Right Where You Are

by L. E. Bross

  But Sara just sat there, pale and too thin, her blank, shadowed eyes never meeting mine.

  She even signed the paperwork requesting a goddamned restraining order against me.

  “Seth, maybe it’s time to consider that you can’t save her.”

  Ryan’s voice was so low, I was surprised I even heard it over the volume of voices in the bar. But it cut through me like a razor blade. My hand shook when I reached for my glass, only realizing it was empty when I lifted it to my mouth.

  “What the fuck do you think I should do, Ryan? She’s my sister, the only family I have left. I can’t just walk away and let him kill her too. I’m going to do whatever it fucking takes to get her away from him. Whatever, man.”

  Ryan signaled Jimmy for two more beers and rested his hand on my shoulder. “I know. It was a stupid thing to say. We’ll figure it all out, man. Just like we always have.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Avery

  “I don’t want to go out tonight,” I told Shari for the thousandth time on Saturday. “I’m exhausted.”

  “You laid by the pool all day, how hard can that be? Besides, I have to move back to the sorority house tomorrow night, and I need some time with my girl before I won’t see you every day. Dad got me tickets to see Rustic Tower, he wants my opinion of their sound because he’s thinking of wooing them. Please, please, please say you’ll come with.” Shari pouted and I caved immediately.

  “You’re moving tomorrow night? I thought it was a week from today?” It was a day I was dreading. We were supposed to be moving back together, celebrating our senior year with our sisters. Now Shari would go back and I would be stuck at the apartment. Alone.

  “Becky wanted the seniors back a week early to get everything ready. There’s a huge welcome back party happening next Saturday. I wish you were going to be there.” Shari looked genuinely upset, and I hugged her.

  “One semester. That’s all. It’ll be over before you know it,” I promised.

  “But you lost your vice presidency, Ave. You worked so hard for the past three years, and now it’s all gone. And for what? All because Grant is an asshole. I’m going to rip his balls off when I see him at the party, I promise.”

  As much as I liked that idea, I shook my head. “I was the one who made the stupid decision, Shar. It’s on my head. I’m just hoping that once this is over, Dad can somehow get my records sealed. If Grant agrees, that is.”

  “The asshat owes you that much,” Shari growled. “He should never have pressed charges either. It was his fault!”

  I agreed with her on that part. But there was nothing to do about it now.

  “Okay. I’ll go. But I won’t have fun.”

  “I’d never expect you to, babe. But in case there is a hunk of a man there who wants to take you home, give him a chance. That’s all I’m asking.”

  My mind immediately went to Seth. God, I needed to get over this. Working next to him made it worse because I got to ogle his ass all day long. Then go home alone. Again and again. Completely frustrated, no less, because I could not stop thinking about the way my body reacted to him.

  I’d find myself looking at his hands. Even in blue gloves, they were hot. So strong and firm, and they knew exactly how and where to touch. I regretted stopping him that night at the bar every day.

  I wanted to know what would have happened next.

  I closed my eyes and let out a frustrated breath. For the first time ever, I was sexually frustrated. Shari would be so proud.

  “You’re right. I think I need to get laid,” I shouted to Shari, who had disappeared into her room to find something to wear.

  Shari screamed and came running out in just her bra and panties. “Yes, yes, yes. Hold that thought until we get to the waterfront. Go find your sexiest outfit, babe. Tonight, we find you a man. Oh, maybe we can get backstage and you can live out one of those groupie fantasies we all have.”

  “Seriously? No, we don’t all have fantasies about banging guys in a band. I think that’s all you, babe.”

  Shari laughed and disappeared back into her room. I dropped my face to my hands. Oh, God. I should never have said that out loud. The idea of going home with some strange guy made me very nervous. The more I thought about it, the more slasher movie scenes flickered through my head. Dumb girl going off alone with strange guy.

  My pulse hammered in my ears.

  The one time I almost did it ended in a humiliation that played out every weekday between six and two. Then there was the whole other part.

  Doing it.

  The real problem was that I wasn’t that good in bed. Grant had never been shy about telling me what I did wrong, and it seemed that quite a lot of my natural instincts weren’t right. Whenever I tried anything he didn’t tell me to do, he told me I was doing it wrong.

  After three and a half years, I’d come to acknowledge that I was one of those women who just never orgasmed from sex. After a few nights of research, I found out it wasn’t that uncommon.

  So the fact that it never happened with Grant made sense.

  And the fact that Shari shared her exploits, vividly, made it obvious that she was not one of those women. I envied her, that gleam in her eye when she talked about a night with some random guy. Of orgasm after orgasm. I’d never had one during sex. Ever.

  I hated that I was so obviously broken.

  Sharing that intimate detail with a stranger was terrifying. Seth’s face popped into my head. Immediately my pulse leapt. Too bad he hated me, because even just his kisses had made me wild with desire. Imagine what might have been if I had let things go farther.

  God, this was too much.

  I poked my head into Shari’s room. “I don’t think I can do this after all.”

  She spun around and glared at me. “You can and you will. Look, you don’t have to actually go home with anyone tonight, but pretend it’s an option. You’re gorgeous and have a rockin’ bod, and you need someone to show you that Grant was a douche who didn’t appreciate anything you gave him. Flirt, have fun, get outside yourself for one night, Avery. You need it.”

  Maybe she was right. I’d been half of a couple for so long I no longer had my own identity. Not that I ever really did before that. I went from daughter to girlfriend without the chance just to be me.

  I groaned and went to my room and immediately buried my head under a pillow.

  “Nope. Get your ass up and get in the shower. I’ll even lay out clothes for you.” When I didn’t move, Shari leaned down and started to shake the bed. “Nonnegotiable, counselor. Now move.”

  “Careful or I’ll find you in contempt,” I grumbled, pushing myself off the bed.

  “Oh, baby, I love it when you talk all lawyery at me. It’s sooo dirty.” She dropped to a deep squat and pretended to hump my leg.

  I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up from deep inside me. God, I was going to miss her. The place was going to be so quiet. Seven weeks. The longest I’d ever gone without living with someone. Holy crap. I was twenty-one and I’d never been alone.

  Shari and I shared a dorm room the first semester, then we got into Kappa Delta sorority, and that had been our school year home. During the summer we lived here, at the apartment that Dad said he bought as an investment, though I knew he did it so that Shari and I had someplace to live that he deemed safe enough.

  I didn’t have to work at all because we had no expenses. Everything was included in the apartment, right down to the once-a-week housekeeping service. A grocery delivery service had our weekly order on file, and it was billed to my parents. Even our take-out nights went on the credit card that was paid off every month.

  My parents had always been adamant that I concentrate only on college. Any kind of part-time job would only take away from study time, they reasoned. The one exception was internships, mostly at firms where my dad had contacts. Not that it bothered me. As much as I loved coffee, I couldn’t imagine having to make hundreds of cups for people every day for eight do
llars an hour.

  Shari was in the same position. Her parents paid for everything from her Range Rover to her weekly manicure. Her dad was a pretty high-profile music agent, part of the reason she got tickets to the concert tonight. She was in school for design, but we both knew that she’d end up with some ultrarich protégé of a family friend. That’s just how it worked with old money.

  After law school, I’d be taking care of myself, and I couldn’t wait. I already had it planned. My own salary, my own place. Maybe I’d buy a house in a quiet neighborhood where I could have a dog. Grant was allergic to animals. I’d never had a dog.

  I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself up in a soft, oversize towel.

  Shari’d left me a mixed drink on the vanity, and I grabbed it on the way out of the bathroom. Liquid courage. I was going to need more than one to get through tonight.

  Thank God she hadn’t gone overboard on my outfit. Sometimes her taste ran into slutty territory, but she obviously knew how close I was to locking myself in my room and refusing to go.

  My favorite jeans because they made my ass look amazing and a black corsetlike top out of her closet lay on the bed. No way could I get away with a bra with so much showing, but the top was tight enough to keep the girls under some semblance of control.

  A lacy black thong went on under my jeans. Not like anyone was going to see it tonight, but I knew it was there and I felt a little more sexy in it. I smoothed my favorite berry-scented lotion over my arms and neck.

  Since tonight was about letting loose, I used the diffuser on my hairdryer and left the natural curl in my hair. Normally I straightened it or threw it into a side braid. I hated my curly hair, probably from years of my mother telling me I looked like a homeless gypsy, but tonight it hung over my shoulders and didn’t look half bad. All the hours in the sun had given my dirty blond hair some highlights that reflected the light and looked really good.

  And holy shit. Had my arms always had that dip near my shoulders? I turned in the mirror to check them out. The gym had fallen to the back burner with the exhausting days of CS, but I swear my arms looked more lean and toned.

  Huh.

  I had just finished brushing a little bronzer over my face and was on my second swipe of mascara when Shari barged in.

  “God, I hate you,” she said dramatically. “You look like the fucking girl next door. All hot and innocent looking. No guy in the place is going to notice me.”

  I snorted. The way the neck of her barely there silk shirt hung low enough to show half her boobs to anyone who looked, I highly doubted she was right. Her black leather shorts were almost up to her ass, but she pulled it off and managed to still look classy.

  After I slipped on a pair of strappy black heels, we were ready to go. It was seven and the show started at eight.

  “I might need another drink, or three, before we go,” I said.

  I was dying.

  No, someone was killing me. They were inserting a chisel behind my eyelids and trying to split my skull in half while a mariachi band played. Loudly.

  “Avery, you need to take these or you’re going to feel a lot worse, babe.” Shari shoved some Tylenol and a glass of water into my hands. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you get that drunk before.”

  “I’m never going out with you again,” I groaned.

  I opened my mouth and tossed the pills in, then took a sip of water. The concert was okay, and there had been some pretty cute guys, especially when Shari dragged me backstage to talk to the lead singer, Kade, about her father.

  That’s when we got pulled into shots with the entire band to celebrate.

  They were nice guys and were excited by the meeting with Shari’s dad, but by God could they drink. And it was pretty obvious that the drummer was interested in a little more than just drinking. I could have, if I’d wanted to.

  He was pretty hot, but I couldn’t get Seth out of my head all night.

  Shari took the water glass from me, and when I lay down, she curled up behind me. Her cool fingers stroked my forehead, pushing my hair out of my face.

  I wanted to groan and curl into a ball. Damn him. No, damn me for not being able to push him out of my head.

  I really thought that we’d managed to find a little bit of common ground when we didn’t go for each other’s jugular Friday in the Works parking lot. He’d actually smiled at my lame-assed joke about candy.

  Seth was entirely too good-looking when he smiled. Which explained why I had the momentary brain lapse and wondered if he kissed as expertly as I remembered. All week I’d been watching him, covertly, of course, and I couldn’t deny that something about him made me want to bite down on my knuckles, hard. I could pretend and deny all I wanted to, but it was right there in front of me for eight hours a day.

  He looked like pure sex on a stick in that tight dark gray T-shirt and faded jeans that hung low on his hips. The black ink swirls on his arms drew my gaze like a moth to a flame. He radiated sexy maleness, and I wasn’t immune to it any more than any other girl.

  There was something insanely chemical going on between us. I knew it was nothing more. I saw the way he sometimes looked at me, like I was harboring the plague. Like he couldn’t stay far enough away from me.

  Or get close enough.

  But then the asshole reared his head.

  Thank you so much, Princess.

  He had to say or do something every day to remind me that he was really just some jerk in an orange jumpsuit.

  I groaned again and pulled the comforter over my head. Clearly I was too hungover to deal with all this.

  “So, Kade said that Zeke was way into you last night. You’re single now, why didn’t you ride that ride? I thought you wanted to live a little now that Grant was out of the picture?”

  “I’m not going to start sleeping around with strangers just because I can,” I grumbled.

  Shari peeled back the covers and grinned at me. “You know, I find this all very interesting.”

  My only response was to grunt. She was entirely too chipper for as much as we drank last night.

  “If it had been Seth there last night, would you have done it?” she asked with a knowing grin.

  I threw my pillow at her and she just laughed.

  “Ave, babe. I’ve known you since we were in diapers. You’ve always been the calm, collected one. It’s why you and I work so well together. You’re the voice of reason. You follow the rules. You keep your cool no matter the situation. I’m the crazy one who flips her shit everywhere. But . . . this side of you. I’ve never seen you get worked up so fast around a guy. Hell, if anyone deserved to be yelled at, it was Grant, and yet you were always so reasonable with him. So fucking calm I thought maybe you drank the Stepford water.”

  “That’s how it should be. Fighting all the time means that something is obviously wrong.” Right?

  So Grant and I never fought. I’d never seen my parents go at each other’s throats either. Civilized people handled things privately, swept their issues and their dirty laundry under the rug. What Seth and I did that first night at O’Malley’s was completely uncivilized. Throwing down in a bar parking lot like one of those couples on a trashy sitcom.

  Shari laughed, and the sound echoed in my throbbing head, causing me to cringe.

  “That is definitely not how it should be. Why do you think I love fucking around so much? It’s all about the chemistry. About these crazy intense feelings that keep piling on top of each other until you know that if you don’t let him throw you down and do illegal things to your body, you’ll die.” Shari paused to fan herself. “Gotta say, Ryan certainly knew how to throw down. Multiple times. Maybe I should call him.”

  “Oh, my God, as if I weren’t nauseous enough.” I tried to shove Shari away, but she wrapped her arms around me and wouldn’t let go.

  “All I’m saying is that for the first time since I’ve known you, you aren’t in control of yourself. You look alive, Ave. For the first time in forever, th
ere’s a spark inside you. Like you’re waking up or some psychobabble shit like that.”

  “I don’t like feeling out of control,” I grumbled.

  “Oh, honey, you definitely do. It’s all over your face every time you mention Seth.”

  “You’re delusional. He hates me. I hate him.” I told her about Friday afternoon in the Works parking lot.

  Shari’s eyes got round, then she threw herself back onto the bed and laughed so hard I thought I was going to throw up from all the motion. When she finally got control of herself, she peeked over at me.

  “You are like this totally hot package with no clue, Ave.”

  I’d had enough. My head was still pounding and my tongue was so thick I could hardly swallow and I felt sticky from dancing last night. I needed a shower and a pot of coffee.

  I’d almost made it to the bathroom when I heard Shari get out of bed.

  “Avery, sweetie. That hot boy wants you bad. It’s obvious that you want him too, so what you need to do is figure out what you’re going to do about it.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  Seth

  Ryan and I spent Saturday morning at the Works parking lot, replacing the alternator on my truck. Damn thing was a piece of shit, but it was all I had so I had to make it work. No truck, no job. No job, no helping Sara.

  “What do you say after this we grab burgers and chill at your place?”

  “What the hell is there to do at my place, moron? I don’t even have a TV.”

  “Well, I was thinking . . . you’re in a funk, man. Honestly, I think you need to get laid. How long has it been? Have you been with a woman since you got out?”

  Avery flashed through my head. God, even my subconscious was a masochist. I didn’t want her and I did all in the same breath. “No. Not that it’s any of your fucking business.”

  “That’s your problem right there. You need to break up with your hand and get back to the real thing.”

  “God, you’re an asshole.”