Amazingly Broken

by Jordin Williams

  I looked up, hoping the tears wouldn’t start. “I know, but I could use a little safety. Just for a while. Besides, he’s a total player... A different girl four nights in a row. I’m sure there were plenty before them too.” I paused. “The kiss probably didn’t even mean anything to him…”

  “You’ll never know unless you ask Elana.”

  If only I could find the guts.

  “Can you help me with my Chemistry homework really quick?”

  “Sure.”

  After getting help from Tiffany on my Chemistry homework, I headed home. On my way, I realized she was right, but I still wasn’t ready to talk to him. If only the damn university would figure out my housing. It was terribly inconvenient to have a huge crush on your roommate and no place else to live.

  My thoughts were interrupted by a text message from Cole. I thumbed the okay button and looked at the message.

  Call when u can. Hope all is well.

  Not again. My phone call to him the first time obviously wasn’t enough to stop him from contacting me. I had the attention of two guys.

  Never thought this would happen to me.

  I didn’t want it to.

  At times like this, I missed my mother more than usual. Tiffany was everything anyone could want in a best friend, but my mom would have guidance or answers that someone my own age didn’t. Rudderless and exhausted, I didn’t have the time or energy to deal with Cole or Jaxon. I needed to write another history paper, find dinner, and treat myself to a long shower.

  Two more days passed without any discussion of the kiss. Jaxon hadn’t been around at all, so he either didn’t care about it or didn’t know what to say. I crawled into bed for a nap, hoping sleep would keep me from obsessing about his lips and his motivations. My brain needed to disengage.

  As usual, thoughts of him polluted my brain, denying me any rest. While I was fighting them off, my phone buzzed. I grabbed it and looked at the caller ID. It was Tiffany. I thumbed the talk button.

  “Yes, Tiff?”

  “Hey! How's it been going over there the past couple of days? Anymore kissy-kissy?” she asked, making a lip-smacking sound.

  “Shut up,” I sighed.

  “You're bummed, aren't you?”

  “Yes, no. I don’t know. I’m just in limbo.” I sighed.

  “As your official emotional support system, I recommend a night out. You need to let loose.”

  “I don't know. I'll probably just do some homework. I'm behind in chemistry.”

  “Are you sure? There're loads of people from school and you could make some new friends or reconnect with old ones,” she said pausing. “You never know who you might run into.”

  “Who? Jaxon? Don’t do that to me,” I said, a little too loudly.

  “Nothing to worry about. Lance said he’s out of town for a couple of days. Family stuff or something.”

  I wasn't interested in becoming a party animal, but one night out might be nice. On the other hand, I was behind in chemistry even after Tiffany’s help and needed perfect grades to compete for that scholarship. I didn't have the luxury of screwing up.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Just come out. If you want to go home early, we can,” she said. “I think you need to take a break from everything.”

  “If this is a trap to make me see someone, I won’t be happy,” I said. “It’s not my father, is it? I know you love talk shows, but not all family reunions are a good idea.”

  “I promise you that it isn't your father. As a matter of fact, if he shows up here, I’ll probably try to kill him with my bare hands.” Waiting for me to respond, she added, “Come out with us. I’m worried about you.”

  “Fine, but I need to get ready. Can you guys come get me? I’m not in the mood to walk alone,” I said, getting up from the couch and running to the bedroom. “Sure thing. Love you girl.”

  “Love you, too.”

  I located my standard casual night-out outfit: not-too-short denim skirt, red tank top, and red push-up bra. Deciding on shoes was the hardest part. I put on a pair of heels but walking in heels everywhere would be more pain than it was worth. I decided on red low-top Converse sneakers that matched my shirt. I looked in the mirror pressing my breasts together and took a deep breath. It was cute, but not over-the-top. At least I didn’t look like those walking advertisements for sex that fawned over Jaxon at the party.

  Why did I care?

  I grabbed a twenty dollar bill and slipped it into my back pocket with my cell phone. I finished combing my hair and touching-up my face in the bathroom as Tiffany and Lance knocked on the door.

  I could do this.

  I could have fun.

  Chapter 12

  When we got to the club, people were lined-up outside. Lance walked up to the bouncer and gave him one of those one-armed man hugs. They were laughing when Lance called us over. The bouncer stamped the top of each of our hands with the letters URL.

  “Does the same person who created Underground Racing League own this club?” I asked, noticing that the letters were identical to the ones from the party.

  “Yeah,” Lance said, nodding, “The club is called University Street Club. They’re really creative.”

  “Too cheap to buy a stamp with the right letters?”

  “Yeah, but I guess they figure nobody will notice if it says URL and not USC after a few drinks.”

  “How is it allowed to be so close to the university? I thought you couldn’t serve alcohol near school property.”

  “You can’t, but the zoning changes in the middle of the street. Anyplace on this side can serve liquor. That's why there are so many bars down here,” Jaxon said, interrupting us.

  “Jaxon! What are you doing here, man? I thought you went home for a few days?” Lance said.

  “Dude, this is my home now. That’s just a place I go when I have no other choice,” he explained. “I thought I might find you guys here, since my apartment and yours were both empty.”

  He was wearing different cologne, but the new smell was just as enticing as the last. He wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a squeeze. I suddenly understood the meaning of swoon.

  “Are we going to have fun tonight, Toots?” he asked.

  “Um, sure,” I said, glaring at Tiffany. She told me he wasn’t coming. She looked back at me mouthing, “I didn’t know,” and shrugging.

  “Well, if you aren’t interested, Toots, I’m sure someone in there will be.”

  All I could do was grin and roll my eyes at his abundant confidence. Nothing had changed between us and maybe that was for the best. Lance and Tiffany laughed at him too.

  She whispered, “Be careful,” but Jaxon heard her.

  “Oh, I'll be gentle,” he said, smiling at Tiffany.

  “That was advice for Elana.”

  “Yeah, be careful of that player. He might be my best friend but I always warn women about him. He might be okay to live with but date, that’s a different story,” Lance said, walking onto the dance floor.

  “Don't listen to them,” Jaxon said. “They don’t understand me when it comes to girls.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Neither do I.”

  “Oh Toots, hopefully someday you will.”

  Tiffany jogged out to Lance on the floor and flung their hands up in the air as they danced. The music was mostly hip-hop and I wasn’t in the mood to jump into the crowd. Jaxon picked up on my hesitation and guided me to a circular booth in the corner. He was wearing a dark brown V-neck shirt. The indentation of each cut muscle was easy to discern under the thin fabric.

  I was mesmerized.

  I hadn't ever been around many guys that actually knew how to dress well, took care of their bodies, and seemed interested in me. I had the same boyfriend through most of high school, so my experience was limited. I had girlfriends who dated a lot, but I never gave those guys a second thought. For the first time, I felt drawn to a guy, and he was drawn to me.

  I only hoped that it was for t
he right reasons.

  Jaxon slid next to me and asked “Wanna dance?”

  “Not yet. I want to get used to the atmosphere and people watch,” I shouted over the blaring music.

  “What about a drink?” he asked.

  “I’ll have a ginger ale. I don’t really drink.”

  “Of course you don’t,” he smiled.

  As he walked to the bar, a girl ran up and threw her arms around him. I watched as they chatted for a minute, noticing how she giggled and tossed her hair. There was no art to her flirtation.

  I glanced over at Tiffany and Lance who were lost in each other on the dance floor. Despite being surrounded by a crowd, they only noticed each other. Watching them felt like witnessing the sweetest of love stories unfold. I could imagine being at their fortieth anniversary when we were old and gray. I sat back to take in the hectic, loud scene.

  “Hey there,” a guy said, sliding in to the seat Jaxon vacated. I turned and found Cole sitting next to me. I was completely speechless.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  “Wow, w-what are you? How did you?” I stammered.

  “Surprised?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

  “To say the least.”

  He was so close that I could feel his body heat. He was dressed in his normal preppy way, wearing a red Abercrombie and Fitch polo, worn Abercrombie and Fitch jeans, steel fossil watch, and brown designer shoes. His light brown hair was gelled into an intentionally messy look. He was clean shaven and his ice blue eyes sparkled in the dance lights. I caught the scent of his cologne. It immediately brought me back to the couch in his parents’ basement. I would inhale that smell, dreaming of our future, wishing I could stay there and never go home. Of course, that was when I thought we had a future.

  He was everything that I wanted for so long.

  He was home - the good parts of it.

  “How've you been?” he asked, hugging me.

  My skin erupted in goose bumps at his familiar touch. Half of me wanted to shove him out of the booth for wasting what we had. The other half wanted to curl into his arms and go home. He was never exciting, but he was always comfortable.

  “Pretty good,” I yelled over the loud music. I inched back to put some distance between us.

  I looked over at the bar, but Jaxon had disappeared in the crowd. In all likelihood, he was behind the wall of half-naked college girls at the far corner. I couldn't see Lance and Tiffany on the dance floor anymore, but I caught a glimpse of her red heels through the forest of feet. I wanted to strangle her for not telling me Cole was coming. I now knew that’s who she had been talking about being at the club.

  He moved closer and leaned to my ear. “I’m really sorry about how I ended things. I never should have done that to you,” he whispered, reaching his hand under my hair and pulling me closer to his lips. Kissing my neck, he worked his way up to my face and found my lips. The bass from the music was vibrating through the whole club, and his familiar kiss reverberated through my body.

  His touch brought back a lifetime of memories, not all of them good. I cried for hours when he dumped me, and my dad slammed his fists against my locked bedroom door, screaming at me to shut up. I always hoped Cole would save me from him after high school. When he broke up with me, it reminded me that there were no handsome princes to whisk damsels away from fire-breathing dragons. It was up to each of us to make our own way and I was proud of myself for pushing forward.

  I pulled away. I looked over at him and felt the pull of temptation. His leg pressed against mine under the table. He was right there, offering to return something I’d lost, offering a safe haven away from college and Jaxon. This was as seductive as Jaxon’s body, but for the opposite reason.

  I finally saw Tiffany on the dance floor and tried in vain to make eye contact. It was impossible to imagine that she knew about this and thought it would make me happy. Was this some sort of plan Tiffany had to get us back together?

  She wasn’t a fan of Jaxon, but she didn’t like Cole after he broke my heart. She was too busy dancing to notice me, so I gave up and turned back to Cole. I still didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? You can’t undo the past.

  “Cole —,” I started, looking down and away from him.

  “Don’t say anything yet. I know you’re upset with me and shocked to see me. But I couldn’t keep texting and calling with no answer,” he said. “Let’s just dance and have fun tonight. Tomorrow we’ll worry about the rest.”

  “Fine,” I sighed.

  Taking my hand, he pulled me toward the dance floor. There was no sign of Jaxon and Tiffany and Lance disappeared back into the dancing horde. I was in a state of shock and in no condition to resist.

  He pulled me close to him on the dance floor. The music was thumping and everyone was grinding and hopping around, but he held me, swaying slowly like two kids at a homecoming dance. He put his hand on the small of my back, pressing our bodies together, my face against his chest. Through the music and voices, I could hear his heart beating. He kissed my cheek.

  “What the fuck are you doing,” growled Jaxon’s deep, raspy voice.

  Slightly startled, I pushed Cole's arms away. Before I could say anything, Jaxon’s arm shot forward and shoved Cole. He stumbled back but avoided falling.

  “I asked what the fuck you were doing,” Jaxon shouted, his brown eyes flushed black with anger.

  I was shocked. I couldn't even speak. What was he doing?

  “I haven't seen you around here before. You think you can show up and touch any girl you want? Because I’m here to tell you that’s not gonna fucking happen!” he yelled, thumping Cole’s chest with his index finger.

  People around us stopped dancing and started to form a circle. Cole looked at me, confused. I stepped between them and glared at Jaxon. The veins in his arms were bulging and looked ready to rip out of his skin.

  “Stop it! I know him,” I said, resting a hand on his heaving chest.

  “What d’you mean you know him? From where?”

  “He’s my boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend,” I said. His breath smelled of liquor. That might explain the temper and his prolonged absence from our table.

  His eyes didn’t meet mine; they were staring straight at Cole, burning with hatred. They looked the same way they did the night of the race when he hit his opponent. Getting in between him and Cole was not a good idea.

  “Elana, who is this guy?” Cole asked. “Are you with him?”

  “No, we’re friends. That’s it,” I replied. Jaxon looked at me and something in his face shifted.

  “She sleeps in my bed, but it’s none of your business,” Jaxon growled.

  “Stop, Jaxon!” I shouted, glaring at him.

  What had gotten into him? I thought everything between us was friendly, but he was behaving like an overprotective boyfriend. He had some nerve, considering the fan club that followed him around.

  Maybe the kiss between us did mean something.

  “Maybe I should just go, Elana,” Cole said, looking askance at Jaxon. “I’ll call you later.”

  He hugged me for a long time and whispered, “I still love you Elana.”

  I couldn’t get myself to respond so I just smiled. Cole smiled back and then trotted out the door while Jaxon stared Cole down, refusing to back down completely until he was out of the club. The crowd dissipated as the threat of violence subsided. Tiffany and Lance appeared as Jaxon’s fists finally relaxed.

  “What happened,” she said.

  “Cole is what happened. How could you not tell me?”

  “I thought it would be a great surprise,” Tiffany explained.

  “It didn’t turn out. Tell me next time.”

  “Trust me, I will.”

  Jaxon was still fuming, and Lance looked nervously at Tiffany. “Let’s go. I think we’ve all had enough for tonight.”

  “Really? I think Elana was just getting started,” Jaxon sneered.

  “We’re leaving,” Lance s
aid, pushing him to the door. I followed, trying to figure out how everything had gotten so crazy.

  When we were finally outside the club, Jaxon was surprisingly quiet. We watched him, waiting for an explanation. He shrugged like the whole thing was a non-event. Whether he admitted it or not, it was obvious to me that he confronted Cole because he saw him touching me and kissing me.

  I took a deep breath before speaking. “You can't do that Jaxon. You have no right to push someone off me like that.”

  “You don't know how these guys work around here, Toots. They’ll take advantage of you if you give them half a chance. How was I supposed to kn—”

  “These guys? Like it’s some anonymous group that you aren’t part of,” I interrupted.

  “No, these guys go after girls like prey. Girls come after me. They know what they're getting themselves into and they volunteer for it.”

  “That’s a lovely opinion of women. We’re all just dying to hop into bed and become your morning cast-offs. You are so goddamn arrogant!”

  “You’re twisting it around and you know it. And what about you? Why would you let that asshole touch you after he broke your heart?” he shouted. He hit a nerve. I was angry with myself for letting him affect me.

  “That's none of your business.”

  “You’re my business, Toots. I look out for you. At least, I try to,” he said, looking defeated as he said it.

  “Like you looked out for me the last few days by kissing me and taking off? I can live without that kind of protection, thanks.”

  “Calm down, guys,” Tiffany said. “You don’t want to do this here—not like this.”

  Jaxon looked at Lance for some kind of help, but Lance shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

  “Fine, I’m sorry, Elana. You’re right!” He tried to look contrite, but anger was still pulsing through his body.

  We all stood there, held captive by an awkward silence. There wasn’t much left to say. I was tired and ready for the evening to be over. I didn’t need to hear that he was sorry.

  “Tiff and I are gonna grab some ice cream. Do you guys want to come with?” Lance offered.

  “No, I'm just going to walk home,” Jaxon said. “I wouldn’t mind some company though.”