Amazingly Broken

by Jordin Williams

  He laughed. “Good, it drives me crazy that most restaurants don't put broccoli in their Chicken Alfredo. It’s so bland without it. People don’t know what’s good for them.”

  Exactly.

  After eating his breakfast foods over the past month, I knew he could cook. It had been a long time since I had a homemade meal that wasn’t breakfast. When my mom was alive, she cooked dinner almost every night. My dad worked long hours as an engineer, and when he came home around seven o'clock each night, she made sure that we sat down to eat as a family.

  My mother taught third grade, so she always got home first. There were nights when I found her in her home office working after dad went to sleep. It wasn’t that she didn’t have plenty of her own work, but it was important to her that we have dinner as a family. After her death, my dad didn't even try to cook. I tried a few times in the first weeks, but he never showed up.

  I missed it.

  Jaxon’s phone bounced around the counter, vibrating near the edge. He rolled his eyes as he answered it.

  “Hello!” he commanded. “I can’t talk now.” He turned his back toward me and stood by the sink, shifting his weight back and forth. “I told you we could talk about this when you get out.”

  He looked at me and mouthed, “I’m sorry, I’ll be a minute.”

  He walked into the bedroom, so I took over broccoli chopping duty. Even as a kid, I loved tasks like this. There are so many things that take hours or days to complete; it’s satisfying to have some discrete chore that can be accomplished quickly.

  Down the hall, there was a loud bang, as if someone punched a wall. Jaxon shouted, “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

  I paused to listen but could only hear muffled sounds. I decided to do something to get my mind off of who Jax might be talking to. I started chopping the salad ingredients, reminding myself not to assume anything. When I heard footsteps coming down the hall, my back stiffened. It was a reflex developed over the years. As his hand touched my back, I jumped and cut my finger.

  “Ouch!” Blood poured onto the lettuce, and I grabbed my finger with my other hand.

  “I’m sorry. I thought you heard me. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “I did hear you; that’s what put me on edge.”

  “Come here,” he said, turning on the faucet. “Let the water run to clean it out. I’ll go find a Band-Aid.”

  Crimson drops hit the sink and wound down the drain. I turned off the faucet and grabbed a paper towel to dry my hand. He reappeared with antibiotic ointment and a Band-Aid.

  “Here, let me.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  He dabbed the cut with the paper towel, carefully applying the ointment. I had no idea it was possible to be sexy while applying ointment, but he was. He wrapped the Band-Aid around my finger and I looked up at him with confusion.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s bacon.”

  “Bacon? Why do you have Band-Aids made to look like bacon?”

  “They were a gift and it’d be wasteful to toss them. Besides, who doesn’t like bacon?”

  “Are you sure it’s safe to put bacon on a wound?”

  “Absolutely, now get out of my kitchen before you hurt yourself more Toots.”

  He smiled.

  I smiled back.

  His eyes didn’t blink.

  Neither did mine.

  After a minute I finally sat back down on the stool.

  He cleaned up the cutting board and discarded the ruined lettuce leaves. He brought the veggies and board over to the counter below the bar, so we were facing each other. “You spook easily, Toots.”

  “Well, you sounded angry when you walked down the hall. I guess it just made me anxious.”

  “Sorry about that. Bill collectors.”

  He wasn’t the least bit convincing. “Jaxon?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yup. Are you?”

  “I mean the call. Was it . . . Was it your mom?”

  He put the knife down and tension gripped his shoulders. He took a deep breath, “What do you know?”

  “Tiffany mentioned that you have to help your mom out back home. That’s it. She was trying to point out what a jerk I was for listening to Amber.”

  He stood in silence, looking at the cutting board. He picked the knife up again and started talking to me without looking at me. “It was my mom. She’s at a hospital.”

  “Sorry, Jaxon. I shouldn’t pry.” I let the silence take over, realizing that it was time to be open if I wanted openness. “I don’t really talk about it, but my mom was in the hospital for a long time. She died about five years ago from cancer. I know how hard it is when —”

  “God Elana, why didn’t you say anything? I had no idea.” He came over and wrapped his arms around me.

  “I’m okay. It was a long time ago,” I said. One of the reasons I never told people was the look they gave me once they knew. They wanted to provide comfort, but it looked and felt like pity. Jaxon’s look was different. There was no pity in his eyes. It was more like respect.

  “I’m sorry, Elana. I know what it is like to lose someone.” He went back to chopping. “My mom’s not that sick, but I lost my sister a couple of years ago.”

  Immediately, I remembered the picture in his desk drawer. That wasn’t some girlfriend; it was his sister. That’s why she looked familiar; she looked like him.

  How had I been so stupid and cold?

  “I’m sorry..”

  “It’s okay, Toots. Life happens.” He put the pasta in boiling water.

  “Can I ask what happened?”

  “It was a car accident. She had her learner’s permit, so she was always after me to take her driving. My parents were going out and I told her I’d take her if she promised to leave me alone for the night after that. I wanted to watch some stupid movie or something.”

  The pain in his voice was clear. “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’m just not use to telling anyone.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his face. “I took her to this empty road. The only things out there were cows and hay. I didn’t want to deal with other cars. We went down this stretch of road on a clear day with nobody else in sight. She was doing really well. She wanted to go faster, but I told her to stick to the speed limit. It’s already high on those roads, like fifty.

  “Everything was so normal, so perfect. And then, out of nowhere, there was this loud noise and she lost control. The car went flying off the road, through part of a field and into this pond or drainage ditch or whatever it was.

  “We went in nose first and the water was filling the car. I was disoriented, trying to figure out what happened. She was passed out. Her head was just kind of hanging forward, but she was breathing.” He stopped and cleared his throat.

  “My window was open because it was a beautiful evening, perfect temperature. I managed to get free of the seat belt, but the water filled the car by then. It was harder and harder to see and I couldn’t breathe. I surfaced for air and dove down again. Her hair was floating around her head as the car settled onto the bottom. It wasn’t even that fucking deep.

  “I kept pulling at her seat belt, but I couldn’t get it undone. I tried to pull her out of it. I remembered an old knife in the glove box and tried to get in there. I had to go back up for air. By the time I got the knife and cut her out of the seat belt, it was too late. I tried CPR and mouth-to-mouth, but I couldn’t do anything. My cell phone was in the car and we were so far from everyone.”

  I got him a glass of water and rubbed his back. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Life happens, you know. Shit happens.” He took a sip. “I made it back to the road, carrying her in my arms. Luckily, a guy was driving by and stopped. He had a phone, but it was too fucking late. Just too fucking late.

  “My mom was devastated. My dad just shut down. He would barely look at me. He blamed me for taking her driving, for not sa
ving her, for being alive. I didn’t blame him. I blamed me too.”

  He paused to stir the pasta and add some butter to a saucepan. It was amazing that he could focus on cooking while telling me this story.

  “He left about a year later. He packed some stuff one day and didn’t come back. Mom was a mess. She was either crying or drinking or both. On his way out, he told me to take care of my mother. It was my senior year and he said I wasn’t a kid anymore. What happened after that just got worse. My two brothers blamed me for our dad leaving and our mom spiraling out of control. They still don’t talk to me.”

  The story was horrible and I felt horrible for making all the wrong assumptions. He probably worked twenty times harder than I did. I rubbed his back through his shirt but didn’t say anything.

  “So, Toots, that’s my big secret. Not nearly as exciting as a secret girlfriend or whatever Amber thought.”

  “Crediting Amber with thought is extremely generous.”

  That brought a smile to his face. “Let’s get back to dinner. No use dwelling on the past,” he said.

  I could relate to losing a love one.

  It was hard.

  He was quiet while he finished cooking. I let him be. Sometimes quiet is the best thing you can give a person. Besides, watching Jaxon cook was, in a word, hot. He was really at home in a kitchen. He had me taste a little of his homemade dressing before tossing the salad. It was simple, but delicious. He seemed to be good at everything he did. I could hardly remember why I ever had any reservations about him.

  A few minutes later, he served the Chicken Alfredo on two plates, putting them on the living room table. He grabbed two salad bowls, lit a candle, and grabbed forks and napkins. He pulled two big pillows off the couch and put them on the floor on either side of the table.

  “Sorry, Toots, but, as you can see, the dining room is an office.”

  “It looks lovely. Are you going to be comfortable? You’re a little tall for this table. We can eat at the bar.”

  “It doesn’t work.”

  “The bar doesn’t work?”

  “Nope, we’d have to eat side by side. How would I look at you?”

  Blushing, I sat on the pillow. “It looks and smells delicious.”

  “I prefer he, not it.” His mischievous grin made me my heart race.

  “I meant the food.”

  “Oh well, thank you. Let’s eat.”

  As we ate, we talked about school and the classes that I liked and disliked. He even gave his opinions, which surprised me because I never saw him around campus during classes.

  He’d cooked me the most scrumptious meal I’d ever eaten. It was completely different from my mom’s down-home style of cooking but equally gratifying. He was a great cook and a great date, insisting that I sit, drink a glass of wine, and relax rather than help. I could hear him tending to the dishes, and as much as I probably should have gone to help him, I couldn't remove myself from the couch. I was full of good food and good feelings. It was the comfort I hoped to find when I left home.

  When he was done cleaning the dishes he collapsed on the couch next to me. His warmth welcomed me, and I pushed myself closer to him. His scent drew me in like it always did.

  Wasn’t there something about pheromones? Maybe he gave off a scent specifically designed to attract me.

  Either way, it worked.

  He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to his chest.

  “Can I ask you something?” I said.

  “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight.”

  Laughing, I shoved him. “That’s not my question.”

  “Go for it, Toots.”

  “Why me? You certainly don’t have any shortage of girls chasing you down.”

  “Well, you’re different. You're more grounded and down to earth.”

  “You never slept with a girl who’s grounded and down to earth?”

  “Maybe I did. I really never stuck around long enough to find out. It’s tough to see someone as grounded when her shirt is practically lingerie and she’s grabbing your junk in the club.”

  I laughed, “That's a good point.”

  “Plus, you never really take any shit. You care about school. You don’t go out every night. You’re not, like, frivolous. You know?” He kissed my forehead again. “The more I learn about you, the more I like you.”

  “My mom told me to avoid boys and drama. She knew she wouldn’t be around for college and high school, so she tried to distill everything.”

  “It seems kind of impossible to avoid boys and drama.”

  “I’ve done all right. Not perfect.”

  “What about Cole?”

  I shifted and looked away. “We grew up together. She loved Cole and Tiffany, but Cole and I didn’t start dating until after she died. She would have approved, I think. As long as I didn’t let dating him stop me from going to college or anything.”

  “Well, I guess you didn’t let that happen.”

  “No, but it was hard. There’s something comfortable about your high school boyfriend. My mom and dad were high school sweethearts and they got married. Who knows how we would have ended up if she didn’t die.” I took a deep breath to stave off any tears.

  “I’m sorry, Toots. I’m sure she is proud of you. I am proud of you. You’re going to college and trying to do something with your life.”

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked nervously.

  “Of course.”

  “Why so many girls?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like why just go around having sex with random girls but never committing to any of them?”

  “Because I’ve lost everything and I didn’t want to have something to lose again. My sister died, my dad left, my two brothers won’t talk to me, and my mother is completely different person. And I don’t know many single guys who would turn down casual sex with hot girls.”

  “But you’re willing to commit to me?”

  “I already have.”

  My face went to shock. “What?”

  “I’m done with other girls. I have been since I realized you were interested in me. Remember that morning?”

  “You went on a date with Shannon though.”

  “To make you jealous. When I found out about your date with Cole it drove me crazy. I wanted to be the one taking you out. We didn’t do anything, I swear.”

  I rubbed his chest, flattered by his words. “You know some things aren’t permanent and I might not be around forever, right?”

  “I know and I tried to fight it but I’ve never felt this way.”

  I felt his heart beat at a rapid pace. “Is your anger rout from the same thing?”

  “Yeah, I don’t have time to mess around with bullshit, especially when people hurt others. I’ve had enough in my family that I don’t need anymore. I’ve been doing way better since I met you.”

  “I know how to calm the beast,” I said, smiling.

  We sat quietly for a little while, but then he reached down and tilted my chin up. He closed his eyes and kissed me. Every time he kissed me, it was more powerful than the last. He pulled the recline lever, lifting his feet in the air. He pulled me over, so I was lying on top of him—our bodies pressed into each other. We kept kissing, our hearts synchronizing for a while. I grabbed his shirt never wanting to let go. Eventually, the kissing slowed and I put my head on his shoulder. At some point he reached out to turn the light off and we basked in the dark silence. Before I knew it, my eyes were closed.

  The next morning I woke up in bed, alone. I was under the covers but still wearing my outfit from the night before. I slowly opened my eyes and rubbed them, so I could see around the room better. Jaxon was nowhere. He must have carried me to bed after I fell asleep on him.

  I climbed out of bed and stretched, twisting my back and pulling on my arms. I walked to the kitchen, half expecting to find him cooking breakfast. All I found was a note.

  Toots,

  I had an early class and t
hen I'm off to work out. It was a great time last night. I really enjoyed it. We should do it again.

  Jaxon

  I smiled and folded the paper before sliding it into my pocket. It was seven-thirty on a Monday and I had to get ready for my first class. It felt like the start of more than a new week.

  Chapter 24

  After my morning classes, I went to the dining hall and found Tiffany and Lance. They were laughing together about who knows what. I started eating and listening to their conversation, but I drifted into a daydream about Jaxon. It was a bad habit that needed to stop.

  I never thought about a guy like this before. As much as I had tried to stay away from him, I couldn't. It was even harder now that I knew he was more than some racing, drinking, cocky, hothead. He was smart and caring and responsible. He had some demons, but so did I.

  “Earth to Elana,” Tiffany said, waving her hands in front of my face. “Are you in there?”

  “What?”

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “History class.”

  “What are you studying?” Lance asked.

  “I’ll give you a hint about what she’s studying, but it’s more like anatomy than history.”

  “Shut it, Tiffany,” I laughed. Nodding toward Lance, I tried to let her know this wasn’t the time.

  “I told you, girl, he’s a vault, an absolute vault. Tell him anything. Tell him your email passwords. Nobody would ever get it out of him.”

  “She’s right,” he said. “I’m like a priest in a confessional. You say it to me and it stays with me.”

  “You weren’t like a priest this morning,” Tiffany teased.

  “Oh geez. I don’t need any details.”

  They both smiled. “So spill it. What’s got your head in the clouds?”

  “I had a really great dinner last night. That’s all.”

  “I daydream about dinner all the time,” Lance smirked. “Hmm, tacos.”

  “Where did you have dinner last night, Elana? Did you go to a fancy restaurant?”

  “Jaxon cooked for me. For us.”

  Lance mimed cleaning out his ears, “Did you say Jaxon, that guy I know from forever ago, cooked you dinner? Not breakfast. Dinner?”