‘I’ve chosen the job in South Africa.’
‘We will still make it work. We can.’ His voice begins to sound desperate.
‘No. We can’t. It’s too much too soon.’ Tears stream down my face; I don’t even try to hide them.
‘How will we know unless we try?’
‘If we can’t survive high school, how the hell can we survive the real world?’ My heart feels like it’s tearing in two, I pray to God that he backs down and gives up, because I’m not sure how much fight I have left before I give in and drag him back into my arms.
‘When did you become so negative? You’re just gonna give up when we can finally be together?’
‘What do you mean?’ Once again what he’s saying sounds so cryptic. It’s as if there’s part of our story I’m missing. A part that would make sense of everything.
But he still won’t give me what I need. ‘Forget it, it’s not important.’
‘This is what I mean, Jake. You close off. Why did we break up the first time? Everyone keeps saying I don’t know the real reason. Well tell me. Change my mind.’ I’m practically begging at this point. Maybe if he gives me this, it will solidify what we have, make it seem like it could survive an ocean and all the other crap that life might throw at us.
‘I can’t, Abby. I just can’t. It changes everything.’
‘Well then, I’m not changing my mind.’
He looks completely lost; his shoulders have dropped in defeat. I’m sure we both look as bad, thanks to the heartbreak that’s engulfing the both of us. I’m certain I can see a glimmer of tears beginning to surface in his eyes. This is the real, Jake, not the cold, distant one that broke up with me all those years ago.
‘Why are you doing this?’
‘We’re at the most important parts of our lives. What we’ve been working for all along. We can’t give that up on a whim. So, what… we’ve fucked and suddenly that means everything? It’s not enough right now, especially not to make it work long distance. It will be too much, and it will tear us both in half; between our career and wanting to be with each other. If either of us gave up our dreams, we’d eventually end up resenting the other.’ I stop and take a deep breath.
‘I’m not sure if you’re trying to convince me or yourself right now.’
‘Both. Do you think this is easy?’ The tears continue pouring down my face, as the adrenaline subsides and the reality of what I’m doing kicks in. ‘Last night was amazing. You know I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t. That doesn’t mean that it’s right. I guess we’ve just got our timing wrong again. Maybe it’s a sign it’s just not meant to be.’
‘When do you leave for South Africa?’
‘In a few days. They wanted my answer immediately, so I’m guessing they want me there as soon as possible.’
‘This is really it? You’re really doing this? Give up on us and fucking off to the other side of the world?’ The bitterness and sudden hate he has towards me is so strong it makes me feel sick.
‘Like you can talk. You gave up on us with barely an explanation. Why should I put any faith in you this time? You wonder why I’m giving up?’
‘Because it’s all about you and your feelings…’
‘I’ve already told you, Jake. I’m doing this for the both of us, so we can pursue our dreams.’
‘Bullshit, you’re scared.’
‘Do you blame me?’
‘Look, we’re just going around in circles and you’ve made up your mind. How about, Abby, you forget last night happened? That way your conscience is clear when you tell people you’re leaving.’ He doesn’t give me a chance to reply. Instead he shoves past without looking me in the eye, storming off angrily along the sidewalk.
I’m tempted to call out to him, as wave after wave of pain passes over me, but it would be pointless. I’ve said what needed to be said. Even if he doesn’t believe me, I’ve done it for the best; for both of us. It doesn’t make the gut wrenching, heartbreaking feelings hitting me any easier.
So, six years later, I watch Jake’s figure disappear into the distance for a second time, praying that I haven’t made the biggest mistake of my life.
Acknowledgements
I will keep this brief. First, a huge thank you to Peter. The late nights, temper tantrums and tears have all been worth it and we got there in the end. This book may not have graced the world without your understanding of Word…who knew it was so complicated uploading a document?
Next, I would like to say thank you to my girls who have been so patient at times where mummy has been ‘working’. They have inspired me to keep going and chase my dreams in the hope one day I will be an example to them to do the same.
Thank you to Sarah, my proofing goddess. What a tiring and painful job on top of everything you already do. You did it selflessly and never complained. I think we managed between us all to make it pass.
Lastly, and most importantly, to whom this book is dedicated, Babs. You were the first to ever lay eyes on my work and your expertise and patience have made it what it is today. I never dreamed you would even enjoy it, so thank you for believing it was worth putting out there and encouraging me to keep going.
And then to you. Thank you for reading and giving this book a chance. Without you it would not matter. And I promise there is a sequel.
Always Us
How long does it take to mend a broken heart? If anyone has the answer, let me know.
It’s been two years since I chose to turn my back on the one that got away. I thought I was doing the best for both of us and it was supposed to help us move forward. Instead, I’m more confused than I’ve ever been before, fighting to forget what it felt like being in his arms.
Now, it’s another summer and another life changing opportunity. But this time I’m running round Europe, surrounded by Rock Gods. It’s the life most would dream of, but things are never that straightforward.
When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I’m faced with one of the biggest decisions I’ll have to make. Do I follow my head, or my heart?
They say the heart wants what it wants, but my heart wants two people at the same time.
Coming Soon
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Always You Page 25