Amazingly Broken

by Jordin Williams

  “Elana, are you sure? Isn’t this your sanctuary?”

  “How did you know that?”

  “I can tell. You always seem so much happier when you leave the shower. Relaxed and warm. That’s why I got you the robe.”

  Knowing that he noticed my shower ritual made me want him more. I pulled him into the shower and watched the water splash off his toned body. I kissed him, letting the warmth rush over us. He pulled me closer and put his face down, taking my breast in his mouth. The water kept flowing and he shut his eyes. His mouth moved slowly, pulling gently and licking the water off my skin. I pulled his chin toward me and tasted his mouth again.

  His hand moved down and reached between my legs. My body quivered at his touch and I let out a loud moan. He pulled me toward him with his other hand, his mouth on mine, hot water streaming down my body, his fingers reaching places I didn’t know existed. It felt good and his hands grabbing what he wanted only made me desire him more. He nearly panted as my lips shifted to his neck. Jaxon closed his eyes and let his head drop back.

  I pushed him against the wall, grinding my hips into his and yanking his head back down to mine. I wanted him so bad that it didn’t even bother me that we were in a tiny shower. I moaned in his mouth, panting with need as his tongue brushed mine. He cupped my bottom, pulling me tighter into his fully ready body. Breaths and hearts racing, our mouths attacked each other’s.

  His mouth broke away from mine, locking around my nipple, his tongue swirling around the rigid peak. Groaning, I held his head to me and ground my hips into his, needing to feel that wonderful hardness. My amped-up body responded instantly to everywhere he touched me. I was on fire as his fingers traveled around my sensitive skin.

  I slipped my right hand between us. Grasping the thickness I wanted more than anything, I squeezed the base. He whimpered and pushed me against the shower wall. My head thudded as I lightly bumped into it. It didn’t stop me and I slid my hand up and down the hard length of him.

  He stepped back pushing my hand away. I leaned against the wall, watching him standing before me, wondering what he was doing. Then he dropped to his knees in front of me. Suddenly, he grabbed my leg and pulled it up over his shoulder. He brought his mouth right to my aching core, something that I never had done to me before.

  Crying out, I slammed the palms of my hands against the wall. It felt incredible, and as he sucked, swirled and stroked the most sensitive part of me, I made noises that I didn’t know were possible.

  Just as I was groaning his name, rocking my hips against him, he separated from me. Stumbling back a step, he brought his mouth back up to mine and shoved his tongue inside. I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him flush to my body. I needed him so bad. Groaning, I grabbed his throbbing mass and tried leading him to where I needed him.

  “I want you inside me,” I breathed into his ear, wrapping my leg around him and pulling myself against his hand. He kissed down my neck, down my collar bone, and down to my breasts again. I swiveled against his hips, desperate for more. I was nearly ready to climax from the anticipation alone. He put one hand on each side of my ass and pulled me up. I wrapped the other leg around his waist as he lowered me down, lifting me slightly, lowering me again. Closing his eyes, he sucked in a quick breath through his teeth and dropped his head back His biceps pulsed against my arms as he supported my entire weight. The water pooled at our feet, and the steam filled the room.

  “Oh my god, Elana. Oh my…”

  I moved my hips, rocking against him while he lifted me up and down. The feel of him in me was the most fulfilling thing I had ever felt. He pulled my hips into his body in a faster rhythm than I was going and I matched him. I bucked against him, thrashing my body into his. He was moaning just as hard as I was as I felt the buildup approaching. I lost control of any rational thought as my body rocked with pleasure. I screamed in intense pleasure. I grabbed him and put my arms around his back, hugging him as if my life depended on it.

  As my breathing returned to normal, he continued to slide me up and down, stopping suddenly. He groaned low and intense as his body shook and he pulled out of me. We stood there, holding each other, panting against each other, as the water cascaded over us. He kissed me tenderly.

  “I love you, Jaxon.” I heard myself say.

  “I love you, too.”

  “That was the best shower ever,” I smiled at him. “You’re welcome in here any time.”

  “I hope so,” he said kissing me again.

  Epilogue

  “That dress still looks beautiful,” Tiffany said as I twirled in front of the mirror.

  “Everything you wear should be that color. You’re so gorgeous.”

  “It seemed appropriate. I wore it to my first night hosting karaoke, and now I’ll wear it on my last.” I sighed and twirled in the mirror again, trying to extract more sweetness from the bittersweet moment.

  “That feels like it was a lifetime ago,” she said, wiping a tear away. “How were we ever freshmen?”

  I walked over and gave her a huge hug. “Don't do that. You'll make me start, Tiff.”

  “I'm going to miss you. Every day. Promise you're going to email and post photos of everything.”

  “I will. You know nothing feels real until I tell you all about it,” I said.

  It would be hard to be away from her. She'd been with me since we were six years old and we’d only ever been apart for less than a summer. I tried to convince her to join me, but she was starting a graduate nursing program in the fall. It would hurt to be without her, but it was time to have an adventure. I was taking a year off before grad school to travel through Europe and Asia.

  My father left me everything when he died and it seemed like a sign to go do all of the things my mother wanted me to do. It was hard when he died. Even though I mourned him since freshmen year, I thought he'd always be out there somewhere, and maybe, somehow, things would get better. He was lost to me, but he could still be found.

  After he died, Tiffany went back to Iowa with me. The police said it was an accident; that he lost control speeding around a curve. His car rolled down an embankment, but he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. There was no note, but I will never believe he lost control. He could handle a speeding car better than anyone I’d ever seen—even Jaxon. The accident report said there was no alcohol in his system which made it obvious it was suicide. I blamed myself since it happened after I left. Tiffany and Jaxon made me realize it wasn’t my fault because the problems started way before I left. The drinking was obviously a problem and that should have of a hint he wasn’t okay. I knew that but I didn’t think he’d ever kill himself.

  When I got to our old house everything was packed in moving boxes. He'd closed the sale a week prior and was getting ready to move. Everything was carefully labeled. The only room that wasn't touched was mine. Everything was exactly the way it was when I left. The only change was a small vase on my desk that held three calla lilies.

  The accident happened exactly two weeks after my last class of junior year. Everything they ever had was left to me and the lawyer handed me a note written in my father's meticulous writing: See the world. Be great.

  He was awful for years. I’ll never forget it, but I chose to let that man die in a rolling car. My father died too, but much earlier, with my mother.

  When I got back to Florida after the trip, I moved out of Jaxon's place and into Tom's spare apartment over O'Reilly's. I needed some time to be on my own and process everything. I thought Jaxon would be angry, but he understood. It was important to spend some time in my own place. We still saw each other most days, but it was nice to have my own place for a little while.

  Tiffany looked at me and said, “I’m so proud of you. Your mom would be too.” She swallowed a few more tears. “Did Jax say anything about going with you?”

  “No, but I don’t expect him to. I leave in two weeks, so there isn’t much time for him to suddenly decide to come.” I had cried every time I thought about
being in separate countries. Separate apartments were one thing, but we were in the same town. We both knew I couldn’t stay in Florida forever. He said that he understood. We hadn’t talked about it yet, and I was worried he would want to break-up like Cole did. I couldn’t expect him to sit around waiting for me to return.

  I'd asked him to go with me, but he said he didn’t know because he had so much tying him to Florida. His mom was better, but still needed help. During his senior year, he became business partners with Jim; the racing league was legit now and it was bringing in real money. As if that wasn’t enough, Jaxon and Lance opened a custom shop when they graduated last year. Lance managed it since Jaxon traveled around the state for the racing league, but they met every week to go over business matters and strategize.

  I knew it was impossible for him to leave, but I couldn’t help being sad about it. In some ways, it felt like I was in the same place after graduating college that I was after graduating high school. I had to leave behind so many things that I’d loved to push myself forward.

  Every time I thought about staying, I heard my mother making me promise to see the world and try things. I saw the note from my father telling me to be great. It was a lot of pressure, but so it would be pressure to stay put. If things didn’t work out, I’d always regret not trying to do more.

  I paused to look in the mirror again. If I kept smiling, nobody would know how hard it was to say goodbye. I looped my arm through Tiffany’s and said, “Are you ready?”

  “Now’s as good a time as any.”

  Tom was on stage when we got there and he turned off the music when he saw me. He stepped onto the stage and told the packed bar, “Our guest of honor has arrived.” There was some applause as he gestured for me to come on stage. “Elana came into this dump almost four years ago and brought some class and more than a little talent with her. She was a little scared and a little lost when we met, but so was I. It's been a privilege to watch her grow these last four years.”

  He coughed to cover the threat of a sob. Looking at me, he said, “Elana, I'm gonna miss you every day. Miriam and I never had any kids, but I feel like you're my own daughter. We expect details of all your adventures and some damn good singing tonight.” With that he threw his arms around me and everyone clapped again. Tom wasn't usually sentimental, so I was a little shocked. But I thought of him the same way. He'd become like an adoptive parent and one of my best friends, all rolled into one. He was always there when I didn’t know where else to go. He was always there even when I did.

  “Well, that's a tough act to follow, Tom,” I said, taking the microphone. “Thank you guys so much for coming out tonight. It's been wonderful to spend time with you every week, watching you sing and laugh, being part of so many celebrations. I can't thank Tom enough for the opportunity or all of you enough for making work so much fun.”

  I paused to gather myself. I really didn't want to cry in front of all these people. I scanned the crowd for Jaxon and found him standing at the back with Lance. He looked oddly nervous. Shifting his weight from side to side.

  “Let's get started with our first victim. Who's got the list?”

  Tiffany walked up and handed me the list of singers and it was completely full. It usually took a little encouragement to get people on stage but not tonight. “Alright, the first victim is.” I stopped and looked at the list in shock. In four years, we never convinced Jaxon to sing anything. He never sang so much as a happy birthday. “Well, this is a surprise,” I said as he stepped on stage.

  “I've still got a few left, Toots.” He kissed me on the cheek, and I stepped into the crowd to stand with Tiffany and Lance.

  Jaxon cleared his throat and said, “Hey everybody, I've never done this before so don't be too hard on me.” He smiled and half the women melted. He could have made armpit noises and they would have cheered. “Tom, would you?” he said.

  The music started and I recognized it as one of the oldies that my parents loved. “Now, I'm singing this to you Elana. You still have to decide if it's true.” He cleared his throat again and began, “I'm leaving on a jet plane…”

  I turned to look at Tiffany to see if she knew what was happening. She nodded her head at me and my eyes started to fill with tears.

  From the stage, Jaxon said, “Well, Elana? What d'ya say? Want a travel companion?”

  I couldn't even speak. All I could do was shake my head yes and run into his arms.

  Holding me and swinging me around he whispered in my ear, “It's all set. I worked it out with Lance and Jim. I'm yours, Toots.”

  “I love you,” I said.

  “And I love you.”

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