Player

by Kara Sparks

  I stalk downstairs quietly in the darkness. It’s hard to navigate the house, and trying to find the front door proves difficult. Nate’s house is surprisingly large and getting lost is more than easy. I end up going through a door which I think leads to the kitchen, but instead I find myself in some wide garage. A light comes on automatically, filling the room with bright white, forcing my eyes to wince momentarily.

  I realize I’m stood in some sort of workshop. Everywhere I look I see the most beautiful sculpture and furniture. It feels like I shouldn’t be in here, but my feet pull me forward, begging for me to take a closer look. I wander around the worktops, looking at the various pieces of beautiful art that are left on the side. Did Nate really make all of this?

  I’m floored. Why would he hide such depth like this?

  I’m about to leave when I see it. There’s no denying what it is. I walk toward it with my mouth open, staring in bewilderment at the sculpture of me. I’ve seen my face in a mirror a thousand times before, but I’ve never seen myself like this. The sculpture is the image of beauty. Is this really how Nate sees me?

  A dark voice rises inside my head, suggesting that he makes one of these for every girl that he sleeps with, but it’s obvious that he’s been working on this for some time, and looking around I can’t see anything else like this. I retreat from the workshop silently and somehow find my way out of his house this time without getting lost.

  Walking away from him is even harder now. If there’s a chance he feels the same way I feel about him, I might be messing up by leaving, but I press on anyway. I only had one rule to follow, and that was to keep my emotions out of this. I’ve already fallen for him harder than I thought possible. It’s best I get out now and end this before I get really hurt.

  I’m sure it’s what Nate would want, even if it kills me.

  11

  HOLLY

  It’s been a month since Nate and I started sleeping together. Sneaking out on him that first morning was a mistake, and it’s something that only happened once.

  The past few weeks have passed in a blur, and I’ve never been this happy in my life. We make love almost every night, and I fall asleep in his arms, happy and content. It’s bizarre, but it feels like we’ve been doing this for months, even though it’s only been a short time.

  As the weeks go by, we’ve been spending more time together. We’re not by each other’s sides every waking minute, but we’ve both definitely changed in the short time we’ve been together. Nate only does one more shift of his Limo job before he calls his boss Natalie and calls it a day. He came home from work that night looking exhausted.

  “I don’t think I can do that anymore. It just felt damned weird. I didn’t like being there with those girls like that, not knowing you were sitting here waiting for me at home.”

  I don’t really know what he meant by that. We both know this is never going to be some permanent thing, and I don’t want him to go changing his whole life for me. I’m secure enough to not get jealous about other women, but I’m glad he puts the driving to one side for now.

  We learn a lot about each other in that short time. Each night is spent exploring one another’s bodies, but then there’s the emotional side of things too. I’m trying not to open myself up too much. I don’t want to give myself to him completely. I know we’re just having fun right now, but I’ll be damned if this doesn’t feel like the start of a real relationship.

  Nate reads through the first draft of my book in one night and says that he loves it.

  “I can’t get over how talented you are.”

  “Do you have any talents?” I ask, knowing full well that he does. With hesitance, he takes me into the workshop and lets me wander around to take a look for myself. I feel like I can take my time looking around now that I have his permission, and I enjoy his work all the more for it.

  “Nate this stuff is beautiful. You should be selling this.”

  “That’s the dream.” He says while wrapping his arms around me. “I’ve got enough saved now to quit my job and start my own workshop full time. I’m going to hand my papers into Charlie on Monday.”

  He leads me over to the sculpture of me, which is more polished looking now. “This I’ll never sell though. This is you.”

  I have to gasp when I see it. I don’t know how he’s done it, but he’s transformed this block of wood into a work of art.

  “It’s hard to believe that’s me.”

  “Not for me.” He says while pulling his finger under my chin. His lips push against mine and sparks cascade down my skin. “That’s the perfection I see every day, but it’s a poor comparison next to the real thing.”

  His lips take my breath away, and I’m left stood there feeling as if I’m floating.

  I wish he could feel like this too.

  *

  The following day, I’ve booked the afternoon off work to meet with my publishers once more. It’s been four weeks since they accepted my manuscript. In that time my book has been through a round of editing and they’ve even distributed it to early focus groups to get an idea of how the book will launch. The meeting is to discuss the findings from the focus groups. I’ve been nervous about the outcome for the last week, and I hope it’s good news.

  I arrive at the office just after one, and I’m greeted at the front desk by a silicone lipped soccer mom type. She’s tall, thin and pretty. Her eyes look me up and down, squinting, as if she’s unimpressed.

  “You must be Holly.” She says. “I’m Karen Hart. I work in international launch strategy.”

  “Nice to meet you, Karen.” I hold my hand out to shake. Karen looks down at my hand with a grimace and leaves it hanging there. Did I do something to piss this woman off?

  “Yes, I’m sure. Follow me. We’re about to start the meeting to discuss the results of the focus groups.”

  I gulp and do my best to put a smile on. Karen seems a bit cold, but I assume that’s just her personality. I want to make a good impression so I act cheery. “Oh dear, I hope it’s good news.”

  A short ‘Hmm’ is all she can muster, and she leads through the building and into the meeting room. Why do I bother?

  There are half a dozen men and women sat around a long table in the room. I’m familiar with most of them already from my past meetings at Bryce, and Karen is the only new face.

  “Come in, sit down.” Arnold, the head of publishing at Bryce ushers us all in and closes the door behind us.

  “So Holly, I’ll get straight to the point. I’m sure you’re dying to know how your book did with the focus groups.”

  I lean forward in my chair, hands clasped tightly together. He has no idea. Arnold looks around the room, clearly taking his time to let the anticipation sink in. He’s delaying. That can’t be good.

  My eager smile falters. “It’s bombed hasn’t it?”

  Shock spreads over Arnold’s features. “Bombed? Heaven’s no! Quite the opposite.”

  “Wait, what?”

  Arnold goes on to deliver the good news. Well, not good news actually—fantastic news. Not only did my book do well with the focus groups, it blew the competition for their other new titles out of the water.

  “We’ve been approached by a larger publishing company. New Square. Do you know them?”

  They’re only the largest book publisher in the world. Yes I know them. As it turns out, the company has made an offer to buy my book from Arnold’s company, and it’s a generous offer. Arnold slides a piece of paper across the table to me, detailing the basics for the advance and the royalties. My jaw drops.

  “This is… this is unbelievable!”

  “I’ll take it that’s a yes then?”

  I sit there, stammering, trying to put the words together.

  “Yes!”

  “It’s good news and bad news then.” Arnold says while shaking my hand. “This is where our relationship ends, but fear not—you’re in the safe hands of Karen going forward.”

  My stomach flips
. As it turns out, Karen is the agent that is responsible for launching my book on an international audience. The rest of the team files out of the room and leaves us alone to talk over the first few steps. She’s cold and calculated, but I have to admit that she gives off the impression that she’s good at her job. After a thirty minute sit down, she brings our initial meeting to a close.

  “New Square are also looking for a new author to be the face of their romance arm. Jacqueline Horner-Frost was their gal for years, but she’s retired now. This might be early days, but we’ve put your face forward, and audiences love you. If it’s not too much trouble, we’d like to test your public appearance. We’ve put you forward to do a reading of your book at a local college. It’ll be great exposure, and a chance to test your speaking skills.”

  I feel a little nervous. I’m not sure I’ve signed up for this, but if it helps the book, it couldn’t hurt. “Will there be a lot of people?”

  “No.” Karen shakes her head. “We’re starting you off small. Just a few hundred.”

  My heart freezes in my chest. A few hundred? Christ. That sounds like a lot. My panic seems to delight Karen, and she smiles for the first time since I’ve known her.

  “Relax, you’ll get used to it. Let’s take a break. I need a smoke. We’ll come back in five?”

  I nod, and Karen stalks out of the room, leaving me there alone. There’s so much good news in this short space of time, I’m not really sure what to do with myself. I pick my phone up and send a frantic message to Nate, laying as much out as I can in a short text.

  It occurs to me he’s become the person I rush to with good news—I pause for a moment wondering if that’s a problem. Am I letting myself fall too much? I scroll through pictures of us together on my phone, a smile filling my face as I do so.

  “Notorious Nate?”

  Karen’s hard voice makes me jump in my seat. I put my phone into my pocket and look at her. “You know Nate?”

  Her eyes swirl with smoke. “Oh I know Nate. Come on honey. Every girl around here knows Nate.”

  I don’t like her tone. I know Nate has his past, and I’ve heard women gush about him plenty. I don’t like the way she does it though.

  “Those seemed like some pretty personal pictures. I take it you’re another one of his conquests? It’s a good club isn’t it?”

  I sit up straight in the chair and clench my jaw. “What are you getting at?”

  “Oh nothing. You know what he’s like. Tell me, does he give it to you hard too? He probably takes us on alternate nights. It’s been a few days since we last fucked, and I’m still raw.” She laughs. “Is this awkward?”

  I push my chair back from the table, feeling as if I’m going to be sick. Nate is sleeping with this creature and he’s been with her recently. I assumed we were exclusive, why, I can’t say. I should have known better. I stand, and the whole world feels shaky.

  “Are you going somewhere?” Karen asks innocently, her eyes glinting with wicked fire.

  “I have to go, unless we—”

  A cold smile spreads over her face. “I’ll take care of the rest. Don’t worry about that. Say ‘Hi’ to Nate for me won’t you?”

  I rush from the room without saying another word, never wanting to look at that woman again. It’s all I can do to keep myself held together on the way back to my car. My chest is shaking with the urge to cry, but I don’t let the tears come until I’m safe at home.

  It’s some time until I can pull myself together. I drift around the house, not sure what to do with myself. A couple of messages buzz over my phone as Nate tries to contact me. He even calls a few times. I throw my phone into the laundry basket and forget about it. I don’t want to speak to him.

  I run a bath, grab a bottle of wine and sink into the water while trying to forget about everything that involves Nate. It’ll be good to end things here. I’m absolutely devastated, but it’s better than doing it several months down the line. I knew this thing was going to run its course eventually, I just wish I hadn’t got so attached.

  Once I’m out the bath, I dry off and throw on some pajamas. They’re not flattering but I don’t give a shit. I have no intention of ever letting Nate back in this house. It’s just me, Twinkie, a bar of chocolate and a good Ryan Gosling movie. I’m half an hour into trying to forget him when there’s a knock on the front door.

  Fucking perfect. I just want one night alone.

  I open the door and I’m surprised to see Lucas, standing there on the porch with tears running down his face.

  “You?” I rear my head back. “What are you doing here?”

  “Verity left me.” He says. “Can I come in and talk?”

  I should turn him away right there, but he looks so pathetic I feel bad turning him out into the street. Exhausted, I step to the side and nod him in. Lucas walks inside with his head drooped low and falls onto the sofa. I pause the film and sit on a chair opposite.

  “I was a fool to leave you Holly. I should never have taken you for granted. I want you back.”

  I feel like laughing right in his face, but I have the dignity not to. A month ago I’d have taken Lucas back with open arms, but my past few weeks with Nate have given me a spine—even if he is a bastard.

  “We’re not getting back together Lucas. You cheated on me, you left me. Why on earth would I take you back?”

  His face twists and he bursts into sobs. Attractive. “Because you love me! I made a mistake Holly, it won’t happen again, I promise!”

  It’s sad to see Lucas hurting like this, but he only deserves it. This is how he left me after all.

  “I’m not taking you back, I’m sorry. I’ve moved on.”

  He looks up at me, shocked. “You’re with someone?”

  “No.” I lie. Then I realize it’s not really a lie. Whatever was happening with Nate, it wasn’t anything serious. Karen is evidence enough of that.

  Another knock comes at the door. I breathe the frustration out of my nose and jump up to get it.

  “Nate?”

  His smile fades away instantly at seeing my distress. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all day. What’s going on? Did the meeting go okay?”

  I hear Lucas’s footsteps behind me. “Who’s this?” He says while walking to the door.

  “Nate.” I say, and see that Nate is just as confused. “Nate this is my ex, Lucas. He was just leaving.”

  Lucas looks at me in shock. His eyes are heavy with defeat, but he nods glumly. “I can see why you’d want to stay with this guy. He’s a step up from me.” He shuffles past Nate without meeting his eyes. “Congrats buddy.”

  Once Lucas is gone, Nate steps inside and shuts the door behind him.

  “Mind explaining what that was all about?”

  I cross my arms and stand up straight. “I don’t have to explain shit to you. I think you’re the one that owes me an explanation.”

  His brows knot with confusion. “What?”

  “Karen Hart. Her name sound familiar? She’s in charge of the international distribution for my book. She also says that she’s sleeping with you.”

  He looks more confused, and I can’t stand the fact that he’d lie like this to my face.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He says. “I’ve never slept with a Karen Hart.”

  I scoff, shaking my head. “Oh fuck off Nate. You’ve slept with dozens—”

  “I’m not some fucking mindless sex doll. I know who I’ve slept with. That woman is bullshitting you. You have her picture?”

  I’m incensed enough to indulge him. I find Karen’s profile picture on New Hart publishing’s site and thrust my phone in his face. Nate laughs.

  “What’s funny?”

  “I don’t believe this.” He says. “This is her. This is soccer mom lady. She’s the one that left her baby outside. I never slept with her.” He shivers. “I would never sleep with someone like that.”

  I gawp and remember Nate saved a baby girl a few week
s ago. The cuts are only just healing on his body from the near accident. “But she said—”

  “She’s probably trying to get back at me for turning her down. Strange thanks for saving her child, but whatever.” He shrugs. “She seems like a bit of a bitch.”

  “So you haven’t slept with her?”

  “God no.” He laughs and then realization passes over his face. “Is that was this is all about? You think I’ve been sleeping with other people while we’ve been together?”

  “I guess… yeah—sort of. Have you?”

  His jaw clenches and his eyes shine. “Fuck no. I haven’t fucking touched another woman since I met you Holly. I thought we were together, have you—”

  “No.” I say fast. “I just assumed you might, I know you’re a player—”

  “Was.” He says, cutting in. “I’m not that person anymore.” Nate steps forward and takes my hand in his. “Not since I met you. I only want you, and I don’t want that to change any time soon.”

  I drop my head against his, feeling the hurt shatter instantly as his breath warms me. “So it’s just me and you?” I ask tentatively.

  He chuckles. “Well yeah. Isn’t that obvious? Fuck. You can even call me your boyfriend if you like.”

  I wrap my arms around him tight and squeeze as hard as I can. I fight to keep the tears back, but a couple come. It’s hard to keep it inside. I’m bursting with happiness, there’s no way I can contain this.

  “I’d like that.” I say through a broken whisper. “I’d like that a lot.”

  12

  NATE

  We share a tenderness in that moment. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as vulnerable as this, and judging from the look on Holly’s face, she feels the same way too. It feels fucking good to get this out into the open. I’m her’s, she’s mine, we’re exclusive. There’s no one else, there’s just me and her.

  I squeeze her tight, inhaling the scent of her hair and finding myself falling even more in love with her.

  Fuck. That’s what it is. I pull back and finally realize. That’s what’s been happening to me all this time, I was just too much of an idiot to understand. Nina saw it in me the moment I walked into the bar, I just had to figure it out for myself. That feeling I have when I look into Holly’s eyes, that happiness I feel when I hear her laugh. I tried to put a name to it. It escaped me; it escaped all explanation.