JEDSON: The Ruins of Emblem

by Brent, Cora

  “Son of a bitch.” Ryan was horrified. “Come on, I’ll drive you to the police station.”

  I had memories of the police station. And I knew who was in charge now. I couldn’t be dragged through the door with wild horses.

  “No,” I said. “No, I’m not going there.”

  “What do you mean no? You’re just going to let them walk away?”

  “I’m not going to the police station.”

  “Leah.” He made a helpless gesture, like he was talking to a dimwitted five year old. “You have to report this.”

  “Don’t tell me what I have to do.” I shook my head. “Englewood’s the chief.”

  The name meant little to him. “So what?”

  “So I had a run in with him before. And I’ll be damned if I go to him for anything.”

  Ryan tenderly took my hands in his. “Please let me take you there. They’ll haul in Gina and whoever was with her before they can sleep off their hangovers. I’ll go with you. I’ll call a lawyer so you have someone who’s there for you in a legal capacity. As for this Englewood character, he’s not the only cop in Emblem.”

  I took my hands away. “No! You can’t make me.” An immature thing to say. I didn’t care.

  Ryan sighed. The look he gave me next was so full of pity I wanted to cry. Then I touched my hair again and did begin to cry.

  “I fucking hate her,” I sobbed.

  Ryan slipped an arm across my shoulders. “You have every right to hate her.”

  He thought I was talking about Gina. I wasn’t talking about Gina at all.

  “She told everyone I did it to myself.”

  Ryan didn’t understand. “What?”

  “She told everyone I did it to myself! But I didn’t do it to myself.” I gulped for air, trying to string together the story that had been buried for so long. “She was mad at me. She had this expensive face cream that was custom made for her in New York. I used it because I kept having acne outbreaks and I thought it would help because she was so beautiful. So if used her things then I’d be beautiful too, right?”

  Ryan was silent. What kind of answer could he have given anyway? He kept his arm around my shoulders and listened. That was enough.

  “Anyway, she caught me,” I said. “She was furious but she didn’t do anything right away. She waited until a week later. I was standing at the kitchen sink and then she came up behind me and cut off a large section of my hair with sewing scissors. She said I’d taken something of hers so she had taken something of mine. And I was too much of a coward to stand up and contradict her when she told everyone I did it myself. Maybe it was easier, letting people believe that than to acknowledge that my mother was a witch who hated me.”

  “Shit,” Ryan muttered and for a second he couldn’t look in my direction. Then he turned his head. His eyes drifted down to my exposed bra but not because there was anything sexy about this. He stood up and removed his shirt, handing it to me. I accepted, glad to shrug free of my destroyed clothing. I slipped his shirt over my head. It smelled like him, warm and comforting.

  “What can I do?” he asked as he stood there bare chested and full of sympathy, such a marked departure from twenty four hours ago when he’d stood in front of me bare chested and full of hot arrogance.

  I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to risk my father seeing me like this. Ryan would take me to his house if I asked but I didn’t really want that either, didn’t want to pitiably sob on his couch all night long. My list of alternatives was somewhat limited and I was still so shaken up I had little faith in my driving ability.

  “My friend Cadence,” I said. “Can you take me to her house please?”

  He did not hesitate. “Absolutely.”

  Ryan helped me down from the table. He retrieved my purse, which I’d left outside, and locked everything up tight. I’d completely forgotten it was the middle of the night until I texted Cadence and then realized I’d almost certainly woken up both her and Tristan. I felt bad but by that point Cadence was alarmed, insisting I needed to come over right now and asking if she and Tristan should drive over to get me instead.

  Ryan assisted me into the front seat of his truck as gingerly as if I was made of glass. I gave him Cadence’s address and he nodded.

  “Why did you come back?” I asked him as he pulled out of the parking lot of the Dirty Cactus.

  “I came back because I’d been a lousy prick,” he told me. “And I was sorry. I didn’t mean what I said to you, Leah.”

  I touched his arm. “Thank you for coming back.”

  Ryan swallowed, glanced at me, and then returned his gaze to the empty streets of Emblem while I sank into the leather seat and wished I was anyone else but me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Ryan

  I was already sitting in my own driveway when I shifted the truck into reverse and rapidly returned to the Dirty Cactus.

  With every passing second I despised myself a little bit more. Who the fuck did I think I was; judge, jury and even executioner? Whatever Leah deserved, she hadn’t earned the way I’d treated her tonight. My anger had puzzled her. The insults I hurled had left her confused and wounded and finally furious. I’d accused her of dishonesty when I was the fucking king of deceit; going behind her back to buy the bar out from under her, trying to make her fall for me for the sole purpose of making her cry the way she’d cried tonight.

  What kind of a man does that?

  One who lived in a glass house while carelessly hurling jagged boulders in every direction.

  I should have had her cell phone number but somehow I didn’t so I figured I’d look for her at the bar first in case she hadn’t left yet. Another vehicle jumped the curb and nearly rammed into my truck as it drove away. The lights were all off but Leah’s car was still there. I felt uneasy even before I noticed anything strange was going on. That car speeding away, the dark bar, Leah’s car still sitting there. It just seemed…wrong.

  My headlights found her first, huddled against the side of the building and for a second I wasn’t even sure it was her. She was crying so hard she couldn’t breathe. When I got her inside I saw she’d been worked over in a way that had me guessing the worst and all I could think was that I’d fucking kill him, whoever he was. I really would.

  Leah insisted she was not sexually assaulted but she’d still been attacked by Delia Scarpetti’s sister and some creep named Vance. They’d held her down, cut her shirt open, hacked her hair off and scared the living shit out of her. There were cuts and bruises on her abdomen and knees from where she’d struggled. I wanted those bastards’ heads on a platter but she refused to file charges. Then she cried again and shared a story that had nothing to do with tonight and was even more terrible in its own way.

  I would have taken her home with me. I would have cut open a vein to protect her. I would have done anything she asked. She didn’t want to come with me though, not that I blamed her. She asked me to bring her to her friend’s house. The Gentry girl, Tristan Mulligan’s girlfriend.

  Tristan and Cadence were waiting in their front yard when we pulled up. Cadence collected Leah in her arms and guided her into the house while her boyfriend sidled up to me, his jaw tight with anger, demanding an explanation and making it clear he was ready to throw some blows at my head if he didn’t like what I had to say.

  He relaxed after receiving a brief summary of events and even asked me to come inside the house, which I wouldn’t have cared to do if it weren’t for the fact that I needed to check on Leah. I wasn’t going anywhere until I was sure she was being taken care of.

  Cadence proved to be good at mothering her friend; cleaning out the cuts on Leah’s knees while pausing to hug her, making soft spoken reassurances all the while. No wonder why she’d become a teacher. And no wonder why Leah had wanted to come here. People like Cadence reminded me of my mother, always willing to leap up and help others no matter the inconvenience.

  Meanwhile, Mulligan had posted himself on the opposi
te wall of the living room while I remained by the door. He kept shooting me these side-eyed frowns, still unsure if I could be trusted or not. His arms were crossed like he was someone’s strict dad about to start howling about curfew, which was a fucking laugh because I remembered him as a snot-nosed kid trailing after his big brother. The harsh glares didn’t bother me though. Even if Mulligan was only playing the tough guy because he’d been so clearly pussy whipped by the schoolteacher, he wouldn’t allow any harm to come to Leah while she was in his house. That was all I cared about.

  Leah gave a clear-voiced account of what happened until she reached the part where her hair had been sliced off. Then she touched the ruined pieces and dissolved into tears while Cadence helplessly held her, exchanging a look with Tristan that said she wasn’t sure how to make the situation better.

  I knew the reason for Leah’s trauma wasn’t only due to what she’d gone through tonight. As long as I lived I’d never forget every ghastly word she’d said. I remembered hearing about the haircut incident from my mother but I hadn’t paid much attention at the time. I wasn’t even living there anymore and I was too steeped in guilt for continuing that sordid thing with Luanne for so long to worry about what was going on with Leah. Since I’d broken off with Luanne and moved out I’d tried to stay away as much as possible, steering clear of any member of the Brandeis family. Including Leah.

  After Leah stopped sobbing, Cadence attempted to prod her into taking a law enforcement route. Leah still stubbornly refused. Cadence dropped the matter.

  “Leah is going to stay here with us tonight,” Cadence announced, looking in my direction as if she expected an argument. I had no plans to argue. Leah should be with her friends. Right now they were much better for her than I was.

  I approached the kitchen chair where she was sitting and knelt at her feet. Her knees were covered with Band-Aids and her face was streaked with tears. Half of her hair was still beautifully long and half had been hacked off right below her jawbone.

  “You’re okay here?” I asked her.

  She nodded.

  “We’ll take care of her,” Cadence said and I could see her relaxing toward me as she realized I cared about Leah. I gave her a nod of gratitude.

  “I’ll check on you tomorrow,” I said and stood up.

  Leah smiled up at me through her tears. “I still have your shirt on.”

  I bent down and kissed her forehead. “Keep it.”

  “Good night, Ryan,” she said softly. “And thanks.”

  Tristan tailed me back out to my truck. Before I could get behind the wheel he said, “I don’t think this shit should go unpunished.”

  I looked him in the eye. “Neither do I.”

  He nodded with approval. “You need backup?”

  “Nah. I’ll take care of it.”

  “All right.” He stepped back. “See you, Jedson.”

  “Later, Mulligan.”

  I was too pissed off and keyed up to sleep anytime soon so I took a driving tour through the center of Emblem and then out to the endless dark of the desert. Silence reigned as I parked five miles from nowhere off a dirt road and took a seat in the bed of my truck. Then I laid on my back, staring at the stars and thinking about the house Leah had come from.

  Daisy was my age but she was always a brittle sort, not bad looking but impossible to be friendly with. When she looked at people it was in the form of a scowl. She had some friends. Steven Pike was one of them. But mostly she liked being alone until her last year of high school when she got wild, layering on so much gothic makeup she was almost unrecognizable and zooming around town on the back of bikes belonging to men who were way too old for her. Daisy couldn’t care less about anyone’s bad opinion and if ever there was a girl who gave off the aura of being unbreakable it was her.

  But Leah?

  No. Leah wasn’t the same at all. Forever tiptoeing around like she was afraid her existence would bother someone and trying so hard to please by becoming an outstanding student, a class role model. The picture Luanne painted of Leah was always very different, insisting Leah was constantly lashing out to get attention. Luanne claimed Leah had cut all her own hair off and it had cost a pretty penny at the salon to soften the damage. Luanne spent countless hours bawling to my mother that she didn’t know what she’d done to deserve another crazy daughter. But though I was aware Luanne knew how to manufacture a convincing spectacle I’d never suspected she was abusive in the way Leah had described. Maybe back then I should have figured out something was off. Anyone could tell from the bewildered way that Leah peered out at the world that she just wanted some kindness. Leah was like a turtle struggling to live without its shell. And despite those odds she’d managed to endure the gruesome upbringing she’d suffered at the hands of Luanne. I had no doubt that the haircut story was only one of many.

  There were too many things I’d forgotten about Leah, too many questions I’d never tried hard enough to answer. After so many years and so much anger she’d grown into a caricature in my imagination. The image of Leah I’d stewed over for so long had little to do with the girl she’d actually been, the woman she was now.

  Time will do that. Bitterness will do that. Distort the truth into something that turns it unrecognizable.

  And I’d never once considered all the things I didn’t know, all the things Leah had suffered herself. I thought of her as heartless, a liar who had cooperated with a quest to ruin my life.

  I never wondered what might have been done to her to make her that way.

  In fact now I wondered if she’d ever really been guilty at all. Or if the only thing she was guilty of was being trapped and trying to survive.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Leah

  I didn’t object when Cadence insisted that I needed to spend the night.

  After she finished bandaging my cuts and offering an almost embarrassing amount of sympathy she lent me a set of soft cotton pajamas and showed me to the shower. Tristan kind of stayed out of sight once Ryan was gone and he was sure the situation was under control. I didn’t blame him. It had to be a little awkward for the guy to welcome a weeping hot mess into his home at two a.m.

  Cadence was preparing the spare bedroom for me when I asked for her help with something. I couldn’t stand the lopsided feeling of my hair and I wanted to cut the rest of it to match the portion that rested two inches below my chin. She asked me if I wanted to wait until tomorrow when we could find someone who could actually cut hair but I shook my head. Tomorrow I’d worry about fixing the damage but tonight I just wanted to feel less crooked. Cadence combed through my wet hair and took up the scissors with uncertainty. I shut my eyes as she sheared off a giant chunk. I’d kept my hair long for so many years that losing so much at once was like losing an arm.

  After that ordeal I assumed I wouldn’t sleep but I slept flawlessly until I heard murmured voices and the vague clatter of dishes.

  Cadence was dressed for work and tried to shoo me back to bed between bites of her English muffin. Tristan wore only a pair of flannels and waved at me with a yawn.

  “I have parent teacher conferences this morning so I have to go in,” Cadence said. “But I’ll be finished by noon and Tristan has the day off so he’ll keep you company.”

  At the moment Tristan didn’t look interested in keeping anyone company. He looked like he was trying not to fall asleep in his cup of coffee.

  “Oh no,” I protested. “You guys really don’t need to babysit me. I’ll get dressed and be out of your hair if someone will just drive me over to the bar so I can get my car.”

  “Nonsense,” Cadence declared. “You are staying here. I left an outfit for you in the bathroom. And when I come home at noon we are going to Thelma and Louise it all over the place on a special field trip.”

  Tristan raised his hand. “Babe, you’ve never actually seen the movie Thelma and Louise, have you?”

  “What does that matter?”

  “Because if you knew the ending then yo
u wouldn’t be so hot to go on one of their themed field trips.”

  Cadence deposited her dish in the sink then kissed him on the cheek. “Take care of Leah while I’m gone,” she said and then winked at me as she grabbed an artsy tote bag packed with her teaching accessories and scuttled out the door. It was sincerely impossible not to adore Cadence Gentry to pieces.

  Tristan thought so too. He stared after her in a way that every girl wishes a guy would look at her, all love and longing. After the door shut he and I found ourselves somewhat awkwardly alone together.

  “I’m sorry about all this,” I said.

  “Don’t say that.” He tossed me a bag of muffins. “Here, help yourself.”

  I nibbled a raisin muffin and touched the blunt ends of my hair. I hadn’t examined myself in a mirror yet.

  “How does it look?” I asked. “I mean for real.”

  Tristan was no liar. “Like shit,” he admitted. “But you can probably get it fixed at one of those hair places.”

  “You mean a salon?”

  He filled a new mug of coffee and passed it to me. “Yeah, one of those. They’ll make it look less, ah…”

  “Like shit?”

  He smiled. “Exactly.”

  Tristan excused himself to go shower. I called my father, figuring he had to be awake by now. I told him I’d stayed at a friend’s house and I’d be spending the day here too. He didn’t sound especially interested in why so I didn’t share the gory specifics. He said that Mrs. Albertson would be over in a little while to check on him and she was bringing a fruit tart so he needed to get off the phone and get ready.

  Tristan was still showering when the doorbell rang. Since this wasn’t my house I had no idea if I should answer it but when I looked out the window I saw Ryan’s truck by the curb.

  I was sure I looked every bit as shitty as Tristan promised I did but after Ryan saw me last night with snot running from my nose, blood on my knees and my hair mutilated, he probably wouldn’t be fazed.