by Kar, Alla
When she gets all the way out, I reach over and shut the gate behind her. She is taller than I remember. Her golden mane is shining and well taken care of. “Girl,” I say, giving the apple over to her velvet mouth. “I’ve missed you.” She crunches on the apple. “It’s been seven years and I bet you remember me, though.” I place my head on her torso and close my eyes, running my fingers over her. “What’s that? You want to take a ride?” I smile into her coat. “I can handle that.” I grab a saddle off the wall and place it on her. It’s been so long since I’ve strapped a saddle on that it takes me damn near ten minutes to get it on.
I cock an eyebrow and throw my flip-flops off. I place my left foot into the stirrup and pull myself up. I land straight and sigh with relief until she starts bucking underneath me. “Wow, Halo, calm down.” Yet she is doing anything but; she bucks and kicks and I hold on for dear life.
“I gotcha,” I hear Levi and for the first time, I’m relieved to see him. Letting go of the grips, I wrap my arms around him while he lowers me down to the soft hay. Halo kicks her way over toward the stall and leans down to pick up a flip-flop. I grit my teeth and realize Levi is still holding me. His grip is warm and his callused palms are roughly calming on my bare shoulders. I glance up at him; his dark eyes are watching my face closely.
“Sorry,” I say, stepping back, hating the way I miss his touch when I do.
“You tryin’ to get yaself killed, Kitten?” he asks, shutting Halo’s gate. “She hasn’t ridden anybody since you’ve been gone and I don’t think she remembers you.”
“She does, too,” I say, defensively. “She just has to get to know me again,” I huff out, pulling a strand of hair back behind my ears.
Levi shrugs and tugs on his hat. I sneak a quick glance while he isn’t looking at me. His jeans…oh God those jeans…they are just tight enough to see his nice hard ass but not tight enough to look wrong on a boy. His boots are black and his black t-shirt is fitted nicely to his biceps that have gotten so much bigger since the last time I saw him.
“See somethin’ you like there, Kitten.
“No,” I snap, looking up at his humored expression.
He grins and that dimple shows. “You plannin’ on ridin’ somewhere today? Or was ya just tryin’ her on for size?”
I shrug and wrap my hands around my shoulders. Despite it being Texas, there is a small morning breeze. “Just wanted to go over to the house and see how it’s holding up, I guess.”
Levi is staring at me when I look back. His eyes travel down my body to the tips of my toes. “You look good, Bridget.”
I’m sure my face reddens. “You, too,” I whisper.
He lets out a little laugh. “I see you still got those long legs…” he trails off. I push back the memory of his touching them…kissing them.
“Yeah, I guess I’m stuck with them,” I say, rubbing my shoulders again.
“You cold?” he asks, pulling off his shirt. I try to protest but he sticks his arm out and hands it to me anyway. I try just to look at the shirt, but my eyes travel to his shirtless body. Damn those abs. He grins and I snatch the shirt. Damn him.
I slide the shirt over my torso and smell the crisp, clean smell of him. He smells like leather and hay. I try not to be noticeable, because a girl smelling his clothes can run a guy off.
“Looks good on ya,” he says, grinning. He reaches back and scratches his neck. “Look, I was heading over to your house anyways. I have some tools I need to get from your daddy’s stuff. If you want to ride with me you can.”
Ride. With. You. Oh how many times have I already. I bite my lip and kick the hay with my bare foot. Halo is half way through demolishing the flip-flop. “Well, I mean…”
“Christopher,” he says in a very sophisticated voice, “might get angry. We wouldn’t want that.”
“He wouldn’t…”
“Then what’s the problem, Kitten? Scared you’ll fall for me again?” Shivers run down my body as he steps closer, his tanned face watching my every reaction.
“Of course not. I was just wondering which horse we would take?”
He does a half eye roll and steps beside me. The heat from his body is radiating and despite the warmth it’s covering me in chills. “We’ll take mine, if that’s alright, Ms. Wilks.”
I shrug and pull at my blond hair that has partially fallen from my ponytail. “I’m glad you kept your hair,” he says, looking over his shoulder. “I always loved your hair.”
I know you did. I smile. “Yeah, couldn’t make myself cut it,” I twist it around my finger. He steps back and looks at me, his long index finger picks my curl up, and he lets it fall against my breast.
“You’ve improved a lot,” he mumbled under his breath, pulling the reigns and letting a black stallion out. “This is…”
“Don’t tell me, Black Beauty?”’
He grunts and shuts the door behind him. “No, it’s Bridge,” he says. My heart thumps against my chest, and I pretend not to hear him.
The intensity in his eyes makes me shiver. “You going to help a lady on, or does she have to do it herself?”
He moves around to where he is facing me. “We wouldn’t want that. We saw what happened last time. You got ya cute lil’ ass kicked off.”
“Only because I’ve not practiced,” I say, fluttering my eyes. “Now, let me on.”
He wraps one hand around my waist and picks me up enough to let me swing my leg over. His hand lingers on my thigh a little longer than it should and I feel heat building between my legs. He grins up at me. “Get in the driver’s seat,” he says.
“Oh, no, I just told you. I haven’t ridden in a long time.”
“If you’re gonna get on Halo before your visit is over, then I suggest you get your ass in the driver’s seat, Kitten.”
I watch him closely, making sure he is serious. Scooting to the front, I sigh and run my fingers over the horse’s mane. Levi swings his leg over and I cringe. His front is dangerously close to my back. The rough exterior of his jeans rub against the soft skin of my legs. He scoots forward, letting his hands rest on my thighs.
“A little inappropriate,” I manage to get the words out and turn to look at him. His eyebrow is cocked and he tilts his head.
“Really,” he whispers low. Resting his lips on my bare shoulder, he scoots even closer to me. “I would think,” he squeezes my thigh, “this would be inappropriate. It’s not like we haven’t been closer before.”
I scoff and tap my legs against the horse and click my tongue. Bridge starts trotting and I smile.
“So, how long has it been since you’ve been on a horse?”
“Senior year,” I say.
“What?” Levi laughs. I feel the impact of him throwing his head back. “You can’t be serious? It’s been that long. They don’t have horses in New York?”
“Yes, they do if you’re rich and are a member of a country club.”
“Like you’re not,” he scoffs.
I remain quiet, not sure what to say. My lifestyle is so much different than my family’s now. I don’t like to talk about it with them.
“So, when will I get to meet Christopher?”
“You’re not,” I simply say, watching the ground as we trot along.
“He isn’t comin’?”
“Oh he is, but I changed my mind, I don’t want you meeting him.” I shrug. I feel Levi’s grip on my waist. I stiffen.
“What? You don’t like when I grab you anymore, Kitten? You used to love it. And I want to meet the man that stole Bridget Wilks’ heart,” he whispers into my ear, his breath close to my neck.
I push his hands away. “No, I don’t and I have a fiancé now. I don’t want you manhandling me,” I spat back. “And I don’t want you meeting him because you’re an ass and I can imagine the way you will act around him.”
He laughs that raw hearty laugh and squeezes my sides. “Oh, Kitten. You haven’t changed a bit. Still bull-headed and stubborn.”
I don�
�t reply. I steer the horse and thank God we are getting closer to the house. Our house was never super fancy. It was a simple two-story wooden home that my mom likes to think of as a cabin. It sits so peacefully in the distance. The large magnolia tree with the low swing hanging from it is still there. I can make out the pond off to the side.
“You miss it, don’t ya?” Levi asks.
I nod. “Yeah, sometimes I dream about it. Dream about my birthday parties, learning how to do everything…”
“Your first kiss?” Levi asks. “On the tailgate of the truck you road in on.”
“Nope, not that one,” I say.
Levi laughs and makes a deep sound in his throat. “Other things,” he says. “Like in the barn we were just in. You know we have to talk about it sooner or later, Bridge…”
“No we don’t.” I tap my legs against Bridge’s side and she takes off like a bullet. The wind whips through my hair and I feel an adrenaline I haven’t felt in a very long time. When we reach the house, Levi is laughing and reaches across me to clap his hands.
“My, my, Kitten still has it in her.”
I swing one leg over and hit the ground. “Don’t call me that, I already told you.” I push my hair from my face and watch as Levi dismounts the horse, his muscles ripple as he lets himself down.
“I’ll stop callin’ ya Kitten when you admit you want to talk ‘bout what happened.”
“Kitten it is,” I say, giving him an icy smile. I turn on my heel and head towards our house. The gravel crunches underneath my bare feet. There is a spot on the side of the house where Holt and I shot it with paintball guns. Daddy whooped us until we couldn’t walk. We scrubbed pink and blue off as best we could for weeks. I walk toward the house, my house…my past. The stairs creak underneath my weight and I smile. I know why it creaks. Holt used to hide random things underneath them, pulling the nails out and hiding them.
I smile and drop to my knees.
“Kitten, what are you doin’?” Levi asks, taking a knee beside me.
I tug on the corner of the broken wood. “Can you help me get it up?” I ask, tugging again. He rests his hand over mine.
“Hold on, you might break one of those perfectly painted nails.” I roll my eyes. “Okay, when I tell you to pull with me, okay?”
I nod.
“One… Two...” Levi moves closer. “…Three… Four...” He is behind me now, his chest touching my back. “…Five… Six...” He rests his left hand on my shoulder and rubs tiny circles over my bare shoulder. “…Seven…”
“Asshole,” I blurt out and shove my shoulder into his.
He laughs in my ear. “Okay, seriously. One, two three, pull.” We both pull and the board breaks the nail sending it flying outward.
I laugh and fall against him. His right arm touches my waist and a fire pulls toward that one spot on my body that he is touching. I sit up quickly, ignoring the pain from leaving his touch and pull the board back.
Levi’s voice is closer than I expected, and it’s low and husky. “What exactly are we lookin’ for again?”
I ignore him and reach down into the step. My fingers come in contact with weeds, dirt and finally paper. I pull it out, bring my back against the step. Sitting down, I dust off the magazine.
“Ugh,” I groan, dropping the magazine and trying to control my smile.
Levi is sitting and staring at me. “You made me break the step to get a dirty magazine out from under it? Is it yours?”
I push his shoulder and scoff. “No! It’s Holt’s. He used to hide things underneath there.”
Levi smiles, and my heart thuds an extra beat. His eyes drag their way to mine and I look away, pulling myself up. I don’t speak. I just walk up the steps. I hear Levi behind me and I keep walking. I open the front door and walk in.
The hardwood is faded and the white walls are duller. My lips pull down in a frown. “How long has it been?” I whisper.
I feel Levi’s breath on the nape of my neck. “Six months since they’ve been in here.”
I let out a silent sob and hold my palm over my mouth. “Why didn’t they tell me?”
Levi rests his hand on my shoulders and pulls me against him. “They didn’t want to worry you…you’re always so busy. They didn’t want to burden you.”
I shake my head and press my face into his hard chest. “This is my family. They are supposed to tell me…. I’m supposed to know.”
Levi nods and I feel his arms tighten around me. His warm scent, strong in my nose, his calloused hands touch the bare skin beneath my tank top. I pull back, not sure I can handle the swarm of butterflies swimming around in my stomach, and wipe my eyes.
Levi is watching me, his eyes scrutinizing my every move. “It’s gonna be alight, Kitten. You’re here now.”
“For how long?” I blurt out, shrugging my shoulders. “I will be back in New York soon and everything will go back to this.” I jut my arms out.
Levi sticks his hands deep down inside his pockets and sighs. “It doesn’t have to be like this, Bridge. You can come back more often, ya know.”
I shake my head and wipe my face in a pathetic attempt to straighten myself up. “Sorry, I’m entitled to a pity party every now and again, I guess.”
“You used to throw fits all the time. You don’t anymore?”
“I’m not eighteen anymore.”
He swallows and I notice his Adam’s apple move underneath the hard skin of his neck. “No. Christopher doesn’t like it when you do, does he? That’s why you’re so composed and mild.” Levi steps closer, his eyes steady. “You’re not wild like you used to be.”
“I’ve grown up,” I snap. “Christopher has nothing to do with how I act. He likes me for me,” I feel the need to say. I know it’s mostly true. I know he likes that I’m responsible. He thinks I’m attractive. He likes…I’m not sure what he likes. Levi is smiling at me like he knows what I’m thinking and I turn on my heel and go up the stairs to my room.
It’s off to the left in a small corner. I push my door open and I almost laugh. There are pictures of Nick Carter, Mario Lopez and *NSync all over my walls. The walls are painted pink, and my bedspread is lime green.
“Hasn’t changed a bit,” Levi says, walking in and sitting down on my bed. He crosses his arms behind his head and then his feet.
“Get your nasty cowboy boots off of my bed. They probably have cow shit on the bottom of them.”
He laughs but puts them on the ground. “Oh, darlin’ I’m sure they do. You used to like these cowboy boots.” I still do. “Now, I guess you prefer loafers?”
I grunt and walk toward my balcony. My room is the only one in the house that has one. The Texas air is starting to get humid and I pull off Levi’s shirt. I hand it to him.
“It’s getting hot out here," I say.
“Well, feel free to take the rest off while you’re at it.” He grins and tosses his shirt onto my bed. “Do you remember?” he asks, leaning over the railing and looking out toward the pond.
“Remember what?” I ask.
“All the times I used to climb the trellis to sneak into your room?” He turns toward me, but I keep my eyes focused on the pond. “The times I begged for you. Begged you to let me make love to you, for you only to pull away and say you weren’t ready.” He steps forward. “The times we kissed until our lips were bruised or tearing at each other’s clothes until we were naked in each other’s arms.” His long index fingers push the strands of hair back from my neck.
“Prom night…” he laughs, “…or my favorite, graduation night. The night I finally got to make love to you for the first time. In the barn. That was the best summer of my life.” A low animal sound hums through his throat. “When you let me touch you all over,” he says, his hand wandering to my waistline. I fight the urge to slap his hand back, but he feels so good.
Levi rests his hands on my waist and a wet hot lust consumes me. His lips flicker at my earlobe and I grab the railing for support. I feel his hardness agai
nst my ass and I shiver. I close my eyes and my thoughts travel back to graduation night. I can still see the stadium lights from our walk on the football field to get our diplomas, the smell of alcohol at the tailgate afterwards and the two of us in the barn together until sunrise.
Levi had had the loft prepared, with a blanket and strawberry wine. He led me up to the loft and I can remember my body tingling all over, like needles being pressed against my skin. He laid me down. He kept asking if I was okay, if I still wanted him to have me. I wanted nothing else. His tanned skin was sweaty against my own. He’d placed his cowboy hat to the side. I remember him kissing me until my lips hurt and him slowly taking off each piece of my clothing. He slipped his fingers inside of me and I moaned. The look on his face was the best look I could have ever wanted from him; he had wanted me so bad I could see it hurt. Levi had kissed down to my core and pressed his lips all over my mound before plunging his tongue inside of me.
Levi groans in my ear, bringing me back to the present, when his cell phones rings and he pulls away from me, not knowing I want him back, I want him touching me. He answers the phone and his voice is deep.
“Hey Mary,” he says, and I stiffen.
Dumb ass. Gritting my teeth, I turn around and look at him. His eyes are focused on mine and I can tell he isn’t paying Mary one bit of attention on the other line. “Yes, but I’m takin’ an ol’ friend to the fair tomorrow. Me and you can go Saturday night.”
I clench my fist. Stupid. Stupid. I push past Levi and head out of the house. I must be living in some alternate universe where I think Levi cares about me. Where I think it’s okay to have an affair. Where I fall for some old fling from high school, where I think it’s okay to fall for him again.
I won’t be used, damn it. I won’t. I hate that I want to strangle Mary and I’ve never met her. I hate that I want to slap her smile off her country face. Damn it, Bridget, get a motherfucking life. Stop acting like a horny teenager.
I run down the steps and off toward the pond. It has grown since the last time I saw it. I hear Levi yelling at me, but I keep walking. I keep going toward the water. I hate you, jackass. I yell in my head.
“Come on, Bridge, what’s wrong?” he yells.