“She’s post breakup. Janet used to pay for our cars, and when the lease on mine was up, I had to buy my own. Just like an adult,” she added, making a face.
“Since we don’t have the right to get married, shouldn’t we be immune to the pain of divorce?”
“You’ve got a point,” Noel said, smiling at Toni’s logic. “I’ll write my congressman.” She was suddenly overtaken by a wave of sadness and she leaned against Toni, shivering as she was wrapped in a tender hug. “I don’t want to leave,” she said, crying softly.
Toni was clearly choked up as well. “I don’t want you to go.”
Noel relished the hug for as long as she could. When she finally pulled away, she said, “I should go now. Traffic is pretty bad on Sunday night.”
Toni opened the back door and stowed Noel’s suitcases. She cleared her throat and said, “So, is this it?”
“Do you want it to be?”
“No, not at all. But if you’d rather have a clean break, I understand. It seems pretty clear we don’t have a real future together, but I can live with that—if you still want to see me.” Her chin was quivering when she added, “Even if you don’t want to be lovers, I hope you still want to be my friend.”
“I do,” Noel whispered. “I really do. Why don’t we just take things as they come? This probably isn’t the best time to make decisions about the future.” She tried her best to smile. “Maybe you’ll visit Baltimore some time and decide it’s exactly where you’ve always dreamed of living.”
Looking as earnest, and as vulnerable as Noel had ever seen her, Toni said, “How about Friday?”
***
Noel spent the first ten miles of her drive crying. Crying wasn’t her natural response to most troubling situations. In fact, she’d taken more than a little criticism through her life from people who called her unemotional or non-empathetic. While she understood it could look that way, she thought she was just stoic. Nonetheless, she didn’t feel at all stoic today.
By the time she reached the Maryland border she felt in control and she called April. “Are you busy?” she asked when her sister picked up the phone.
“A little. Ed’s mom and dad came over for a barbecue. I’m in the kitchen cleaning up while everyone else is outside having fun. Why? What’s up? You don’t sound like yourself.”
“I’m driving back home and I wanted some company.” She sniffed a little, unable to keep the sadness from her voice. “I’m lonely.”
“I’ll call you back in two minutes. Is that okay?”
“I can call Teresa or Nancy or Karen if you’re busy. Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m calling you back in two minutes. Bye-bye.”
Noel pulled over to the shoulder and found her headset microphone. She had a feeling they’d be on the phone for a long time, and she wanted to be prepared.
April called back a few minutes later. “The decks are cleared. I’m upstairs in my room and the door is locked. I’m all yours. Now, tell me why you’re lonely.”
“Because of Toni. We had the nicest weekend together, April. I could just kick myself for wasting most of the summer. If I’d only taken your advice…”
“Tell me what happened.”
“You were right. Her feelings for me had changed, too. But she thought I wasn’t seriously interested in her, so she didn’t say anything. Now the summer’s over, and I feel like we just had our first real night together.”
“Isn’t that good? You’ve got to start somewhere.”
“Where? I could see having a long distance relationship with someone I was already committed to. But that’s not where we are. She’s admittedly phobic about being in a relationship, and neither of us wants to live where the other one lives. Again, that might be different if we were madly in love, but it’s too early for that. I’m not going to move away and do something I don’t like on the off chance that this could work out, and neither is she.” She sighed heavily, still sounding like she might cry. “I think I’m most upset because I let a good chance get away.”
“Where did you leave things?”
“Pretty up in the air. I couldn’t bear to say goodbye so I suggested she might come to Baltimore some day to visit.”
“That’s pretty vague, Noel. Why weren’t you more specific?”
With a soft laugh Noel said, “I didn’t have to be. She volunteered to come next weekend. That’s why I’m not more depressed. I can’t see how it will work, but she’s not ready to give up, and I’m not either.”
Part Ten
Toni had to work a full day on Friday and she didn’t leave Rehoboth until seven o’clock that evening. She called Noel at ten-thirty and asked, “Can you act like an air traffic controller and guide me?”
“I’m more than happy to.” Toni was very close, and Noel spent a few minutes directing her to her parking space. She was standing in front of it when Toni pulled in. Rolling the window down, Toni said, “You don’t have to give me your parking spot. I can find something.”
“I know where the good spots are hiding.” She swallowed, and made herself say what she was feeling. “And I wanted you here as soon as possible.”
Toni turned off the car and got out. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she had her arms around Noel, holding her tight. “I missed you. I kept reminding myself that this week was just like some of the other weeks we’ve had. Ones where I worked a lot but knew I’d have time to hunt you down on the weekend. But this was different. Really different. I hated it.”
Noel lifted her head and looked into Toni’s eyes. “I think we’ve been more open in the last two minutes than we were in the last two months.” She kissed her quickly. “Let’s keep that up.”
***
They went into the apartment building and Noel led Toni up through the admittedly dark stairwell to reach her third floor unit. Toni stopped in the entryway and looked around. “This is cute. I’ve been to Baltimore a lot, but I don’t know anybody who lives here. Until now, that is. I like how people have redone a lot of the older housing stock.”
Noel took her hand and led her through the small living room and kitchen, then into the even smaller bedroom. “I grew up in the suburbs, and one of the things I have to thank Janet for is getting me acclimated to living in the city. We lived on Federal Hill, which isn’t very far from here.” She chuckled softly. “Just far enough so that the odds are not good that we’ll run into one another. We bought a ridiculously run-down town house for a hundred and forty thousand dollars and spent almost two years renovating it top to bottom.” She walked over to the window and put her hand on the plain, ill-fitting trim that surrounded it. “We did things right. Not like this.”
“This is fine for a rental,” Toni said. She stood next to Noel and put her hand on the window frame. “Wow. They cheaped out on the windows.”
“They cheaped out on everything. But the rent isn’t too bad, and I can walk to school.”
“That’s worth a lot. But I bet your little car thinks you don’t love her. You didn’t drive her all summer, now you don’t drive her to work.”
“She’s a hybrid. She understands we’re trying to save the planet one gallon of gas at a time.” She giggled and started to take Toni’s shirt off her. “It’s late, and I know you’re tired. I’d better get you to bed.”
“It is late, but I’m not very tired. Having to pay attention to my driving kept me awake.”
“You don’t mind getting undressed, do you?”
“Not as long as I can undress you. That’s one of my favorite things.”
Noel gave her a warm smile and kissed her gently. “I’ve noticed that about you. You like to take all of my clothes off—except my bra. I wonder why that is?”
Toni grinned as she removed Noel’s blouse and pulled her against her chest. Moving side to side, she shivered. “I love the way your bra feels against my skin.”
Pinching her cheeks, Noel said, “That’s a very good line. The fact that my new bras give me some cleavag
e probably has nothing to do with it.”
“I’m weak. I can’t help but give in to my animal instincts. I’m crazy for breasts.” She leaned over and put as much of Noel’s breast into her mouth as she could, making a loud sucking sound when she pulled away. “It doesn’t bother you does it?”
“As long as I turn you on, I’ve got nothing to complain about.”
“Then you should never complain again because you make me crazy.” She bent down and swept Noel off her feet, making her giggle. She deposited her onto the bed and removed her jeans and panties. “I’ve been thinking about you all week,” she said, bracing herself above Noel. “Especially at night. I think about how you smell and how you taste.” She let her eyes roll around in every direction. “Makes me nuts.”
“And what do you do about that, you naughty girl?”
Toni chuckled and placed a quick kiss on Noel’s lips. “Nothing. I start thinking about you then I fall asleep before I can do anything about it. I obviously bore myself. But I’m wide awake now, and ready for action.”
***
They stayed in bed until eight o’clock the next morning, a rarity for both of them. After a light breakfast, they got into the shower together, managing to get clean as well as to create a bruise or two from the confined space. “Did they buy that tub at a doll house?” Toni asked. “I’ve installed a lot of tubs, and I’ve never seen one that small.”
“I think the tub is original. People were obviously smaller in 1900.” Noel slid past Toni and opened the door. “I’m gonna dry off here in the hall, or one of us is gonna wind up with a black eye.”
“Let me.” Toni put her hands on Noel’s waist and maneuvered her back into the bath. “There’s something I’ve always wanted to do.” She was in too deep to back out now, but she felt like a fool. Noel was looking at her curiously, so she had to leap. “Would you mind if I blew your hair dry?”
Noel looked at her image in the mirror, and smiled. “I think it’s adorable that you want to do that. Of course I don’t mind.”
Score! She was so happy she started to babble. “I never had the chance before, and I felt a little silly asking, to be honest. I’m crazy about your hair. It’s one of my favorite things about you.” She kissed the top of Noel’s head, trying to slow down. Her attention was diverted and she cupped the breasts that once again captivated her. “I could lie and say it’s a toss-up, but the breasts win. They always win.” She lightly bit Noel’s neck. “I’m an animal.”
***
A half hour later, Noel tossed her hair, settling it against her shoulders. “Well, that was fun! But now I need to get in the shower again.” She draped her arms around Toni’s neck and kissed her tenderly. “If I’d met you when my hair was longer, we could have been in trouble.”
“We’re already in trouble. How long was it?” Toni asked, her eyes bright with interest.
“I’d better not tell you. I want to get out of here while the sun’s still up.”
***
The weather was hot and humid, fairly typical for Baltimore in early September. The principal at Noel’s school was going to be in her office and Noel had arranged to bring Toni by to show off her classroom. Her school was just about a mile away, and they started off, walking along the very quiet residential streets.
Even though she enjoyed just being able to be with Toni, and she knew there were probably thousands of things Toni would rather do, Noel thought it was time to get a few things out in the open. “Do you mind talking about us?”
“I’d love to. I’ve been thinking a lot about us.”
That was surprising, but good news. “Me too. I’ve been trying to think of ways we can stay close without driving ourselves and each other crazy, but it’s not easy.”
“That’s about the same conclusion I’ve come to.”
“Have you ever had sex with a friend?”
Toni smirked at her. “Versus an enemy?”
“No. You know what I mean. Have you had sex with someone where you tried to keep things casual? You know. Just sexual.”
“Uhm…yeah. That’s really not easy though. It’s hard for both to be in the same space emotionally. I think it works best when you’ve had a little bit too much to drink and your friend starts looking surprisingly sexy.” She shrugged, grinning. “It doesn’t happen all that often.”
“Hmm.” Noel didn’t speak for a few minutes, wondering if Heidi was one of the friends Toni turned to after she’d had a few too many. She conjured up a surprisingly lurid image of the two of them together and forced it out of her mind. “I told you I didn’t have any great ideas.”
“Why don’t we just take things slow and see what happens? That’s not ideal either, but I don’t think I could be casual about you.”
Noel grasped her hand and held it over her heart, smiling at her. “I don’t think I could either, and the idea of saying goodbye is…” The mere thought made her ill .
“Hey,” Toni said brightly. “I’ve got an idea. Let’s not talk about us.”
“Best idea you’ve had all day.” She gave her an intentionally sexy look. “Well, the best idea was to dry my hair, but this is a close second.” Everything was fine as long as they didn’t talk too much. But how long could that last?
***
By the time they arrived at Noel’s school, the principal was getting ready to leave, so they were only able to spend a few minutes. They toured Noel’s classroom, and took a peek at the teachers’ lounge. On the way home, Toni seemed contemplative. They had walked a long way when she said, “I assume most of the kids in your class are poor, right?”
“How did you guess?”
“Well, the building looks like it’ll hold up against a storm, but that it’d rather not. And you only have two computers for your whole class. Yuppies would never stand for that. My eldest nephew just started first grade and his school is nicer and has more resources than my high school did.”
“Yeah. One of the many challenges of urban teaching. I’ve been doing it long enough now that I don’t have many illusions left. I try to give all of the kids the same level of attention, but I know I’m wasting my time on some of them.”
“Even in third grade?”
“Sure. You can tell by pre-school. If the parents won’t get involved, it’s almost impossible for the kid. And every year I have a few. We’ve only been in session for a week, and I can already tell which ones they are.”
“It’s only been a week. Maybe the parents were really busy.”
Noel smiled gently. “A good parent is never too busy to make sure that their child is clean. One little guy looks like something the cat drug in. One of the girls told me that no one wants to sit by him because he smells.” She shrugged. “He does.”
“What do you do?”
“You do what you can. You try to find out if he’s getting fed and if there’s any abuse in the home. But you have to be careful. Getting the state involved can make things worse.” She reached over and took Toni’s hand, and squeezed it. “This probably sounds callous, but over time you stop trying to fight losing battles. If I’m confident a kid is being harmed, I’m not afraid to get other people involved. I’ve had to do it several times. But sometimes you just have to feel bad for a kid and hope things change.”
“It must be hard.”
“It was harder at first. Much harder. Now I try to make the day as interesting and challenging as I can for every kid. But I can’t take all of the sad cases home with me, and we don’t have a system that you can rely on to take over for bad parents.” She shivered visibly. “I can’t imagine how much the government would screw it up if they had more power.”
“But you still like it, even though it’s frustrating.”
Noel smiled, the satisfaction showing in her eyes. “I do. I’m certified to teach a higher grade, but I like sticking with primary school kids. Most of them aren’t aware that poor people don’t have a lot of value in our society.”
“I couldn’t do it,”
Toni sighed. “And not just because I’d want to take a lot of the kids home with me. I don’t even like supervising adults. I’ve got a lot of patience, but not much at all for bureaucracy.”
Noel patted her on the side. “Don’t ever go near a public school.”
***
They spent a couple of hours wandering along the streets between Noel’s school and her home on Butcher’s Hill. Noel’s body tensed and she took a quick left turn just as Toni spotted a few young men riding low-slung bikes and going up to the cars that inched along. “Drug dealers?” Toni asked, peering down the street. “Right out in the open?”
“Depending on the time of day, yeah, they’re very bold about it.”
“Time of day? What’s that got to do with it?”
“The police can’t be everywhere, and the dealers have lots of scouts further up the street. I never see them in the morning, but they’re out in force by noon.”
“Isn’t there a safer street to walk down?” Toni looked hesitantly back over her shoulder. “That makes me nervous.”
“It won’t last long. I’ll call my neighborhood watch group and the police will roust them. Then they’ll move a block or two away. It’s a cat and mouse game.”
“Maybe you should drive to work.”
“Toni,” Noel said gently, giving her a reassuring squeeze. “I’m alert and I try to stay out of trouble. But if there’s trouble, a car wouldn’t protect me much. It’s better to be vigilant, and I am.”
They continued to walk, with Noel noting that Toni had a death-grip on her hand. It wasn’t verbal, but that small gesture showed her how much Toni cared about her safety. Maybe they could figure out a way to make all of their communication nonverbal. They turned onto a street full of small restaurants, a couple of jazz clubs, and a few shops filled with baby clothes and fashionable women’s wear. “This is quite a change,” Toni marveled. “Drug dealers on one street and women pushing six hundred dollar strollers on the next.”
Susan X. Meagher - The Legacy Page 17