by J. C. Hulsey
Roscoe pulled the wagon under a big oak tree beside the livery stable. He jumped down, walked around and grabbed me around the waist and lifted me down as if I didn’t weigh anything. How could I have ever been afraid of his size? As I looked at him, I was so proud of my big teddy bear.
“Let’s go look around and see what all this hubbub is about.”
“Look, there’s tables of food. We didn’t bring anything to eat with us.”
“I think I can scrape up enough to buy us a meal.”
"I've got to check at the feed store for some feed they were supposed to order for me. It's just through this alley next to the freight office.
We walked through the alley and he said, “You wait here, I'll be right back.” He crossed the street and went into the feed store. When he came out, he looked across the street at me and his gaze was like a gentle loving touch. I could hardly contain myself from shouting across the street to him. I never knew one person could feel for another person the way I felt about Roscoe.
He started across the street to me and didn't see the loaded freight wagon, come barreling around the corner. Before he could jump out of the way it had run him down. The rear wheel ran over his chest. I screamed and ran to him. His breath was labored. Blood was seeping from his lips. He tried to speak and couldn't.
"Stay still, don't try to speak. Someone get a doctor.”
"I'm here, Rose. Please move aside so I can see." I looked up and saw Dr. Chester Wainsworth, Chet. The Chet I had met on the train. The Chet, who had told me he loved me. That Chet was the doctor who was to take care of my husband.
Chet pushed gently on Roscoe’s ribs.
"Oh!” He cried.
Chet looked at me and shook his head.
“I'm afraid his chest is crushed. I can't help him. The best I can do is get him to the office and try to make him comfortable. I'll give him laudanum for the pain. I'm so sorry, Rose.”
"No, no this can't be happening. I can't lose him now. I just found him.”
I knelt down and prayed, “Dear Lord, please don't take him from me. Please Lord, please.”
Some men carried him to the doctor's office and laid him on the examination table. Chet poured a big spoonful of laudanum and gave it to him. He could hardly swallow it. I sat beside him until he breathed his final breath. My tears had stopped by then. I don't think I had any more to shed.
"You have to let him go, Rose. He's gone. I'm so sorry. Let me help you. I think you need to get a room at the hotel tonight. Tomorrow, I'll help you plan the funeral. You need to think about what you're going to do. You can't stay out on your place alone. Let's go to the hotel now.”
I don’t think I slept a wink all night long. I couldn’t believe this was happening. My wonderful sweet, lovable giant of a man was gone. Forever. I would never hear his booming voice again. I would never taste his sweet lips again. How was I going to survive without him?
I have to get back to the ranch. Someone has to look after the animals. Someone had to milk Florence. Feed the chickens and the hog. What if the cows break through the fence again? Oh my, even if I go back, I’ll never be able to do all that by myself.
Around the time the sun peeked through the window I had gotten maybe two hours of sleep, tossing and turning. I felt worn out. I got out of bed, I hadn’t bothered taking off my clothes last night. I dabbed some water on my face and neck and went downstairs.
“Good morning, Mrs. Brown, I’m terribly sorry about your husband. The doctor said for you to wait here until he came for you.”
“Please tell the doctor I have to make arrangements to bury my husband.”
“Yes ma’am, I’ll surely tell him. But he ain’t gonna like it. Not one bit.”
“What the doctor likes or doesn’t like is of no concern to me. Can you please tell me where the undertaker is located?”
“Yes ma’am, it’s over on Crockett Street. Just two streets over from here. Take a left, go to the end of the street, then turn left until you reach it.”
“Thank you.” I turned and walked out the door, followed his directions and there it was. I walked inside. There was a man in his sixties, a stout man with bushy red, brown hair and a short stride that made him waddle like a duck when he walked. He was wearing a pair of black pants with just his long johns top and was working on a casket.
“You must be Mrs. Brown. First of all, please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. I’m just finishing up the coffin. I’ve been working all night so’s you could have it today. I hope it’s to your satisfaction.”
“I didn’t request you build a coffin.”
“No ma’am, Dr. Wainsworth gave me specific directions. I thought you’d asked him to.”
“I guess it doesn’t matter. Will it be ready by three o’clock today?”
“Yes ma’am, it’ll be ready. I understand there’s gonna be a lot of people there.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The preacher had a round face with a full beard. He was wearing a shabby black frock coat. With piercing blue eyes that looked as though they could see into the depths of your soul. His voice was loud and it seemed the tree limbs shook when he spoke. With an audible sigh, he said, "with love in our hearts, we lay Brother Roscoe Brown to rest. May the Lord give us strength to carry on without him?"
Sam Jarrod and his family stepped in front of me. "Hello, Mrs. Brown, I'm Margaret Jarrod, Sam's wife. I've been wanting to meet you. I just wish it had been under different circumstances. I don't want you to worry about your place. These young seventeen year old men are my twin boys, Seth and Sam. They’re gonna be taking care of the animals and whatever needs to be done around your place."
I nodded.
"I'll talk to you later. If there is anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask."
Chet pulled me back as they tossed dirt on top of the plain wooden coffin. I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I’d never felt such pain. There was an earthy smell of fresh turned dirt as a breeze blew across the open grave. I stood away from the grave in a state of numbness. My eyes were dry. There were no more tears left to shed. I had cried constantly since I saw him lying in the street. Roscoe was very well known and liked. The whole town and surrounding counties had representatives there. They all filed in front of me offering their condolences. I barely responded to any of them. I was in a state of confusion. I couldn't, wouldn't accept that he was gone.
When everyone had left the cemetery, an elderly lady stopped in front of me.
"Come with me, my dear, you need some rest and something to eat. My name is Mildred Templeton. I've buried two husbands, so I know what you're going through. Come with me," as she took my hand and gently pulled. I followed not caring where she was taking me. She led me to a buggy and helped me up into the seat.
"You just relax, darling, it's not far." She picked up the reins, clicked to the horse and there was a slight jerk as the buggy started to move. Mrs. Templeton didn't say anything for the entire ride. It took probably an half an hour to get to her house. At the time I didn't pay any attention to what the place looked like. It was a little cracker box house, painted pink with light blue shutters. There was a small white picket fence surrounding it.
Mrs. Templeton came around and helped me out of the buggy. She led me through the gate, then through the front door. It was a cozy place inside. She guided me to a settee and gently pushed me down.
"You sit right here. I'm going to get you something to drink." She left, then returned with a cup of what looked like coffee. "Drink this, my dear, it’ll help you relax." I took a sip, wrinkled my nose at the taste.
"I know it doesn't taste very good, but it's what you need right down. Go ahead. Drink it down." I turned up the cup and drained it. I felt my muscles relax and a calmness came over my body. I suddenly felt drowsy.
"Lie back and take a little nap. That's what you need right now." She lifted my legs and covered me with a blanket. I let the blackness envelop me and I drifted off. My
dreams were filled with images of my nights with Roscoe. I dreamed of an older Roscoe and an older me with three children. I remembered Roscoe’s words he had said just yesterday.
"When I'm away from you, I ache for you. I long to hear your voice. I can hardly wait to return to you."
When I awoke, I felt more rested and relaxed than I had since the ordeal began. I set up as Mrs. Templeton entered carrying a tray covered with a cloth. Something smelled good. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast at home before we left for town.
“This will make you feel better.” She pushed a little table next to the settee and set the tray on it. She removed the cloth and my mouth watered looking at this feast. Mashed potatoes, smothered steak in gravy, little green peas and a tall glass of lemonade.
“Eat my dear. I know you’re hungry. That little tonic that you drank will allow you to function much better. No, it won’t take away the pain. But it will help you to better deal with it.”
I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I took that first bite. It was scrumptious.
“It’s delicious,” I said between bites. I cleaned the plate and wiped up the gravy with the bread.
“I think that’s enough for now. You can have a big breakfast in the morning. Come with me now and I’ll show you where you can sleep tonight.”
“I probably need to get back to town, pick up my wagon and go home.”
“There will be plenty of time for that later. Now follow me so you can get a good night’s rest.”
“I haven’t thought of Roscoe the entire time I was eating. Does that mean I’ve forgotten him already?”
“My dear, you will never forget your loved one, for as long as you live. The body has a way of healing when we hurt. It’s nothing to concern yourself with right now.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“I remember well, when like you, I was a new bride, twenty years old, traveling from Boston to Texas in a covered wagon. It was a long, tedious trip. But I was so in love with my husband, I hardly noticed. A few months after the marriage was consummated, I learned I was going to be a mother. We were both extremely happy to be starting our new family in a new home in a new place. We expected to have many more children, but it wasn't in God's plans. As I said, it was a long and hazardous trip. A lot of people died and when there was an Indian attack, my dear Albert was killed. When he died, I wished I had died with him. I was devastated. He was buried out there on the trail alongside the others that were killed. However, even with the death of someone whom you love so deeply dies, you must continue to live. That's the way God planned it.
Terrence Turner Templeton, the wagon master took care of me, protected me. He taught me all kinds of things. How to drive the wagon. How to hook up the harness and to unharness the team. He began to spend more and more time with me, when he wasn't busy with his duties. We became close, very close. By the time the train was close to its destination, Terry and I were in love. Yes, that's how the heart works. He had been planning on settling down and this seemed like a good time. He asked me to marry him, just as we reached Texas. He had money saved, so it wasn't like he was marrying me for my land. I was probably seven months along by then. Terry promised to raise my child as his own and he did just that. He was a wonderful husband and mate, and a father to Nathan. He was as different as night and day from Albert, but we had a full and loving relationship. I loved him deeply.
Of course, I had children with my Terry. Two girls and two boys. The girls are married and have children of their own. Both the boys are away at school in the east. One is going to be a lawyer, the other an artist. Why he had to go to school to be an artist is beyond me. He draws such beautiful pictures already.
Terry took his responsibilities very seriously. He plowed the fields, took care of the stock, but more importantly, he raised Nathan as his own son and taught him everything he knows. Nathan took his name. Nathan Eugene Templeton, he looks so much like Albert. He'll be coming home from the war any day now. I'm so excited I don't know what to do. My first born is coming home.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Mildred. She had insisted I call her Mildred. Mildred insisted I stay with her as long as I felt the need. I was grateful that I didn’t have to spend the days alone thinking and rethinking everything.
Then one day it was like a bolt of lightning in my head. I could see clearly for the first time since Roscoe’s death. I was sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair watching the horizon as the setting sun cast a pink and orange glow across the land, and the purple wildflowers glistened in the sunlight. A big oak tree with large branches shaded the entire front area.
I bowed my head and I prayed,
“Why do I feel alone when I know in my heart of hearts that You are always with me? I've been feeling so sorry for myself that I forgot that You are the one in charge. Please forgive my ignorance. I know now that you must have something very important for Roscoe to do or you wouldn't have taken him from me. What I need now is Your guidance for whatever path I travel from here on out.”
I stayed with Mildred and didn’t think about going home or going back to town. I was lucky that she and I were about the same size, as she let me wear some of her clothes. We took turns doing the chores, bringing in firewood, carrying water, washing dishes and cooking meals.
The days turned into weeks and the weeks into months.
“Do you know what tomorrow is?”
“Yes, it’s Thursday. Why?”
“It’s Thanksgiving, Dear. And we don’t have a turkey.”
“If you have a rifle, I’ll see if I can shoot one down by the little stream. I saw some animals and birds down there when I was walking there last week.”
“Can you shoot a gun? I never got the hang of it. Terry would get so aggravated at me. He tried again and again to teach me.”
“It’s been a while, but I think I can do it. My uncle taught me right before he passed away.”
Mildred handed me the rifle. “This isn’t a rifle, it’s a shotgun. Is this all you have?”
“That’s all. I told you I don’t know anything about guns.”
“Well, I should be able to hit something with this.” I put two shells in the gun and walked out the back door. “I’ll see you in a little bit.”
“Be very careful, Rose.”
“I will.” I walked as quietly as possible toward the stream. I spotted some birds on the bank getting a drink of water. I stopped and watched. They weren’t big enough for a meal. I squatted down and waited. Probably an hour passed and my legs were getting numb from squatting. I started to raise up and there on the other side of the stream were two pheasants. I quietly raised the gun to my shoulder, aimed and pulled the trigger. I was knocked onto my backside from the kick of the gun. I quickly recovered and looked. Both pheasants were lying dead on the ground. I crossed the stream, picked them up and carried them back to the house. I laid them on the chopping block by the wood pile.
“Come see what I have?”
Mildred came outside and said, “I’m surprised. I didn’t think you could do it. But there’s the proof that you can. Let’s get them cleaned and on the stove.”
I reached down to pick up one of the birds, but I couldn’t lift it. My shoulder was hurting bad. I removed my coat and pulled back my blouse. My shoulder was completely black.
“Come inside, we’ll put some salve on it. It’ll be better in a couple of days.”
“I’m willing to hurt a little if it means we have fresh meat for a meal.”
The meal was good, but it was a little hard to eat. We kept spitting buckshot because the meat was full of it. It was still a very special day.
There was a sprinkling of snow on the ground the next morning. It reminded me of Lewiston where the snow was sometimes four or five feet deep. It did make everything look pretty.
Things were a lot different here in Texas than in Pennsylvania. Of course I lived in a Borough and there were lots of people around all the time. Here it was just Mildred and me. S
till, I was very content with my life right at the moment. I knew that right after Christmas I needed to consider going to my place. There was much work to do and the Jarrod twins aren’t going to continue doing it for me.
I cut a little cedar tree and we made decorations and decorated it for Christmas. We didn’t have any gifts but we did sing carols and ate cherry pie. It was a good time to be alive. I told Mildred I was going to have to go home soon. She said she understood and whenever I was ready, she’d take me to town to get my wagon.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I was sitting on the front porch with my eyes closed warming myself. I lifted my head, squinting my eyes against the sunlight and saw someone riding a big Chestnut gelding. He was dressed in a Union uniform, had a lanky build, sandy hair, with a sculptured face. His face reminded me of the pictures I had seen in the books in the library. He rode up in front of the house, dismounted and stepped through the little gate. He stopped in front of me, bowed at the waist and said,
“Good evening to you, young lady. And who might you be sitting on my mother’s front porch?” The corners of his blue eyes crinkled when he smiled. I liked his voice. It had a Texas twang to it.
“You must be Nathan? My name is Maggie Rose Brown, but my friends call me Rose.”
“I’m pleased to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Brown. It is Mrs., isn’t it?” His blue eyes had a green circle around the iris that seemed to look right through me. “Is my sweet mother home?”
“Oh yes, she’s inside taking a nap, I believe. I’ll go get her. What am I thinking? You should go inside. After all it is more your house than mine.”
“Let’s both go in. After you my dear.”
We stepped through the door just as Mildred was coming out of her bedroom. She stopped, looked, and pressed her hand to her chest as if to stop her racing heart.
“Is it really you, Nathan?”
“Yes, Mother, it’s me.” He rushed across the room and enclosed her in his arms. He lifted her and swung her around like a rag doll.