Saint's Sacrament - Sins of the Father

by Laveen, Tiana

  “Now, stand way across the room with whatever it is you have for me to smell, and ask me to tell you what it is when you’re ready.”

  Traci disappeared into the kitchen. She returned with the orange and a small container of cayenne pepper. She’d sliced the orange in half and stood right outside the front door.

  “Okay, baby, can you hear me? I believe you just walked outside,” Jagger called out as he fisted his hands at his side.

  “Yes,” she answered quietly.

  “I’m going to concentrate and tell you what I smell in your hands now.” Jagger’s chest rose up and down very slowly as he inhaled and exhaled, the blindfold still tight around his eyes. “You have either a grapefruit or orange, smells more like an orange. You also have pepper—doesn’t have the same zing as black pepper, must be red pepper, like cayenne. Am I right?”

  Traci re-entered the room and held up the objects. Xenia laughed and clapped.

  “Is there anything else you want me to do?” Jagger asked.

  Traci seemed to stand there for a long while, her lips closed, her eyes glossy. “No. I think…that’s enough.” She handed the orange back to Xenia and sat down on the couch, rolling the container of cayenne pepper nervously around between her palms. After a few seconds, Jagger reached behind his head and untied the sock.

  He approached Traci and sat next to her. This time, she didn’t flinch or jump away, but concern was still in her eyes. He took her hand and cupped it between his.

  “Traci, I love you so much and I know this is a lot to take in, to accept. I understand if you need time away from me after all of this. I can’t ask you to give anymore than you can. I don’t want you to be afraid of me. I want you to run to me, baby.” He squeezed her hand.

  “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. You mean everything to me. I want the same things you want. Why do you think it’s taken me so long to propose? Yeah, I had some problems regarding my ex-wife, but that was only a small part of it. The main reason was because I knew I had to tell you the truth, and I didn’t want to ruin what we have. I don’t want to pressure you, baby. I just want you to know the real me and love me anyway, and if you can’t, I get it. I’ll have to accept it because I always want you to feel safe and if you don’t feel safe with me anymore, then I want you to feel safe with someone else.” He paused and before anyone knew it, the man had fallen onto her lap, gripping her knees as his body shook in sheer misery.

  Xenia wiped a tear from her face and remained silent. The man was saying the right shit, but in his heart, he didn’t mean most of it. Jagger would lose his damned mind if this woman walked out of his life, but he loved her enough to let her go, if that was her choice. And he wouldn’t accept it. He knew he had to say that, but he would never get over some shit like this and probably blame the entire world for being in the pain he was currently enduring. In the past, he just didn’t speak of it. He didn’t tell anyone. He felt like, if the woman wasn’t going to be his wife, then why share it? And worse off, when he tried to tell his ex, she, too, made it appear as if he needed to be enrolled in a loony bin.

  Déjà vu.

  Jagger took a deep breath and looked so helpless—a horrible, private thing to witness. Traci sighed, looking as though she was trying to make sense of it all. Then, she slowly raised her hand, and delicately laid it on that man’s head, stroking his short, jet black buzzed hair as he gripped her knees and fell apart on her lap like a kid brought home by the cops for stealing candy bars. There was nothing worse than finding the love of your life, and then losing the love of your life, all in the same breath.

  ~***~

  The issue was that Traci had fallen in love with a man with secrets, gifts and curses. This meant that by default, she, too, was a part of this thing, this tribe, this family. When Saint first saw her at the restaurant, and they bumped into each other, he knew she was Angel Child wife material. Not many women were, but she was and despite what was happening, he still believed that. It took someone with an open heart and mind, a woman willing to listen through the skepticism, willing to learn, willing to accept who her husband was and what he was about. She needed to understand that should she have that man’s babies, they could be just like him. She needed to understand that life with him would not be easy, but the good times would outweigh the bad. She needed to understand she had to be in this deep, because they were an extended family, now. Saint would be her brother-in-law, Xenia her sister-in-law, Lawrence and Donna, the same, as well as anyone else who joined their tight-knit circle.

  Jagger rose and looked around, as if in a daze. He wiped his eyes, and the damned things glowed. They glowed so bright, the walls of the room seemed to reflect it right back. Saint shook his head and immediately sent him a message.

  “Keep your head turned just like that. Don’t make eye contact with her! Don’t let her see your eyes, man. You gotta build up to that. She’s too fragile right now. She’s not ready for that.”

  “I can’t feel them all that much, Saint. I’m too upset. What do they look like?”

  “They’re bright yellow. Step away and get yourself together…”

  Saint could see Xenia staring at the man, trying to save face, but he was sure Jagger was scaring her shitless. She never got used to Saint doing it, and sometimes, during a fit of rage due to a horrific incident at work, a hate crime he was investigating, she’d see his eyes turn bright red as he’d explain the gritty details. She stopped asking him about these cases… There was no need in him scaring her to death needlessly. Love or no love, there were just some things that looked downright creepy and the spouse of an Angel Child never got used to it.

  Jagger abruptly walked away. No one dared to say a word until he returned less than a minute later. He sniffed and looked around. The usual bright blue was back, and he gave Traci a slight smile when he returned to her side. Lawrence and Saint stood back up and walked over to the couch, surrounding her. All three stood there like soldiers, their shoulders practically touching. He could feel Xenia staring at him, wondering what the hell was going on.

  Lawrence slid a wooden box out of his pocket. Jagger bent low and took Traci’s hand.

  “Baby, in that box Lawrence is holding is a question. That little wooden box represents the old me, but what’s inside of it represents my future. I was blocked off, a wall drawn up high to the sky. I was afraid after I realized I was in love with you. I didn’t want to get hurt again. I told you…love is the one part of my life I never seemed to get right. But this time, with you, I believe I finally did. I’m tired of running. I’m tired of pretending I’m just like every other man you’ve dated. I’m not. And I’m glad I’m not. I like who I am, Traci. I’m a man who loves you. I’m Jagger. I’m an Angel Child.”

  Traci tossed a menacing glance toward Xenia, one that came accompanied with pursed lips and a look of disapproval from being lied to. Saint looked over his shoulder. His wife turned red and looked down into her lap. Yes…she’d been deceitful to Traci, but she had no choice.

  “An Angel Child is a psychic person who has paranormal and empathic gifts, Traci. There are so many angels in the world, but two angels can make children. Saint, Lawrence, and me are just a few of them. Those two angels are the Angel of Death and the Angel of Mercy. They kiss us while we are in the womb of our mothers, and then we are born like this. They are a married couple, and that is how they reproduce. They have children all over the world. I know it sounds strange, I know it sounds…well, crazy, and we will get more into the details later, but that’s the condensed version of what we are. I needed to tell you that before I ask you this question.”

  Lawrence handed him the box. Jagger’s hands trembled as he opened it. Inside was a brilliant, oval shaped 5-carat diamond ring. Traci gasped and leaned back.

  “You don’t have to answer me right now, Traci. But, if you decide to stay with me, after all of this, I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife. I want you to have my children. I want us to grow old together, sweetie.
”

  All of a sudden a shuffling noise started. Everyone shot a look at Xenia who was busy digging in her purse. She grabbed a tissue and blew, then noticed everyone was looking at her as happy tears streamed down her cheeks.

  “Oh, sorry…” she said from behind the tissue.

  Saint smirked and turned away.

  “So, Traci, I just want to know…if you’ll marry me?”

  Lawrence reached around and pushed his hand into Jagger’s back. It seemed the big oaf was going to topple over.

  “I…I don’t know. This is a lot to take in, Jagger.”

  She looked up at him, pity in her eyes, and it was evident, Jagger’s heart was crushed to mere dust. He kept his brave face for a second or two, but then his damn bottom lip trembled. Saint had never seen him like this before and never thought he’d see the day. This is what happens when an alpha meets his soulmate and thinks he can no longer have her. He turns into a child, a pitiful little thing to the eye of society, when he is no child at all. He is a man who is losing out on hope because he stepped out on faith and it smacked him in the face and fucked him over with no mercy.

  “Yes.” Jagger lowered his head and withdrew the ring. “I…I understand, baby.” He sniffed and walked away, going into his room and closing the door behind him. The gentle giant had been defeated…

  “Oh God,” Xenia shot out of her seat. “Traci, honey, do you mind if I speak to you alone please?”

  Traci was now crying. Hard. Loud. And she shook like a leaf. Xenia raced over and, pushing Saint out of the way, she grabbed Traci and held her close in her arms, rocking her. “It’s going to be okay, alright?” Xenia leaned back, cupping the woman’s face with both hands as she looked into her eyes. Saint choked up a bit when he saw a tear stream down Xenia’s face, this one of a different nature. He knew that tear was for him—for the same shock and pain she’d felt once she understood who she was in love with and for the fact that, no matter how frightened she was, she had to make the right choice, because he was everything she’d ever wanted.

  “Let’s go talk in private, okay?”

  Traci nodded. Xenia took her hand and led her away into another room, locking the door behind them.

  Saint looked at Lawrence after a long silence.

  “Who are you? The Village People? Where the hell is your shirt, man?”

  “You are in no position to talk, Saint. I see your MC Hammer Pants were available for the evening’s festivities. You look like a genie from a malt liquor bottle.”

  The two men drew quiet again and burst out laughing, hugging one another.

  “You know everything is going to be alright, right?” He smiled at Lawrence. Lawrence smiled back, just as big.

  “Yes. But Jagger is too upset to listen.”

  “Let me try, anyway.” Saint tapped Lawrence on the shoulder and made his way to the closed door. “A Jagger, it’s me, man.” He cleared his throat. “Open the door, I want to talk to you.”

  “Saint, please go home,” came a low voice, from an even lower spirit.

  “I can’t go home.”

  Jagger didn’t respond.

  “You know I can just break the door down, right? If I felt like exerting the energy, I could psychically unlock the door, too. That would take a little time, but I’d get inside, and then you’d have a door you have to put back on the hinges after I’ve kicked it in and I wouldn’t give you back the money to replace it because I warned you in advance. Once I get inside, I’d be tired and irritable, and then we’d argue…and we might roll around and fight because you’re mad and maybe a little mad at me too, right now and we’d both be a bloody mess. Fighting has a way of working up my appetite so I’d probably call a time out, go fix myself a sandwich from your refrigerator and then return to beat your ass some more. And then after that—”

  “Fine.” Heavy footsteps stormed toward the door and tore it open.

  Saint smiled and softly closed it behind him. Jagger sat on the edge of his bed. Saint looked around. The man’s luggage was still out from their trip. Jagger was typically meticulous about his bed, however. It must’ve hung over from basic training, but his bed was not only a mess, the distinct scent of freshly had sex floated in the air. He smirked, but covered his mouth as he leaned casually against a dresser.

  Well, at least he got some ass to tide him over for a while…

  “What are you laughing about?” Jagger questioned as he stared down at the floor, his back hunched over.

  “I just…nothing. Look man, Traci just needs a minute. Everything is going to be okay. I know what she said hurt. I would’ve been hurt, too. But she’ll come around. Just give her a little breathing room.”

  “You’re the one who told me to tell her!”

  Saint knew this was coming. He also knew Jagger was hurting, so there was no need to air the flame with a flippant mouth right then, so he watched himself for the time being. He’d just stick to the facts, no slams.

  “You’re damn straight I did. She needed to know, Jagger.” Saint put his hands on his hips. “I told you it was too risky.”

  “How so?! I stayed in my first marriage without her realizing one damn thing!”

  “Because she didn’t love you and she wasn’t your soulmate! Traci is!” Saint screamed back. “And between you and me, she knew something was strange about you! I’m not buying it. Your ex had to have known something was up and damn it, Traci knew something was going on, too. Xenia knew something was different about me, too. She admitted it later and that was part of the reason she was afraid of me. They always know!”

  “How do you figure?” Jagger looked up at him, his eyes brimming with tears.

  “I can see it in her damn face! Of course she probably didn’t think it was anything like this.” Saint began to pace the room. “But she knew you were different from other men, Jagger. She stayed because she liked you, and a part of her needed to find out where this was going. She is scared not only because of your admission, but because she knows now that her gut instinct was correct. That will help you. She was already prepared, sorta, for something weird to come out of your mouth one day. She’ll come around, man. Trust me on this. Xenia wanted to run away, too. You heard me tell Traci that. But she didn’t. Donna is probably the only woman I know who acted like it was no big deal, but she was raised hearing about things like this, so she was more open minded. Now, my father’s girlfriend has responded similarly to Donna, but she, too, has her own reservations. They are all different, but because of the connection you two have, understand, she is not gone.” He put his hand on Jagger’s shoulder and patted it. “Look at it like this. She is taking a short vacation, okay? She’ll be right back. This is a ‘pause’ button, not ‘stop’.”

  Jagger wiped his nose and looked away. “I hope you’re right. I need you to be right.”

  “I am right. You are too upset at this moment to see that I’m correct. We all showed her a sample of the things we can do. She knows that wasn’t some trick. She also knows most people don’t believe in things like this, so it is confusing for her. Let me ask you something though. When Lawrence called me this morning, he said you texted him after you called him, so she couldn’t hear, and told him you were going to propose and for me to bring the ring you’d bought for her from Raphael. I brought it and handed it to him. You didn’t want it here in your house because you were afraid she may find it before you were ready to propose. Why did you do that?”

  “Do what?” Jagger looked up at him.

  “Why did you propose to her after all of this, man? I thought you were going to wait.”

  “Because in my mind it played out differently! I can’t see into the future like that, Saint. In my mind, after everyone telling me I needed to tell her the truth, I convinced myself she’d leap into my arms once I proved to her it was all true. I’d then propose and we’d be happy ever after.”

  “Why would she say yes right now? Look at it from her vantage point.” Saint leaned against the wall and crosse
d his ankles and arms. “What if you were her, Jagger? What if you were in love with someone, and you just finished making love…and then you tell her about the time you tried to slice your old man’s throat, but use that as an example of showing her the gifts you have?” Jagger’s face reddened. “First of all, that may be how you like to be spoken to, but women aren’t like that, Jagger. They are soft, man. You gotta be cool around them, take it easy. You have to do what I did when I came over here. Show them stuff that doesn’t look too scary, but is impressive. When you tell your woman the truth, you have to present it like it’s flowers, not a bomb, man. Anyway,” Saint said, shaking his head. “That’s over with, nothing we can do about it now, but things got worse because we had to show her you weren’t crazy, full of shit. She needs time to accept this. She can’t marry someone she is afraid of but loves at the same time. It is confusing for her.”

  “But that’s not what you did,” Jagger snapped. “You told me you met Xenia one week, returned the following week, two days later you two consummated the relationship after one date then three days later, you were married. Xenia didn’t need a pause, as you call it.” Jagger swallowed harshly and rolled his bright eyes, his brows knitted together. The only thing missing was steam coming out of his nose.

  “Ahhh.” Saint sighed. “So that’s what this is about. You had some fairytale that all women would be just alike. For your information, Xenia was scared out of her mind and after we made love and I told her, she still contemplated getting dressed and leaving while I went for a swim. She told me about it after the fact, although I knew what she was thinking while I was away from her. I was terrified, but she had that right. I couldn’t stop her. I was connected to her at that point. I made love to her to confirm what I already knew in my heart to be true, that she was my soulmate. I ensured we didn’t do it again, until she knew. It was a risk. Did I want her to go? Of course not, but I was giving her the option to leave without being afraid and she still fought me from time to time. The woman was scared of me at various times during our first year of marriage. Do you understand how frightening that has to be? To be in love with someone, they haven’t harmed a hair on your head, but they scare the fuck out of you because they can do some weird shit! Please don’t think our life was a fairytale, because it wasn’t, Jagger. The only difference is that Xenia forced herself to see this through. At any given time, she could’ve bailed and like I said, believe me, she thought about it.”