. He was it for me, my choice, and my chance.
I’d waited too long to get a taste of him. I grabbed Liam around the waist and pulled him onto my lap. He willingly followed, quickly straddling my legs. Once I placed one hand at the nape of his neck, the other cupping his cheek, I pulled his lips to mine and got my taste. He tasted exactly like I expected. Like garlic bread sticks, red wine, and something else that was just Liam. “How did I ever get so lucky to find a guy like you?”
18 — Liam
I would never get enough of Jasper’s kisses. Whether they were gentle and sweet or an all-consuming claiming, I'd never say no to them. He had kissing down. He knew how to do it. Lucky me! I was the one he was kissing. But, I knew it was a night to come clean. I knew that I needed to tell him about my past. After all, he told me about his, it was only fair that he heard about mine. He knew about Mike, but he didn’t know about my other boyfriends. Or any of the hook-ups in between. He needed to. He needed to know that I hadn’t been an angel, and that I wasn’t as inexperienced as it seemed he thought I was. With great reluctance, I pulled away from the jock strap melting kiss and crawled off of his lap.
“Hey, come back here,” Jasper said while reaching for me when I crawled to the other end of the couch.
I shook my head and pushed his hands away. “Not yet. You talked, now I get to.”
Of course, Jasper took the high ground and didn’t want me to feel compelled to tell him about my past. “Liam, you don’t have to. I wanted you to know about my past because I wanted to be sure you could live with it. I don’t care about your past. You’re here now and to me, that’s all that matters.”
I knew, however, that I needed to get things off my chest, too. Full disclosure. “I felt the same about your past, Jasper. It didn’t matter to me but I listened when you told me your story. Now I’m going to insist that you hear about mine. Sit there and listen, okay?" The last thing I wanted was to get pushy, but I could if I needed to. Rhett told me to make sure that I didn’t let Jasper steamroll me. This was me keeping control. He got to talk, now it was my turn.
“You already know about my parents and how they dumped me when I went to college at seventeen." Jasper acknowledged with a nod. It was a topic we breached after Rhett had been kidnapped. He didn’t interrupt so I continued. “Well, what I didn’t say at the time was that, they dropped me off with just my bags for college and about a thousand dollars cash and told me that they’d done their part and kept me alive. They were adamant that I needed to be straight for them. Since I wasn’t, they disowned me. They called me an abomination. An abomination! They seemed to have a complete unabridged dictionary of derogatory names for me and used every one of them. There was no way they could have a gay son. They had been disappointed enough when I turned out to be so much smaller than my father and look less masculine. When they found out I’m gay and was never going to marry the girl they picked out for me it was more than they would tolerate. I was dumped off at the front of the college and haven’t heard from or talked to them since then. That is perfectly fine with me though. I felt lucky enough and was thankful that they at least took me to the college before dumping me. They could've just kicked me out onto the streets and they didn’t.
“I went to the admin office to see what I could do about changing my degree and to ensure I could keep my room in the dorm. I was fortunate and won a scholarship that covered almost all of my tuition and boarding. I’d already lined up a work-study gig in the library, without my parents knowing. It would cover what the scholarship didn’t. Because of all of that, because my parents disowned me, I was on my own from that point to this. Being alone and without real help, I started writing. At first just little short stories. After those, I got into fan-fiction-type stories. Then I advanced and wrote my first novella. To date I have over twenty novels that follow Officer Swanson, Detective Holloway, and their associates. I make a very comfortable living but I’m still frugal.
“Now you have the back story, but it doesn’t tell you about how I went a little crazy in college. When someone is stifled for so long, and they're finally given freedom, I did what a lot of people do, I went the complete opposite of stifled and went overboard. I carried a reputation for being easy. There were always guys looking for a quick fuck or blow job and I was always ready and willing." I stopped because of the shocked look on Jasper’s face. I guess he really did think I was an angel or something.
“Did you really think I’d only ever had sex with the three boyfriends you heard about? Think again, Cupcake.” I paused before continuing. “That’s not the point though. The point is, I’ve had threesomes and foursomes, and I was a willing participant in a couple of orgies. All kinds of freakiness goes on at some of those frat parties and I was always looking to party.
“After about a year, I decided that life wasn’t really what I wanted. My grades started slipping and that meant my scholarship could be in jeopardy. I quit partying cold turkey. I started focusing on school and on my writing. My channeled energy and frustration enabled me to come up with my best-selling characters.”
Jasper gasped. He looked like he was having a really hard time wrapping his head aro
und what I was telling him. “Wait a minute, you’re telling me that you’ve slept with more than the three guys I thought you slept with?" I thought his head was going to explode. His face turned red and he looked like he was constipated for lack of a better word.
His reaction made me angry. No, I was pissed. “What? You’re allowed to have a past and I’m not? That’s a little hypocritical, isn’t it?”
He looked at me with a blank stare, this time. “That’s not it. I’m just…processing.”
I wasn’t in the mood to calm down, but I forced myself to, anyway. “Well, process in a hurry, because I’m not finished.”
He took several deep breaths and his puce face turned a light pink before he spoke. “Alright, go on.”
I looked at him to be sure he was ready for me and started back up. “As I was saying, I calmed down and refocused. A few months later, I had my first real relationship. It lasted six whole months, but it was just the two of us. He moved on to someone who was a little more fun. Those were his words, not mine. I spent the next year without a boyfriend. I didn’t go out looking for, any hook ups, either. One day while I was re-shelving books at the library, I met my second boyfriend. He was lost and was trying to find a book. I later found out that he used the story as a cover to talk to me. I spent the next year with him until we both graduated. After graduation, I went to Seattle to live and work and he went on to grad school in California. We tried to make things work. Well, I did. He was in California with lots of willing guys. He decided I wasn’t there, wasn’t willing to move there, so he'd just sleep with those willing guys. There went dirt-bag number two.” I stopped for a minute to gauge Jasper’s facial expressions before continuing.
“I stayed single for the next year, working my ass off at a local bookstore while writing full time. I finally found someone willing to take a chance on my manuscript and things took off from there. I kept the job at the bookstore for a little longer as a precaution. I met Mike at the bookstore. We were together for almost two years before I met Rhett. For those first two years, he was a great boyfriend.
“There were signs but I just ignored them. There were times he'd get a little rough with sex, but he'd always apologize afterwards and say he was sorry that he got carried away. I always believed him. He was ‘out’ to his co-workers but he didn’t want them to know that he was dating me so I was never invited to any of his work functions. He always went with ‘friends.’” I used finger quotes for the end of my sentence.
“Are you saying that the people he took were more than friends?” Jasper asked after I mentioned Mike and all of the times he took another guy, Chris, to his work functions instead of me.
“Yeah, I imagine they probably were.” I shook my head. “I know they were. Like with the roughness, there were signs that things weren’t what I thought they were. There were several times that Chris would be over at Mike’s place when I got there. Mike always wanted to leave as soon as I arrived, to head to my apartment instead of staying at his. There were even times he wouldn’t let me in his apartment when the two of them were there together. Thinking back, that’s probably because they had just fucked in Mike’s bed and he didn’t have a chance to change the sheets yet. Chris was openly bi and in a relationship with a woman. I think Mike saw that as a challenge. He was one of those men who believed you were either gay or you weren’t; that a person couldn’t like both. I didn’t know that at first. He probably fucked Chris any chance he got.”
“You and Mike never lived together?”
“No, I always had my own place and he always had his. Like I said, there were signs that things weren’t right, but I chose to ignore them.”
“I agree. There was a real possibility that he was fucking Chris. Don’t be hard on yourself. It happens. I can tell you this, Liam. I'll never cheat on you. Ever. That’s not who I am. I want you to know that right now.”
I smiled up at my new boyfriend. “I believe you, Jasper.”
“When did things go bad? You said it had something to do with Rhett?”
“Yeah. Up until I met Rhett, Mike got all of my attention when I wasn’t working. When I met your brother, we clicked so well and became friends, I started hanging out with him in the evenings. Rhett and I'd go to the movies or we’d order pizza and hang out and watch crap TV or play video games. Mike turned overbearing and controlling when I wasn’t available every time he wanted to see me in the evenings. The more controlling he got, the more abusive he got.
“I tried my best to deal with his abrupt personality change for several more months. I didn’t even break up with him until he beat me unconscious because Rhett and I wanted to go see a play. I was so lucky that Rhett found me.
“I couldn’t remember what happened to put me in the hospital. I remember having an argument with Mike about going to the movies with Rhett and then he hit me and then nothing. I woke up in the hospital, Rhett was there with me. He found me when he came by so we could go to the movies. That was my wake-up call though. I told Mike we were through when I saw him next. I hadn’t heard from nor seen him for about a month when he forced his way into my apartment and beat and raped me. Again, Rhett found me. That time, I remembered everything until I was knocked unconscious. I pressed charges when I once again woke up in the hospital. The rest you know, because I ran here to Wyoming two weeks later." After all of that, I really needed a drink. A strong one, I wondered if Jasper had anything.
I felt my head spinning and my mouth turn dry. “By chance, do you happen to have anything stronger than the wine to drink? I could use a shot of something.”
“I’ve got some scotch if you want. That’s all I have though.”
“That works.”
“Alright, I’ll be right back in a sec.”
While Jasper was in the kitchen to get my drink, I took several deep breaths and thought about everything we disclosed. It was a lot. A whole hell of a lot. Most of it was ugly. I did admit that it was refreshing and quite cleansing to get things out in the open. I only prayed that Jasper could get past my former indiscretions as easily as I could his. If he couldn’t, there would be no us. He came back with two tumblers and a bottle of high-end scotch. He poured us each one and then held his up so I did the same. What he said both shocked and delighted me.
“Here’s to the past, and to leaving it there like you said we should. Here’s to the future. Our future, together. We both have made the choice to go into this all in and with our eyes wide open. Here’s to us, Liam." He clinked his glass to mine and threw back his shot of scotch. I did the same and then did the only think I could think of. I threw myself at him and attacked his mouth, his neck, anything I could reach.
Jasper picked me up easily and walked us to the bedroom with me wrapped around him. Once there, clothes seemed to fall off and we proceeded to show each other just how much we wanted each other.
19 — Jasper
Life was amazingly good when you shared it with someone. It didn’t take long for Liam and me to find a routine. He’d never lived with someone before but I had, even if it was with my brother and we definitely didn’t share a bedroom past our university years. I didn’t have any issues whatsoever with sharing a room with Liam. To tell the truth, I rather enjoyed it. It was nice to have someone to eat dinner with. I enjoyed having someone to talk to when I came home from work. It was wonderful having someone to sleep with and wake up next to. Because Liam worked from home, I made sure we had plenty of evenings out of the house. On the weekends, we always made plans to go places and do things.
There was always something to do in Jackson, so that’s where we spent a lot of our time. I found it ironic. After all, I’d left Jackson in order to get away from the club scene and everything that went with it.
Liam and I didn’t visit clubs. I’d asked him once if he wanted to go and he said no. I left it at that. We spent a lot of time on various ski slopes in the area. Growing up in Seattle gave Liam plenty of opportunity to ski, and he’d taken it.
We p
ut off looking for a house because we kept busy with work and outings. There really was no rush, but after discussing it more than once, it was something that we agreed we wanted to do, eventually. We even discussed the possibility of having a little cabin built for us. There was plenty of time to decide. We enjoyed hunkering down in the little rental house outside of Crooked Bend.
Spring arrived, and with it warmer weather. It was still cold, but no longer freezing unless you were on the slopes. With the warmer weather came more work. People didn’t understand that in order to get plans drawn up, you had to allow time. We were already loaded down with a steady stream of work, but in the spring, things became hectic. We really needed a third architect.
Simon asked me if he could take Sean away for a week or two in a few weeks before things became too crazy out at the ranch. I guess the stress Cammie put on him to plan the wedding was getting to him, and Sean needed a break, too. We managed to hire a full-time office manager, but Travis’ cousin Collin was under contract and couldn’t join our firm until around mid-July so that meant it was up to Sean and me until then. Since it was still only just the two of us, that meant I'd be the one running the show when Sean was away so I was looking at extra-long hours for a week or two.
I had seen the amount of stress Sean was feeling and I couldn’t say no. I knew he and Simon needed to get away for a bit.
Of course, no Sean meant longer hours at the office. I didn’t like the idea of being away from Liam so much. Not only did Simon and Sean not know that I was in a relationship with Liam, we weren’t exactly sure how to tell them. We weren’t hiding. After all, Rhett knew. We went out and about all over Jackson doing things.
When it came to Sean, I had a mental block that kept me from telling my twin that I was falling in love. We shared almost everything; we didn’t keep secrets for the most part—until Liam. I didn’t know if I could handle seeing the disappointment or wariness in Sean’s eyes when I told him. Since Rupert, I’d only ever had meaningless hookups. Liam was so much more than that. He was my everything. If Sean didn’t approve, it would destroy me because I knew I'd choose Liam.