God Only Knows

by Xavier Knight

  “Wouldn’t that be bad for Cassie?” Toya replied before resting her forehead in her hands. “What are you saying, Julia? That the best move is for us to just keep our mouths shut?”

  “I have to be honest,” Julia said, walking over to the couch and taking a seat on the armrest near Terry. “I really don’t know what we should do. I always wanted to take Whitlock’s early threats head-on, just do a coordinated group confession and trust the Lord to protect us. Let’s not forget, we were all victims that night too. What we did to Eddie, we did in self-defense.”

  Terry chuckled dryly. “Yeah, we’ll look real honest after having waited twenty years to tell anyone —”

  “God knows why we waited,” Julia replied, “and I believe He will honor that.”

  Against her best efforts, Toya’s voice rose in pitch as she said, “But how do we do what you suggested? How is that even possible now?”

  “I don’t know,” Julia said, biting her lower lip in thought. “I’ve been in consultations with my attorney about that. Bear in mind, I had already told him about my being present the night Eddie was attacked.”

  Terry’s eyes grew wide. “Oh, Lord! Does that mean he’s going to go to the police and tell on you? Will he send them after me and Toya too?”

  Julia patted Terry’s shoulder. “Don’t get worked up yet. Attorney-client privilege restricts him from sharing our conversations with anyone. The only situation where things could get complicated would be if I became the subject of a trial related to Cassie’s. My attorney might be limited in the case he could make on my behalf, if my defense required him contradicting things I told him.”

  Terry squinted at her friend. “So you don’t think that’s likely to happen? Toya and I are safe, as far as your attorney goes?”

  Toya sighed loudly, standing as she reached for cell phone again. “Terry, Julia doesn’t know that answer. Do you want the harsh truth? You’re going to need a lawyer. Maybe I can get you a deal on one.”

  “For right now, I think you both are safe.” Julia checked her watch, determined not to let Toya’s smart remarks rattle her. “I’ll be happy to talk about this some more when I get off work tonight. Are you both staying in town all day?”

  “Our flights leave in the morning,” Toya replied. “Would you mind if Terry stayed here tonight? I have a room reserved at the Crowne Plaza.”

  Julia inhaled, buying time as she calculated whether she could trust two women she really hadn’t spent any time with in two decades. “You’re both welcome to stay here. We’ll make the guest bedroom up tonight, how’s that?”

  “Okay,” Toya said with a speed that surprised Julia. “I’ll call and cancel my reservation. That will give us all more time to work a game plan.”

  “And it’ll keep Toya from spending a night in miserable Dayton all by her lonesome,” Terry said, winking at Julia. “I know we were impulsive coming over here so suddenly, but we needed to know what we’re up against,” she said, pinning Julia with her eyes. “We all need to be smart about this, for the sake of our kids, if nothing else. I can’t be going to jail.”

  “I can’t even think that way,” Julia replied, touching a hand to her chest. “I won’t even think about telling Amber about my exposure in all this, at least not until things turn that way. She’s already worried sick about her aunt Cassie and her godbrother, M.J.”

  “Well, we better stop holding you up.” Toya stood and gathered the women’s coffee cups. “We may as well get our coats and leave with you. We’ll take my rental car to the nearest mall and hang out there all day.”

  Julia indulged in a hearty laugh. “That’s cute. You really haven’t spent much time in Dayton lately.”

  Terry raised an eyebrow. “What you mean?”

  “Girl, there’s not a mall within a ten-mile radius of Dayton. You do know the Salem Mall was brought down a couple years back, right?”

  “Oh, I did hear that,” Terry said, frowning. “So the only malls are way out south or by the base, huh?”

  Toya shook her head. “No class, this town’s got no class.”

  “Pretty much,” Julia said, “not to mention the big-time complex they built ten minutes between Dayton Mall and Fairfield Commons. Economic racism is alive and well in the Miami Valley. You have time to drive all over the metropolitan area, though, if you really want to do a mall.”

  “We’ll handle it,” Toya replied, shrugging into her coat.

  Terry smiled as she removed her coat from the closet. “We should thank you, Julia. I’m still scared to death, but you’ve already made me feel better. Can we do one thing that will make us all feel better?” She stretched out her hands, her eyes closing at the same time.

  Julia took a look at Toya, one of her own eyebrows arched.

  Toya rolled her eyes but took one hand each of Julia’s and Terry’s. “Oh, go ahead.”

  “Terry,” Julia said as they formed a weary circle, “your suggestion is right on time. Let’s pray.”

  35

  When Julia emerged from Cassie’s home office, she bustled past Marcus and Maxwell, who were awkwardly attempting to make small talk in the Gillettes’ kitchen. She was relieved when Maxwell got the hint and quickly excused himself. “Looks like we should go, Marcus,” she heard him say. “We’ll keep praying, okay?”

  “We appreciate it,” Marcus said, his voice growing closer until Julia felt his hand on her arm. “Hey, sis. No matter what she just told you, please don’t let her fool you. She needs you, Julia.”

  “She has a funny way of showing it,” Julia replied. Realizing that she had torn away from Marcus’s grasp, she tried to soften her tone. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I want to fix all this, and she won’t let me.”

  “We’ve talked about this,” Marcus said, his hands in his pockets now. “I know this woman better than any other person in my life. I had to finally accept that her mind’s made up. I can either keep fighting her and lose her altogether, or support her decision and keep her close.”

  “Marcus,” Julia said, embarrassed to feel her eyes brimming with tears, “she won’t be very close if she’s in prison for the rest of her life.”

  Maxwell stepped closer to Julia, gently tugging at her right elbow as he spoke in an even tone. “Everyone’s under immense pressure right now,” he said, his eyes on Marcus. “I know you and Cassie are ready to unwind some, so we’ll get out of your way.”

  Marcus held up a hand as if to slow Maxwell down. “This woman could never offend me,” he said. “Well, maybe I should say she’s done all she could to offend me over the years, being my wife’s best friend and all.” He opened his arms. “We love you, Julia, both me and Cassie.”

  Julia nearly fell into Marcus’s platonic embrace, shamelessly letting tears roll this time. With Maxwell silently standing by, she let a hug communicate the concern they both shared for Cassie.

  Once she and Marcus had separated and he had shown the couple out, Julia leaned against Maxwell as they descended the Gillettes’ porch steps. “Why won’t she let me help her?” She still couldn’t believe how stubborn Cassie was being; not that there was an easy way out of the mess her friend’s confession had caused, but Julia was willing to try and brainstorm one. Cassie had been immovable, though, insisting that Julia, Terry, and Toya let her carry the weight.

  “Remember,” she had said adamantly before Julia had stepped out of her home office, “this isn’t about me. I’m doing this for M.J.”

  Once they were in his car and had pulled into traffic, Maxwell cleared his throat. “Well, I know you didn’t get the cooperation you wanted from her, but what about my question?” Maxwell had asked Julia to pass along a disturbing request: Edna Whitlock-Walker-Morrison, Eddie’s mother, wanted desperately to speak with Cassie. Julia hadn’t thought it sounded like a good idea, but at Maxwell’s urging, she had passed along the question.

  “She’s not interested in the offer,” Julia said as she stared out the passenger-side window. Julia hadn’t argued with
Cassie on that score; given that Cassie’s confession fell short of being the complete truth, little good could come from such a meeting.

  “Not interested?” Maxwell frowned as he glanced toward her. “I mean, she confessed to an involvement in what happened to Eddie. I know it was self-defense, but doesn’t she understand that alone makes it more important that Edna get to speak to her?”

  Julia felt an eyebrow rise as she looked at her new boyfriend. “I don’t think I follow you.”

  Maxwell sighed under his breath. “Julia, Edna has lived for twenty years with the understanding that her boy was an innocent victim. The very first time I met her, at the job interview, she told me that she believed Eddie’s incapacitation was the result of random chance, that he was just crossing the street and got run down by an irresponsible driver. Personally, I was amazed that she could have peace about that, in a way that strengthened her spiritual faith.

  “Now, along comes Cassie with her half-full version of the truth, and what does Edna hear and see? The chance to see someone pay for what happened to Eddie? Not at all. You want to know the question she had for me the day this hit the papers? ‘Maxwell, you knew my boy, didn’t you? Do you think he could actually treat a girl like that, trying to molest or attack her? That’s not how I raised him.’ Julia, it was one of the most uncomfortable conversations I’ve had in years. How do I tell a woman I admire that yes, based on what I know about Cassie and, more important, about the corroborating testimony from my new girlfriend, I have no doubt that her son was a budding sexual predator, that he sealed his fate by messing with the wrong group of girls?”

  Julia let the back of the passenger seat down and closed her eyes as if napping. “That’s what you should have told her, Maxwell. Minus the reference to me, of course.”

  “She deserves to hear Cassie’s account directly, if not all of yours,” Maxwell said. “She’s really torn right now, not sure whether to believe Cassie. She’s not a young woman,” he said, glancing over at Julia as he picked up speed now that they’d exited the pricey, heavily patrolled city of Oakwood. “If she’s going to have to absorb the truth of who Eddie was, shouldn’t she come to grips with it by hearing directly from his victim?”

  “Cassie didn’t close the door forever on meeting with her,” Julia said finally. “She’s just not prepared to go there right now, okay? Can you respect that?”

  “Ultimately, yes.”

  “Oh, and another thing. Will you tell your friend Pastor Campbell to leave me alone? He calls me again, Maxwell, I cannot be held liable for what I do to him.” From the day that Cassie’s confession had first hit the news, Jake had dogged her worse than a reporter. Julia had quickly realized that his call a couple of weeks earlier had less to do with interest in the Board of Advisors than in snooping around for information about Cassie. The one time he had caught her, a couple of days ago, he had turned her stomach with his selfish questions, all of them clearly meant to help deflect his connection to an embarrassing case whose racial overtones clashed with his role as a “racial reconciliation” pastor.

  “I talked to him last night,” Maxwell said, glancing over at her. “He promised to back off. Look, he’s just curious, like, frankly, I imagine all of our classmates are. Here, everyone thought Eddie’s fate was random, and Cassie’s news revealed there was a lot more complicated drama behind the scenes.”

  “Well, his level of curiosity is unhealthy,” Julia replied. “I’d expect more of a man of God.”

  “I’ll stay on top of him,” Maxwell said. “You sure you’re okay with going back to my place to talk? We could always go to a restaurant or something.”

  “Your place is fine,” Julia replied. “These days, public places aren’t much fun. Everyone wants to ask me about Cassie’s confession; people’s lack of tact is amazing. And if you’re worried about doing anything deviant with me, don’t be. I have to go get Amber from my father’s in an hour, so I don’t have time for funny business.”

  Maxwell chuckled as they cruised onto his block, then stopped suddenly; his eyes narrowed and lips pursed at the sight of a silver Lexus SUV.

  Noting that his chuckles had ceased, Julia turned toward Maxwell. “Do you recognize that car or something?”

  “I—it’s nothing,” he replied. “I’m probably just seeing things.”

  Once they had parked in the garage, they took the elevator up to the lobby, their conversation continuing in sober, hushed tones. When the elevator doors opened, Maxwell stepped into the lobby a few paces ahead of Julia, then froze at the sight of a stylishly dressed white woman pushing a toddler girl in an expensive-looking stroller. Even though a hundred yards separated Maxwell and the woman, Julia caught the way the glare in the woman’s eyes intensified at the sight of her man.

  “What did you do to her?” she asked, chuckling and wondering if the woman was a disgruntled patient.

  Maxwell put out a hand, lightly patting Julia’s shoulder. “I need you to wait here for a second, if you don’t mind.”

  Julia crossed her arms, ears slowly filling with a ringing she couldn’t remember hearing recently. The ringing continued as she watched Maxwell approach the woman and her sleeping toddler. Slowly she let herself notice the pretty little girl’s beige-brown skin, the modest kink in her head of bouncy curls.

  The ringing changed to a humming, a warning, but Julia was instinctively incapable of staying in her place while Maxwell tried to put out his little fire. The -clack-clack of her heels filling the lobby, she stepped within ten feet of them, hovering as Maxwell addressed the slinky brunette.

  Maxwell stood one step away from the woman and her child. “I . . . didn’t think we were on each other’s calendar today.”

  “We weren’t,” the woman replied, one high heel tapping as she used a hand to absentmindedly slide her daughter’s stroller back and forth. “I brought Nia into town for a kids’ play at the Schuster. I figured with us being so close, we should stop by and see your place, say hello.” She braved a glance toward Julia before saying, “Sorry if we interrupted anything. She looks like she’s the right complexion for you, at least.”

  “Tiffany, don’t start. You’re too classy to go down that road.” Maxwell’s words were aimed at the white woman, but his eyes were far from her as he knelt down toward the little girl, who had slowly begun to rub at her eyes. Touching an index finger to the child’s nose, he glanced up at Julia suddenly. “This is Julia Turner, an old friend from high school.”

  Julia took advantage of the invitation to step directly into the line of fire, extending a hand graciously even as the weak part of her flesh prayed that her instincts were misleading her. “Tiffany,” she said, holding a little longer to the woman’s cool hand than probably expected, “it’s a pleasure to meet you. How are you and Maxwell acquainted?”

  Tiffany flashed a smile, then shook her head at Maxwell in apparent amazement. “I’m not surprised, I told myself not to be surprised,” she said insistently, her eyes turning toward the ceiling. “Does anyone besides your family even know we exist, Dr. Simon?”

  “Julia,” Maxwell said, rising back to his feet with the little girl in his arms, “this is my daughter, Nia, and her mother, Tiffany Page.”

  Julia’s insides heaved involuntarily, her body telling her to find the nearest trash can, but her self-respect helped her push back. I am a child of God. Against every fiber in her being, she reached out a hand toward Nia, whose beautiful, wide brown eyes had popped all the way open. “Hey, sweetie,” she said. “Your daddy keeps a secret pretty well, but the real mystery is . . . why?” She looked between Maxwell and Tiffany. “She is gorgeous. You could send her to college just by having her model.”

  Maxwell pecked a kiss onto Nia’s cheek, then looked between the two women with a hardening gaze. “Tiffany, I want you to know that Julia and I are dating, and there is a chance it could be serious. Julia,” he continued, pivoting, “I’m going to ask for your patience in understanding why you’re just now learning abou
t all this. Don’t go all —”

  Feeling the time was right, Julia finally let loose with what she hoped was a blistering cackle —a loud, unbalanced, aggressive laugh that would make even Hillary Clinton cringe. “Ohh,” she said finally, after reveling in the stares of a few passersby and Maxwell’s downturned eyes. “Ohh, Maxwell, you crack me up.” Turning on her heels, she let loose again with the cackle, fumbling at the same time for her car keys and realizing that he was her ride tonight.

  “I get it,” Maxwell said as he reached her, a hand gently touching her elbow. “This is bad, but I will explain. Let me see them off; then we’ll go upstairs and —”

  Julia shrugged from his grasp. “Tend to your child,” she said. “After you call me a cab, that is. I’ll be on the couch over there. Just have the desk wave me over.”

  “You’re right,” he replied, sighing and pawing at his neck. “You’re right. Julia, please don’t give up on me. I’ll call you later tonight.”

  She let her silence and another quick turn on her heels serve as her answer. Marching off toward the couch she had spied, Julia balled her fists tight and prayed for strength as the memories came rushing back, the same ones that had haunted her since the day Maxwell first appeared at her office.

  In his eyes at least, Julia knew she was every bit as unattractive, as undesirable, as she was the day he ignored her teenage pleas of affection. Something had driven Maxwell to fight it —to leave this woman he had impregnated —to date and even sleep with Julia, but in the end no average black woman could compete with a true “American beauty.”

  Settling onto the couch, she wiped back the first warm, bitter tear, determined not to allow another until she was home behind closed doors.