Pineapple Land War: A Pineapple Port Mystery: Book Four (Pineapple Port Mysteries 4)

by Amy Vansant

  Charlotte laughed. “I wanted her to focus on us. I figured the easiest way to do it would be to dent that enormous ego of hers and get her angry at you and me.”

  “Yeah, thanks for the warning on that one. Now I’m in the line of fire.”

  “We can handle her.”

  Seamus shook his head and sighed. “I hope you’re right. I don’t think that apple fell far from the nutter tree in that family.”

  Charlotte smiled. “I think we’ll find out very soon.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Charlotte had barely returned home from her meeting with Seamus before her text alert bleeped.

  She looked at her phone and smiled.

  Stephanie.

  It hadn’t taken long to get that psycho’s attention. The prompt response to Charlotte’s taunting confirmed that she was responsible for the bugs in Declan’s house.

  She read the text message.

  Meet me at Cow Town. Just you.

  The location was convenient. Cow Town sat directly behind Pineapple Port, separated by little more than a swampy ditch of trees and brush.

  It had already been a long day. Charlotte gave Abby a treat to apologize for being away so much, pulled her hair back into a ponytail and headed for Cow Town.

  She picked her way through the sticker bush-laden, shallow ravine and emerged on the other side next to a fence that encircled an open field. Across from where she stood, she could see Stephanie’s red Viper parked against the opposite fence, waiting like a vibrant, but deadly, dart frog.

  Cows lifted their heads from their grazing and watched her as she crossed the field, picking her way around droppings both new and old. She regretted not changing from flip flops to sneakers almost immediately, but didn’t feel like going all the way back to the house.

  Half way through the field she spotted a second car pulling next to the first. This one was an old yellow Mustang. The field was starting to resemble a classic car show.

  A man emerged from the Mustang, and she recognized him as Edmundo, still wearing the same clothes he’d worn at the arm wrestling event.

  Stephanie got out of her car and walked over to shake hands with Edmundo.

  Charlotte felt an uneasy feeling creeping up her neck. She was here. Edmundo was here…

  She couldn’t have planned another test already.

  She slipped through the fence and approached the other two.

  “Charlotte, I believe you’ve met Edmundo? He’s working for Tabby.”

  Eddie thrust out his hand and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you again. You can call me Eddie. And let me lend you my deepest condolences that you find yourself working with Seamus.”

  Charlotte chuckled and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  Stephanie crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her hip. “Now that we’ve gotten the niceties out of the way, I have a challenge for you. A chance to win one for your side.”

  Stephanie locked her gaze on Charlotte. “After all, we can’t let the old ladies have all the fun.”

  Charlotte did her best to show no reaction, but one thing was clear.

  Stephanie knew her bugs were blown.

  A huge horse trailer turned off the road and backed into the part of the lot that stood outside the fenced area. It stopped ten feet from where they were standing, and another trailer followed, parking in front of the first.

  Stephanie smiled. “You know, the man who uses this land for grazing was so pleased when I told him I’d pack up his cows for him.”

  Charlotte looked out into the field and then down at her flip flops. “You want us to put those cows into those trailers?”

  Stephanie nodded. “Whoever puts more cows in the trailers, wins.”

  Eddie shook his head and motioned to his suit. “I cannot do this. At the very least, I need to change first.”

  Stephanie shrugged. “You can change—if you want Charlotte to get an impossible lead on you.”

  “No, no. You’ve made a mistake. I am here to investigate Bucky’s murder for Tabby. Not to play farmer.”

  Stephanie shrugged. “Then you can tell Tabby she lost this one.”

  Eddie rubbed his tongue against his cheek for several moments and then shook his head.

  “No. I will not do this. I am an investigator. Not a farmer.” He nodded to each of them and returned to his car to leave.

  Stephanie lolled her head in Charlotte’s direction. “He’s not a farmer, in case you didn’t catch that.”

  “I guess I win by default?”

  Stephanie laughed. “After you remove the cows from the pasture, yes.”

  Charlotte put her hand on her chest. “By myself? But I only need one to officially beat Eddie.”

  “They all have to go in or the contest is null and void.”

  “You’re making up these rules as you go along.”

  Stephanie nodded. “Yep.”

  Charlotte turned and stared at the cows. It would be nice to walk away and leave Stephanie with the cows to move. But she’d already lost the first competition. She needed a win.

  She closed her eyes and hung her head. “Fine. Do you have a lead or something I can use?”

  Stephanie squinted at her. “A what?” A large, black pickup truck with Swick Excavation on the door pulled up at the opposite end of the field. “I have to go. Have at it.”

  She waved at the field and walked off, hardly wobbling in her heels, even on the rough path that ran along the fence line.

  I can’t stand her.

  The man who had driven the first trailer opened the back gate and Charlotte asked for a spare lead she could borrow. He had one, so she took it and headed out to the field to find her first cow.

  Clipping the lead onto the halter of the first cow, she pulled the animal toward the gate. The cow’s neck stretched forward but her cloven hooves didn’t move.

  “Oh please don’t do this to me,” begged Charlotte. She reached for the cow’s rump to slap some encouragement into it, but found she couldn’t pull it forward and urge it on from behind at the same time.

  She heard the sound of an engine and turned to see Eddie’s yellow Mustang pulling up beside the trailers.

  He’s back.

  He hopped out of the car and strode to the gate.

  “I am not a quitter,” he announced, pointing his finger to the sky.

  Charlotte’s shoulders slumped. She hadn’t moved one cow a single foot forward before the competition returned. She grabbed the cow’s halter and tugged, clucking her tongue and making every noise she could imagine might encourage a cow.

  “I’ll give you a big stick of butter if you come with me,” she cooed, before realizing cows make butter, they don’t eat it. “What am I saying? Hey, how about a hamburger?”

  The cow stepped forward and she whooped with joy.

  “You’re a cannibal! Who knew?”

  Once she’d made the cow move, momentum commenced and the beast continued walking toward the gate. She found it helped to stay beside its head, holding the lead short, rather than pulling it like a tug-of-war rope.

  She passed Eddie as he stormed toward the next-closest cow.

  “Couldn’t just give up, huh?” she asked.

  “Not after Tabby offered me another thousand to stay. I can buy two suits for that money.”

  Charlotte grimaced and walked faster. She was going to have to talk to Penny about a bonus for this one.

  The trailer driver stationed himself on the wheel well with a clipboard and a pen. As she walked her cow toward the ramp and into the trailer, he slashed a mark on what she assumed was her side of the paper.

  One down. One million to go.

  She clipped Bessie to the wall of the trailer and jogged out to find a second.

  Stephanie had been standing at the fence watching and talking to the man who’d arrived in the black pickup. Charlotte was staring at her when she waved and got into the truck. The two of them drove away.

  “Where is she going?
” she asked, trotting past Eddie who was walking in the opposite direction, dragging a slow cow.

  “Far away, I hope,” said Eddie. His gaze lingering on the retreating pickup, he stepped in a soft patch of ground. The pasture was largely dry, but had low pockets of moisture from the previous night’s rain. Charlotte heard a sucking sound as Eddie lost one of his loafers in the mud. He cursed.

  She giggled all the way to the next cow.

  Bessie Two followed without struggle and Charlotte reached the trailer seconds behind Eddie as he clipped in his latest.

  “Did you know Stephanie before?” asked Charlotte, snapping in her own beast. She and Eddie fell into pace together as they returned to the field.

  “I met her one month ago. She was down in Miami asking questions about Seamus. Her path led her to me, since I have known that man a very long time.”

  “She was asking questions about Seamus?” Charlotte scowled. She couldn’t think of any reason for Stephanie to be investigating Seamus’ past other than an attempt to find dirt on him; that she could later use against him. Seamus had admitted to her and Declan that he’d worked undercover for the Miami police, providing them information and materials they couldn’t retrieve legally. That occupation sounded ripe with gray areas.

  She made a mental note to warn Seamus.

  The two of them split to retrieve separate cows and Charlotte began to run in an attempt to secure her lead. She heard Eddie muttering.

  “Don’t do that. I’m too old to keep up with you.”

  Charlotte laughed. “That’s what I’m hoping.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  As the sun began to dip, Charlotte resented the cow-shuffling chore even more. Eddie removed his shirt and tied it around his head to keep the sweat from his eyes, treading back and forth in his soaking wet, white tank undershirt.

  “It’s starting to feel like we’ll never finish,” said Charlotte, as she clipped in a cow and the driver marked his tally.

  “She just called, so you’ll be done soon,” said the driver.

  Charlotte paused, leaned her hands on her knees and attempted to catch her breath.

  “She just called?”

  “Yeah. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Making a guy in a suit and a girl in flip flops load cows?”

  “No, circulating cows.”

  Charlotte scowled. “Is that what you call taking them away to another pasture?”

  The man laughed. “No, that’s what I call driving them around the dog-leg and sending them back into the pasture.”

  Charlotte straightened. “What did you say?”

  “See the dog-leg up there?” The man pointed to where the pasture took a right turn around another neighborhood and disappeared.

  Charlotte knew the turn well—she’d been dreading it. They hadn’t even started to work their way around the corner and she feared how many cows might be lurking there. “Yes?”

  “You’ve been bringing the cows from this end of the field into the truck, and then we drive them around the block and send them back in the other end. Once they’re back in, she had us scoot them down this way so you wouldn’t notice.

  Charlotte’s jaw fell. “You’re saying we’ve been packing up the same cows over and over?”

  “Yep. Did you think a forty acre pasture could hold a hundred cows?”

  “I don’t know how many cows an acre can hold!”

  The man spat. “’bout two dozen.”

  Eddie arrived with a cow and stopped.

  “What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

  “They’re not taking the cows away, they’re driving them around the corner and re-releasing them into the pasture.”

  “What?” Eddie looked at the cow at his hand. “I thought this one looked familiar.”

  The driver spat again. “Yeah, well, it’s over now. Boss-lady called and said to start taking them to the new pasture.”

  Furious, Charlotte pounded past Eddie and back into the pasture. Feeling as though her gait was off, she lifted her foot, and found a build-up of cow dung had attached itself to her flip-flop. She pulled it off, her lip curled with disgust.

  Standing straight, she was about to toss the dried clump back into the field when she noticed Stephanie’s car parked next to the fence. The windows were down to keep it ventilated.

  A smile oozed across her face.

  Hauling back, Charlotte threw the dried dung in the direction of the open window. It arced neatly and disappeared within the vehicle.

  “I saw that,” said Eddie, approaching.

  Charlotte felt her face flush with embarrassment, but Eddie grinned. He dipped down and retrieved his own dry chunk of cow dung.

  “One for each cow, eh?” He lobbed a piece and it flew through the center of the Viper’s open widow, a perfect shot.

  Charlotte held out her hand. “Deal.”

  They shook.

  The two trailers had circulated many times, each holding a dozen cows before driving away to return in time to be loaded again. Charlotte had lost count of how many cows she’d taken into the trailer and she hoped Eddie had as well. He didn’t seem to be moving as fast as he had been. Either he knew he had lost, or he was confident of his lead.

  For the remaining twenty cows, they each tossed a piece of dung into the open window of the Viper.

  Suddenly, the job didn’t seem so bad.

  The pickup truck that had taken Stephanie away reappeared. The driver handed her his clipboard tally and then drove off with the last of the bovines.

  “You two look a little sweaty. Eddie, I don’t think that suit will ever be the same.”

  “Just tell us who won,” said Eddie, wiping his brow.”

  Stephanie looked over the tally, pulled her phone from her purse and dialed.

  “Hi, Cora? I thought you’d like to know who won the cow challenge.”

  Charlotte swallowed with difficulty. Her throat was dry and she was exhausted. Foreboding washed over her.

  Regardless of the tally, she found it hard to believe that Stephanie would allow her to win.

  “The winner is…” Stephanie looked at them and paused for dramatic effect.

  “Charlotte. She won by two cows.”

  Charlotte yelped with joy. Eddie hung his head for a second and then headed for his car.

  “Sorry, Eddie. It’s been nice working with you,” Charlotte called after him, without a hint of sarcasm.

  Eddie winked and slipped into his Mustang before roaring off.

  Stephanie dropped her phone back into her purse and without another word, sauntered towards her car.

  Uh oh. Time to go.

  Charlotte slipped through the fence and started across the field at a good clip. She made it all the way to the scrub brush separating the field from Pineapple Port when she heard Stephanie scream.

  She grinned.

  The victory had been sweet, but the dung had been sweeter.

  Walking to her house with a new spring in her step, she noticed a white cat sitting on the window sill of her neighbor’s house. Her thoughts ran back to Johnnie Walker Cat.

  Poor thing.

  Frank wouldn’t have his warrant until Monday, if he was able to get it then. In the meantime, that miserable store owner could ditch evidence, cover his tracks…

  She sighed. She was so tired, but—

  She hopped in the shower at home and, toweling off, checked the clock to find it was nearly seven.

  Declan had finished work and was probably at home.

  She grabbed her phone and called him. Seamus answered.

  “Why are you answering Declan’s cell phone?” she asked.

  “Hello to you, too,” said Seamus.

  “Sorry, hello.”

  “He’s in the shower.”

  “Ah. That’s okay, I needed to talk to you too.”

  “Really? How exciting.”

  “Do you still have that bug sweeper?”

  “Yes.”


  “Good. I need you to check my house. Someone was in here and it could have been Stephanie pulling the same trick she did on Declan.”

  “How do you know someone was in there?”

  “My video doorbell captured movement in the house. I set it up but hadn’t hung it outside yet.”

  “Really? But you can’t tell who it was?”

  “No. It caught the flash of an elbow, maybe. Can you do it tonight?”

  “Sure. I’ll swing over in a little bit.”

  “Great. I’ll leave the door open for you. Abby knows you, ignore her if she barks.”

  “I’m not afraid of that fluff muffin.”

  “Oh, and you can remove the bugs you found at Declan’s.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I just saw Stephanie. She knows we know.”

  “Where? How?”

  “I was barely back from seeing you when she called and put Eddie and me head-to-head in a cow clearing challenge. We emptied Cow Town, like, twenty times over.”

  “Oh yeah? You beat the schmuck?”

  “I did. Barely. I have to say, he seemed really nice.”

  “Och. Don’t let him fool you.”

  Charlotte chuckled. “We threw cow dung in Stephanie’s car. One piece for each cow.”

  “How cute. Invite me to the wedding.”

  “Ha. Oh, and I found out why he’s here. Stephanie went to Miami to ask around about you and met him there.”

  “Ask about me? That doesn’t sound good. I’ll have to ask around and find out more. Oh, wait, here’s your boyo. Hold on.”

  A moment later, Declan’s voice came on the line. “Hello?”

  Charlotte braced herself to do some heavy-duty convincing. “I need you for a very important mission.”

  Declan sighed. “I hate it when you say that.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Charlotte crouched in the dirt and found a direct line of sight to the Quickie Stop convenience store’s back door. The view was clear, but for a few sticks and leaves. She’d stationed Declan around the corner to keep an eye on the front of the store. Given the choice between hiding in the bushes in the dirt or sitting in his car, he’d chosen his car.

  Shocker.

  Though, that was how she’d planned it all along. Declan needed to be in the more visible spot since Cody, the Quickie Stop owner, had seen her with Frank that morning.